"Gabrielle. Open up. Please, baby."

I think it's been almost half an hour of me begging Gabrielle to come open this door. It's also been that long of me listening to her crying in her room and I can't do anything about it. Although I'm the reason she's crying.

I get it. I get that I made a mistake. I realised it as soon as I saw the hurt and panic on her face. I thought I missed driving and I thought I wanted to go back there. But, right now, there's no any place I'd rather be than with Gabrielle.

I swear I always manage to fuck it up with her. I knew I was bad for her before and that she was way too good for me, but I have my selfish reasons that prevented me from leaving her alone.

"Little one, please, I'm not going anywhere, open the door."

I should know Gabrielle wouldn't want me to go there again. And if I was in her position, I'd never let her go there, either. Over my dead body.

"Go away, Alexander. I told you everything I had to say," I hear Gabrielle say stubbornly.

"I'm going anywhere," I reply equally stubbornly. "I'm going to stand in front of this door until the morning if I have to."

Honestly, right in this moment, I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and tell her it's going to be fine. I hate when she closes off and doesn't let me in. I hate her locking herself in that room, crying, leaving me out there, feeling helpless and like the biggest asshole in the world.

I deserved many awards for that way before, but still.

"Baby, seriously. I already apologised and I'm staying here now. I'm sorry, alright? I really am. Now, open the door."

I should be ashamed of how much begging I've done for her. Truth is, I don't even care. What I care about is for her to open this fucking door already because I'm getting desperate.

"Leave me alone," comes from behind the door again. "I don't want to talk to you right now."

"No," I say, not giving up. "Open up and we'll talk face to face. Come on, Gabby, I've been here for half an hour already. Just open up."

There's a long silence this time and I'm ready to start banging on the door for her to open it up if I have to, but then I hear it, that magical sound of twisting a key in the keyhole.

As soon as I hear her unlocking the door, I push the door open, almost hitting her with it, and I come forward, wrapping her in an enormous hug, pushing her backwards until she hits the bed. "You can't ever do that again," I mumble into her hair, exhaling in relief.

She clutches to my jacket, pushing her head into my chest. "You neither," she tells me quietly, her voice groggy from all the crying.

We sleep in her bed that night, clinging to each other in sleep. And none of us seems to mind it because we both need the closure each of one can give to another.

•••

You ever feel like the time passes really fast when you're having fun, but you know that the fun will end soon? Yeah, that happened to me. I don't know where the days went. But, suddenly, today is the day Gabrielle is going back home.

And I'm in my room wallowing in my self-pity while she's downstairs, saying goodbye to everyone. I couldn't bring my ass downstairs and say goodbye to her. I don't know why, but whenever I even think about it, it makes me want to throw up.

So, I'm laying on my bed instead, trying to think about anything but her. But, fuck, she's literally everywhere. Her scent is still in this room. I have her fucking name tattooed on my skin. Forgetting her won't be as possible as I once thought.

And to think about how I wanted to only play around with her and have fun until she actually goes back. And now I'm feeling like a jackass for falling in love.

Fuck me. Seriously.

I'm on my fifth cigarette when my mum comes into my room without knocking. She leans on the doorframe and I can't bring myself to look at her.

"Won't you go say goodbye to Gabrielle?" she asks me.

I shake my head, dragging the smoke from the cigarette. I might get wasted tonight. So fucking wasted I drown my every thought of her, to destroy the ache and the emptiness that it's settling inside of me.

"Her plane leaves in two hours. John is taking her to the airport now. She asked us not to go with her because it'd make it even harder for her ..."

I look at her now and see her eyes are red from crying. "Why the fuck are you telling me this, Ma?"

Mum shakes her head and comes into the room. "She asked me to give you this." She puts a white envelope on my bed. She stands up and intertwines her hands on her stomach. "You know, son, if you wanted to, you could make her stay. We would be happy to have her live with us."

"Are you saying I didn't try enough? I can't fucking force her!" I'm angry. So angry I want to punch something. Wall. Closet. Anything would do. Just to get this sudden frustration out of me.

Mum shakes her head again and smiles sadly. "You wouldn't have to force her, Alex, you could only ask her."

"I did, mother," I reply bitterly. I really want her to leave me alone. I'm certainly not in the mood for a company right now.

Mum nods then, accepting my words. "Of course," she says like she doesn't believe me. "By the way, no smoking in the house. You know the rules. Open your window up."

She leaves and shuts the door behind her. And I'm back at staring into nothing.

I eye the letter. I see Alexander written on it with her handwriting. I trace every single letter of my name she put on the piece of paper.

It suddenly feels like it's too much. It's all too much. I feel like I can't breathe.

I won't be able to do this without her.

She was my anchor for fuck's sake! She made me want to be a better person. Who the hell am I without her?

A shell of a person, that's who. Because of her, I became a respected son and brother. And, somehow, maybe even a boyfriend.

And now she's gone.

Gone.

I stand up and open my window up to get some air. I can't breathe. I won't be able to do this without her. I really won't. I don't even know how to. I rest my forehead on the cold window ledge. "Fuck."

