As soon as I get home I run up to my room to shower and change into a new outfit. Gerard can wait.

My shower was anything but relaxing, by the way. My hands shook the whole time, and my heart rate was probably too fast.

There's something I thought about, though; calling him dad. I really want to, but once I do, there's no going back. I can't call him dad one day and be like "haha nope, didn't like that" then go back to calling him Gerard. That'd be... what's the word?

Cowardly.

I'm such a fucking coward. A little bit of stress and I'm having a complete meltdown. A little bit of pizza and I'm spiralling into a whirlwind of self hatred and disgust. My own father wanting to talk to me sends me straight up to my room. Coward.

C'mon Evelyn, be brave. You've managed to skip breakfast every day, so surely you can get through this one conversation. Why not stop snacking altogether while you're at it?

That's irrelevant!

Gerard has the best snacks I've ever been exposed to. None of that fancy organic shit Mrs. Miller insisted on buying. I'm talking Pop-Tarts, sugary cereal, ice cream.

I'll survive without them.

Once my hair is dry, I leave my room, wearing a hoodie and leggings. My heart is pounding at the idea of recounting the events of last night, but he's gonna want to know everything. How am I meant to tell him when I can barely explain it to myself? I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

"Hey, Eve." Gerard greets me as I enter the living room. He's in his usual spot on the couch.

"Hi." I say feebly.

"You okay?" He asks as I sit beside him.

I just shrug my shoulders.

"You wanna talk about it?" It. The incident. My breakdown. My fuck-up.

"Do I have a choice?"

"I'm not gonna pressure you, but I want you to know you can tell me anything, alright? Any-fuckin-thing."

I nod, and look down at the floor, not wanting to meet his eyes. "First of all, how much do you really... care? I don't wanna bore you, or anything."

"Hey, no, don't even say that. I care so much, Eve. You can talk as much as you want, and I'll listen. I'm here for you."

I sigh, "Okay, well, last night I... I was just— I don't know." I pause to compose myself a bit before stumbling through more words. "I was just thinking about stuff, I guess, and then it was all too much."

"What was all too much?" He asks softly.

"Well... everything that was going on in my head. Like, I was thinking about school. Then, if I'm gonna make any friends. I couldn't help but think, what if everyone there hates me? What if I have to sit alone everyday like at my old school? Just so many "what ifs".

"That's when I first started crying, I think. I was just, like, very aware of every worst possible thing that could end up happening. So, that's when you came in, and everything was moving so fast in my head and I just couldn't stop it...

"And I thought that was bad, but then I remembered all the shitty things that have happened in my life. That's when I really started panicking. But those things are in the past, you know? I shouldn't be dwelling on that stuff anymore. I should be able to move on."

I pause to take a breath, still staring at the floor, and Gerard is listening intently, so I add the most important part of what happened last night. "Then I'm remembering the day before my mom got rid of me more vividly than ever and- well... Why didn't she want me, Gee? What did I ever do?"

There it is, that heart wrenching line I didn't even know I'd been saving is what makes me fully break down again. Gerard pulls me onto his lap and into his arms, and I let him this time. "You didn't do anything, Eve. None of it was your fault." He doesn't let go for a long time. Im pretty sure he has some tears running down his face, but I'm a complete mess, hanging on to him like my life depends on it.

"I'm here, it's okay," He whispers some variations of that over and over again, holding me like he thinks I might just fall apart. It feels like it.

It's hard not to answer my own question, though. Why didn't she want me? Well, let's see... she had me at fifteen with a mystery guy at some party she went to, she had her own shitty set of parents that wouldn't help care for me, she didn't finish high school and couldn't get a well paying job so she could barely care for us both if she wanted to. So, she drowned her pain in liquor once and it was over for me. Alcohol before child was her policy from then on.

Basically, she was a stupid kid that made a stupid decision and took it out on the child that came with it.

So, Gerard is right, none of it is my fault.

When I've finally calmed down again, I realize that when I get into a deep discussion it's hard to pull me out of it. So, naturally I break the silence by quietly asking, "Why did you even adopt me? Like, why me?"

"Why you? Because, Evelyn Maia Way, I felt alone here and I needed someone to care for in a way I've never cared for anyone before. Someone I could relate to, have deep conversations with. And, as soon as I came across the Millers and your file, I knew you were the one. You might not always think so, but you're a great kid, okay? These past three weeks have just made that more obvious for me."

I'm speechless for a second. People don't usually speak so highly of me. "Oh. It sounds like you've thought about that a lot."

"Well, it took me no time at all to make the final decision of adopting you. But, after I made that decision there was a lot of waiting to do. A lot of time to think."

"A lot of time to change your mind... and you didn't. So, uh, thanks?"

"I would never, Kiddo." He says, pulling me into another hug. "So, you hungry? It's almost lunch time. We can go out for food if you want? Cheer you up?"

"I'd rather just stay home right now if that's okay."

"Yeah, 'course. I think Frank is gonna come over later, is that alright?" I say, remembering the conversation I had last night.

She nods, "I saw him earlier, actually, on my run. I didn't know he lived so close."

"Oh yeah... you haven't even been the the guys' places. We should really leave the house more."

Evelyn goes upstairs while I make something for lunch. I guess mac n' cheese will do. While I wait for the water to boil, I have time to think.

I really wasn't expecting her to open up so much, or to really speak much at all. Now, I'm kind of at a loss for words, especially taken aback when she asked why I adopted her. Now that I think about it, it's such an obvious thing for her to wonder. I mean, of course she'd want to know why her, of all people, was suddenly taken in by someone she didn't even know.

I'm slightly surprised by how quickly I was able to answer the question, though. Of course, I knew my words to be true all along, but it was different saying it out loud. Especially to the face of the kid who the words were about.

"So, I talked to her." I call Frank, skipping the greeting and getting straight to the point.

"Yeah? How'd it go?"

"It was... a lot. But, good, I think. She had stuff she needed to get off her chest. So, you coming over?"

An hour later when Eve and I have finished eating, Frank arrives. She runs up and hugs him which warms my heart a little more each time.

"So, what are we doing today, gang?" It's not really a gang, though. Are three people a gang? Well, I'm only addressing two people... whatever. I don't know the logistics and it doesn't really matter.

"Actually, there's something I've been wanting to do." Evelyn says, a certain glint in her eye.

"Well, spill it!" Frank exclaims.

"I've never been to Starbucks."

I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. It's not a bad thing though, "Great! I haven't had my coffee today and I'm in need. I say we go right now."

And we do. She ended up getting some kind of tea, which I didn't even know she liked. But, my child is full of surprises.

• • •

Word count: I'm gonna stop doing this because it stresses me out, feeling like I always need an even number or a multiple of 5 lol

. . .

someone's gonna be there ;))