"Blake," She called my first name.

I wanna bash her head against the glass coffee table.

"Mr. Evans?" She went back to calling my last name.

Shut up. "Yeah?"

"You zoned out..."

No shit.

"Y-yeah, I'm sorry. What were you saying?" I shook my irritated thoughts away from my head.

Don't put it all on her. She didn't do anything. I mentally reminded myself.

"We were roleplaying... do you need me to repeat what I just said?" She asked in a polite tone.

Oh.

"N-no... would it be okay if we stopped the roleplaying?"

"Are you feeling uncomfortable, Mr. Evans? Would you like some water before we continue?"

"I'm fine, can we just get this over with?"

She nodded her head. "We'll stop with the roleplay for now and continue with the questions."

"Fine," I sighed and rubbed my temples.

"You mentioned that you tend to sleep around a lot... have you ever tried getting involved in a romantic relationship and focusing on something long-term instead?"

I straightened my posture on the couch. "No."

"And why's that?"

"I know it wouldn't last. These relationships- especially the high school ones... they never last. Why would I risk losing myself again when I know the outcome?"

"How about the girl that we talked about in our previous session..." She looked down at her notes. "Olivia?"

Olivia.

"What about her?" I breathed.

"You mentioned that you'v-"

I cut her off. "I know what I mentioned."

She continued, ignoring my rudeness. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you've known her for three years, yeah?"

"Why are we talking about her again?" I asked in an irritated tone. "We already talked about her in the last session."

"Mr. Evans, you're here so I can help you, and I won't be able to do that if you don't cooperate."

I grit my teeth. "Two years and five months."

"Hmm?"

"I've known Livi for two years and five months."

"And how long has she known you for?" She asked.

"A year and few months- since the first day I came over at Luke's."

"How are your feelings towards Olivia?" she questioned for the second time this week.

"We've already talked about this,"

She sighed, "Yes we have, and we're going to talk about it again. How are your feelings towards Olivia,"

I'm fucking in love with her...

"Strong," I muttered.

"Since when?"

"April 2018," I answered her.

"And why didn't you confess your feelings towards her?"

"She barely knew me then."

Flashback:

July 2018...

"You idiot!" Fred yelled out to Justin when he got them both killed in a game.

It was currently 1 am and Luke was taking a shower in his bedroom. Fred, Justin, and I were all sitting in his living room. Fred and Justin were playing video games while I just sat on my phone.

"Lower your fucking voice, Luke said his sister's asleep. Calm your tits, we can just start over," Justin whisper-yelled to Fred the same time my stomach grumbled.

Damn, I was hungry.

I got up from my seat on the couch as the boys started a new game. I chuckled when I heard Fred threaten to shove the controller up Justin's ass if he continued to suck ass at the game while I made my way to Luke's kitchen.

I knit my eyebrows when I saw that the kitchen light was on from where I was standing in the hallway, a few noises were coming from there too.

I kept walking towards the kitchen and my heart skipped a beat when I entered and found her standing there in her cute fuzzy Star Wars pajamas, trying to reach something from the very top of the kitchen cabinet.

Olivia.

"Aren't you supposed to be asleep by now, Muffin?" I said to her from the entrance of the kitchen.

She jumped a little at my unexpected voice and placed a hand over her heart. She turned around and my heart fluttered at the sight of her cute pink face. Her cheeks were burning for some reason.

I put on a smirk and she immediately sent me a glare. How nice!

"You scared me," She breathed.

"I saw that. What are you doing awake at this time,"

"None of your business," She shot at me and turned back around to face the cabinet.

I watched her stare upwards at the toast packet that was at the top of the cabinet for a few seconds before she turned around again and eyed one of the high kitchen stools.

"Need help, Muffin?" I didn't drop my smirk as I walked over to her.

"No," She grumbled cutely and started to drag one of the stools to the spot she was standing on a minute ago.

I quickly placed my foot on the foot of the stool, stopping her from dragging it any further. She looked down at my foot then up at my face, "Let go, Blake."

Why the fuck did my stomach go crazy after hearing her say my name?

"You can't stand over this, Muffin. You'd fall and break your neck, and we don't want that to happen now, do we?"

She went back to glaring, "You didn't seem this concerned about my neck breaking when you pushed me hard on the swing and almost flew me to another dimension."

I chuckled at her and pushed the stool back against the table. "I told you I was expecting that, I did it on purpose, Muffin."

She scrunched her face up when I called her that and I just wanted to squeeze her cute soft cheeks and kiss them-

I shook the thoughts away. Damn, I'm a creep.

I reached out to the top of the cabinet and grabbed the toast packet for her, earning a small "Thank you" from her that made my whole mood light up; I pleased her.

I looked down at her and noticed how her beautiful big hazel eyes averted back to something that was also on the top shelf. Peanut butter.

I grinned and reached my hand up, quickly taking the opportunity of pleasing her again and seeing her cute thankful expression.

I really am down bad.

I saw her beam from the corner of my eye and decided to play with her a little, grabbing the jam instead and closing the cabinet behind me before walking to the kitchen table.

End of flashback.

