The first day of winter brought warmer weather. The Midwest really couldn't decide which season it wanted to be in. Where just two weeks prior sat almost a foot of snow, the yards were now back to displaying grass. Not warm enough to pass on a coat, but definitely warm enough that it didn't feel like Christmas was around the corner. The blast of warm air had every family around town rushing to put up their outdoor Christmas decorations. The entire street lit up at night—some houses twinkling, some with nativity scenes, some with just a wreath on the door and a tree in the window. All except for one townhouse that fell right in the center.

Hallie had no decor because she had always spent Christmas at home with her family. I had neither family nor decor. It wasn't like I would buy a tree even if I could afford one. It was a holiday that was basically never experienced. Steve and I had grown up in the worst sorts of foster situations. It was hard enough to get food that wasn't expired or clothes that fit without holes, let alone receive an actual gift. Growing into the adults we now were, I also couldn't afford to give them. Spending the holiday with Steve was easy, because he understood. We didn't do silly things like gifts. We played card games and might binge a TV show. If we were really lucky, we would spend the holiday at whatever jobs we held, ignoring the day altogether.

This year would be harder. Just like Thanksgiving, I was preparing for the worst. And unlike Thanksgiving, I knew a certain chef would not be taking my mind off the loneliness. There were no hours to be put in at Mulligan's on this holiday, because family restaurants close for family time. I'd be home, alone and depressed, and likely killing an appliance trying to cook my way through the day.

It never felt right to celebrate a holiday when you didn't grow up with them, anyway. You'd think I would have learned to get over that over the years. And that meant it definitely didn't feel right to attend a Christmas-themed party.

"Whoa." Hallie's hand guided the bedroom door further open so she could take in a better view. "Who are you, and what did you do with my best friend?"

I bit the inside of my cheek and took in my appearance again from the mirror attached to the dresser. The knee-length cocktail dress I wore may have been purchased secondhand from TJ's store, but it fit me like a glove. Just barely sitting at the edge of my shoulders, the neckline slightly scooped across my chest, keeping the dress sexy but classy at the same time. Long-sleeved and completely covered with black sequins, the polyester beneath the shimmering pieces was just barely seen but cherry red, giving it the slightest Christmasy feel. Surprising not only myself but my best friend, I was wearing a tamed red lipstick, eyeliner, and even had some simple faux-pearl studs in my ears.

"Sloan, you look to die for." Hallie made a complete circle around me, eyeing me from top to bottom, feeling the sequined sleeve with her hand. "This is stunning on you."

Hallie had been ready to go for over an hour—dressed festively in a black sweater dress of her own, with knee-high boots. Meanwhile, I was dragging my feet. The Mulligan's Christmas party for the employees was the last place I wanted to go tonight. Not because it was being held at the very place we all worked, but because I was avoiding someone and had been for almost two entire weeks. Thirteen days of swapping shifts, dodging looks, and keeping to myself while craving Ollie's knowledge of the kitchen. He was allowing me to do it, too. The pit in my stomach hadn't stopped aching since leaving his bed. Tonight, there was no way to avoid him.

"I don't know what to do with my hair," I said, allowing my confidence to dwindle a smidge while continuing to take in the sight of myself. "Or shoes. I feel stupid."

"Well," Hallie said, scooping up my long brown hair, bundling at the nape of my neck. "You don't look stupid. Unless stupid hot is what you were going for."

That's not what I was going for, but the dress hugged what little curves I had perfectly. New, something like this would have been well over a hundred dollars from a department store. It was now the most expensive thing in my possession, and it was for a party I would do anything to avoid.

"I've got some black heels you can wear. They're high. How tall is the guy you're trying to impress?"

We met eyes in the mirror, with me frantically shaking my head. This was not to impress Ollie or any other man.

"Do you have a thing for toothpick guy?" Hallie giggled, picking up a small, black clip from the dresser top. She seemed to have figured out both the shoe and the hair situation. "Tell me."

"No." I frowned, looking into the mirror and seeing the bed I had once shared with Steve directly behind me. "The dress is just for me."

