"You said you'd have my back!" I shoved my way past Blake and Shawn. Tears were streaming down my face and it felt like the world was closing in. Mom and dad tensed when they saw me crying but I ignored them and headed upstairs. I slammed my bed room door shut and just stood there while sobs were freely escaping my lips.

My knees buckled from under me so I sat against the door and buried my face in my hands. There were only a handful of times I'd cried this hard. My sides started hurting from the sobs. I thought I'd have everything under control whenever my breathing slowed and only a few sobs were escaping, but then the cycle of my heart breaking would start all over again.I would cry and cry not caring about anything.

I just threw away ten years of friendship. With the guy I didn't even know I was attracted to. I felt so stupid, everything made more sense now. Mark was always my teddy bear. The guy that would be my everything and now I felt empty. I felt hollow just thinking about the way he looked at me. He wasn't mad, he was disappointed. Disappointment was a hundred times worse than anger. The way his eyes stared at me was engraved in my brain. I'd never be able to get that out. My heart squeezed so tightly, it was physically painful.

"Tori!" Someone banged on the door. "Open the door."

"Go away." I shrieked.

"Just open the door." Blake banged again causing me to move from my spot and get on my bed.

I pulled the covers over my head and started sobbing into my pillows. It came out muffled, glad that no one could hear me as loudly anymore. "Please leave me alone," I cried softer knowing they could still hear me. "Can't you just leave me alone?"

There was shifting outside the door. "Tori," Cole called trying to open the door. "Please let us in. We just want to help." It sounded like he was trying to coax a kitten out of hiding. I sat still on my bed not sure how to answer. "Please...Shawn brought ice cream and we have a movie. Let us help you like you helped us."

I sniffled, standing up and walking to my door. My hand froze when it reached the doorknob, hesitating before I turned it. I opened the door slowly, feeling my eyes starting to shake and sting with unshed tears. "Did you see the way he looked at me?" My brothers faces fell when I started sobbing again.

Cole wrapped his arms around me and let me sob against his chest. "Don't cry baby sis." I felt his lips kiss my forehead, "Please don't cry."

Shawn walked in and placed tubs of ice cream on my bed. "Come on," He said, "We're gonna make you feel better."

I sniffled, "How?"

Shawn gave me a small smile. "Well we have ice cream and I brought them waffles."

When I didn't move, Cole picked me up and placed me on my bed. He and Shawn settled around me while Blake stood at my closed doorway. We stared at each other, I noticed the guilt and regret he had. He looked stressed and tired, I realized it wasn't my place to tell him what happened with Cali. Or the fact that I started screaming at him. At the same time, I didn't feel the need to say sorry.

I realize now that it's not entirely his fault. It takes two people, not one. It just made me wish it was a different girl, yet at the same time I'm glad it was Cali. She wasn't just someone that wanted him, she actually thought she was in love with him. It's different in a way. Everything fit together like a puzzle. She was madly in love with Mark, but he didn't feel the same because I got in the way. If I had known I would have maybe backed off then, now though I couldn't find the will to do it. Then Cali went off to Blake, the rumors had gotten so bad she believed them. She believed the Parris Trips and I were having a fling. Even Mark believed them.

I wondered who else believed the rumor mill. Hayden? Emily? God I hope not. I can't lose all my friends. Everything was just collapsing in front of me and I wasn't sure if I could handle it. It's stressful and gives me a new level of anxiety. I'd have to toughen up like when mom died, but this was different. Everyone I knew believed everything. The stares and whispers were awful. If this was how Blake, Cole, and Shawn felt all the time, I'd hate it. I would never be able to deal with all of it.

I patted the empty spot on my bed and Blake seemed relieved when I did so. He moved onto the spot while Shawn was putting the movie in. "So sappy love story or comedy?" He asked while taking a bite into his waffle.

I shrugged, "I don't know."

"I thought you had heartache with your last boyfriend?" Blake said.

"Yeah but he moved away, it was inevitable so we just figured." My eyes got watery and I pulled my knees to my chest. "Besides, Mark isn't my boyfriend...he probably hates me right now."

Cole tucked me under his arm when I sulked down. "I don't think so," he said, "I think he's in just as much pain as you."

I tried taking deep breaths to calm myself down. They came in and out shaky, every so often I'd accidentally let a sob slip. "I love him." I couldn't hold it back so I turned and sobbed into Cole's shirt. "Make it go away."

Cole held me close and I knew he was at a breaking point by the way he was holding me. He held me tightly to his side, trying to stop my trembling. "Make what go away?"

Shawn seemed to understand. He softly pulled me away from Cole and rocked me in his arms. "It hurts right here doesn't it." Shawn placed my hand on his heart.

"It hurts everywhere." I sobbed. "He was like my teddy bear."

Shawn kissed my head. "It'll go away. I promise." His hand rubbed soothing circles on my lower back while I calmed my breathing. "Here," He held up a half eaten waffle. "Take a bite. I added chocolate chips."

I sighed taking the waffle and nibbling at the end. My breathing started slowing down. I allowed my head to rest the crook of Shawn's neck and I closed my eyes. "What movies and ice cream did you bring?" I asked.

It didn't take long before I was on my second tub of ice cream. I'd eat it out of a spoon or dip my waffle into it. Shawn had picked The Notebook after mom and dad came to see if I was alright. Suzie was apparently at Macy's house, at least she didn't see me like this. I realized half way through the movie that I'd never seen this movie. I wasn't the kind liking these love stories by Nicholas Sparks, I had to admit though that the whole time the movie had me wondering what would happen next. It was strange, you know they'd end up together yet so much drama happens. Why can't they just end up happily ever after?

"See," Shawn tried to joke, "These sort of fights lead to hot steamy sex." Blake shoved our brother's shoulder and shook his head. Shawn glanced at me, "Too soon?"

"No it's ok," I managed a small smile, "I'd rather have you cracking jokes to try and make me feel better, than to be ranting about other stuff."

"Is everything ok?" Mom and dad walked into the room for what seemed the thousandth time.

I nodded, "Feeling...better."

Dad sighed, "Could you tell us what happened?"

"I already told you." I looked down and played around with Mr. Cuddles ears. "Mark and I got into a fight."

"About what?" Dad stepped into the room and Cole paused the movie. "I've known that kid forever Tori. When you two fight it last about two minutes before you're back on your feet. So this had to be serious. I know for a fact that Mark would never make you cry on purpose. I'm pretty sure he'd rather die."

My hands knotted themselves inside my hair. It wasn't helping me that every time my mind would drift off someone would come and say something else that only reminded me of what I lost. "Did everyone know Mark had a crush on me?"

Dad chuckled, "I doubt you could call it a crush. He looked at you the way a Disney prince looks at his princess."

"I saw that on the internet." Shawn smiled softly, "I gotta work on that face. Thing is, I tried the smolder and it looked like I ate a bag of lemons."

That got me to laugh softly. I turned back to my dad. "It's a long story...and I don't want to talk about it right now."

Dad nodded. "Ok. Just remember I'm here if you need me."

When he walked out I grabbed the chocolate ice cream and devoured it. "Chocolate and ice cream." I said with a full mouth, "Girls two best friends."

The three boys smiled a bit. Probably content that I wasn't sobbing anymore and I even cracked a joke. Cole hit play, by the end of the movie I was crying again. It wasn't fair that it hurt this much. It felt like I had just broke up with someone, worse. I just didn't want to speak to anyone, the only people that were here were my brothers but even they only got short answers from me.

I wondered how Mark felt at this moment. If he was as miserable as me. Cali said Mark had told her his heart belonged to someone else. On impulse I grabbed the small necklace Mark had given me on Christmas. I read the back. Best friends forever, love you forever -Mark. My heart grew heavier and I didn't realize I was silently crying.

"Tori?" Shawn shook my shoulder lightly. He looked between the necklace and me. "Did Mark give that to you?" I couldn't speak, instead I took the necklace off and let Shawn see it. "It's really nice."

Cole lent over and read the words, pointing at the with his pinky. "Tori he loves you. He'll forgive you. I promise."

I heard the small patter of foot steps and soon enough Suzie was at the door. "I heard you and Mark had a fight." She looked around the room and set her backpack beside the door. "You ok Tori?"

I nodded, "Fine."

