I'm numb. Unable to feel anything else but pain. I can't cry anymore. My eyes hurt when I blink, my skin on my face is dry because of me constantly rubbing it when the tears wouldn't stop falling down.

It's been 5 days and Alexander hasn't woken up still.

It's been hell. This is pure hell. For everyone. For Alfred and Rosalyn even more, I assume. They already lost one child before and now they almost lost another one.

When the doctor comes to us, I don't even listen anymore. I never hear anything new from him.

Terribly bruised ribs ... Broken shoulder ... Trying to turn the swelling of the brain down, seeing if it'll be permanently damaged ... Right knee injured ... Broken right hand ...

He's lucky. He's lucky his skull didn't break since he wasn't wearing a helmet. He's lucky he survived. He's lucky. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky.

How is he lucky?! I want to scream every time he says these words. How is he lucky, lying in that hospital bed, fighting for his life? How is that being lucky?

Alexander. My Alexander. Who's never weak, who's always strong, who doesn't take anyone's shit. Alexander, lying all weak and fragile in that bed.

And we can do nothing but hope and pray. I've prayed so much these days. And I'm holding that hope inside, rooting it in place.

He's going to get through this. He's going to come back to me. He has to. He can't leave me like that. He promised. Oh, God. He promised! He can't go now. Not like that!

I hold so much anger inside of me. I think my pain transformed into my anger. I'm angry at everything. At fate. At him not wearing a helmet. At Ryder!

Every time I close my eyes, I have that scene before me. I'm there again.

"No, Alexander! Please! No. Not you. Baby, not you," I sob out as I kneel before him, his blood soaking my pants.

I stare at his face, his eyes closed, his mouth parted, hoping, waiting, praying to hear something from him. Any funny or playful remark he might have, I'd do anything to hear him.

But it's everyone else that's screaming around us. Alexander only gives me silence.

Sam comes there too, in shock, her face wet with tears, wrapping his arm around me and giving me an awkward hug.

"Tell me this is only a nightmare and I'll wake up any minute. It's not real. Sam, it's not real!" I'm getting desperate, wanting to hear her say that this is all in my head and I'll wake up in Alexander's arms with his bright smile and sleepy smile, saying something inappropriate to me that'll most definitely make me blush.

"It's okay, Gabby. Paramedics are on their way. They're going to save him," Sam assures me.

Save him? He's okay. He's sleeping next to me. They don't need to save him. He's fine! This is just my nightmare.

I want it to stop. Please make it stop.

I hear the sirens. Is it still my nightmare? This can't be real. This is not a reality.

Alexander. My Alexander.

I choke on my tears. I'm going to vomit.

This hurts. His face is pale. So pale. And his lips are white and dry. That's not him. That's not real. Alexander never looked this weak. He's not weak.

They're taking him. I scream. No! Where are you taking him? I don't want to leave him.

I want to run after him but someone holds me back. No! Let me be with him! He needs me! Let me go! You can't take him away without me!

Please. Let me go. Let me go. I want to be with him. I need him. They can't take him away from me.

They drive him away and I kick and I scream and I do everything to go after him but they won't let me go! They won't let me fucking go after him!

In the blur of my tears, I see a face. I barely recognise it in my state. "You! You did this! It's your fault! If anything goes wrong, it'll be you! All you! I hate you. I hate you! Why did you do this?! Why?!"

My face is suddenly pushed into a warm chest. "Shhh. You're in a shock. It's alright, Gabby. They'll save him."

It's not alright! It's not alright!

Police came. I don't know what happened then, I have a hole in my brain. I know they gave me a sedative.

I know I looked at Sam and plead her. "Take me to the hospital. I want to be with him."

And here I am. Still in shock from what happened. We're all crushed. A lot of people visited Alexander. But he's still not awake.

I loved sitting by him. Listening to his breathing easily became my favourite sound in the whole world. It brought me comfort to know he's still alive and still breathing.

He's still here. He's not going anywhere. I told him that. Many times. Even threatened him. He has no right to leave me. I still want him to make me blush and listen to his suggestive remarks, damn it!

I'd rather die myself than never being able to see his smile again. He's too young. He's got his whole life before him. And he's still got more than two months with me. I'll be damned if I'll let him cut them short.

