Okay, wait, don't get ahead of yourself, Eve. I've never had a crush on a guy, I've never been attracted to a guy before, but it could still happen. Maybe I don't even have a crush on Emerald. Maybe straight girls sometimes think, "Oh, I wonder what it'd be like to kiss that pretty girl?"

Why am I so scared? It's not like LGBT people are victims of hate, prejudice, discrimination— oh, wait.

But, also, I don't know how Gerard would react. He has the power to send me to some orphanage if he pleases. What if this would be the reason why?

Repress, repress, repress.

"Eve, you okay?" Oh, yeah. Emerald is still here.

"Huh? Yeah, of course," I smile.

"You were just... staring at nothing. It was kinda creepy."

"Sorry, I was thinking."

"What were you thinking about?" Em props herself up on her elbow and looks at me inquisitively.

I prop myself up in return, "I don't even remember now." More lies.

At that moment someone knocks on my door lightly. Em and I, about six inches apart from each other on my bed, jump up making that space now about three feet.

"Come in!" I call.

"Eve," Gerard pokes his head around the door, "are you still up for movie night? I can call the guys and tell them not to come this time if you're not feeling it today."

I can feel Emerald staring at me intently. I bet she's trying to convey a message to me without saying what she's thinking out loud, which is probably, "Please, please, please, Evelyn, say yes!" Still, I look at her to make sure and she nods slightly.

"Yeah, don't cancel." I tell him, smiling at Emerald because I can see the relief clear on her face.

Gee then turns to her, "Are you staying here overnight?" He asks.

"I don't know, can I?" She asks hopefully.

"'Course, if your parents are okay with it."

Her parents, we found out a short phone call later, were indeed okay with it. Even though she didn't have a change of clothes, her toothbrush, or anything one usually brings along with them for a sleepover. "It's just one night," She said with a shrug. "I'll survive."

She is so much more easy going than me. I can't help but wonder how she does it.

• • •

Emerald and I are still hanging out in my bedroom, this time discussing our favourite MCR songs, when I hear footsteps barreling up the stairs.

"Evelyn!" Frank bursts into my room, "What did they do to you!? Are you okay? I heard there was a lot of blood, did you pass out? You did, didn't you? Aw, shit, Eve. I'll kill that girl for you, okay?"

"Frankie! Calm down, I'm okay! She got suspended for three days." Damn, he seriously did look like he wanted to kill Charlotte. He could pack a lot of anger into that little body.

I get up and hug him as he asks incredulously, "Three days? That's it?"

"I mean, it could've been worse," I mumble. "She kicked me in the shin, and then in the face, and then in the ribs." My ribs still hurt terribly when I twist the wrong way.

"She what?" Both Frank and Emerald exclaim at the same time.

I look at her confused, "Em, I thought you said you heard what happened?"

"I heard she slapped you then you fell against the wall and got a nosebleed."

I roll my eyes, almost losing them in my skull, "That bitch," I mutter. "I don't wanna deal with this right now, let's just go downstairs."

In the living room, I can tell that Em is having a hard time not exploding on the spot. I mean, Gerard, Mikey, Ray, and Frank are all standing around her. "So, this is Emerald. If she seems familiar it's cause you met at Hot Topic that one time." I introduce her and I see her face go a bit red. I have to admit, it's cute.

"Hi again," she says quietly.

When they're all acquainted, Ray asks, "So what movie are we watching?"

"Donnie Darko?" Someone suggests.

"Never heard of it," I say with a shrug and Emerald nods in agreement.

"No way, Way," Frank says disbelievingly.

"Yes way, Iero," I reply with that same baffled tone.

"I guess we know what we're watching?" Mikey chimes in the same time as someone knocks on the front door. "I'll get it," He says.

"He spoke!" Emerald whispers so that only I can hear her.

I laugh quietly, then look up to see him come back into the room carrying two boxes of pizza. He sets them on the coffee table then opens the boxes. The meal is almost identical to the one we had on our very first movie night. Fear hits me in the chest. Not this. They usually let me choose what we have which is how I've gotten away with my "no pizza" rule, usually opting for Chinese takeout, or anything my brain has deemed healthier than pizza.

When the movie starts, the guys take the couch, and Emerald and I sit together on the big comfy chair. A.K.A the only other place to sit in the living room other than the floor.

I must admit, this is a really good movie. Psychological, thrilling, suspenseful, and actually entertaining.

About halfway through, Frank announces that he has to pee. So, Gee pauses the movie and we use this time as a break to stretch our legs, or grab a drink.

"Eve," Gee comes up to me, "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Um, okay." What is happening? What does he want? Is he gonna ask me about Emerald? Of course, not. He has no reason to. I was only sitting in a chair with her with my head on her shoulder. I follow him out into the empty hallway.

"You've barely eaten anything today, Eve."

My heart drops to my toes, but the voice in my head reminds me, that's the point. You've gotten away with it, now, lie some more.

"Haven't I?" Not your best work, Evelyn.

"I need you to try and have some pizza, okay? Maybe you're not hungry today after... everything, but that doesn't mean your body doesn't need food." Damn you, Gee, for being right. Damn you for noticing things. Damn you for being such a great dad.

I nod. There's no getting out of this one. If he thinks I'm feeling too unwell, he'll send everyone home and that's including Emerald. "Okay, yeah, I'm not really hungry, I guess that's why I didn't even notice, but you're right."

He hugs me, satisfied, and then we go back to the living room. I can feel him watching me as I grab one of the last slices of veggie pizza.

"It's really good," Em informs me. "I've had two slices."

Okay, that's good to know. I'll just have one slice and then I'll still have eaten less than everyone else in the room.

Is this what my life will be like from now on? Avoiding food, overthinking how much I eat, keeping track of everyone else's meals before mine? Is it worth it? It must be. I wouldn't be putting myself through this if it wasn't... right?

Frank has returned and we're all back in our spots on the couch or the chair. I've eaten my pizza. Gerard un-pauses the movie, but I'm barely paying attention anymore. I have too much to think about.

Emerald and my maybe-feelings towards her.

Gerard's suspicion.

The thing I just ate.

That was too much, Evelyn. Too much. That was a bad thing to do. You regret it now, don't you? You wish you hadn't eaten that. You shouldn't have. Oh, but now you're stuck. You can't go exercise it off, can you? Not with so many people around. That's why you'll listen from now on.

I will. I'll listen from now on.

• • •

It's getting late when the movie is over, so I hug each of the guys goodnight. Emerald does too.

I offer her my bed, saying I'll sleep on the couch, but she tells me it's okay. We can both sleep in my bed. Unless I don't want to, that is.

I do.

But I shouldn't.

I can't be feeling this way.

Oh, fuck it. I turn off the lights and we both climb into my bed, falling asleep pretty quickly.

• • •