《A Taste of Sin (Sin #1)》XLV.
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Waking up next to Alexander with his arms wrapped around me and his body pressed against mine is ... an indescribable feeling. It's something I've never felt before and it's not weird as I thought it would be, sleeping next to someone for the first time. Especially if that someone is Alexander.
It's really nice. I'm warm and I'm comfortable. Who would've thought?
I turn in bed so I'm now facing Alexander, admiring his features while he's sleeping. His hair is messy in that adorable kind of way and his lips are pouting. I can't hold back a grin. I also take the time to admire his tattoos on his arm - the one he has draped over my body.
He's got a Big Ben on his bicep and I wonder if it has a meaning. I see a Joker, a scorpion and SIN written over his stomach in big letters. He's also got a lot of different symbols and patterns. It looks hot.
"You see anything you like?"
I swiftly lift my eyes to Alexander's face, feeling guilty. "Yep," I admit with a shy smile.
A surprise flashes in Alexander's eyes before he gives me that infamous cocky smile of his. He pulls me to him and kisses the top of my head. "I should get up," I mumble, not wanting to get out of this bed at all.
I've never had such a weird feeling inside; especially not because of someone. Not in this good way, at least.
Alexander puts his head into my neck, inhaling sharply. I get goosebumps all over my body. "Mmm, not yet," he murmurs, his lips brushing against my neck.
I put my hand on his bicep, with the intention to push him off, but I instead end up just resting my hand there like it's its place to stay there. "Amelia is going to be up soon."
"Who cares," Alexander says, kissing my neck now.
I furrow my eyebrows and swallow hard, trying not to get sucked into these feelings he's erupting inside of me. "I do since I'm paid to babysit her. You've got to go to school, anyway."
"I don't have to do anything," he mumbles stubbornly.
I roll my eyes. "Yeah, you kind of have to. How come you're still not at university since you're older than me, by the way?"
Alexander stops what he's doing and lifts his head up, looking down at me. "I failed. Since I didn't bother showing up." He shrugs his shoulders. "Mum is still hoping for a miracle that I'll get a good education."
I look at him with a frown. "What's wrong with a good education?"
"Can you imagine me being there?" He raises his eyebrows.
My frown deepens. "You're smart. Of course I see you there." I don't point out the obvious - that he'd stand out like a moon in the sky full of stars. But he stands out, anyway. Not in a necessarily bad way. At least not for some people.
He looks down at me with deep concentration before he grins that wide grin, showing his teeth. "Babe," is all he says.
"What?" I say, confused to what's funny.
Alexander leans down, pecking my lips softly. "You're so fucking cute," he says before he puts his mouth on mine and demands a kiss which I'm all too willing to give.
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I think I want to wake up like this every morning from now on.
•••
When I'm babysitting Amelia today and we're discussing Barbies and teddy bears - her favourite topic, a thought crosses my mind.
It's brief, wishful thinking, but it's something I think I need to do. Or at least try to.
I hope it's not too soon and hope I'm not pushing my boundaries, but ... I can at least try.
I remember I have Alexander's phone number somewhere on my phone. I didn't save it that night he called me to pick him up, but I make sure I save it now.
His reply comes in seconds, which actually surprises me and also brings a big smile on my face.
Does he seriously need to be so cute? I'm not used to him being this ... playful. And nice.
I bite my lip. There's not a response for long minutes and I wonder if I'm pressing him too much. Shit. He's probably going to be afraid of being alone with her. But I'll be there with them.
By the time his reply comes, I have my heart in my throat.
Oh. Okay. This is better than nothing. Should I tell him the real reason? He might be onto me for this and know what my plan is ... Screw it.
I glance to see what Amelia is doing and she's occupying herself with the train she's got in the middle of the living room.
My eyebrows jump up. He'd lend me his car? Just like that? Wow ...
Will he get the hint?
Apparently not. I glare down at my phone now.
"Gabby, I'm thirsty."
I immediately lift my head up. "What would you like to drink? Juice, water or tea?"
Amelia seems to think about it. "Tea."
I smile. "Coming right up!" I salute her, making her giggle.
On my way to the kitchen, I type out a message for Alexander and send it to him.
He's so difficult at times. He was so easy to handle last night and this morning ... But perhaps this is really too much for him. I don't even know when was the last time he even spoke to Amelia, and now I'm here, asking him to take us out to the cinema.
Oh! He's using my full name now. God, this guy makes me so anxious. I bring Amelia the tea she asked for before I sit down next to her.
"Having fun?" I ask Gabrielle. Her face is full of concentration as she's staring down at the train.
"Uh-huh," she says distractedly.
