I ended up creating some lie about how there were just so many new people around, how I got overwhelmed, and that's why I panicked. No one can know the truth behind that meltdown.

I fell asleep in the middle of a group hug with Gerard, Ray, Frank, and Mikey, but now it's the next morning and I find myself alone in bed. It's only 5AM, may I add, and I'm starving. Literally? Probably. Do I care? Not at all.

There's no use in sleeping any longer, so I get out of bed to shower. I'm lightheaded and black out for a few seconds when I stand up, and stumble blindly toward the bathroom, but I'm used to it. Before actually showering, though, I take out the scale from its place in the cupboard under the sink. I managed to smuggle it up here without Gerard noticing.

I step on and make a mental note of the number that happens to be slightly lower than the one I saw yesterday. It's been going down steadily, my clothes have been feeling a lot looser, but when I look in the mirror I look no better than I did months ago. Worse, even.

Next, I check my drawer and look at the pile of lunch money I've saved up (surely over 40$ by now), then shut it again. I just needed to make sure.

Finally, I undress and quickly get under the hot water, the air feeling ice cold on my pale skin. I wash my hair, dozens of strands coming out and wrapping around my fingers in the process. I might do something about my unhealthy, dry hair if I actually cared.

A bit over an hour later, when I'm sitting on my freshly made bed and I'm already dressed for the day in an over-sized hoodie and leggings, I hear a light knock on my door.

"Come in?" It's awfully early for Gerard to be awake.

Still, he pushes my door open gently, looking like he hasn't slept at all. "Morning, Eve. You okay?"

"I'm fine," I say simply. I don't know how much truth is in that statement, but I also no longer know what it's like to be completely fine.

"You don't have to go to school," he says.

"Well, I'm already dressed and everything."

"I know, but Eve, you really scared us last night. I think you should stay home."

"I'm going to school," I state bluntly, grabbing my bag off the floor despite it only being half past six.

"No, you're not. You need rest."

"I don't 'need rest,' I'm going to school," I push past him and start going down the stairs.

"Evelyn, come back here," he calls after me tiredly.

I ignore him and go to the kitchen for a glass of water. There are no ice cubes left, but I drink it anyway, managing to finish every last drop and refill the ice cube tray before Gerard appears in the doorway.

"Come on, Eve," he insists. "It's early, you can go back to bed."

"I said, I'm fine!" I snap, but immediately regret it when I meet his eyes. He's carrying himself like there's a physical weight on his shoulders, his face is paler than normal, and he has dark circles under his eyes. He really mustn't have slept a wink. "I... I'm sorry."

He sighs, "It's okay."

I cross the room and engulf him in a hug, which he obviously wasn't expecting, but hugs me back.

"It's not okay," I mumble. "I'm really sorry."

"Really, Eve, everything's fine. You're stressed out, I get it. But don't bottle it up. You have so many people you can talk to, you know that?"

I nod into his chest, trying and failing to stifle a yawn. I guess I am still tired.

"Alright, let's get you upstairs," he says. I'm basically falling asleep against him now, so I wrap my arms around his neck and he picks me up with ease, taking me upstairs to my room.

He places me on my bed, draping my blankets over me then makes to leave, but I reach out my hand and grab his arm, "Stay."

• • •

I don't know how long I was asleep, curled up next to Gee who eventually fell asleep as well, but now I'm awake again. Light pours through the crack in my curtains, illuminating the empty bed next to me.

Before I even have a chance to wonder where he went, Gee enters my room again carrying a pile of gifts.

"Oh, good, you're awake." He sets the gifts on my bed saying, "You didn't get to open them last night."

"Oh." I'm startled by how many there are. "They're all for me?"

"Well, yeah," he says. "Open 'em!"

I ended up getting a bunch of things like chokers, black eyeliner, black lipstick, black nail polish— do you see a theme going on here? I also received a real nice looking notebook, a bunch of different coloured pens and pencils, and also a bunch of albums. (David Bowie, The Smiths, The Beatles, The Smashing Pumpkins, etc.)

It seems people know what I like.

When I finally reach the end of the pile, and I'm pretty sure that notebook is the best thing I've ever been given (by the amazing Gerard Way, of course) he reveals one last surprise.

He hands me a rectangular box, which I take with caution, eyeing him suspiciously.

The tag on the box is signed by all four of the guys, then at the bottom, it reads 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVIE, WE LOVE YOU'. A smile creeps onto my face as I take in the words.

"Go on," Gee says excitedly, "open it!"

I open the box as instructed and find... a fucking beautiful wood grain ukulele.

"This is... wow," I breathe, basically speechless.

"You like it?"

I put the box to the side and hug him tightly instead of answering. When I pull away, he kisses my head and says, "Frank said you would." Then asks, "Can you play?"

"Nope, but I will soon."

"What made you want to learn?"

As good of a question that is, it suddenly brings my spirits crashing down. "Emerald." Is my reply. Staring down at the instrument now, I'm avoiding all eye contact with Gee because I can feel tears starting to form.

No, not now, Evelyn! Don't ruin this too.

"Eve?" He asks gently. "What is it?"

I sigh as a tear slides down my cheek, but I wipe it away hastily. "Nothing. I'm fine."

"Don't lie to me."

"I... I didn't tell you cause I didn't even want to think about it at the time. I still don't."

"Whatever it is, Eve, you can tell me. You never have to be afraid of telling me anything."

It's inevitable, I have to tell him. I've been putting it off for too long. "Well, Halloween night, something... happened," I start, mostly stalling.

"No shit? Evelyn, I found you freezing on a bench," he says, and I flinch at his slightly raised tone of voice.

"Well, what happened was," I let out a shaky breath, "I got kicked out. Her dad kicked me out."

"The fuck? What did you— why would he do that?" He stutters, not knowing how to take that information.

"Well, she- she kissed me. Emerald kissed me and he found out and yelled at me to leave." Tears brim my eyes again as I remember the events of that night, and this time I let them fall.

He swears under his breath, a string of nasty words directed at Emerald's father, then wipes my tears. A look I can only describe as a mixture of anger, sadness, and sympathy is on his face as he wraps his arms around me once more. The attempt at ridding my face of tears was useless, though, as I now bawl into his chest, soaking his shirt. But he doesn't care, he just holds me tighter.

"It's not you," he says, rocking me comfortingly in his arms. "It's not about you, it's his problem. There's nothing wrong with what you did, okay?"

"S-so you're not mad?"

"Were you okay with it?" He asks.

"W-what?"

"The kiss? She didn't force herself on you or anything?"

"No, I- I kissed her back..."

"I'm not mad, Eve. I'm only mad at that man who somehow calls himself a father."

• • •