Friday nights aren't always fun anymore. I just get so tired sometimes, and I'd rather go to bed early than stay up and watch a movie. To try and make things better, I asked Emerald if she'd like to come again tonight, and she really wanted to, but couldn't. Her dad said no. We didn't get an explanation.

"I hate it how parents can just do that. The whole "because I said so" thing is ridiculous," Emerald had said over the phone.

"I know, Em, but what can we do?" I said.

"Does Gerard ever do that?"

"I don't really ask for things, so no."

"You know, you probably could," Em said. "Ask for things, I mean. He'd probably do anything to make you happy."

"Yeah, I guess so."

I think about that a lot. I feel loved in this house, I really do. But then again, I'm still in denial that anyone could ever see enough good in me to willingly make me a big part of their life. And because of that the love doesn't feel genuine, it feels... detached. Like in a way an overly enthusiastic teacher "loves" their students. And they have the whole school year mapped out and I just know I won't be able to meet their expectations.

Gerard maps things out in advance, too.

I'm thinking about it now, actually, as I sit cross-legged on my bed, revelling in the silence of my bedroom. It's 5PM, so the guys should be arriving soon which will mean silence no more.

I'm just wondering what we're going to end up watching tonight, as I hear everyone enter the house. They don't even bother knocking because they're over here so often. How they all manage to get here at the exact same time, I don't know, unless they came in one car.

"Eve upstairs?" I hear Frank ask.

"Yeah, you should go get her," Gerard says.

Suddenly I feel a rush of panic, like I'm supposed to be doing something other than just sitting on my bed and eavesdropping. My need to 'act natural' lands me in a weird sideways position on my bed.

"Hey there," I say as Frank walks into my room.

He gives me a funny look, "What were you doing?"

"Nothing at all."

"You sure about that?"

I nod.

"Fine," he says then scoops me up off my bed before I can protest. He takes me downstairs to the living room, all the while ignoring my sassy remarks about how I actually do have feet and I can get down the stairs by myself.

"What's going on here?" Gee asks at the sight of us.

"Your daughter was being weird," Frank puts simply, letting me down onto the floor.

"Hey!" I say and smack him lightly on the shoulder. He takes a seat on the couch next to Ray. Ray is next to Gerard, who's in the corner, and Mikey's on the other end, which leaves no room for me. "Why do I always get the chair?"

"You don't always get the chair," he says.

"I had it last time."

"You weren't alone, you were sitting with Emerald last time," Ray says.

"Yeah," Mikey agrees, "and you two were so cute."

I roll my eyes because I know he's joking, but if he only knew... I've fallen hard for that girl. "Well, I don't even need a chair," I then say and sit on Gee's lap. "What are we watching?"

He doesn't even say anything about me sitting on his lap. He's just accepted it and knows he won't be able to get rid of me. "I was thinking Halloween, since Halloween is next week."

"I'm down," Frank says and the others agree.

"Sure," I say. "Wait— what is it?"

"So you haven't seen this either?" Gee asks.

"Nope."

"What have you seen?" Frank asks.

I shrug, "Not much, apparently. I didn't exactly spend my childhood watching movies... or doing anything fun, really."

"It's not too late to start," Ray points out and lays a hand in my shoulder in a somewhat comforting gesture.

He's right, I suppose. I'm only thirteen, I'm not even a quarter way through my life yet, so really I have a lot of time to catch up. Then again, how can I be sure I'll live an average length life? I could be midway through already, I could die next week for all I know. Oh gosh, let's not go down this rabbit hole.

"Eve? Evelyn?" Gerard is trying to get my attention.

"Huh?"

"You just spaced out."

"Oh, sorry, I was just thinking."

"What were you thinking about?"

"Death," I say then immediately cover my mouth. Nice going, Eve, they're gonna think you're insane.

"That's rather dark," Frank says.

"She's turning into you, Gerard," Mikey says.

"How did that— we just went from movies to death, Eve. How did that happen?" Gee asks. He sounds genuinely concerned, and I would be too, but I just shake my head.

"I don't know, my mind is a weird place."

We all fall silent, which rarely happens. Maybe now they're all thinking about the inevitability of death, too. Aren't we just a lighthearted, happy bunch? Or maybe they're just silently worrying over me.

I don't like it when people worry over me. First of all, no one ever cared for me when I was younger, so I'm not used to it. But also it just makes me feel like a burden. People shouldn't worry about me, I can figure things out on my own, they need to take care of themselves first. I'm not that important.

"So," Ray says eventually, "what are we having for food tonight?"

At the simple mention of food I realize how hungry I am. I barely ate today.

"I don't know, we can order something," Gee says. "Eve, what do you want?"

What do I want? Why is this such a hard decision? I'm very bad at making decisions, especially when people put me on the spot, so I suggest the first thing that comes to mind and hope it works out. "Chinese?"

"Sounds good to me," he says. "Guys?"

No one had a problem with it, so less than half an hour later Ray has volunteered to go get the door. I consider taking advantage of his absence to steal his spot on the couch, but Frank's just finished telling me what this movie is about, so I decide to stay put with Gee.

I've never watched a horror movie before. I used to get nightmares often enough without them. It's been over a year since my last one, though, so I think I'll be fine.

I don't get scared at much anyway. When it comes to fiction, that is. And I don't believe in much either. Zombies? No. Ghosts? No. I never even had a chance to believe in the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus. I could rarely participate in what should now be fun childhood memories of special occasions, because my mother would always use up any money she got her hands on to get drunk or whatever, and she let me know it.

But what am I scared of? Things I try not to think about. People yelling, people drinking, very sudden movements in my direction...

So, no, I'm not scared of movies. Real life is scary enough.

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