After I left the university, I walked back to the car and drove off to the alley.

I need to hit someone.

I drove towards the place, while I rolled down the window letting the cool air hit me.

I ended up parking next to a curb, and climbed out while walking towards the chants. I made my way towards Steve.

"Long time no see." He said while he smirked. I sat down on the stool and gave a small smile.

"Yeah, long time no see." I looked behind me and saw a fight going on but I didn't bother to even pay attention to who it was.

He slides a glass of jack towards me,"last time I saw you, was when I was giving you a speech about that girl. How is she?" He said while he tossed the towel over his shoulder.

"She's...she's....moving on." I mumbled while I down the glass.

"Didn't that fûckin leaf speech tell you something!" He said smacking the side of my head.

I slammed the glass down and glared at him. "Clearly it didn't. After I saved her twice, while she's in the hospital crawling towards me while yelling 'she loves me', and I fûckin dropped her! What the hell is wrong with me!?" I grabbed the glass and threw it towards the fûckin crowd because they're getting on my fûckin nerves.

My head snaps towards to the left again while he's glaring at me. "What the fûck is wrong with you!? Why fûckin drop her!?"

I clenched my jaw then end up popping my jaw. I crack my neck and sigh out. "I said I didn't love her, I never did. You know how fûckin hard that was!? It kills me everyday, because if I just turned around and told her how I loved her all along I wouldn't be here right now! I would probably be laughing with her or something. But no! My fûcked up head said to let her go so we won't fûckin hurt her." I slammed my head down on the bar. The pain flowed through my head while I was slowly starting to get a headache.

"Well, you thought it was the right thing to do right? You thought if you left her she would be safe. Out of danger. But you ended up hurting her even more by breaking her heart and breaking yours. Why don't you go tell her how you feel. Tell her how you thought if you left her, she would be okay. Tell her that's the worst decision you have ever made because clearly both of you can't even go a day with out thinking about each other. I bet you went to go check on her, didn't you?"

I looked up with narrow eyes and I see his lips curl up to a smirk. "Exactly. If you want her back in your life, why don't you go get her!? You've found your four leaf clover, go get it back before someone snatches it from you."

"It's to late, she's already moving on with her life. She's getting an apartment with her best friend. She-"

"All I hear is you stalling. What the hell is wrong with you!? Clearly if she meant something to you, you would do anything to get her back, not just watch from afar and let her slip away while she finds someone else."

"You know what? I need to fight. I need to clear my mind. I'll come back when my fûcked up mind is clear so I can understand what the fûck I'm saying." I slam a five on the table and started to take off my shirt.

I walk towards the ring and everyone moves out of my way. I pull myself in the ring while everyone goes quiet.

The announcer asks who wants to fight me and a rookie throws up his hands and steps right in.

I put on a fake smirk. I can't wait to break a least a few bones in his body.

****

Slowly fall started to come and I would watch from afar if she was safe. All I would see is her and Greyson moving things from the university to the apartment they've been talking about.

She already went to the doctors and got here stitches out but they still check her lower abdominal once in awhile.

Landon hasn't really talked to me that much. He said he would always go "visit"someone but I went to follow him and saw him pull up to the hospital and go see that same fûckin nurse. I was watching from afar and saw him pull her close and kiss her. He would smile down at her and she would laugh at what ever he would say. I smirked because it's about time he found someone.

I found out that Jordan got her job back and she starts school on Monday. I really wanted to go to her work but I'm just a fûckin pûssy to go.

I'm starting to start fighting again, and that's the only place me and Landon would talk. I'll ask him if he wants to hang out after but he said he has to "visit" someone.

I watched from afar and see her go into her work and that's when I knew it was to late. I walked over to the alley and just sat there till the place grew alive and while I waited for Steve to show up.

He would ask if I've done something but I will always shake my head and end up getting smacked on the side of the head. I would take out my anger on the men that wanted to fight me.

I walked over to the ring while taking off my shirt. I climbed in and popped my neck. The crowd went quiet while I smirked when I looked at someone and they would turn their head.