>>

Mulligan's was just as crowded on this night as any other. Instead of the normal Chicago crowd, the room was filled with employees and their families. Children dressed in their holiday best, spouses and significant others of coworkers—it was actually impressive to see just how many people actually worked for the small establishment. Everyone seemed to know each other and were already huddled in groups, holding fancy cocktails and laughing, wishing others a Merry Christmas and other holiday greetings with a friendly hug.

Never having felt any sort of holiday cheer, I knew I was going to be completely out of my element tonight. I dropped my coat from around my shoulders, displaying the backless dress. Thankfully, the other women in the room had also gone with knee-length cocktail dresses. That ended only some of my anxiety for the night.

The restaurant appeared to have a makeover since I'd last been here. The vintage look with modern updates was now hidden behind holiday decorations that were minimal, but gave it a chic feel. It had a woman's touch to it—there was no way that Ollie or Mikah came up with all of this on their own. They would have had to speak to one another, at the very least. Every sconce on the wall now had a tiny wreath around it, every table held a lit candle surrounded by a glittery poinsettia, white Christmas lights just barely made the space beneath the counter of the bar twinkle, and even various Christmas trees with simplistic ornaments—such as red, green, and white glass orbs. Topping it off, the stage now held three tables, long in length with red and white tablecloths and runners, that were holding tonight's buffet.

"Cute!" Hallie said as she removed her coat. "I guess I'm not used to being in here when there is Christmas music instead of a band!"

Ollie would hate that comment, I thought. I had worked with him enough to know that the bands were brought in by Mikah under the agreement it would be weekends and nights only. He had a nasty habit of not sticking to it, and it seemed to be a way to poke at his brother.

Unable to help myself, I scanned the room for the eldest brother, coming up short. More relief, but also a ping of unease. I hadn't worked at Mulligan's long and only knew a few people from the kitchen—and they had kids. I mostly stuck with Ollie, taking in as much learning as I could. Mikah was behind the bar, and Ollie was nowhere to be seen.

"Who are you looking for?" Hallie grinned wickedly, annoying me.

"No one. Where do you want to sit?"

It wasn't the answer my best friend wanted, but it was the one she was going to get. The last few weeks had been messy, and for probably the first time, I was keeping what had happened to myself. It shouldn't have happened is what I kept reminding myself. We agreed we wouldn't get carried away again, and we didn't even last the night. It's not like Ollie didn't agree. The unease in my stomach never let up when I thought about it. It made me sick to think that I slept with the same man twice in less than a year after Steve, and it also made me sick not being near Ollie for this long when we had become so close. It was difficult to talk about Steve with anyone, and Ollie listened. It was hard to talk shop with Hallie, and again, Ollie listened. Not to mention how hard he could make me laugh. And then that laugh just circled around to feeling guilty again for being able to smile at all this year.

"Is this an open bar?"

"Yes." My head bobbed, needing a drink in the worst way. "And we need to take advantage of it."

Hallie led the way while co-workers began their greetings, complimenting my dress, wishing me a pleasant holiday, and introducing us to their families. It was torture. I would have introduced Hallie, but the blonde was already a drink in by the time I made it to the bar. A bright green appletini with a cherry on the rim was waiting for me. A cocktail that should have normally been sipped; it went down way too quickly while I did another scan of the restaurant.

"Would you like another?" Mikah grinned, seeming to like that I enjoyed the drink.

"God, yes," I muttered and took a seat at the bar. Hallie did the same, seeming to notice that a night right here was what I needed.

"You two should get food." Mikah pointed at the buffet that was still steaming. "Trust me. The chicken goes fast. It's only made once a year, and it's probably the only reason we ever have a good turnout."

Taking Mikah's word for it, I finished the second cocktail before Hallie and I entered the buffet line. The smell was nothing short of heavenly. Cute little notecards that sat within miniature holly wreaths displayed the menu. Mulligan's Champagne Chicken, seasoned baby reds, green beans almondine, goat cheese balls with honey drizzle, various fruits and salads, and a very normal looking mac and cheese for the children of the staff. Ollie had outdone himself. Everything he made was to die for, and this did not look like an exception. I took a little of everything and advised Hallie to do the same.

