Chapter 52

Harry's POV

~~a few days later~~

We had the day off again, thankfully. I'm so tired and depressed these days I can't seem to do anything, I don't have the energy to even attend my own concerts, a few days ago we had a concert, it was one our biggest shows too. But I couldn't do it...I had to go home, it was the first time I'd gotten stage fright in years, I don't know if it was the screaming fans and blinding spot lights, or the absolute fear of facing people, the world. I'd gone into the stadium where the concert was being held, the minute I entered the stage I felt sick, I don't know what's wrong with me...my anxiety has made me scared of everything, it's getting worse each day, I'm scared of people now, I hate leaving the hotel, I'm afraid. Afraid of everything....

I've been in my room for four, days, haven't left once. I can't. Liam asked me to come out or he'd take the door off it's hinges, Louis got mad at him saying it wouldn't help me. They've given up on me too, all except Louis. He sits outside my door and talks to me, he'll ask how I'm doing, he doesn't try and persuade me to come out either, he asked once but that was all. The boys said Simon is even upset with me, he said there's nothing wrong with me and I'm fine, he said this whole things silly and I need to grow up and stop acting like a child.

I've been sitting on my bed staring at the wall for hours now, I can't think, I don't want to....

Every time I close my eyes, it's worse, I think about all of the hatful things people have said to me, I keep replaying them in my mind, over and over. I want help, but I don't want to admit it, the truth is I'm starting to scare myself, the only person I'm more afraid of than the haters is....me

I closed my eyes and laid down, I did my best to block out all of the horrible memories, but I couldn't...

That guy telling me to slit my wrists, Edward, everyone leaving me... I can't block it out, am I scared to? Maybe I just enjoy torturing myself with these thoughts...

"H-Harry? Can I come in?"

It was Louis, he softly knocked on my door again, "Harry, please. I haven't seen in four days, you haven't eaten and I know you're not sleeping. You're scaring me, let me in"

I didn't move a muscle, I remained curled up on my bed, my hands over my ears trying to avoid listening to a word he had to say.

"Harry...please. Open the door will you, love?"

I groaned and sat up, do I really want him? Do I need him? Well yes...but he has to put up with all my crap, he helps me and I give him nothing in return...I'm useless...

I folded my arms and walked over to the door, I stood there a moment or two before hesitantly opening the door. Louis almost gave me a heart attack, he lunged at me and wrapped his arms around my waist, he laid his head against my chest and sighed. I didn't return the hug, I just stood there staring.

"Harry, I love you...don't forget" he whispered, standing on his tip-toes and kissing my cheek. I nodded and broke free from his embrace, I walked to my bed and laid down on the edge, I looked at Louis, he immediately rushed over and sat beside me, he placed a hand on my back and kissed the top of my head. I flinched a little, only because it felt strange to have an actual person here touching me.

Louis hung his head and pulled his arm away, "hazz....I love you, I want to be with you forever....I'll help you get through this"

I let out a glum laugh and shook my head, "no Lou, you don't...no one should have to put up with me, I've caused a lot of damage in the past few days...I'd be better off de"

he glared at me "Don't you say that, you're amazing. You hear me? I love you, you're perfect just the way you are"

"thank you...it's just...I don't see how. How you could love me...you're amazing and-"

Louis put his thumb under my chin and tilted my head up, kissing my lips, "I want you, only you. No one else"

A few tears slid down my cheeks,I sighed, wiping my eyes. "o-ok.."

"I love you so much, Harry"

"I love you more, Lou"

Sorry this chapter is weird :p I've been adding to it for a few days so it's kinda strange. But oh well xD the next one will be better