When Krash, Zero, and Raven came back to the box, they were talking and laughing like the true friends they are— not like the friends I lied to myself about us being.

"So— oh, Way's here!" Zero interrupts himself when he sees me slumped in a beanbag chair, cradling a glass bottle. "And she's..."

"Lookin' rough." Krash finishes his sentence for him.

I laugh, but the lack of humor in the sound is almost scary. "What else is new?"

"I'm taking this, Way," Raven says as they reach for the bottle in my hands.

"Oh, no you're not." But my reflexes weren't quick enough and my hands are now empty. I still hadn't even taken a sip.

"We're not going over this again." Raven crosses their arms and looks down at my pathetic figure in the beanbag chair. Being over two years older than me, I guess they feel protective over me. But Raven has a real younger sister at home I could never replace and I've heard all about her. She's eight years old and likes to follow Raven around when they're home, something Rosa liked to do to me. I didn't always like that, though, but now I wish I could take back all the times I got annoyed and shut her out of my room like the stereotypical teenager I am. Face it, Gerard was right.

"I'm not going back home, though, so I don't have to worry about Gerard finding out," I insist.

"What do you mean you're not going home?" Even Krash looks up, curiosity filling his dark eyes, almost completely obscured by his hair. He mustn't have got it cut in a long time.

"It's Saturday," I say with shrug, as though that answers any questions. "He'd believe it if I told him I was staying overnight at some friend's house." But that's not true. He knows as well as anyone I haven't a got a single friend to stay with, but these guys don't need to know that.

Raven chews their bottom lip. "I don't know, Way."

"Come on, Raven! If she wants it, just give it to her," Zero exclaims, seemingly more annoyed with Raven than I am at this point.

They seem to realize there's no winning for them and that they can't preserve my innocence forever, and thus hands me the bottle with a sigh. I lost my innocence many years ago, anyway.

"Thank you." I say without a trace of genuine appreciation in my voice. I take the bottle from Raven's hands rather harshly. "Where were you guys anyway?"

Zero holds up a paper bag I didn't notice he had and says, "Got breakfast." He puts the bag on the table and everyone takes their usual seats, crowding around. "You want anything?"

I eye the donuts, my body trembling with nerves at even the thought of taking a bite, yet painfully aware of how hungry I am. I almost say, "Fuck it," but catch myself at the last moment. "Um, no thanks."

Though as the morning wears off and noon comes and goes, I finally forget about the liquid calories. I forget about the bitch in my head, my past, Rosa, my mother, Frank, Mikey, Ray, and Gerard and how disappointed they'd be in me, and of course the illegality of the situation. Just as I'd intended. I forgot it all with alcohol now coursing through my veins, Raven watching me helplessly, Zero joining in, and Krash sitting quietly in the corner.

It doesn't take much for me to begin to feel the effects of it, as Krash and Zero once warned me about. I feel like I'm floating, like I'm living in a dream.

"You okay over there?" Raven asks me.

"I'm fuckin' awesome."

"Hey, me too!" Zero exclaims, stuffing a whole donut in his mouth and high-fiving me with his other hand. "You still don't want one?" he asks through his mouthful, powdered sugar coats his face.

"Do you really think I wanna eat after watching you do that?" My answer is always going to be no, but Zee doesn't seem to get the hint as he then grabs one from the paper bag still on the table. It soars across the room and hits me in the forehead. Powdered sugar goes everywhere. "Hey!"

Zero laughs like it's the funniest thing in the world. "C'mon Way, just have a donut!"

"I'm not gonna have a donut!" I wipe the sugar from my face then point at him as he grabs another, preparing to throw it at me again. "Don't you fucking dare!"

"Or else what?" He taunts me, still holding the powdered sugar coated confection like a grenade. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I actually ate it.

"Or else I'll leave," I state, crossing my arms, my eyes fleeting to the door. I mean business, but he doesn't take me seriously. I don't think anyone ever takes me seriously. I'm just a little girl in their eyes. I'm younger than everyone in this room by two or three years, but I don't mean just in this room, I mean all throughout my life. Like when I showed up to the ER as a little kid with cracked ribs, or covered in bruises, I tried to tell them what really happened, I really did. They always listened to my legal guardian at the time. "Oh, she's just a clumsy little girl," they'd utter, the sweetest smile painted on their face, and the nurse would give them that classic sweet and naive smile back.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I hate nurses.

Zero just snorts at my threat and then everything starts going in slow motion. "Zee don't—" Raven tries, but it's too late. The donut goes flying.

I duck just in time and it hits the wall behind me causing a cloud of powdered sugar to sprinkle onto the floor like snow. I watch it rain down for a few seconds and then I finally snap. "I'm goin', okay? Fucking leaving. 'M sorry I ever even came here in the first place. I- I don't even know why you keep letting me show up... obviously you don't actually fucking like me. You pity me just like everyone... just like everyone else. I get it, 'kay? I get it!" I stamp my foot on the floor causing the single little window to rattle— I'm lucky I didn't break it, but kind of disappointed because it would've been satisfying— then I storm out the door, slamming it behind me, and ignoring Raven's protests and Zero's, "C'mon Way!"

I even hear Krash's angry voice chime in with, "What the fuck, Zee?"

I stumble down the path out of the woods toward the park. This painfully reminds of the night I ran away from Emerald's house after having been kicked out. I hadn't thought about Emerald in a while, just like I hadn't thought storming out of The Box through. It's snowing and fucking freezing out here, I'm drunk, and I have nowhere to go. And I thought getting drunk would be fun.

"Hey, come back!" I hear Raven's voice from behind me. All it does is motivate me to run faster, or try to run. "Come on, Way, Zero's just a dick! Come back, he'll apologize."

"I don't need his fucking apology!" I spin on my heel, nearly toppling over. I can't even see Raven and I don't know if it's the alcohol making me dizzy or the tears visually impairing me. "I do not need his fucking apology, okay?" I yell again. "I don't need him, an' I don't need Krash, I don't need you! I just- I just need-" I run off again, narrowly missing a tree.

I'd never tell anyone what I think next, or where I suddenly decide that I need to run off to, but my mind is set as I emerge from the woods. Krash and Zero's voices mix with Raven's now and they're all pleading with me to turn back.

But I won't do it. I won't even look behind me. That is, until I hear a fourth person yell out my name.