By now, the restaurant was filled, with every table and booth being accounted for. This was fine, as Hallie and I could eat from the bar. There were a few other servers eating from here too, and another blonde woman that I had never seen. She apparently was a staff member, because she had no problem going behind the bar to get more supplies, such as more silverware for the buffet. Plus, our spot at the bar meant endless drinks coming our way.

"Oh my god." Hallie's eyes pressed shut tight as she took her first bite. She moaned approvingly.

"That good?" I asked, giggling.

"This chicken... oh god," she repeated. "I think it is about to give me the best orgasm I've had in months."

Mikah had just placed a fresh cocktail in front of Hallie when she'd said it and was now awkwardly staring at my best friend. Welcome to a life with Hallie—the girl with no filter.

"What?" Hallie looked between Mikah and me. "It's been a rough year!"

"Clearly," Mikah said as he walked away with a grin.

My eyes were rolling as I took the first bite, knowing the chicken couldn't be that good. I was proven wrong. Juicy, melt-in-your-mouth, perfection was bursting with flavor in my mouth. The sauce was delicate but still absolutely divine, paired with the poultry. I knew Ollie was an excellent chef, obviously, but this was a whole new level of what he was capable of. The entire piece was gone before I realized I was devouring it. Once finished, I peered at Hallie's plate, seeing hers was completely cleaned free of food, too.

"Wow," I whispered. That was nothing like the trendy menu Ollie normally stuck to.

"Sloan!"

Turning in my seat to the direction of the familiar voice, I was greeted by one of the few coworkers I actually knew and spoke to daily. Todd approached with his entire family in toe. I had heard a lot about his girls while working in the kitchen with him, but now, I was finally seeing them all and just how much they looked like the perfect mixture of him and his wife. Each was holding one of their zonked-out twins, with their eldest daughter holding her dad's leg. I could relate to that shy feeling tonight.

"Two are out and one is about to be," Todd joked. "I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas before we head out."

"Oh, you too!" I said.

"Sorry, this is my wife, Maisy." Todd nodded in his wife's direction.

I knew this was his wife from the picture he kept above his prep station. The pictures of his daughters, however, were all from when they were born. The twins were now at least two-years-old, and his oldest had started kindergarten this past fall.

"Nice to meet you, Sloan," Maisy whispered. "I hear a lot about you."

"Oh?" I awkwardly giggled. "That can't be good."

"No, no." Maisy laughed. "All good. In fact, I think you've made that kitchen a better place to work for a lot of those guys."

I didn't know what to say. Was it really that bad before? I doubted that I had much to do with whatever change had happened. Ollie definitely had his moments back there with the staff, but that was par for the course in a kitchen. Maybe there were a few more laughs from their chef now than when I had just started. Maybe there was a little more chatter than there was previously. There was still definitely a shift in the room whenever Ollie entered and left, though.

"And I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. Our thoughts and prayers are with you this Christmas."

My smile fell. And even though a years-worth of training had told me to lift the corners of my lips again to pretend, I couldn't do it. This was the one fear I thought wouldn't happen tonight. The brink of an anxiety attack already had me in a sweat.

"Thank you so much," Hallie answered for me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "She appreciates it."

"Yes," I agreed with a bobbing head, standing from my seat. "Thanks. I'm sorry, but I need to use the ladies' room."

Hallie's hand couldn't grab me fast enough. Knowing the ladies' room was not an option, because Hallie was bound to follow, I went to the one place I knew Hallie couldn't. Hanging a left to enter behind the bar and an immediate right through a swinging door, I landed in the safety of the Mulligan's kitchen.

My hands trembled. My breathing was out of control. Tears were pooling at the corner of my eyes and ready to spring themselves at a moment's notice. I was not expecting to walk through the door and immediately lock eyes with Ollie, and he looked just as surprised, if not more, than I did.

