《Camp Closeted》38. Sealed, Stamped, and Official
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I was running fast.
Running right after my palm met against Romeo's now reddened cheek, injecting adrenaline rush to pump all throughout my body as my nose gushed out blood.
The view of his shocked facial expression made me feel weird. I definitely didn't feel bad for slapping him since I believed that he deserved it. You insult me countless of times, treat me like actual shit, and then expect me to just be okay with it?
I'm not some doll he can just play with! All he's doing now is confusing me. He says so many things to me that hurts me and when he kisses me it feels like the complete opposite. That's not okay.
Does Romeo sort of like me or just using me as an experiment? He did say I wasn't his type so why did he just kiss me again? These past few experiences with Romeo have done nothing but make my stomach hurt from all the butterflies and my brain hurt from all the confusion.
I'm so confused..
I didn't bother looking down at my blood soaked sleeve as my legs seemed like they had their own mind. I haven't ran like this in a long time. The last time I ran this fast was when I joined track back in sophomore year, this could maybe even be faster.
Am I running because I hate Romeo or am I running because I secretly like him?
Well whatever the answer is, it won't be answered, at least in a very long time, or maybe not even answered at all.
As I was lost in a train of thought, I remember my entire body freezing up to the sight of someone in latex black boots and a familiarly lavish ensemble.
It was Posh walking pass me by himself, his eyes covered in shades as I felt way too nervous to say anything but I figured I should. "H-hey Posh!" My voice cracked as he seemed hesitant to even stop to speak to me but he did anyways.
He swallowed and sighed, giving me a moment to see his eyes through his shades which were absolutely tear filled. "Hey," He slightly tilted his head, clearly not remembering who I was. "Hey you."
"I'm sorry for what happened to Cadence. It must've been so scary for you." I bit my lip as he took a moment to respond, looking off to the distance before responding.
"Yea." He dryly nodded. "To be honest it did, and I'm not usually afraid of anything. It definitely puts things to perspective." His tiny frame walked towards me, his head tilting up to face me which felt beyond intimidating. "What was your name again?"
"Micah." I let out my name as if it was obvious. "We kinda almost died canoeing together?"
"Huh." He breathed. "Well tell Sascha he's an angel and please do thank him for me. I haven't seen Cadence this happy in a while." With that said, he proceeded to quickly leave before I could even respond.
The first thing I saw when I entered the cabin was Benny dancing energetically to himself, large shopping bags spread throughout his bed.
"Benny?" My voice rapidly caught his attention as he quickly turned to face me, a wide smile plastered on his face.
"Holy shit, Micah!" He cheered, biting his lip as he skipped towards me, clapping his hands. "Guess who's now a stylist and just went on a shopping spree, courtesy of my sugar daddy Keanu!" He cackled like a witch, making me laugh out loud too.
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"What?" I asked, amused. "You got the job?"
"Yes bitch!" His small hands quickly grabbed onto mine to pull me towards his bed that was filled with so many clothes. "Keanu wanted to celebrate so he brought my ass to the mall and bought me a whole bunch of shit while we were at the city." My mouth dropped as he just continued to cheer.
"What else did you guys do to celebrate." I teasingly wiggled my eyebrows at him.
"Fucked in the parking l-" Benny couldn't even finish his sentence as he already blasted out in complete laughter. "I'm joking, no he actually just took me out. We ate at a super cute café. The barista there was so fine! His name was Kai and he knows how to do foam art! I swear, some straight boys will be the death of me."
"You're so lucky! That must've been so fun!" I exclaimed amused, exploring the new outfits Benny will surely wear soon. "So you and Keanu are dating now?" I grinned.
Benny tried to hide his smile with his hand as he rolled his eyes at me. "Yea, I guess you could say we dating or whatever." He let out a high pitched laugh.
"That's so cute! I'm really happy for you guys!" I congratulated him. "Also, I knew you were gonna get the job! I don't even know why you were doubting yourself."
"Honestly, it was just overwhelming. I never thought I'd ever be in a spot like that and when it happened I was so happy." Benny continued to talk. "You know Micah, all my life I doubted myself. Having this opportunity felt so validating for me, you know?" He sighed as I just nodded my head in agreement.
"Yea." I simpered.
"No more questioning if I'm worthy, no more questioning whether or not I should even continue living." Hearing Benny open up such personal things to me honestly made me feel so grateful to have a friend like him. "I don't know, I just-for the first time in my life, I feel genuinely happy." He widely smiled, his chocolate brown eyes shimmering through his round yellow glasses.
I smiled back at him as his smile quickly diminished down. "For a happy person, your smile disappeared really fast." I slightly furrowed my eyebrows at him out of confusion at his sudden dryness from expression. "Are you okay?"
"Well." He began to speak a lot quieter. "One of the requirements for the job is to be able to travel anywhere and anytime-since you know, I have to style models before the fashion shows and stuff." My mouth slowly began to open as I think I knew where this was going.
"And?" My voice unconsciously came out as a whimper as he began to talk again.
"Meaning, I probably won't ever be coming back here anymore." He bit his lip as his eyes anxiously looked at me.
