《In Lockdown With Them》Chapter 14: Welp, There Go The Children...
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"Dude, it's still 10 pm, how the hell is he asleep? Doesn't he usually sleep at 2 am minimum?" I whisper yelled to Cole as I eyed Blake's sleeping figure on the couch.
We just finished watching the twenty-third random episode of How I Met Your Mother. Yes, our butts have been glued to the couch and recliners for over seven hours. And no, this isn't healthy. But hey, at least we moved a little to walk towards the bathroom, kitchen, and front door to receive the pizza from the delivery guy! That's gotta be more than enough exercise, right?
"He only slept for a total of two hours, checking up on me exactly every forty minutes," Cole said as he sent an appreciative look towards Blake.
"About that. Cole, were you okay back then?" I asked him. I had totally forgotten about his mood earlier.
Cole looked at me for a second and gulped. "Let's go somewhere else to talk, wouldn't want to wake sleeping beauty up over here." He nodded towards Blake and stood up, waiting for me to do so too.
I stood up and followed him to his room. He opened the door and let me in first. "You can sit on the bed if you want," Cole said as he gestured for me to sit. I just realized that this was my first time entering his room.
Two of his walls were painted a dark blue color while the other two were painted a lighter shade of blue that almost looked white. His bed, desk, and shelves were all placed similar to the way mine was. He had a large flat screen- a bit smaller than the one in the living room- hung up on the wall right in front of his bed, with a recliner placed right next to the bed, facing the TV with a small coffee table that had a pillbox and a PlayStation controller on it.
I took a seat on the queen-sized bed while Cole sat on his gaming chair and faced it towards me. I looked up at him and decided to break the silence first. "Soo, wha-"
"I'm Bipolar." Cole blurted out of nowhere.
"W-what?" I choked out. I definitely wasn't expecting him to say that out of nowhere.
"Bipolar? Manic depression? Cray-cray disorder?"
"I know what Bipolar is, Cole. But I don't really know the details. I just hear the word bipolar and instantly think of Kanye West and mood swings." I said honestly.
Cole chuckled lightly. "It's a little more complicated than that, Oliver."
"You see, I was diagnosed with 'Bipolar II' a couple of years ago, it's not as serious as 'Bipolar I'- thank god for that- but I still suffer from the whole manic depression shiz. People with 'Bipolar I' experience Mania, where they have at least one manic episode in their lives, y'know, where they start acting crazy and psychotic all of a sudden, some may even experience hallucinations, and then after the episode's over, they have trouble remembering the crazy crap they pulled.
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"Whereas us people with 'Bipolar II' suffer from hypomania, which is a less severe form of mania. We experience hypomanic episodes where we feel euphoric, energetic- even more than I was yesterday- and we'll be able to carry on with our day-to-day life without losing touch with reality and going completely crazy. THOUGHH... sometimes hypomania can escalate to a full-blown mania which is followed by a MAJOR depressive episode.
"Both the manic and hypomanic suffer from severe depressive episodes where we start feeling sad, hopeless, or empty, and some of the symptoms that hit us include fatigue, loss of energy and sleep problems and crap.
"The worst part of the depressive episodes is that you start having feelings of worthlessness and guilt and yo- we start having serious thoughts about death and suicide- not cool at all." Cole swallowed harshly at that part.
"Have you- did you ever..." I trailed, looking up at him.
"Yes, I've had a total of three depressive episodes, two of them came right after a hypomanic episode where I was just extremely energetic and crazier than yesterday, while one of them was right after a manic episode and it was the worst. I've only had one serious manic episode where I went full-blown crazy. Blake- he was there and witnessed it all. I- he-" I noticed Cole's body tense and his voice began to shake, it must have been a bad memory.
"Cole you don't have to kee-"
He cut me off, "No, I want you to know this, especially since you're living with us now and you don't know what'll happen in the future."
He shifted in his seat and looked me in the eyes, continuing "Every single one of my depressive episodes was hard and it felt like hell, going through them. But that one was the scariest, it happened after the manic episode which lasted for about three days, I was missing for a whole day doing god knows what, Blake was chasing my naked self down the streets in the first couple of hours of the first day, and he had to call the police when he found me by McDonald's on the third day. I don't really remember what I did exactly but I just know that I went crazier than usual.
