I knelt in front of the toilet in my bathroom with Mikey holding back my hair. The pancake caused me to feel sick. Too fatty. Too sickening. Too gross. Too unhealthy. I lent up against the wall.

"Gerard wanted to take you shopping but since Lyn-Z is ill and you aren't feeling great so I guess that plan is out the window." Mikey said.

"No I can go. Why can't you take me or Ray? I don't mind. I promise." I replied.

"Not like this. You're pale as fuck and you'll get really tired because you aren't eating enough. You can borrow anyone's clothes for now. You and Lyn-z are like the same size." Mikey said. He looked down at the sick covered top.

"I'll put that in the wash. Take it off, get into your bed and I'll bring you one of mine." Mikey added.

"Can you carry me?" I asked.

"Not in that top. Have you got something on underneath?" Mikey asked.

"I have underwear but I'd rather keep the top on." I answered hesitantly.

"Then I'm not taking you anywhere." Mikey replied. I pulled off Frank's t-shirt slowly and left it on the floor. It only revealed more scars. Mikey knelt down beside me and ran his hands over them.

"Does Gerard know?" Mikey asked. I shook my head.

"He's not going to know. I'm not letting you tell him." I said quietly. His hands continued to run over the scars that were all over my hips, stomach and chest just under and around my boobs.

"No. This isn't what I expected." Mikey whispered. His hands moved to my upper arms.

"I haven't known any different. It's a drug." I said. I felt uncomfortable at his touch. He quickly worked that out and picked me up. He put me down on my bed. I pulled the comforter over me and wriggled out of my jeans as Mikey left my room with Frank's t-shirt. I kicked my jeans down to the end of the bed before curling into a ball. The door opened with Frank standing in the doorframe.

"Mikey told me." He said quietly. I looked over at him then buried my face in the pillow. He walked over to my bed and sat down on my bed.

"Can I see?" Frank asked. I shook my head.

"I don't have my jeans on anymore." I said. Frank pulled me up to face him. The comforter fell off me down to my hips. I protectively put my arms around me. Frank's soft yet worn hands lightly ran over my scars like Mikey's had done.

"Why didn't you tell me it was this bad doll?" Frank asked.

"Because you would have to tell Gerard." I answered as his hands continued to move over my body.

"Is there anymore?" Frank asked.

"The ones you didn't seem to notice on my thighs. They're faint."I answered quietly. Frank nodded. Mikey walked into my room. Frank quickly removed his hands. Mikey had one of his Iron Maiden t-shirts in his hand.

"This okay?" He asked. I nodded and Mikey threw it at me. I caught it and pulled it on.

"We need to tell Gerard about this." Mikey said.

"No. You can't." I replied.

"I made a promise to her. You can't." Frank said.

"This is important. We need to look after you. Gerard wants to look after you." Mikey said.

"He doesn't have to know." Frank said.

"Frank. You don't understand. If he has to know, he has to know. He'll find out eventually. You weren't even meant to find out and you did." I said.

"Okay." Frank whispered as he nodded.

"Do you want me to tell him Frank? I'm his brother after all." Mikey asked. Frank nodded with a faint smile. Mikey hesitantly left the room quickly followed by Frank who closed the door.

I opened my bed side drawer and pulled out my sketchbook and pencils. I opened it up to the page of the wilted flower. I started on the petals with my favourite charcoal pencil. The bed was so soft it was hard to get an even surface. It made me screw up a few times but mistakes can be fixed. Soon enough I had finished the basic sketches of the petals finished when a knock came on the door. I slammed the sketchbook shut and shoved it in my drawer.

"Come in." I called. Gerard's red hair appeared from the other side of the door. He closed the door behind him and quietly sat down on the corner of my bed.

"Can I see?" Gerard asked.

"Which ones?" I asked.

"All of them. No excuses." Gerard answered. I took my arms out of the comforter and put them towards Gerard who moved over to me and took them gently. He ran his fingers over each and every scar or cut that was there on both arms. He let go so I could show more. I pulled back the comforter to show my thighs. Frank's boxers covered some of them but most of them were still on show. He looked but didn't touch. His eyes weren't expecting this. I pulled my comforter back over time before pulling off Mikey's t-shirt. Gerard's face dropped.

"No. No. This can't be real." Gerard muttered.

"Don't take me back. I'm begging you." I pleaded. Gerard's eyes met with mine.

"I wouldn't think of such a thing." Gerard replied as I pulled the tshirt back on.

"We're gonna get through this together, Jade. I promise." Gerard said as he took my hand. He squeezed it hard and I almost felt at home.