I stare at the mess of cake and shards of plate on the floor in horror. All I'm able to do is let out a feeble, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Eve! I'll just get you another plate," Gerard says. He's just trying to make things better. He's trying, but it's not working.

"No- no! It's okay..."

I don't need cake. I don't want cake. I won't eat cake. No one can make me eat cake.

Tears well in my eyes as I watch Ray begin to clean the mess on the floor. I can't help it. Frank and Mikey come into the kitchen to find out where the crash came from and he explains to them that I accidentally dropped my plate.

Frank looks up at me, about to poke fun at my mistake, just as the tears start to trickle from my eyes. His face falls.

"Eve," he says, "It was just a plate."

I'm unable to form any words. I can barely even suck in a breath, as my throat feels like it's closing up, like invisible hands are gripping it tightly. I just shake my head wildly, silently pleading that he understands— that anyone understands— that it's not just about the plate.

They don't and they never will.

I collapse onto my knees unwillingly as I start crying harder. My knees should be throbbing by how hard I hit the floor, but I didn't feel a thing.

"Evelyn!?" All four of the guys somehow ask in unison, panic apparent in their voices.

Through my mess of tears I make out Frank, crouched directly in front of me, bewildered, I'm sure.

Ray is looking at Gerard desperately as if he should know what to do.

He doesn't.

Mikey is simply frozen in place.

What sounds like hundreds of muffled voices fill my ears. Someone tries to hug me. Comfort me, I suppose. It only makes me spiral further.

"No, no don't touch her!" Someone hisses.

Everything is closing in around me. I need to get away. I need to get away.

In an unexpected movement I'm stumbling away from everyone. Away from the kitchen, through to the living room, and somehow barreling up the stairs toward my room. I'm sure everyone is looking at me, wondering what the hell is going on, but in the moment that doesn't even cross my mind.

I just need to get away.

I'm in my room now and I've slammed the door behind me. I didn't even mean to slam it. Even alone on my bed, I can't seem to find any relief. I'm still shaking and crying and hyperventilating and completely overwhelmed. I can't get away. I can't get away from the walls that are seemingly inching towards me, from the ceiling that feels like it's falling down over me, from my own head that's screaming incessantly.

Why won't it just stop?

I spoke too soon. This is the moment I learn that a panic attack can make you go unconscious.

• • •

Not again, Eve. Please, not again.

Today was supposed to be a good day. The party isn't much, but it's for her. Now she's on the kitchen floor, trembling and sobbing, and I don't know what to do.

I can't touch her, it'll only make it worse— I learned that the hard way last time.

I see Frank start to reach his arms around her and tell him just in time, "No, no don't touch her!"

He pulls his arms away.

Ray opens his mouth as if he's about to say something— suggest something, I'm hoping— but he's cut off by Evelyn suddenly standing up clumsily and running out of the kitchen up to her room.

I'm at a loss of what to do, Mikey stands in shock next to me, and Frank is still on his knees in front of where Eve had just been. We're all useless, so Ray takes charge.

"Well, follow her, Gee! She shouldn't be alone right now! I'll finish cleaning this up," he gestures at the floor, "Frank and Mikey, you guys go do something about everyone in the living room."

I nod and rush up the stairs two at a time, behind me I hear Frank say something about how Evelyn isn't feeling well.

"Party's cut short," he says. "Sorry."

I don't bother knocking as my only concern right now is getting to my daughter as quickly as possible, so I barge into her room.

A new wave of panic hits me when I see her just laying on her bed, unmoving.

"Eve," I shake her shoulder. "Evelyn?"

Shit, shit, shit. She passed out. What do I do? I remember what her school nurse did the day that girl beat her up, and position her so she's on her side. I grab a pillow and put it under her head while I'm at it.

She'll be fine. She had a panic attack, she fainted. She's breathing just fine now, give her a bit of time to wake up.

I sit on her bed and take her hand, holding it tightly, and after a few minutes, I hear three sets of footsteps coming up the stairs. Frank pokes his head in first and I look up, then back down at Evelyn who still hasn't so much as twitched.

He, Ray, and Mikey enter the room quietly, finding places to sit, either on the chair in the corner or on her bed.

I sigh, breaking the silence, "This is the second time this has happened."

"Any idea why?" Mikey asks hesitantly.

"None. It happened so fast, I mean, one second she's fine, and the next she's like- like that," I say, my mind flashing back to the moment I saw her on the floor. "It was worse this time, obviously, she fucking passed out. I've never seen her so freaked out."

"I'll go get a glass of water for when she wakes up," Ray announces, standing up again.

"Three ice cubes," Frank calls after him.

I never really understood the whole 'three ice cubes' thing, but I don't question it. I mean, if my daughter insists that with three ice cubes is the only right way to drink a glass of water, then so be it.

"You remembered," I hear a little voice say.

I look down at my daughter as her eyes flutter open, "Eve!" I hug her gently, afraid of breaking her or something. She's fragile, priceless, and I can't keep letting her get hurt like this.

"Hi," she whispers shakily. "Did... did I faint?"

I nod, and Ray comes back and hands her the water. Her hands are shaking too much, though, so I take it for her and place it on her nightstand for when she wants it.

"I'm sorry," she says so quietly she might as well have said nothing at all.

"No, Eve, don't apologize. If anything, it's my fault. You told me you didn't want a party and I made it happen anyway." It's only when I let the words leave my mouth that I realize how true they are. It is my fault. Just like last time, I could've prevented this. But, no, I was too busy being selfish.

"No, Gerard, it's not your fault. Don't say that." Tears start running down her face again, but she wipes them away almost angrily. "I was having a great time. I just ruin everything."

I can't stop my eyes from watering as I utter in protest, "No, you don't."

Thankfully, Frank takes over. "No, Evelyn, none of that. We don't wanna hear it. Not Ray, not Mikey, not your dad, and certainly not me, because you are an amazing person who should not be beating herself up right now. It wasn't your fault and you don't ruin anything, got it?"

She nods a bit, but still buries her face in her knees, her shoulders shake as she cries. "It- It was going s-so well, though. I... I was f-fine and then..."

"Shhh, Evie, it's okay," I try and comfort her, finally wrapping my arms around the poor girl.

She cries into my shoulder, and I might've let some tears fall, too. One by one, the other guys join our hug until we're all surrounding her and her crying slows down.

She eventually falls asleep in my arms.

• • •