Chapter 5

~~the next day~~

Harry's POV

When I woke up, I noticed Louis wasn't next to me, I glanced around and called out his name but I didn't get an answer. I sighed closing my eyes. I was so tired, i barley got ANY sleep last night. Suddenly someone ripped the covers off of me, who else? "Wake up" Louis demanded, while chewing on a piece of toast. "m tired, leave me alone" although I didn't really want to be left alone but I've gotten so use to pushing people away I can deal with being left alone...I think. Louis sat beside me and watched me, it was really starting to bug me. "What do you want?" I groaned, covering my face. "I want you to wake up" Louis giggled, poking me. "Stoooop Lou I'm tired..." I whined, pulling the pillow over my face. He started tickling me and wouldn't stop until I got out of bed. "ok ok I'm up" I groaned, as I hit the floor with a loud crash, I stood up and rubbed my shoulder. "Next time, can you NOT shove me off the bed? Thank you" Louis smirked and said "sorry" but in such a way I could tell he didn't mean it. "Hey, we need to get changed and then get outside Paul's waiting for us. I tried waking you up half and hour ago" Louis said, ripping open his suitcase and digging in it, he took out a shirt but made a face and threw it across the room. Within seconds half the room was covered in his clothes. "What are you looking for I asked, taking my pants from my suitcase. "I can't seem to find my shirt" he sighed rubbing his head, "oh wait, I left it at home" "better clean that mess up, if Liam comes in he'll have a fit" "I know I know" Louis began picking up the clothes he'd scattered around the room, I helped some.

"Ok so how does this look?" He finally said, after picking the "perfect"outfit, as he called it. "I like it" I said, managing a smile, which I hadn't done in ages....I don't know why it hurts to smile so much...I want to be happy, believe me I do...there's just this part of me that says I can't or don't deserve to be...

"Are you boys finished yet?" Paul said, banging on the other side of the door.

"Almost, Harry is still in his pajamas" Louis said, glancing at me.

"They are not pajamas" I grumbled, ripping a shirt out from my bag. I hurried into the bathroom and changed quickly, then fixed my hair. "I'm ready" I sighed, grabbing the handle on my suitcase and standing in front of Louis. He cocked his head looking confused, then mumbled something to himself and opened the door.

~~Before the sighing~~

I was in the bathroom washing up, when Louis poked his head in.

"Hi Hazz, what's up?" Well what do you think I'm doing in a bathroom Louis? I ignored him a continued washing my hands.

"Harry?"

~~silence~~

"Harry....if I've upset you in any way I'm sorry...I truly am. You know I'd never hurt you" he sighed. He came up behind me and tried to wrap his arms around my waist, "don't do that" I grumbled, shoving him away. He looked at me in confusion. "Har-" "STOP IT JUST STOP!" I yelled on the verge of tears. "oh...m sorry Harry" Louis turned and left, I'd never seen him look so unhappy. After he had gone, I went into a bathroom stall, locked the door, and then slid down the wall. I buried my my face in my hands and wept bitterly. Why do I always hurt people? I cause so much trouble I'd be better off dead. I've been wanting attention and then when I get it, I push people away...what is wrong with me? I wiped my eyes and sniffled a bit more. I knew I shouldn't but I reached into my pocket and took out my blade, I slipped it into my pocket while I'd been changing back at the hotel. I really shouldn't keep carrying it around with me, if someone finds out I'll be in big trouble. The last thing I'd want is for the media to find out about this, the boys don't even know so no one else should, its my secret, no one else can know...

I held the blade in my hand a moment or two, admiring the shininess of it. I rolled up my sleeves and took a deep breath, I pressed the blade to my skin and cringed, but as soon as the blood began flowing it didn't hurt anymore, I was too focused on the cut to care about the pain...but I was use to pain now days anyway...I brought the blade to my arm a second time, slicing at my skin, I kept going until I'd covered my arm in cuts, I was satisfied but extremely disappointed in myself...I know I shouldn't be doing this but it's the only way I can cope anymore...I bit my lip as I pressed down on the blade once more, a bit deeper than before but I didn't care...

the blood dripped down my arm, onto the floor as I sat calmly watching it. I still don't know why I started doing this again, I had cut myself when I was 14 a few times and then I promised myself I'd never do it again...that's a promise I knew I couldn't keep, during the XFactor I'd done it for a while, no one knew I was surprised nobody found out...I had quit a year later, but then relapsed again. Ugh, all I do us mess up what is wrong with me? I sat on the floor and stared at the grey colored wall in front of me for what seemed like an eternity, it was then I heard foot steps approaching. I panicked and began grabbing toilet paper to wipe up the blood from the floor, just in time to, the door was pushed open and Liam entered, only to chew me out about not showing up.

"What have you been doing?! We waited for so long"

"What do you mean? Not showing up?" I asked, while carefully wrapping toilet paper around the cut to keep it from bleeding so much.

"Don't play that game with me" Liam said, angrily.

"I-I'm serious...I don't know what you're speaking about" I sighed. I really didn't....

"Harry, you missed the signing!"

Ohhhhh....that's what he's talking about...

"I hope you have a good explanation for this, meet us outside in 5 minutes" Liam grumbled as he stormed off.

Had I really missed the signing? How could I have been in the bathroom that long? It seemed like only minutes ago Louis was in here, just to be sure I checked my watch, it was 5:03pm which meant I had in fact, defiantly missed the signing,( it was at about 3:00pm)I groaned, putting my hand over my face. I can't tell them what happened...how can I? They'll never forgive me...

No Harry nooooo D: Hey guys :3 thanks for reading my story :D I just finished school so I'll have more time to write! Yay! :)