"You don't look fine." Suzie murmured and grabbed a spoon. Her eyes fell on the ground for a second. "Why are there waffles on the floor?" She asked.

"I dropped them," Shawn picked up one of the waffles and took a bite. We all stared at him for a second but he shrugged, "Them waffles are good."

We all rolled our eyes at Shawn's weirdness. Suzie shared the ice cream with me and sighed. "So...I had dinner at Macy's."

"That's cool." I muttered.

She nodded and her face turned red. "We had spaghetti and meatballs..."

"That's good."

"But I forgot about our little talk." Suzie looked down her whole face red, "So when Trent put the meatball in his mouth I yelled so loud that the whole table looked at me." She sighed while we laughed. "I thought he'd get pregnant." She added quickly.

Cole laughed but then his face turned serious. "Wait...what little talk?"

Suzie waved her hands in circles. "You know..." She said, "The Talk."

Shawn bursted into laughter. "Oh my god! Your innocence is corrupt now." I shook my head and went back to the ice cream. The three of them were trying to get me to smile but it wasn't really working. I had to many thoughts running through my head, not enough answers to fix it. Problems kept popping up. What if's started taking over.

What if I told Mark sooner? What if he didn't find out like that? What if he never talks to me again? What if he hates me and never even wants to see me again?

Blake sat on the bean bag at the edge of my bed. He was flipping through channels trying to see if something interesting was on. I felt rage start heating up inside me as I watched his calm expression. His back was facing me, but he wouldn't even look at me. He'd just sulk on the bean bag thinking everything was just peachy. I couldn't say it was all his fault, but the fact he won't even look at me was making me angry.

"Blake?" I called catching his attention.

His back tensed, "Yeah?"

"Look at me."

He hesitated but turned around. His eyes looked broken like he was barely hanging on. Almost terrified like a child set up with their fear. But he broke his promise. He said he'd have my back. He pinky swore yet when Mark came up the only person that tried reasoning was Cole. Blake just sat there on the grass like he lost his capacity to think.

I held up my pinky, "You pinky swore."

He flicked his eyes off of mine and stared at my finger. A deep sigh rumbled out of his chest. "I'm sorry..."

"For which part?" I asked, "Telling me to hide it from Mark? Or just sitting back to watch the drama that played in front of you?"

"Stop acting so pissed off alright?" He stood up and headed to my door.

"I'm not pissed off." My wiped away the dry tears off my cheek. "I'm disappointed in you Blake."

He stopped cold in his tracks. His hand was on the door knob while he seemed to be thinking. Suddenly he turned around and took three steps towards me. "I didn't ask for you to continuously be hiding it from Mark ok? You could've easily gone behind my back and told him. This isn't my fault."

"Like hell it isn't!" I shouted louder than intended. Cole and Shawn sat beside me awkwardly while trying not to get involved. Suzie looked down at the ice cream and acted like she didn't hear anything.

"Then why didn't you?" Blake asked, "Why didn't you go behind my back?"

My mouth felt dry as I tried to answer. "Because...you were a jerk to me and I was trying to get you to accept me. I figured stabbing you in the back wasn't a good idea. Then you said that I've lied to Mark so much he'd probably hate me. You were right...he hates me now."

Blake sighed and took a seat on the edge of my bed, "I don't think he hates you."

"Didn't you see how he looked at me?"

"Because he was hurt." Blake ran his hands through his hair, "He doesn't hate you though. He's just hurt."

"Yeah well so am I." I pulled Mr. Cuddles to my chest. I had tried calling Mark, texting him, he'd never reply or I'd get sent to voice mail. I called his mom and she said he wasn't feeling good that he was sick in his room. I wasn't sure if I should believe her or not. I felt sick, I felt like throwing up, but it wasn't like I was physically sick. Just emotionally.

Every hour seemed to last forever. It was like everything was being stretched on and on. My butterflies kicked in when I realized I'd have to go to school. We have so many classes together, he even sits by me in half of them. I don't think I'd be able to handle sitting next to him. I just might start crying in the middle of the class if he ignores me.

This weekend was going to last a life time. I didn't feel like doing anything. Joy was just swept away my some invisible broom. All I could see when I closed my eyes, were the simple green eyes that I subconsciously fell in love with. They were haunting me now, like a nightmare.