"Anyhow, back to the depressive episode... this one lasted for nineteen days, I felt like complete shit the entire time, I can't really describe it, but I just felt so tired of life, I felt worthless, I felt guilty for the shit I pulled in my manic episode, I started thinking about every single bad moment that I ever experienced in my life, mostly the ones that included my parents, I just felt hopeless. I had multiple suicidal thoughts going on in my head the entire time. I stayed in my room for more than two weeks, refusing to eat the meals Blake begged me to eat. I stayed in bed the whole time. I did eat a couple of foods, but not actual healthy meals since I lost my appetite. I lost a couple of pounds in that period of time that I gained a month later. On the fifteenth day, Blake had- Blake was on his way to do his hourly check up on me and attempt to make me eat something when h-he-" Cole's voice cracked at the end and his eyes started getting watery at the memory of what he was about to say.
I felt my blood run cold at the sight of him and the sound of his voice. My heart was beating a mile a minute. I knew the rest was going to sound heartbreaking and I felt a sudden light wave of fear hit me.
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"That day, I felt so lost, I wasn't able to think or concentrate at all. My mind was filled with so many depressing thoughts, I just- I had too many thoughts of deat- too many bad thoughts going around in my head. I was drained. I didn't have any energy left in me. Blake heard my sobs coming from the bathroom and he-"
I didn't realize I was crying until I tasted the familiar salty liquid that had landed on my lips. Cole looked away from me and stared at the ground, pausing for a second and then going back to telling me what happened.
"H-he caught me holding a razor blade to my right wrist while my left one was already cut, it was bleeding all over the bathroom floor. I- he- luckily, he was able to grab the blade from my hand on time and rushed me to the hospital." Cole looked up at me. His face holding an emotion that felt so foreign and strange on his face... sadness. A few tears had escaped his eyes and were now running down his cheeks.
I quickly climbed off of the bed and rushed by his side, wrapping my arms around him and stuffing my face in his shoulder, my tear-streaked face dampening his shirt. "Thank you for sharing this with me Cole. I c-" my voice broke, I really didn't know what to say.
He hugged me back tightly and sniffled before burying his face against my neck. I felt the wetness of his tears wipe across my neck a few seconds before his body started to shake in my arms. He was full on crying.
I felt a sting in my heart at the sound of his sobbing. I can't imagine how hard it must've been for him to share this with me, to force himself to think and relive that memory while opening up to me.
My mind also went back to Blake and how he had to witness his best friend go through that. Nineteen days. He watched Cole suffer for nineteen days, knowing he wasn't able to do a thing about it, and was forced to sit back and watch him experience all of this.
We stood there, squeezing the life out of each other until the both of us stopped crying and calmed down. We pulled back at the same time and I looked up at him. The sadness on his face had almost completely disappeared. He looked simply calm and relaxed now instead.
"Thank you." He said softly, his voice a bit hoarse from the crying.
"For what? I didn't even know what to say. I barely said a word." I really wasn't able to say anything, I was too shocked and confused and scared and sad and...
"That's exactly why I'm thanking you. I really didn't need one of those unnecessary long speeches. I've become used to the whole disorder crap, I don't need anyone's pity or help or advice... I've got a therapist for that. I just needed a hug." Cole shrugged.
"Well, know that my door is five steps away if you ever feel like you need another one later. I'd gladly squeeze your organs out if you needed a big and tight one." I smiled.
He chuckled "Will note that." He paused for a second then plopped sideways on the bed. "So, any questions?" he asked, looking up at the ceiling and patting the spot next to him.
I lay down beside him, a foot or two of space between us, and looked up at the ceiling while answering "Yeah actually, I only have one, though."
"Hmm?"
"Yesterday. What exactly happened back at Miss Flair's house?"
"Ah, you see, that was a hypomanic episode, but it wasn't serious at all, you wouldn't even be able to tell I was having an episode from how light it was, that's why none of us noticed. Blake thought I was being my normal cheery self until I started talking a mile a minute and he realized that I was jumping from thought to thought and started acting a bit crazy in the end." He explained.
"I just had an increase in energy and hyperactivity- even before the whole Miss Flair incident, I was really productive and energetic yesterday, from going to school early, rocking football practice, railin- err- making love- to Sasha Nelson, shopping for the stuff needed for the prank, going crazy in the car- but that was just the norm, and a bunch of other stuff. It was the least chaotic one I've ever experienced, and it only lasted for a few days."
"What about your sour mood after the episode? Was that a depressive one?" I asked.
"Nah, that was a simple mood swing that I couldn't control, I was feeling ashamed. Blake kept checking up on me because he wasn't sure if it was the beginning of a depressive episode or not. He was afraid to leave me all alone in the apartment after what happened last year. But it wasn't a depressive episode, or at least I don't think it was. The shortest and least severe one I've ever had lasted for about fourteen days, so I don't think it was."
I sat up quickly at that, "Fourteen days was the shortest and least severe one?!!!"
WHAT THE HELL?
"Yup." Cole chuckled, popping the p in 'yup'.
"You poor baby!" I said dramatically as I lied back down.
He just let out another chuckle and asked "Any other questions?"
"Ummm." I thought of one. "Oh! I got one. Who else knows? Other than your family and Blake."
"Peter, Jordan, Coach, and Luke."
I lifted my head up and tilted it to look down at him. "Luke? As in, my brother Luke?"
"Yes, the four of them were the only ones who visited me in the hospital, aside from my family and Blake of course. I had to explain why I attempted to do it, so I told them later. I was still on my fifteenth day into the depressive episode when I went into the hospital so I ignored them and told them to get out of the room multiple times- I was a total ass. Though Blake never left me alone, he was there in every single second of it, he was glued close to the other side of the door after I told him to leave me alone. He was worried sick."
He chuckled for some reason then continued, "My family was understanding with my disorder and immediately flew back here to visit me. Lizzie kept crying over the fact that I didn't wanna see her after all this time and that I was being rude to her, but I made it up to her later. After the episode had passed. My parents and I had a whole ass argument over them wanting me to move to Ohio with them, I don't really blame them for wanting that. But I still couldn't leave Rosewood. Luckily, they agreed to let me stay thanks to Blake and your brother. He's a good fella- Luke. Y'know he used to check up on me twice every week? Even when I was perfectly fine. He would also call Blake daily to make sure everything's okay with us. The dude's too good for this world." Cole smiled.
I smiled so widely at that. I had no idea. The guy worked two jobs, attended school, cooked most of the meals, read and researched everything about my panic disorder in his free time to learn new ways to help me go through it, studied for his SATs, freed some time to spend it with me, tutored me, checked up on me every single hour when he was at work, woke up almost every night to calm me down after a nightmare, and still managed to visit Cole twice a week and remember to call Blake daily to ask him if they were okay.
God, I love him.
"He really is." I looked up at the ceiling and smiled.
Cole and I lay there on our backs across the bed, talking about random stuff for a few more minutes until I decided it was time for me to hit the sack. I wished him a goodnight and got ready for bed, took my pills, and fell asleep right after collapsing onto the bed from exhaustion.
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"You walking to school again?" Cole asked as the three of us sat on the kitchen table eating breakfast.
We all managed to wake up early for the first time and we now had an extra forty minutes to eat, get ready, and head to school.
I nodded my head up and down while munching on the toast. "I think you should ride with us today," Blake interjected as he spread the jam on his toast. "I'm not gonna ride the bike today since it'll be raining cats and dogs outside in thirty minutes." He took a bite of his toast.
Cole nodded."Yeah, the weather's hella cold too. You'll be all wet and cold."
Blake smirked at that and was about to say something but I quickly beat him into talking "I'll kill you."
"Yeah I know, you seemed to do a pretty good job at suffocating me last time, I think you caused some permanent damage somewhere over here~" He dragged his fingers right across his chest where his lungs should be at.
I glared at him, "Nah, I don't think i did a very good job at that. But don't worry, I'll be sure to do a much better one if you d-"
Cole slammed his palms against the kitchen table, standing up and letting out a long breath. "Okay then! It's settled. You're riding with us. Now, both of you hurry the hell up and swallow the rest of your goddamn food before I stuff the meals so far up your asses, it'll reach your stomachs and you wouldn't need to waste your time chewing and breaking down the molecules and swallowing them."
The both of us shut up and went back to eating, our eyes still locked on one another, Blake grinning while chewing on his toast and me glaring straight at his soul while sipping the rest of my OJ.
I want to stab him so bad.
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"SHE'S INDECISIVE..."
Here we go again...
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another chaotic episode of "Your local grown-ass bad boys screaming crappy songs at the top of their lungs while jumping up and down in the front of the car like a bunch of JB-crazed 10 year-olds."
Today's episode will be a little different...
"SHE CAN'T DECIDE..." I yelled right after Cole.
Yes...
I joined in.
I'm sorry.
I couldn't help it. It's contagious
I also got tired of third-wheeling.
"SHE KEEPS ON LOOKING...!" Blake sung, his voice's pitch even higher than Cole's.
"FROM LEFT TO RIGHT."
"GIRL, COME ON GET CLOSER..."
Blake turned around to look at me, smirking. "LOOK IN MY EYES!"
"SEARCHING IS SO WRONG."
"I'M MR. RIGHT!"
We kept on going, everyone singing a different line until THE part came.
You know, the ultimate part of the song.
"To show you."
"Hold you."
"Don't leave me out here dancing alone~"
We all went crazy at the same time right after that. "YOU CAN'T MAKE UP YOUR MIND, MIND, MIND, MIND, MIND! PLEASE DON'T WASTE MY TIME, TIME, TIME, TIME, TIME. I'M NOT TRYNA REWIND, WIND, WIND, WIND, WIND. I WISH OUR HEARTS COULD COME TOGETHER AS ONE."
I thought Cole would calm down a bit after we reached the school since Cole's famous Range Rover had caught the attention of most of the students outside, everyone was staring at the two gorgeous idiots sitting at the front of the car, a few noticing me and widening their eyes, shocked at the fact that both Blake Evans and Cole Anderson were giving a girl a ride to school.
But I was wrong.
Cole looked at my face through the rearview mirror and grinned manically. "Ready to put on a show?"
I furrowed my eyebrows and was about to ask him what he meant, but he answered the question by sliding down all of the windows and turning the volume up.
"SHAWTY IS AN EENIE MEENIE MINEY MO LOVAA! SHAWTY IS AN EENIE MEENIE MINEY MO LOVAA!" They both yelled, catching the attention of even more students and some of the teachers.
I quickly hid behind Cole's seat, hoping I wasn't too late and most of the students didn't notice me.
"Why the hell would you do that?" I whisper-yelled to Cole as he parked the car.
"Because I'm Cole Anderson and I like doing stupid shit." He shrugged while taking his seat belt off.
Blake chuckled and got out of the car the same time Cole opened his door. "You coming?" He asked from outside the car.
I thought about how everyone's attention is going to be focused on these two idiots and what they'll think when they see me coming out of the car with them..."Nah, I'm just gonna chill here, go ahead without me." I said as I eyed the people around the car, still hiding behind Cole's seat.
Blake looked around him, eyeing the students standing there staring at him and Cole, then looked back at me and smirked. "I see." He let out a sigh. "Alright then." He said, his voice louder this time.
I gave him a confused look and was about to tell him to start walking but he suddenly brought his body closer to me and inside the car quickly, making him look like he tripped or... was pulled inside?
What is he-
"NO OLIVIA! I'M SORRY BUT WE CAN'T DO IT RIGHT NOW! THE THREE OF US HAVE CLASSES! BUT COLE AND I WOULDN'T MIND DOING IT IN THE JANITOR'S CLOSET ROOM LATER DURING THE LUNCH BREAK, I'M SURE THE ROOM FITS THE THREE OF US!" He yelled out from inside the car with his and Cole's doors still wide open.
THAT LITTLE SHIT.
I looked up at him with wide eyes and gave him the deadliest glare while making a move to bash his head against the window but he was fast enough to move away and go back to standing outside the car.
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