He's not getting rid of me, as I'm not getting rid of him.

When they let us visit him, I let Alfred and Rosalyn go in first. They can't be here all the time. They have Amelia to look after and they've got jobs they can't leave, even though they haven't been focused on their jobs at all.

I apologised to Rosalyn and Alfred many times for not being able to look after Amelia. That's what I'm paid to do and that's what I came here for.

But Rosalyn reassured me that she feels better knowing that I'm staying here with her son. She said that I'm not in a state to look after a child, anyway, and that she completely understands.

She also said that she's happy to see that someone loves her son so much that they would do what I'm doing.

That, of course, brought fresh tears on my face.

Sam has visited him, too, a lot of times. Sometimes she stayed in there longer. Sometimes Snake came with her.

I also met Sam's parents. They're nice people and I liked them straight away.

The guys from Islington came too. They were all crushed to hear this about Sin. I cried every time someone said they couldn't believe it. That Sin was like the best of them all. That he was a hero.

But heroes fall sometimes, too.

I go to the room after Rosalyn and Alfred leave it. They're both crushed. I can also see the deep fear shining from their eyes. They're trying to hold it together, for the sake of every one of us, especially Amelia.

Amelia was sad when she found out about her brother. She was crushed. She loved him, especially when he started treating her like a sister. And now she's afraid she's going to lose him.

She drew him drawings and took them to him. She also made him a bracelet. She told him she misses him. And that she loves him.

I couldn't hear the rest because I had to go out of the room. It became all too much. Every once and then, the reality of the situation hits me like a train. And it wrecks me.

It tears me apart. I think it's good and okay, but then something reminds me of the accident or I remember it by myself when I'm lost in my thoughts and then it really starts to hurt.

It feels like something's ripping me apart inside and I can't do anything to stop it. It's physical and emotional pain. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not going to make it.

That if it'll come the worst out of the situation, I'm not going to survive it.

As I go sit by the familiar place beside his bed and look at his lovely features, I feel the guilt again. Like every time.

I was mad at him that night. So mad. I remember I didn't want to speak to him and he wanted to.

We're going to talk later.

It's way past later now and he's laying in this hospital bed, not moving. And we still hadn't had that talk.

I entwine our hands together and rest my head on his arm. I feel good feeling his flesh beneath my cheek, warm and alive.

I dozed off, it seems, because something makes me swiftly open my eyes. I blink a few times, looking around. The pain comes instantly. It never rests. It never goes away. Except for when I'm sleeping, but it hardly happens that I even fall asleep. And if I do, I have nightmares. Really bad ones. I haven't had such bad nightmares in my life, and I had many of them.

I look at Alexander. And I instantly realise why it felt different this time than the other times I've sat here or slept here.

Because now, Alexander is looking at me with tired eyes and a tender smile. I don't believe it. It feels like I'm dreaming. I'm afraid I'm imagining things.

One word comes out of Alexander's mouth. "Angel."

I burst into tears.

I let out a loud, painful sob. I feel like I don't have enough air to breathe. My throat starts closing up.

I feel Alexander's hand touching my hair, his touch soft and slow. "Why are you crying now? Aren't you happy to see me?"

I cry even harder. I straighten up and put my hands on his face, getting a proof that this is real and I'm not imagining things. When I press my fingers to his mouth, it forms a smile.

I can't calm down. This is overwhelming. I went through so much fear these days that this feels too unreal. "I missed you," I sob out, choking on my tears. I don't think Alexander had this in mind when he woke up - a dramatic girlfriend looking like she escaped from the physiatry.

Alexander frowns and lifts his hand up, touching my cheek with his knuckles. "You've lost weight," he comments with displeasure.

"Food wasn't exactly on my mind these days," I reply back with tears still streaming down my face.

Alexander's frown deepens. "You gotta eat, Little one. You were like a skeleton when you came here. And now that you got some meat on your bones, you go and lose it. Because of me," he states.

He just woke up after 6 days after almost dying and he's chastising me for not eating. "Alexander -"

"No, I mean it, you were so thin it was unhealthy. And I doubt it was because of your body construction."

We can't have this conversation right now, Alexander! "You just woke up after a terrible accident. We're not going to talk about me not eating."