"But she knows you now," Her voice cut me out of my thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"You said she didn't know you well back then, but she knows you now. So why won't you confess your feelings towards her?" She questioned.

"Why the hell would I creep her out like that?"

"Creep her out?"

"Olivia doesn't have feelings for me, and I'm glad," I said honestly.

"And why's that?"

I held back a groan.

She's getting on my fucking nerves.

"I don't wanna talk about Olivia anymore-"

"You're afraid of losing her," She looked me dead in the eyes as she said that.

"W-what?" What the fuck.

"You're afraid she'll leave you... just like they all left you." She answered her own question.

I gulped and opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out.

"You know you can't handle another rejection- another loss. You know you have feelings for her, but you don't want to get attached. You don't want to grow dependant on a close one. You don't want to grow to love someone like you already have with..." She looked down at the board. "Cole."

"C-Cole's different,"

"I know he is, and that's why you don't mind it."

It is.

She continued to press, "You're feelings towards her. You've been bottling them in for over a year. But, again- correct me if I'm wrong, based on what you said in the last session, you're feelings have been slipping, you've slowly been showing more and more of your emotions towards Olivia for the past few days, and you're unable to control it... and it's affecting you."

I stayed silent

"You're slowly showing her what you've been trying so hard for over a year not to show." She crossed her left leg over her right one and continued, "Now again, Sleeping around? Are you sure your previous answer was the only reason?"

"Yes." I forced myself to answer her question. "I know the relationships are most likely to not last."

"That's why you never told Olivia about your feelings, though. You think she'll leave you." It wasn't a question.

My head was starting to get foggy and I gulped again.

"I know she'll leave me."

"And why do you think that, Mr. Evans?" Dr. Welsh pressed.

He's a fucking broken, traumatized one.

I can't be with her.

This is an actual issue.

I need fixing.

I'm sorry, we can't handle it anymore.

She won't be able to handle me. I can't make her go through that.

Take him away...

My stomach churned and my eyes started to sting.

... Can't be fixed.

Take him back...

Take him away...

No more.

"I'm done for today." I stood up.

"The session is still not over yet, Blak-"

"I said I'm fucking done." And with that, I stormed out of the office, my heart rate accelerating crazily.

♠ ♦ ♠ ♦ ♠ ♦ ♠ ♦ ♠ ♦ ♠ ♠ ♦ ♠ ♦ ♠

I took a deep breath as I removed my helmet from my head and ran my fingers through my hair. The sun had set a few hours ago when I went there after storming out of Dr. Welsh's office. I needed relief... so I drove there. Didn't leave me disappointed.

I feel well now, and knowing that I'll be seeing my Livi in a few minutes made me feel even better.

I let a smile make its way on my face from the thought of her and I hopped off of my motorbike, not forgetting to grab the small bag of Chocolate Mini Eggs with me. She was feeling down when I left so I figured these would cheer her up even more after Huda's visit.

I had called Huda before heading to my session and asked her if she could come over for Olivia and she quickly said yes without any questions asked. I hope she didn't tell Olivia about my asking her though.

That would be a huge issue.

I walked towards the entrance of our building and quickly made my way to the elevator, the smile still plastered on my face.

I unlocked our front door with my key and stepped into the apartment, the aroma of homemade Chinese food enveloping me. Cole's Orange Chicken.

I walked towards the kitchen and paused when I was at the entrance of it and smiled to myself. Olivia was sitting on one of the counters, laughing brightly at something Cole had said while Cole continued to cook the sweet sauce over the stove, but that wasn't why I smiled...

She had her hair up in a messy bun.

Her gorgeous face was on full display to me and my heart did a little dance in my chest. God, she was beautiful.

I shook my thoughts away and quickly turned my smile into a smirk, "Papi's home."

♠ ♦ ♠ ♦ ♠ ♦ ♠ ♦ ♠ ♦ ♠ ♠ ♦ ♠ ♦ ♠

"So, what'd you guys do without me?" I asked them as we all sat down to eat dinner.

Cole shrugged, "Melted titties." He took a spoonful of rice.

I paused from taking a bite of my food, "What the fuck?"

Olivia let out a soft chuckle from the other side of the table and I knit my eyebrows at her. She looked up at me, "Him and Huda melted a bunch of Barbie dolls' breasts and we all attached penises onto them so they could turn into men."

Again... what the fuck?

"But... why?"

She laughed. "That's exactly what I said! But then it actually turned out to be fun- we even gave them haircuts and made them wear Ken's clothes."

I looked at her for a few seconds, happy that she seems way brighter than she was this morning, and then chuckled and looked back down at my plate.

"So, how was your doctor's appointment?" Livi suddenly asked out of nowhere.

Wha- SHIT!

I looked at Cole and he gave me a "please don't kill me" look. I mentally sighed and looked back at Olivia.

"It was good, no organ failures or anything... Why? Were you worried about me, Muffin? Don't worry, I wouldn't die before we get the chance to butter the biscuit." I teased.

She glared at me and went back to eating her food. Cute.

"So I was thinking of repainting my bedroom's wall..." Cole started to speak.

"Why?"

