Dear You,

Hey, how are you? I was just thinking about you lately. Not that I don't have anything else to do but something just reminded me of you. How long has it been? Wow. Can't count. I know we both have different lives now but sometimes, I can't help but wonder how my life or the series of events would turn out if only I had the courage to tell you how much I cared, how much I wanted you, and how much I am willing to give. I am writing this letter not to create loops of complications in our lives but just to tell the world how I felt and still feeling.

To be honest, I felt terrible. There was this time that I can't even sleep thinking if I should tell you or not. I was horrified just by thinking about it. I think what you know is that I am just that someone whom you can joke around and that I am cool with it. But to tell you honestly, I am silently scolding myself for not having the courage to tell you thinking that I might scare the hell out of you and be harshly rejected. I was afraid to get hurt but I was wrong. It hurts even more thinking that there wouldn't be any chance of telling you what I feel anymore. I still have your pictures from a few years back and that I am wondering why you still look incredible in my eyes.

My friends would always tell me that they think you like me as well. That is such music in my ears. Hearing that, I can pretty much say I always find myself starting to daydream and smile. Years have gone by and I was successful in keeping my mouth shut and keeping my actions at par. But it saddens me until now. I am having this feeling that if time would come that we are going to see each other again, you are not going to see me as the person that I am before. We clearly have different lives now and again I am scared in being judged and rejected. Don't get me wrong. I am just afraid that the friendship we used to have will come crashing just like that. Maybe I will just keep my mouth shut forever.

Maybe the sad part of secretly loving you is that I am also silently crying behind closed doors just by hearing the news that someone broke your heart. I badly wanted to take care of you and make you feel loved or probably let that person know that I am dreaming of having you yet he/she is just hurting you like that. If you only knew how much I hated that person. Because it might have been me. I might have been your best friend, your lover, your everything. But on the other hand, I am one of the very first person who would thank God for the accomplishments, achievements and triumphs that would come your way.

I have seen some recent photos of you and I can say that you are living the life you want. I am very happy seeing you going places, meeting people and living happily with your family and in good health. I am guilty of still thinking about that chance I should have taken. I am sorry I got really scared. I am sorry that I still love you. I am sorry that I still get jealous. I am sorry that you are totally clueless about it. I am sorry that I still feel the same and I am sorry that I still miss you.

Sometimes I wonder how it feels like being yours. Watching a movie on the couch, goofing around, eating out, or just by simply hugging each other to sleep or maybe try watching the sun set. I could only wish because I know for a fact that it would never happen, and I have this stinging feeling that you are not going to like me just like the way you liked and loved that person that once broke your heart. I badly wanted to offer you mine but again I am scared as shit.

This might not be the right time for us but if there is really a second life, I will wait for you when that time comes and I promise to tell you how I really feel and maybe by that time, both of us will be sharing something that could last till the nth life.

May you always be happy and I will still be your silent cheerleader, who loves you and deeply cares for you. We are still friends right? Yeah. But I love you.

Loving you in Silence,

ME

By: CupOfCoffeeAndTea

Can view the letter on: http://the2ndsuperwoman.blogspot.com/2014/10/a-letter-for-love-i-never-had.html