"WHO WANTS TO FIGHT THE UNDEFEATED BONESSS-" the announcer said but shut up when I heard Landon yell out.

"You fûckin bîtch!" He took off his shirt and quickly climbed in.

I brought my eyebrows together, "what-"

He slammed his fist on the side of my face while I took it in. "YOU FÛCKIN LIED TO ME!" He yelled while trying to punch me again but I moved out of the way.

"YOU TOLD ME SHE DIDN'T WANT TO SEE US!!! SHE SAID SHE NEVER SAID THAT!!" He came charging at me. I threw a fist at his jaw while he flung back.

"I said that so she can be safe! From us! From the fûcked up world we live in!"

"Well guess what Jaxon! We don't have a boss! We don't have a gang! We have no rival! It's over! What's there to be afraid of!" He said while we circled around each other.

"That's the point Landon! If I'm still there she's going be in danger! By me! That's the thing! I'm done making her hurt! I already hurt her by saying I didn't love her!" I yelled. He stopped while he brought his eyebrows together.

"What do you mean?"

"She said she loved me but I said I didn't, I never did-" he came at me and slammed his fist on the side of my eyebrow. Now we full on fighting. We didn't talk. We talked through our fist.

His fist came flying towards my eyes making them tear up while I did them same. We fought till we got pulled apart by some guys.

If we didn't, we would've fought till someone is down.

"She loves you and you said you didn't! How fûckin dare you!! I would kill to have her but I backed off! I back off because I never seen you like this before! I knew you loved her! I fûckin knew it!" He yelled while he tried getting past those guys.

I stared at him while slowly he stopped struggling with the guys. I stood there and slowly the guys let go of me. I nodded my head towards Steve to Landon. He clenched his jaw but he nodded. We made our way to the bar but I went to the far end.

I just want to talk to my brother, alone.

"What!?"

"I'm afraid Landon! I'm a grown aśś man that is afraid!" I threw myself on the chair and sagged my shoulders. Blood fell down on my hand but I didn't bother to wipe it or check where it was coming from.

"I'm scared that she would do the same thing as Nia. I'm scared to tell her my feelings. I'm scared of losing the one girl I have loved for so long. I never knew how to love. I never understood how love worked. I don't want to give her something completely different from what she wants. I never got to do it with Nia, I don't know how to say I love her so so much.....I just don't want to get crushed like before." I said while I murmured the last part. My head rested on the bar table and I heard him sigh.

"If you really did love her like you say you do, and she even said she loved you...why be afraid?" He said softly.

"Thats the thing! I don't know why I'm being fûckin retarded and not going to get her!"

He picked up my head by my hair and then slammed my face down to the table hard. I groaned in pain while I felt more blood drip down my chin. "That hurts way more then a word! Go to her Jaxon! I went to Denise, I even got her when she was taken already! Don't give up just because something is stopping you from getting it. I didn't stop from her, why don't you do the same?!"

*****

Months went by.

I was going to go to her.

I was.

I got myself cleaned up after mine and Landons fight, but when I pulled up to her apartment, I even dressed so nice. I even brought flowers with me. I smiled because I'm finally going to tell her how I feel. But when walking towards the stair case, I heard her talk. I went under the stairs and took some steps back, till I could see her.

She looks beautiful as ever.

But what made my heart drop and be ripped out of me, was she was talking to another man.

"So...does this mean we are together now?" The voice said which I never heard before.

She smiles at him,"Not so fast buddy. I'm still waiting for a date."

"Okay, how about this Friday?"

"Sure, why not? I have nothing planed for that day." She smiled. She looks so happy but her eyes tell a different story. It's like she's missing something there.

"Great! I'll see you tomorrow and on Friday."

But after that smashed my heart and made my air got smashed and knocked out.

He kissed her.

He kissed her lips.

But, she didn't even move or scream.

She let him.

I looked down and I heard her say something else but I was already walking away throwing the flowers on the ground cursing myself out.

I let her get away.