My head shook as I tried to process what he just said as hopeful as possible. "What? How? Fashion shows don't happen a lot, right? I'm sure you'll still be able to come back. You don't have to be gone forever, right Benny?" His lack of quick response and his drooping mouth was enough answer.
"I was given my traveling schedule right after I got the job." Benny brought himself closer to me as I didn't know how to feel. "I'll be flying to Milan next week, Paris right after that, Dublin, Prague, Barcelona, basically all of Europe. Vice is launching his fashion shows there before launching it here to create hype. I'll probably be required to stay around there for quite some time."
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I took a second to respond as I just blinked my eyes at him. "Some time?"
"Months, maybe even years." Benny pursed his lips as I could've sworn I felt my ears perk up at what he just said.
"B-but you'll get day offs and vacations right?" I asked quietly, my tone heavily filled with growing emotions as I wished he would at least help me spark some hope of me seeing him again. "Meaning I'll see you again?"
"Honey, day offs are only for a day. Also, vacations only lasts for a week and are rarely given especially to people in my position. I probably don't have any vacations this year since I just started." He explained. "I don't wanna sound like a bitch, but Micah, I would rather spend my vacation in Europe instead of a place I've literally been stuck in since birth. I'm tired of seeing the same faces and the same places and the same fucking area every single day."
"You're right, I'm sorry." My furrowed eyebrows immediately softened as I quickly agreed to what he just said. He had a point. I agreed because I too would probably want to do the same also. "I-I probably sound selfish and sound like I'm not happy for the amazing job you just got, but I am Benny. I really am. I'm so proud and happy and excited for your future. It's just that, I want you to know that you're the very first true best friend I've ever had in my life and you mean the world to me at this point."
Benny's head quickly tilted at me as his face began to slowly crinkle. "You better stop, you're gonna make me show feelings and you know I hate that shit." I quietly laughed.
"It's true Benny." I just shrugged, my eyes beginning to blur. "I'm gonna miss you so much."
He quickly pouted as he threw his arms around me, hugging my neck tightly as I hugged him back. "I'm a miss your hoe ass too." He let out, quickly making me cry now. "If the stylists are given the chance to invite someone for the shows, you best be ready to check your mail." He let out, sniffing.
"Ugh, I'm not about to cry right now." I suddenly raised an eyebrow at him as I quickly wiped my tears away. "What about Keanu?" Our hug slowly broke off.
"Fuck him." He teased, all of a sudden beginning to laugh. "He doesn't give a damn about fashion. He cares more about sports and I don't wanna make him sit through a fashion show for 2 hours when he'd rather sit and watch a bunch of men play with some balls, okurr." He curled out his tongue, making me laugh out the incoming tears with him.
"But I'm not really into fashion either." I sighed deeply, running my hand through my hair.
"But that's different. Your my best friend and I'd rather have you there than anyone else." He quickly replied.
I breathed before asking him another question. "Are you and Keanu gonna end up having to be long distance then?"
"Surprisingly enough, not at all." He let out a breath of relief. "He actually has family in Europe since he's half Caribbean and Swedish, isn't my mixed daddy so hot?" Benny swayed his arms out.
My mouth quickly widened out of amusement. "Well look at you! The galaxy is just making everything align for you, huh?" Silence broke out as Benny and I just began to look at each other. "Benny, I really am going to miss you." I bit my lip.
"I'm gonna miss you too Micah." Benny tiredly closed his eyes as he sighed, hugging me again, this time tighter. "I promise this isn't a goodbye. More like, just a new chapter for me. I wanna leave some type of mark out in the world and keeping myself locked up here isn't gonna help me do that."
"I know Benny." I sniffed, speaking against his shoulder. "I know."
"Okay enough with being depressed, let's talk about you now." Benny quickly cut our hug off. "What's been happening with you?"
I let out the deepest sigh ever as my body slumped down, subtly pouting my lips at him. "Nothing really. I honestly just wanna go on a date with Jesse and just make it official. He's so perfect and I just honestly wanna be with him already." I admitted.
Benny snickered as he pat his lap. "So what about Tristan and the other guy Romeo, what about them?"
My cheeks began to heat up at the thought of Jesse as confidence surprisingly rushed through me now. "Fuck them."
I carefully watched Jesse swoosh his bare legs against the water next to mine, our legs making small splashes together. "Jesse." I let out his name, my voice blending in with the sound of the vast lake in front of us.
He didn't respond. He didn't even look like he heard anything as he looked bothered by something. "Hm?" He finally let out as the most adorable pout was now painted on his face, slightly melting my heart.
I watched the reflection of the silky smooth lake from his crystal blue eyes that had thick long black curtains of lashes. "Is something bothering you? You haven't said anything on our way here, and you're still not even saying anything now." I kept my gaze, his tongue slowly going over his pouty lips.
"Idunnow." He deeply mumbled but I couldn't understand what he just said. A subtle cool breeze went through his messy midnight hair as the sun defining all of his incredibly handsome features made my cheeks burn.
Another moment of silence came over us as I tilted my head at him, slowly trying to brush my legs against his as he just casually moved it away from me in visible annoyance, confirming that there's obviously an issue. "Jesse what did I do?" I pleaded. "What's your problem?"