Alexander tries to sit up on the bed but winces. He closes his eyes in pain. "Fuck," he groans on an exhale.

I lean away from him in fear. "I should go call a doctor," I say with my heart beating fast.

Alexander doesn't stop me, that's how I know he really must be in pain.

When I call a sister, she comes immediately, followed by the doctor. They tell me to stay out of the room while they do a check-up. I decide to use this time to call Rosalyn and Alfred and then Sam to tell them the great news.

I don't know how long it takes them, but to me, it feels like hours, before they come out of his room. They don't tell me anything since I'm not really his family and for once, I'm mad about it.

"Is he going to be fine?" I ask the doctor because I can't help myself.

The doctor gives me a tiny smile. "He is, Miss. As long as he gets his rest so he can heal properly." He nods and gives me a look that makes me blush.

Jesus, yeah, I get it, I won't disturb his rest. I nod curtly. "Thank you."

I walk back into the room and Alexander smiles when he sees me again. "I phoned your parents. They're on their way. Sam is also coming," I tell him as I sit beside his bed again.

Alexander groans. "And I thought I'll be able to spend some more time alone with you."

I smile. I entwine our hands together and lift them up, pressing his hand to my cheek. The uninjured arm, of course.

"So, tell me what I have missed in these 5 days I was out."

I shrug, still looking at him, not getting enough of him. "I wouldn't know."

Alexander gets serious. "If you'll say it's because you've been here all the time, I'll be mad."

I lift my cheek from his hand. "Why?" I squeak out.

"You haven't eaten. You haven't slept. You haven't been around people. What else?" he wants to know.

"Well, excuse me for worrying about losing you!" I explode back, now getting mad at him. Does he seriously think I could leave him in a time like this?!

Alexander sighs. "I'm sorry, babe. Come here." He motions with his hand for me to come closer.

I stare at him for some moments before giving in and leaning my head down, kissing him on his lips.

He groans when our lips touch, feeling this after 5 days, feeling all of our need, frustrations and sadness.

"I think we'll need to learn how to knock now!" I hear Alfred suddenly say.

I jump up in my seat, flushing from head to toe. I hear Alexander chuckle under his breath.

The next hour and a half are hectic in Alexander's room. Both his parents were there with Amelia and Rosanna. Sam also came with Snake. Some guys from Islington came, too. Even Ripper was here, although Alexander was still pretty pissed at him.

Alexander didn't let me leave his side. He didn't even let me offer the seat to anyone else. Every time I tried to stand up and make space for someone else, Alexander squeezed my hand tightly and prevented me from going anywhere.

And now that we're finally alone, I know I'll have to go soon. Visiting hours are over but I know they let me be here a little longer probably out of pity for me.

Alexander also got dinner before, which he shared with me, even though I felt I wouldn't be able to keep anything down.

Alexander silenced my protests, saying that if I'm not going to eat with him, he's not eating either.

Manipulative bastard.

And now Alexander wants me to come to lie down beside him. "No. You're hurt and I'll have to go any time now," I tell him.

Alexander pouts - yes, he actually pouts. And he looks ridiculously good doing it. Also cute. But I'm not going to tell him that. "Oh, come on. I haven't held you in 5 days. You want it too." He wiggles his eyebrows.

I scowl at him. "No. You're hurt. Don't even try it."

Alexander lifts his good hand up in irritation. "Come on, Little one! You're making a guy on the hospital bed very sad."

I roll my eyes. "You're not playing fair," I mumble.

Alexander knows he got to me and he scoops over, opening the blanket for me. "Climb right in." He flashes me a grin.

I sigh and give one last look at the door before I remove my shoes and carefully climb into the bed, terrified to touch him anywhere he's hurt.

I lie down beside him, going to the far end of the bed to give him space. This bed was not really made for two.

But Alexander doesn't need space, it seems, because he pulls me back to his warm body, wrapping his arm around me and burying his head into my hair.

"Is anything hurting?" I ask him, still too afraid to touch him.

"Right now, Little one, this building could be crashing right on me and I wouldn't give a shit as long as you stay just as you are right now."

I press my lips against his throat and smile in content. For the first time in 5 days.