When it's 1am and the rare times your family is around to visit they start to argue because the middle brother decided to go out and when he got back your step mum yelled at him because your and your step brother are at high risk so when she tries to take his phone away he slaps her in the chest and your oldest brother is trying to split them apart and your forced to be in the same room since your containment away from your family is a studio hotel and because of trauma you got a phobia to sound and you can't help but to have a panic attach while your step sister and your dog is trying to comfort you since they are the only two that notice and the only reason why you got a dog was to help support your ADHD and panic attacks and that makes you remember the times when your uncle use to come visit you from 0-4 years old just to abuse you while your mother was out to drink with your friends and you can't go to for it because all therapist say is "you were too young to remember your just faking it for attention" and that makes you remember the fact that your mother cheated on you dad so her and had to split up but you were stuck with your alcoholic mother for 4 years and you were never fed properly since your uncle babysitter couldn't give to shits so you dad got court involved and took him 3 years to get you back and when you turned 8 you found out your mother is dead and you have a half baby sister that you only just found out about when she turned 3 years old and since she lives 2 hours away you have never been able to go to a single birthday party she has even though I found out she existed when she was 3 and now she is 6. Then as soon as the panic attacks stops from your family yelling you end up remember all those times you got yelled at for liking girls since back then you didn't know you were non-binary and back in middle school your oldest brother started doing drugs which made dad yell at him more so in order to take away the stress and pain you bully a kid when you were 11 which you regret now. And that makes you remember all those times you for raped and during your first time being raped it was of your brothers best friend and you couldn't go to anyone about it even though you've been raped more once. So from all this trauma you wanted to kill yourself ever since you were 9 and you were 11 when you tried to in the school bathrooms but you for caught and they called your family only for your dad to yell at you and get a knife out so you start to cut yourself at the age of 13 because you can't deal with the pain however you get this disease that stops you from feeling pain so you try your best to go through every pain possible but it doesn't work so from 13+ you end up crying every night without your parents knowing. Which makes you remember the fact that your family is homophobic and trans phobic cause they have made fun of people in the lgbtq and one time they asked if you like girls or boys and like a idiot you said both so they still call you a whore to this day all because you like more then 1 gender so the only time you could be yourself was to go to a LGBTQ club in school but cause of quatintine you can't be yourself. So then you try to take your life again at 14 by banging your head against the wall over and over again but cause your a pussy and your scared of death you stop since it just make you remember all those times you were bullied in kindergarten and high school cause you like black and your a goth but growing up you were taught to fight back so you punched a kid in the throat but you got yelled at by the kindergarten teacher. So ever since year 7 a girl has been bullying you for years but she has been getting away with it even now because of her disorder but she's convicted you to kill yourself and when you try to she laughs at you so the one time you act on violence was the last day at school before you take the day of for quatintine you push her cause she was walking up to you and she left so much trauma that you got scared so the teacher reported both of you and cctv camera's got involved and they don't pick up sound so they didn't hear my crying my eyes out and her telling me to kill myself all they saw was me pushing her so I got put into detention for a hour while she only got half a hour even though I have been complaining for 4 years and this is the one time I've ever broken a rule so I don't know if this is my fault or not. Now I can't but to remember the times my friend fakes being raped (she admited that it was fake) so she could get attention and set off my panic attacks for the laugh of it and that argument with her made you sit under your desk for a hour and 30 minutes so all your friends was consurned and while my friend was thinking I wasn't reading the text she said I was doing it to get attention and started trash talking me, so now as a 15 year old you vent to your book like a little bitch cause you have nobody to turn to and right now my family is still arguing and I'm forced to listen. My brother had punched the wall and I'm so terrified right now