Chapter 66

Harry's POV

~~at Harry's flat~~

I unlocked my front door and slowly pushed it open. I walked inside and sighed deeply. I stepped inside, clutching the bottle of pills tightly in my hand. I took a few steps forward and slammed the door. I threw my keys on the kitchen table and set the bottle of vodka down on the counter.

I don't know what it was, I just had this strange feeling that something was going to go horribly wrong...what am I saying? This is what I've wanted to do for along time...I-I want to do this...but why do I feel so bad about it? Almost guilty...I guess I don't want to leave the boys behind...but why do they need me? I'm just another band mate, I could easily be replaced...

And Louis..I don't want to leave him either...but he doesn't need me anymore, heck, he never needed me, I needed him.

I'm nothing special, I'm just me, after all.

I got a cup down from the cabinet and grabbed the vodka from the kitchen counter. I went into the living room and sat on the couch. I unscrewed the lid and poured a large amount in the glass. I took a sip and glanced at the bottle of pills I'd left sitting on the table.

Maybe....maybe I won't do this...no, I'm not backing out now. I'll prove to Edward, everyone who called me a coward or weak, I'll show them I'm not. I'll do it. I'll show them, they'll be sorry...

Actually, I don't even care if they are sorry or not, this is what I've wanted for years...I was never able to work up the courage to do it, and I always had Louis...he was the only one keeping me alive, he loved me.

I still hate him for loving me, how could he? I was always way too clingy and far too emotional, I never wanted him to leave me. He didn't seem to care about the cuts, he told me I was beautiful. He said no matter how many scars I had he'd still love me...

I miss him so much, I guess you don't realize what you have until it's gone...

I finished my drink and then poured more alcohol into the glass. I was starting to feel a bit dizzy, I don't usually drink this much but who's stopping me?

Again, I glanced at the pills on the table. It would be so nice just to end it, get it over with...maybe..? No. I'll do it. I won't back out, I'll do it.

I set my glass on the coffee table and somehow managed to stand up, my head was pounding and I couldn't quite see straight. I stumbled into the kitchen and picked up the bottle of pills. I held them in my hand and nodded to myself. I'll do it...I will...

I grabbed the bottle of vodka and my phone, and staggered down the hallway. I opened my bedroom door and collapsed on the bed. maybe I'd just go to sleep...

I could do it tomorrow...no. Because then I won't do it...I'll keep saying maybe tomorrow, but I'll never do it...I need to, no ones here, no one cares, so why not?

I groaned, picking up my phone and switching it on. I went on Twitter, sure enough there were thousands of hate comments...

More than half were talking trash about me and Louis.

I just had to laugh at one of the tweets, the girl was saying how Louis wasn't gay and even said "he loves Eleanor" ha, yeah right. He loves Eleanor but asks me to be his boyfriend. He loves Eleanor but he'll hold hands with me, not her. He kissed me and told me he loved me and said I was his. I haven't seen them kiss in years. Yep. He really loves her.

And as I expected, I had a few messages from Edward....

"Have you killed yourself yet? If you're reading this it means you haven't, you coward. I knew you wouldn't. slit your wrists and die, no one wants you here, can't you see that?"

My eyes filled with tears as I read through the rest of his messages. Why does he love to torture me? I've never done anything to him! I don't even fight back when he hurts me, I haven't given him a reason to hate me..have I?

I set my phone down and carefully stood up, I walked to my dresser and pulled out my blades. I sat on the carpet in front of my bed and rolled up my sleeves. No ones here so what do I care?

I pressed the razor down and and drug it across my wrist, I cried out in pain and dropped the blade, blood gushed out all over the floor and on my jeans. I'm so stupid. I knew I was drunk, obviously...I can't even stand. So why would I go and do this?

As quickly as I could I got to my feet and ran into the bathroom, more like stumbled. I grabbed one of the towels and pressed it on the cut. I'll be fine. This will all be over soon.

The blood stopped spilling out everywhere, but was still leaking through the towel and sliding down my arm as I held it to my chest.

I didn't really know what I was doing, or why, but unwrapped the towel, and tossed it on the bathroom floor. My blood was dripping down my arm and splashing against the floor tiles, I stood there watching it a moment or two before wandering into my bedroom again. Even though I was bleeding quite badly, I somehow blocked it out. I could barely feel the sting anymore, I was too busy reading the label on the sleeping pills again.

'Overdosage could cause death'

I smiled, although I wasn't feeling good at all. I was jus glad to finally be able to end it. This was it, I'd be gone in a few minutes, all the pain would slowly fade away and I'd be gone.

I picked up my phone, ignoring the hatful comments as much as I could, I smiled through tears as I typed my last message

'"ok fine, you win. It's over. I hope you're happy now."

I hit send and then shut down my phone. I don't want anyone to try and talk me out of this. This is it, I don't want to be here anymore. I can't take it. No one really cares anyway. A year from now I'll be forgotten, only a memory.

I can only imagine the things people would say after I sent the tweet. I'll bet half, more than half, would tell me to do it. I'll bet they're glad I'm leaving. I don't blame them.

I'd better do this quick. The boys have probably already seen the tweet by now, if they try and stop me I swear I'll take the pills right in front of them. I don't care.

I bit down on my lip and unscrewed the lid, I dumped the bottle out on my bed and sat down. I counted out twenty-two pills, there were more left in the bottle but these are all I'll need. My hands trembled as I picked up four pills, examining them closely as they laid in the palm of my hand. I stuffed them in my mouth and grabbed the bottle of vodka, which was almost empty by now. I took a long drink and swallowed. I wiped my mouth and counted out five more pills and popped them in my mouth. I took another drink and started to feel a bit sick. I grabbed a handful of pills and mindlessly stuffed them into my mouth, I drank the last of the vodka and swallowed the pills.

~~minutes later~~

By now everything seemed as though it was spinning, I felt horrible, the burning feeling inside wouldn't go away and my head was aching terribly. I clutched my stomach and groaned, as I laid my head on my pillow and began crying. Maybe I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have...

I can't just come back, I'll be gone forever...

"I-I'm...s-sorry...L-Lou..."

I choked, hot tears streaming down cheeks. I curled in a ball on my bed and held my stomach, almost screaming by now. I didn't know it would hurt, I thought it would just be quick and easy, I expected it to be over instantly, not to drag on for what seemed like an eternity.

I closed my eyes tight and screamed in pain, I was dying...and I was scared...

All of the sudden I heard what sounded like a car pulling up outside the building. I could've sworn I heard somebody yelling downstairs, but I'm probably just hearing things...

The noises got louder and louder until I covered my ears. Everything seemed to be fading away but I could I still hear the sounds and surprisingly, my eye lids were still open even though they seemed to be getting heavier every second. I knew once they closed I'd be gone for good...oh well...I guess this is good bye...

I laid on my bed whimpering, feeling so lost and alone. Then I heard it, I heard that bloody screeching sound again. I could sort of make it out, I thought someone was shouting to me, calling my name maybe?

It turns out there was someone yelling, screaming my name. It was Louis...

THE STORY IS NOT OVER JUST SO YOU KNOW