I smile and type back a text to Alexander.
I'm disappointed but I can understand it. I'll respect that, even though I had plans and ideas.
"Amelia, let's go eat something before we go to sleep. It's already time."
Amelia pouts. "Can we play with the train later, please?" she asks with her big, round blue eyes. I can't say no to this child.
"Of course. Go wash your hands." I wink at her.
•••
I'm helping Rosanna in the kitchen with lunch. Rosalyn called that she's coming home a bit early today, but just for maybe an hour before she has to go back.
I'm still uncomfortable around Rosalyn and Alfred of them since the show Alexander put on for them in the kitchen, but neither of them said anything about it to me, thank God.
I hear Alexander coming home when I'm putting the plates on the table, arranging them around. I don't know what mood he's in. He was good in the morning, but maybe I screwed it up with my text messages before. I can't be sure with him.
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I hear he goes upstairs but then he comes back down after a few minutes.
"Where's Gabrielle?" I hear him ask Rosanna who's still in the kitchen.
"She's in the dining room."
I hear his steps coming closer to me. I'm already preparing for whatever I'll have to deal with. I lift my head when he comes to the door. He doesn't stop there, he keeps walking towards me with a serious look.
I'm still holding a fork and a knife in my hand, but when Alexander comes to me, places his hands on both sides of my head and leans down, touching his lips to mine, I almost drop the cutlery on the floor.
Oh. Okay. So, this is how it's going to go. I kiss him back without hesitation, putting my free hand on his chest.
"Hi," he breathes when he ends the kiss and is now grinning at me.
I suppress the urge to lift my eyebrow at him. "Hey," I greet him back with an equally big, stupid grin on my face.
"So ... about the cinema?"
My eyebrows do raise now, high. "What about the cinema?" I carefully ask, not knowing how this is going to turn out.
"We going?"
"We - I - " I frown. "I thought you said you don't want to come with us."
Alexander gives me a heart-stopping grin. "I changed my mind."
Okay ... I look at him weirdly.
"That is if my Mum will allow," he mutters, his smile slipping from his face. He goes with his hands through his hair, looking distressed.
"I'll talk to her. Thank you."
Alexander frowns. "What for?"
I shrug. "For doing this. For trying."
"I think I should be the one thanking you." He pecks my lips before I can say anything else.
We're interrupted when we hear Rosalyn come through the door and I take a quick step back from Alexander, blushing like a tomato. He gives me a look full of amusement.
We eat a quick lunch. Rosalyn said she's in a hurry, but she had to come home for some papers she forgot to bring to work. Amelia wakes up before she leaves, though, so Rosalyn sits with her daughter in the living room right after our lunch.
I approach them, sitting down beside her. "Gabby. How are you?" She gives me a motherly warm smile that tightens everything in my chest.
"I'm good. I just wanted to ask you something."
"Sure. Go ahead." She nods.
"Well ... I was thinking if I could take Amelia to the cinema. We could go to watch a cartoon."
"The cinema?" Rosalyn asks and I gauge her expression. "She's never been, actually. I think she'll like it. Are you going alone?"
Why am I suddenly so nervous? Is it weird that Alexander and I have a thing now? She hired me to be a babysitter and I think I went for the wrong kid.
"Uh, no. I thought Alexander could go with us." I bite my lip.
"Alex?" Rosalyn's attention perks up at that. "He said he'd want to go with you?"
My forehead wrinkles. "Yeah," I say. I suppose it really is an unbelievable thing, knowing Alexander. He surprised me, too, Rosalyn.
"Oh, Gabby!" Rosalyn suddenly launches forward and wraps her arms around me, squeezing me into a hug.
"Uhm ..." I sit there and give her an awkward hug back. This was so uncalled for, it threw me off guard. But I accept it with gratitude. God knows I haven't received many hugs in my life.
"Thank you, Gabby. Thank you." When she leans back, I see her wiping a tear from her cheek.
Is she thanking me for taking her kids to the cinema? I'm confused. "I don't ... What are you thanking me for, exactly?" I say unsure.
Rosalyn's teary eyes look right at me. "For saving my boy, Gabby. I knew it from the first day you came here, if anyone could do it, it could be you." She puts her hands on mine and squeezes them. I feel myself tearing up, too, although I don't really know what the reason is. "You helped him more than any psychologist could."
And it suddenly hits me - she's talking about Alexander going out with me and Amelia. Amelia, his sister, who he didn't bother to even acknowledge. I could say I brought him to do this, but it was only an idea I got. I only asked him if he was up for it. It was all him. He was the one deciding if he'll go or not.
"It was only an idea I got, