"Today I'm going visit someone. I haven't seen them for awhile and I think the bill is going high for them. Landon would stay with you, and if anything happens he will call me or you will. Okay? The phone I got you only has mine and Landon's number on it. You cant call anyone else, even if you tried it would end the call admittedly. So I will be back in a couple of hours. If you can't handle being alone just call and I would be here in no time." Jaxon said while reaching for his keys and putting on his jacket.

I only nodded and went back to staring at the wall.

I heard him sigh and walked towards the couch I was sitting on.

"I'm sorry but I really have to see this person. I can't live without them like I can't live without you." He said while kissing my temple and rubbing my shoulders.

I stared at the wall with a blank thought, and I didn't turn my head when I heard the front door open. Jaxon stood up and walked towards the noise. I heard shoes hit the floor then I heard both bodies collide.

"How is she?" I heard Landon's voice say from my right, where Jaxon went to.

"She...she been good. If you don't count the nightmares."

I heard movement coming towards me and I felt the couch dip and I felt my body get moved and now my body was leaning against Landon's.

"Hey kiddo. How've you been?" He said rubbing my arm.

I shook my head 'no' and I continued to stare at the wall.

He sighed and tighten his hold on me.

"It would take some time, but don't worry, I would always be on the ride with you."

"Okay. Well I'm going to head off. Please Landon, take care of her." Jaxon said with a stern voice.

"Yeah.Yeah. Go to your ma. I got baby girl in my hands." He said giving my head a kiss.

I heard the door open then close with the lock locking at the end.

"Well baby girl, I guess it's just me and you. So. What do you want to do?"

I didn't answer him but just listen to his heart beat. I heard him sigh and ran his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and steady my breathing. I listen to his heart beat.

Strong.

Steady.

All muscles that were strong.

I wasn't strong.

I never consider myself strong before, but now think back at it, I was pretty strong.

I knocked out a gangster.

A gangster.

I even pepper sprayed some muggers.

What happen?

Right after they raped me, I lost my strength.

My soul.

Yeah that sounds rough,but if you got raped wouldn't you want to die?

Wouldn't you want to end those horrible memories of how they touched you.

How they didn't stop when you screamed for them too.

Wouldn't you want to end your life right there and then?

Tell me.

Tell me would you want to live right after that.

I surly don't.

But I'm fighting.

I'm fighting with my demons inside of me.

But slowly they are winning and I feel like I should let them win.

Let them win the tiny piece I have that I call a soul right now.

Why not?

I already lost bag of my soul, why not give them the rest?

I open my eyes again and I felt like crying , but I don't have no more tears to spill.

I got out of Landon's grip and walked up to Jaxon's room.

"Jordan? Where are you off to?"

"Leaving." I whispered but he didn't hear me.

I didn't hear him follow me so I didn't close the door when I walked in.

I made my way towards the bathroom and filled the tub with steamy hot water.

I waited till it filled like last time and shut the faucet off. I went in the tub with my clothes on and I hit the wall with my elbow but I didn't hiss in pain because my whole body is in pain. I sat down then slowly slid down till my whole body was under the water.

I stuck my head under the water and breathe in.

I cough the water but inhaled it back in. My lungs were burning and my mind telling me to go back up. I forced myself down. I kept coughing the water and breathing it back in. My lungs burned. My mind screaming for me to breathe air. My body was shaking.

Slowly my vision was turning black.

I kept breathing in the water and slowly my body stopped moving.

My lungs had lost the burning sensation and I heard my heart start to slow down. I breathe in one last time and I smiled through the water. My eyes were going completely black but that's when I saw the hand.

The hand pulled me up and my eyes shot open.

I was coughing profusely.

My hand clenched my chest and my lungs started to burn.

"Jordan! What the fûck!" I heard Landon roar.

I continued to cough what seemed like hours but slowly I got back my breathing but it hurt to breathe.

"What the fûck were you thinking! You could've killed your self- don't tell me you were trying to kill your self!"

I looked up to his face and see the concern and fear written all over his face.

He pulled me out and set me on the counter top.

He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my shoulders.

He kneeled down infront of me and place a hand on my thigh. I flinch but his hand remains there.

My head hung low and I hugged myself tighter.

"Why Jordan?" He whispered. "Why!? I heard a bang and I called out to you and you never answer back. And I was like okay let me go see. Then I come in and see you inhaling water! What the fûck!"

"I'm tried of fighting with myself Landon." I look up at him with my eyes tearing.

"I'm tried of seeing his face every time I close my eyes. I'm tried of having dreams of him and those other men touching me in places I don't like. I'm done fighting. I just want to let my own body just shut down and stay like that." I said whispering in between sobs.

I whipped my eyes and see Landon's eyes a little glossy to.

"I'm so sorry for having you go through that. Just know we never gave up on you. We barely slept on those days. I'm mad at myself for not going there fast enough. Fast enough before they did that to you." He said while a tear slipped through his eyes.

I lifted my hand up and whipped the tear that fell.

I gave him a sad smile."It's okay. I forgive you." I whispered. He looked up at me and was about to talk but his phone cut him off.

I look down and he pulls it out and we both see Jaxons name pop up.

He slid it to answer and placed it on speaker.

He cleared his throat. "Yeah?"

"Landon. Find Sañtiagos location right now! I don't care if it takes you all day! I don't care if it's takes five hours! Find him and send it to me! I don't even care what you are doing right now! Find him now! I want him dead! He messed with me twice already! I want him to suffer and be skinned alive! I want him dead now! Find the location." He said. And his voice was filled with venom and I can hear his hand squeezing the phone.

"Right-"

"Right now Landon!" Then the line went dead.

He looked up at me and I looked down at him.

His face was filled with confusion but he stood up and started to type numbers on the dial pad.

He's going to finally kill him.

And I want to be the one to do it.

*****