I suddenly feel like a 5-year-old little boy who got lost. I suddenly want to cry. I throw the unfinished cigarette out of the window and sit back down on the bed, staring at that letter.

I stare at my name for a few seconds and mentally preparing myself to read it. I don't think anything could prepare me for what's inside.

Alexander,

You know, I often heard people say "Everything good comes to an end". I never really gave it much thought because it's been a long time since I've had something good in my life.

But then, for some reason, life sent me you. And I got a good taste of what having 'good' in my life feels like.

I know you probably won't understand why I have to go, but my life isn't here. I was a visitor, my stay was never permanent. I have nothing in France waiting for me, but I also can't intrude in your family like that. I wouldn't feel okay with it.

I believed there was something really big between us. You brought me back to life. Before you, I didn't know what living fully felt like anymore. But with you, babe, I was on top of the world.

We were a good thing. And good things come to an end.

"Tu seras toujours dans mon coeur." You asked me once what this means. And I told you I might tell you one day. Well, it means you'll always be in my heart.

I also forgot to tell you something very important back then. Je suis amoureux de toi. I believe you'll understand this sentence even though your French is not all that good.

I'll end this letter because my tears are blurring my vision too much. I want to tell you that you're an amazing person and I don't want you to hide it anymore. And I want you to go to college and be successful. Do something with that smart mind of yours. That's not a request.

And; whatever you are, be a good one. I know you have it in you.

Thank you. You changed my life. And I'll always cherish moments I had with you, the good and the bad ones. You're one in a million for me.

Forever yours,

Gabrielle (Little one).

P.S. If you didn't get the meaning of that last sentence, I'll rewrite it in a language you'll understand: I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU. So fucking much.

I blankly stare at the letter when I finish reading it. I notice a few words are smeared because of her tears.

I can't gather my thoughts together. My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth.

My first instinct is to go after her and haul her back here if she wants it or not. I'd even lock her in the room if I had to. And my second instinct is to step on the rooftop and yell so loud that neighbours would probably call a mental institution.

But the rooftop is a place with too many memories with her. Fuck, everything reminds me of her.

She's not even gone yet and I already know I won't be able to live like this. Not without her, no. It feels like a part of me is missing. She took it with her.

I out my elbows on my knees and put my head in my palms, scrubbing my face until it hurts. Physical pain is always better than emotional. This one, I can control. This one I can feel. As for the emotional one, you can fix something that broke inside of you. It's not that simple.

I'm going through my hair in frustration.

Oh, fuck this shit.

I run downstairs as fast as I can. She's still here, saying goodbye to everyone, already in her coat and her luggage outside.

I run in front of her, standing in front of the front door so she can't go through it. She looks at me in surprise and shock, stepping back a little.

"You came to say goodbye," she says softly, a sad smile coming on her face.

"You can't go," I blurt out in panic. Everyone goes away, giving us space.

"Alexander, I –"

"No, you don't understand. You can not go. You can't go anywhere."

Gabrielle takes a deep breath, extending her arm out and taking my hand in hers. "I can't stay here, Alexander. This isn't my home and I can't just move in. That was never the plan. But we can stay in touch if you'd like."

I stare at her in disbelief. "No," I say firmly, making her eyes snap to mine in surprise. She doesn't get it. "France isn't your home. Can't you see it? There's nothing for you. Nothing while you have everything here."

She closes her eyes for a few seconds. I think she's trying to calm herself down, but when she opens her eyes, I see tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she says. "I want to stay, but ... I can't put this on your family. They're not responsible for me."

I stare at her in disbelief. "Then I'm going with you," I state confidently.

She stares at me with wide eyes. "Alexander –"

I shake my head. "No, I don't want to hear it. Give me twenty minutes and I'll pack what I need."

She blinks a few times and then her shoulders slump and she hangs her head. "You're making this way harder for both of us."

I scoff at her. "You are making things harder because you're stubborn. Holy shit, Gabrielle, you drive me mad like no one else in this world. My mum said you can stay, I'm now here literally begging you to not go back and you're still insisting on going back."

She lets out a small sob, but she doesn't look at me.

Fuck. I rake my hand through my hair, feeling so lost and desperate right now. I'd do anything to make her stay. I cross my arms over my chest, not moving from the door. "Good luck getting through the door, by the way. You'll have to probably kill me first."

She surges forward then and I'm ready for her to attack me, but she wraps her arms around me, silently crying against my chest. "You're really impossible. I can't believe you're making me do this."

I tightly wrap my arms around her, scared that she'll somehow escape if I don't hold her tight enough. "I'm not making you do anything. You want to stay here, too, you're just too stubborn to admit that."

She tilts her head back and looks at me, not crying anymore, but her face is still wet from the tears. I wipe them all off with my thumbs. "I'm staying," she says finally.

I grin in relief. "Thank fuck. But it's not like you had any choice, to begin with," I say, leaning down and put my mouth on hers, kissing her softly and tenderly. "Oh, and by the way," I start, "I'm in love with you, too."

She smiles against my lips and I kiss her again.

I taste forever on her lips.