The entire kitchen smelled amazing, like vanilla and sugar. The prep table was filled with white ramekins, and leaning over them was Ollie—adding a cherry and some edible gold leaf to the top of a vanilla bean Crème brûlée. This was trading one awkward situation for another. The last time we'd really spoken, we were having sex in this very spot.

Ollie stood straighter and pushed up the sleeves of his red and black plaid shirt. Unlike me, he was not dressed for any sort of party tonight. In fact, he looked just as he did the first day we had met in the supermarket, pairing it with a pair of dark jeans.

"Are you okay?" he questioned, recognizing the panic I was currently experiencing.

My head shook. I was not okay. "Can I help you prep those?"

There was a brief hesitation, but eventually, Ollie nodded. He went to the back wall, removed my chef's jacket from its hook and offered it—a kind gesture so my dress wouldn't get anything on it. I quietly thanked him, washed my hands, and joined him at his side. I carefully surveyed the other ramekins before understanding the look Ollie was going for. Each one got a single cherry and two gold leaves on its edge. It was easy enough.

We worked in silence for a few minutes before Ollie cleared his throat and nudged me with his elbow. "Don't tell anyone that I didn't make the dessert."

The tension that was building in my belly instantly vanished, and I released a small laugh. There was not a doubt in my mind that someone else had made the dessert. Ollie wouldn't dare be caught baking. I had to agree... it was not my favorite part of being in a kitchen either.

"I'll carry your secret to my grave," I said, joking. "Only if you tell me why you're hiding back here and not out there with everyone else."

"I'm finishing the dessert."

"Well, as cute as your dessert looks, it's really unnecessary. So, why are you back here?"

"Why are you back here?" The question was diverted back to me as he popped a cherry into his mouth.

"Todd's wife brought up Steve."

Ollie frowned. "Oh."

With a nod of my head, I stole a cherry for myself and ate it before leaning a hip against the table. The anxiety attack was already fading with him here, but I needed my mind off of it. No more details about why I ran back here were needed.

"It's just best that I'm back here," Ollie said with a sigh. "They should actually enjoy their holiday and the party."

My lips sank at the corners. "They will still enjoy it with you out there."

Ollie's smile was brief, but it vanished just as fast as it had appeared. He wasn't convinced of that. He felt his staff didn't like him enough to spend time with him at a holiday party? I highly doubted that was the case. It would have been good for them all to see that he was capable of having a good time. He had a great sense of humor that he seemed to hide from everyone.

"Your chicken was amazing," I said, changing the subject while returning to our task. "That champagne sauce was delicious."

"I made that recipe with my dad." Ollie grinned. My heart sped with his smile. "We bought up every bottle of expired champagne we could find from the year this place opened and made it a tradition."

"Expired?" I cackled. "Yum?"

"Well, not expired per se." He laughed with me. "Champagne shelf-life is only around five years, but past that, all it does is lose the bubbles, which you lose during the cooking process anyway."

"Hmph." My lips curled upwards, liking that tradition.

We worked in harmony, just like we always did back here, until every ramekin was trimmed with edible décor. I helped Ollie load trays to be carried out to the buffet, which Mikah came to retrieve. It was like his brother knew Ollie was avoiding the main floor of the restaurant. I assisted with what was left of the cleanup before hanging my jacket back on its hook. Maybe I shouldn't have left my best friend out on the floor alone, but I could hear Hallie's laugh from all the way from here. My friend was good at making the best of any situation and easily made friends.

Locking glances again, it was becoming harder and harder to ignore the elephant in the room. We were avoiding each other for a reason, and this was it. We promised we wouldn't get caught up again, and we did exactly the opposite.

"Sloan," Ollie began.

My head shook. "We knew what we were doing. Let's just leave it at that."

"Okay," he agreed, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans with a frown. "If that's what you want to do."

Why did that hurt so badly to hear? The tension was back in my stomach, but this time, it felt self-induced. Was that what I wanted to do? Ignore it? Even tonight, I couldn't lie and think that I hadn't enjoyed even this small amount of time back here with him. He looked good, he smelled good, and those were all thoughts I should not have been thinking after just having a panic attack over a comment about Steve.

"Yeah, that's what we should do," I said.