That night I barely slept. The four of us were all spread out in my bed. Suzie had left to go to her room and the boys decided to crowd on the my bed with me. Blake was beside me as he and Cole sandwiched me. Shawn slept at our feet, at a very strange angle. His head was on the extra pillow but his butt was pointing up in the air as if he were a puppy about to pounce. Even asleep he acted silly. I don't even know what this boy thinks half the time. He probably has imaginary voices yelling at him like in cartoons. A whole council in head yelling, 'Order in the brain! Order in the brain!'

I think I'm high on ice cream. I sighed.

"You awake?" Blake turned his head so he was facing me.

"I can't sleep." I wasn't sure what it was. I didn't feel like eating, I had skipped dinner. I didn't feel like going outside to play some soccer when the boys offered. I just wanted to lie around all day. Thinking was becoming a problem. I probably should get up to clear my head, I just couldn't. Depression hit me like a ton a bricks and I didn't know how to handle it this time.

When mom died I handled it well. I was able to pick myself up and try to do everything she used to do. Dad was the one that had it rough. He would leave the whole day to go clear his head at the lake. He would fish or swim. Never really wanting to think too hard on what happened but no matter what he'd end up crying. Then when my grandparents tried taking us into custody, dad snapped out of it realizing he didn't want to lose us either. It was one heck of fight, but we won. I guess we were all so stressed out about what we had to do, that we never thought about depression.

I also had the advantage of taking care of Suzie. I held myself together for her, not wanting her to see I was suffering also. If I ever broke down I would make sure she was asleep or at a friends house. But even when she was looking up to me, I was looking up to someone else. Mark was always there when I needed him. After mom died he would come or I'd go over and he'd just tell me everything would be ok. That it wasn't the end of the world. He was never sorry or pitiful. He was just comforting. Sorry doesn't help with anything. And neither does pity.

Everyone came to give their condolences. They gave us fresh cooked meals or presents to try and makes us feel better. They'd tell us we're invited any day or if we need help to just call. They'd pity us. And pity is the worst feeling anyone could want. It made me feel fake. They didn't know who I was. They didn't know anything about me, yet they treated me like they knew me their whole life. Trying to tell us everything was ok.

The only one I ever believed was Mark. He was my rock. My teddy bear. I screwed up so badly...

Blake sighed and propped himself on his elbow. "I'm sorry..." He whispered so our brothers wouldn't wake up. "I was going to have your back. I swear. I never meant to leave you there. I guess I had it so well thought out in my head, I didn't think Mark would just appear."

I looked down at my hands. "I was shocked too."

Blake nodded slowly. I could barely see his face due to the darkness outside. The moonlight lightly lit the room but only enough for me to see shadows. "It's not just that. I was still in shock of what you told me about Cali." He gave a humourless laugh. "I knew it though."

"Knew she was pregnant?"

"No." He paused. "I mean I knew all this would catch up to me. What do you expect? I've slept around with half the school. It was either pregnancy or STD. Both can ruin your life but I figured I might rather have a kid than die."

I reached out and put my hand in his. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." He looked down. "I'm not going to be one of those guys that just ditches the girl. And I'm definitely not putting my kid in adoption. If Cali can't take care of the kid, I'll take him or her in. And abortion is cruel to me...I'll go with whatever she wants. But I don't want her to abort."

"She won't. She's not that kind of person." I paused before asking. "What about your soccer?"

"I'm not giving up soccer." Blake sighed. "It might just be the one way I could support a family."

I smiled gently, "Making millions and spoiling your kid in a pent house."

He smiled back, "Or I'll just call Aunt Tobi to come babysit him."

"I'll teach your kid to call you Cake."

"I'll teach him to call you Tobi."

"How do you know it's a him?"

"I don't." Blake yawned. "I don't care what sex the baby is. I'll love him or her either way."

I squeezed his hand gently. "This isn't suppose to happen Blake."

"What do you mean?" He looked up and stared at me. The moons light was barely visible but the small rays that were able to escape reflected off of Blake'e eyes.

"You're suppose to find some girl that changes you." I laughed softly at the idea. "Like those cliche stories you know?"