"You haven't done anything." His voice was a lot stronger now, slightly catching me off guard. "But that is the problem, you've done nothing. You've done nothing but play with my emotions."
My mouth quickly dropped. "W-what do you mean?" My voice beginning to break at how shocked I was from hearing what he just said.
"I wanna date you Micah, fuck, I wanna date you so bad." His blue eyes were now stabbing against mine. "But you don't have to lead me on. If you don't like me as much as I like you then why not say something about it?"
I took a second to respond as I honestly couldn't believe what I just heard. "What?" I slowly snapped my neck back. "Where is this coming from?"
"Everyone!" He raised his voice from frustration. "Tristan told me you made out with him at the party and how much you like him. Some of my friends also told me that they saw you making out with another guy in the rain or some shit."
I remained quiet since Jesse wasn't saying anything false and he was for sure about to continue speaking. "When I ask you to go on a date, you find any excuse to say no. Also, I never say it out loud, but it feels like I'm the only one who shows my affection for you, you never do that to me." Hearing this come from Jesse complete broke me as I felt insanely bad.
"J-Jesse, I'm sorry if it doesn't look like it but I do like you." I quickly moved closer towards him as his head looked down in sadness.
"Do you though?" Jesse sharply asks, refusing to look at me now, his eyes slicing pass the lake and onto the searing sun.
"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Jesse I've liked you since the first time you brought me here." I admitted as he finally met my broken stare.
"Same here." He says with a deep husky tone.
"This entire experience has just-" I breathed out, letting out shallow breaths. "It's just been a lot and I'm still trying my best to navigate through it. I mean yea I can seem stupid and just so unsure about a lot of stuff but maybe it's because I am unsure, you know? I may not be sure of my future, myself, my goals, but I like you. I really do Jesse. Liking you has been one of the only things I've been sure about this whole time and it's getting to the point were it scares me."
"Scares you?" Jesse's tone was sharpened now as his face crinkled at me. "Why would it scare you?"
"J-Jesse you're literally too perfect sometimes and it even makes me doubt myself if I'm even good enough to be with you. I've told you that before. I've told you that you make me doubt myself sometimes. I like you Jesse, a lot. Remember that day of the party when you didn't text me? I like you so much that when you didn't end up texting me I felt like I was gonna lose my fucking mind."
Jesse's jaws clenched at that. "And you did lose your mind. You lost it to the point of kissing my ex." He half-chuckled, his demeanor growing much more heated now. "I mean yea sorry I didn't text you back that night, if I can fucking take it back I would but I can assure you that whole time I was still thinking about you and only you." He sighed, running his hand through his onyx hair. "Listen, I'm way passed that point of questioning who you are as a person. That's why I can get so fucking annoying sometimes because you make me comfortable around you. I've never been this comfortable with anyone else before. I always felt like I needed to hide but with you I don't care because that's how much I like you. It just fucking hurts to hear you say you're so sure about us and then go be with another guy."
"I am sure about us." I sniffed.
"Are you though? Because I know I've been."
"Jesse, I have been as wel-" He had already interrupted me.
"I've been sure about us this entire fucking time and you-and you needed how many boys to help you become sure?"
"Jesse-" I was speechless.
"No let's talk about it." Jesse's tone was blunt. "I wanna clear everything up because I like you and I just want you to tell me how you really feel. Is it the same?"
I couldn't help but furrow my brows down at him. "Is what the same?"
His sharp jaws clenched. "Is it the same for the other two? I mean Micah, you literally made out with my ex behind my back, two times! Also, there's another guy that you apparently like making out with and he has curly hair. So if you like me so much, what are you doing with those two other guys?"
I looked away in shame as I honestly didn't know how to respond. "I-I don't know. When I kissed Tristan at the party, I was so drunk that I thought it was you. And that guy with curly hair, I was just helping him realize that he is gay and all of a sudden, I guess we just started kissing. The last time we did kiss though, I slapped him." My voice sounded more serious now. "Jesse, I like you."
Jesse looked genuinely hurt now as I felt like I was staring at an angel get buried in sadness and I couldn't handle it. "No you don't."
"Jesse." My mouth dropped as I completely turned towards him, my hands gently brushing underneath his chiseled jawline. "Jesse look at me, I like you." He was trying to move his face away from me but my hand began to tighten.
"Mmmnoyoudon't." He adorably mumbled as I kept trying to make him look at me.
"Jesse!" I exclaimed, finally having enough. "Jesse you make me happy, I like every single thing about you. I wanna date you, I wanna do everything with you and I wanna be with you!" I held his face towards me as he finally gave in and looked back at me with his saddened ocean eyes. "Everything is just overwhelming right now and it's my fault for not being a lot more clear with my feelings."
The second I finished my sentence, Jesse's strong muscular arms quickly moved my hands to the side and plunged his reddened lips against mine.
Our body heat immediately began to melt with each other his strong body effortlessly pushed me down against the wooden dock. Our lips furiously rubbed against each other as the sweet taste of Jesse's uncontrollable tongue presented itself into my mouth, making my vision unconsciously blur.
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