*****

Everyday I would pass her apartment, looking if she was okay.

Everyday I'll watch her be happy. I even watched her date. Breaking my heart even more watching her be happy with out me.

Everyday I would fight more and more. I even broke my own knuckle for punching a guy way to many times in the nose while the bone stuck out.

Landon would come over often now, but would bring Denise. She would ask about Jordan but I would simply ignore her. I would always go outside and drive till I got to the gas station and buy myself a beer.

Everyday.

I would watch roses get delivered at her door step, rolling my eyes at how stupid this guy is really is. He sees her everyday, why give her roses?

Steve would tell me to get her back, but now I'm thinking if it really a good idea? I love her, yeah. But does she even love me back? Or has she forgotten about me and moved on with this guy named 'Hector'.

When she goes to school, I would follow her but then end up going back to her door step and would leave a note under the door mate.

I started leaving notes under there ever since the asking of their first date. Every single one is there. She either ignores them or doesn't know they are there.

The first one I ever wrote was, I know you had found someone. Someone great, but if you ever see these notes,Please meet me at 1538 Pillburg st at 5. I would always be there. I need to tell you how I feel, how I screwed up this relationship we had made from the very beginning. I watch how he looks at you, how he showers you with kisses and love, but if I ever got you back I would never lose that love for you. Even if we get old together, I would love you like you are the only girl in the world. Which you are. The only girl I see everyday. The only one I have looked at like this before. I'm sure you heard about Nia, I'm sure you heard she was my first love,but now thinking back to that. I never understood love, but I knew what I had for her was not love. I have never loved someone, and I'm in love with you Jordan. I love you so much. After we been through tough time together and being apart I knew this is love. I can't picture what else this is. I'm sure this is love. Because no one has ever had this relationship before. Please, if you ever see these please go to the spot. I'll be there. I'll be there till 9 pm. I will be waiting. And if you don't show and I see you with a ring, I would not stop trying. I would still be there, but if I see you have gotten a house, gotten yourself pregnant with his child...I would know I lost you for good. I'll leave you alone. I won't look after you from afar. I would leave and never come back, and make myself move on like you have done so easily. I love you Jordan. I hope I won't be to late if you find these.

Jaxon H.

I see her step on every notes I wrote. Everyday. Even the roses sit on them. I always pray she finds them.

I see her stressing herself out. She stays up late at night. She not getting enough sleep for herself. I'm pretty sure she has finals or something.

I don't know, but I see how she tries to hide the bags under her eyes with makeup, how she puts on a fake smile while talking to Greyson or Hector.

If only I can get my hands on this Hector dude.

*****

I finished my fight and it's a break for Jordan. I don't know for what, but she's done with her finals. I placed a note under her door mate, saying to her congrats.

I went to the diner where she works at and sat at a booth. I invited Landon and Denise, but he said he was 'busy'. I rolled my eyes at how he codes words for having sêx, like a highschooler. I had my hoodie on because I didn't want anyone to follow me out of the alley. I pulled up my hoodie too because I was sitting next to the window. Some girl came and asked what I wanted and all I said was a water and a basket of chicken strips.

I played with the straw while I waited for my food,but I moved my eyes away from the straw when I saw a pair of feet. I moved my head up a little but not to the point where they can see me. It was the same girl that served me. I think her name was Tori? Or Tony? I don't know. She quickly answered her phone and sat down in the booth in front of me.

"Yes....I told him where to go....He said he's doing it tonight......Im pretty sure he got the right Jordan Johnson." My head snaps up and I stare at the back of the booth.

What?

"No, J. He said after the wedding he's taking her to you.....Yes. I found out Jaxon and Landon still go to the same place to fight. She hasn't talked to me here, but I don't try to talk to her. I need to stay away for this work. I got to go, I've been talking to much and I still need to go the fight after work. I'll call you if I see them there. Bye J."

I quickly looked down, pretending to play with straw again till she walked away.

I quickly got up and dashed out of the door, running towards my car and quickly dialing Landon.

I need to save my Jordan.

*****