Today is going to be a floodwater day. I knew it before I woke up. I had a dream last night where I was drowning, dying. I was alone -- no, I had been abandoned. Left to die by people I love. Possibly my greatest fear.

I rolled out of the bunk, allowing myself to fall onto the floor so I could reach my drawers of clothing under my bed. I pull out my birth dad's old football sweatshirt, my mom's old Fall Out Boy Take This To Your Grave concert T shirt

and a pair of frayed and ripped blue jeans.

I took my clothes into the bathroom where I got dressed before coming back out. I sat back down in my bunk, opening the backpack that I kept at the end.

After a little bit of hesitation, I pull out a necklace with two unique charms on them. One said "I Brought You My Bullets" and the other said "I Brought You My Love". I smiled at the fairly recent memory.

"I know that it's not the album title, well, you probably didn't know that, but I did. Anyway, it just kinda fit. I was an utter ass to you when we met."

I grinned at my friend "But you didn't mean it. It was just a facade because you were afraid of getting hurt again."

"While that's true, I need you to shut up because you're ruining my cheesy moment. I was an utter ass. I gave you bullets and all you ever have in return was love." And with that, she gave me a necklace with a custom charm saying 'I Brought You My Love' with a red heart underneath the word love.

"I have a matching one" she says, showing me her charm with the words 'I Brought You My Bullets' with a bronze bullet engraved below the wort bullets.

"Thank you" I said, a happy tear or two in my eye. I leaned across my bed and hugged her close.

"F******" Marianna sneered. We separated and she flipped Marianna off. She leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips and Marianna left in a huff.

"Is it to early to say that I think I'm in love?" She asks, and I shake my head with laughter.

I didn't realize that I was crying until someone moved my curtain aside. My vision was blurry with tears that I couldn't be bothered to wipe away.

"Olivia?" Not one but two voices said, the owner of the second voice crouched down next to the first.

"Olivia, sweetheart, can you hear me?" This voice was James's and I nod, sobbing as I clutched the necklace.

"What's wrong?" This time it was Gee.

"It's flooding" I sob. "And I feel like I wanna drown. I miss her." I keep sobbing, and someone, Gee, attempts to touch me, but James stops him.

"She doesn't like it when people touch her when she's like this. Olivia, honey. Breathe, calm down. Gee and I are right here, tell us what's going on."

"I miss her. I miss her so, so much" I sob again.

"Who do you miss?" Gee asks as James gets up, telling someone to give us space.

"I-it's dumb. I'm only twelve. B-but I think I was in love. T-twelve isn't too young to be in love, is it Gee?"

"Not at all, kiddo. Age is just a number. If you think that you were in love, then it's not to young, not if you really loved them."

"I still do. I-I love a dead person Gee." My hand curls around the necklace and charms so tight that my hands hurt.

"I'm going to pick you up, okay?" James says, coming back. I nod and allow him to carry me into the back and Gee shuts the divider. After he sets me down, he puts his hand atop the one I have curled around the charms.

"Sweetheart, you're going to hurt yourself. Relax a little, please" I take a deep, shaky breath and try, blinking tears out of my eyes.

"Can you tell me who it is, or was?" Gee asks. "The one you miss and love?"

"He-her name was Autumn" I choke out, relaxing my fist so that I can rub the charms with my fingers. "Sh-she was my best friend at the orphanage. Th-then she became more. It's dumb. It was June when she asked me. And I said yes. She was thirteen, but we had known each other since I came to the orphanage. She wasn't very nice at first, but she was just afraid of being hurt again. My best friend became my girlfriend. And then my girlfriend -- she." I take another shaky breath. "Then my girlfriend committed suicide."

"Oh, sweetheart" James is hugging me and I hug back tightly, tears leaking from my eyes again. Gee has sat down next to me and it rubbing my back comfortingly.

"I'm so sorry that you had to lose someone that you love so soon. You probably went through a lot of what-ifs and why's. I can guarantee that she loved you too, she just didn't see a better way out. Not because of you" he said, stopping the train of thought that had just begun. "You made everything better for her. But she probably felt so burdened, so trapped."

I nodded into James's shoulder before pulling back, my fist still holding the necklace.

"What is that?" Gee asked, gesturing to my curled hand.

"A necklace" I replied simply, uncurling my fist so that they could see it. "She had been saving up for a long time, apparently. Or maybe she knew someone. I don't know, but somehow she managed to get these made." I offered it to Gerard to see and he picked it up.

" 'I Brought You My Bullets' 'I Brought You My Love'." He reads "That sounds like--."

"She parodied it" I reply, cutting him off. "She wasn't very kind when I first met her, hence the bullets." Gerard hands the necklace off to James.... wait, he's my dad now. Gerard hand the necklace off to dad. "But I saw through it, and I was very friendly and kind, hence the love.

"She gave me mine two week before she ... did it. It was lying next to her note along with her iPod and a statement saying that she was sorry, that she loves me and that it wasn't my fault. The note was torn up by a homophobic bully, but she left an audio recording on the iPod for me. It says that she's sorry, she loves me and that it's not my fault. She also recorded some other stuff on there that I listen to. It helps." I confess, allowing everything to spill out.

"I get it" Gerard says comfortingly. We sit in silence for a little before Ray and pokes his afro.... and his head I guess, but mostly his afro into the room.

"Bob made waffles!" He calls and the three of us get up.

"You gonna be okay?" James asks.

"I'm better now, thanks guys" I reply instead, knowing that I won't be okay.

"WAFFLES!" Mikey shouts from the front of the bus. I jump onto Gerard's back with a grin.

"WAFFLES!" I shout in response and the three of us head to the waffles.