"I kind of threw a few darts on it and the paint went off on some spots. The blue wall has loads of white spots on it now..."

"You threw darts on it?" Olivia scrunched her face at him adorably in confusion. "On purpose?"

"No, I was aiming at the target but my shots weren't that accurate and precise..."

"Of course they weren't" I muttered under my breath after taking a spoonful of rice in my mouth.

Cole gasped. "You fucker!"

I gave him an innocent smile, "Hmm?"

"FYI... I hit the target more times than I hit Peter's mom from the back. And that says ALOT." Poor fucking Peter. I swear, the number of times this moron has joked about banging his "Pixar Mom" can't be counted.

Olivia choked on her food, her eyes widening. "W-what?!"

"It's a joke, Ollie..." Cole trailed and looked at me, waiting for me to say it.

I instantly smirked. "... unless..."

Cole beamed when I said that and punched the air with his fist. "FUCK YEAH BABY! I LOVE YOU..."

I widened my grin. "... No homo."

Cole smiled and bit his lips. "Not even a little?"

I stared at him for a few seconds, still wearing my smirk, before I bit my lips too... "Maybe just a little..."

Cole threw his head back, still smiling and biting his lip. "Just a little?"

"..."

"..."

"Fuck baby, you know it's not just a little~"

"How much?" Cole gave me a fake seductive look.

"Bigger than the size of my dick- and THAT says a lot!" I exclaimed.

Cole went back to biting his lips. "I know it does..."

"..."

"..."

"Of course you do baby-"

"STOP!" Olivia sounded like she wanted to strangle us. I bet she does.

Cole and I chuckled and shrugged at the same time which made us look back up at each other. I just know that he too is holding back from yelling "OMG BABY GOALS!" like we usually yell when we do or say something in unison.

I chuckled again and went back to eating the food. "Anywhore... what was I talking about?" Cole asked.

"Painting your room's wall," Olivia reminded him.

"Oh yeah! So I was thinking we could all do it together tomorrow!" Cole asked with a wide smile.

I shrugged. "I don't mind." Both Cole and I averted our gazes to Olivia as we waited for her answer.

Please say yes. Please say ye- no, stop.

She squirmed a little in her seat and looked back at us before clearing her throat. "I- um- actually, Ashton Tuffin's picking me up tomorrow to drive me to his house so we could work on the rest of the chemistry project. His parents are out of town again so he says..." My ears couldn't catch her words after that.

My heart dropped into my stomach.

No.

His parents won't be there.

They'll be all alone in the house.

What if he tries to...

He's picking her up.

What if he drives her somewhere else.

What if the car- NO.

"No." I couldn't stop myself from saying it this time.

Fuck, my tone sounded harsh.

Olivia suddenly stopped talking and both of their heads shot towards me. "What?" She gave me a confused look.

"You're not going." WHY DID I FUCKING SAY THAT.

I should have said something along the lines of 'I think it would be better and safer for you to not go"- or "please don't go" or- FUCK.

FUCK YOU BLAKE FUCKING EVANS.

"Excuse me?" She sounded confused- as if she wasn't sure if she had heard me right.

"You can't go."

YOU FUCKFACE.

"Why not?" She sounded like she was getting pissed.

FUCK- YOU'RE GETTING HER PISSED.

NO.

"You can't trust him- you're not going." STOP SAYING THAT! YOU SOUND LIKE HER FUCKING DAD.

I WANNA PUNCH MYSELF.

"Who says I can't trust him?" She sounded even more pissed. "He proved to be a good guy the last time I hung out with him and I actually feel comfortable with him in class- not that it's any of your business. You don't get to say that to me..."

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKK.

"Oh so he was nice to you for a few days and now you're sure he's a sweetheart?" I scoffed. "Going to a guy's house knowing his family will be out? That's just fucking stupid. Mr. Gentleman couldn't invite you over while his parents were home? I wonder why. You never know what a man's true intentions are. You can't go to his house Olivia, and I'm pretty sure your brother would agree with me on this one."

Aight imma jump off a cliff no-

A little voice in me cut me off... But it had to be said-

YOU COULD'NT HAVE SAID IT IN A NICER WAY?

I can't control it-

FUCK YOU.

Olivia was fuming now. "Again... you don't get to tell me what to do."

I scoffed again, pissing her off even more- Fuck. Me. "No- but you and I both know that going to his house would just be a plain stupid move. You can't go." I said for the millionth time.

Her face was getting red now. "Stop saying that."

"What? 'You can't go'? Okay... You won't be going. Better?"

Honestly bro... I think it would be better for you to just go die now.

Olivia stood up from her seat, her face getting red. She looked like she was holding herself back from cussing me out. "If I want to go, I'll be going. If I don't want to go, I won't be fucking going." She slowly said before walking away.

I watched her leave the kitchen and let out a breath.

Shit.

What the fuck just happened?

I ran my shaking fingers through my hair, my heart racing at the thought of-

DAMN IT. I dropped my fist against the table harshly.

"Blake," I heard Cole say my name. I forgot he was here.

"Y-yeah," My heart was still racing.

"Breathe."

..........................................................................................................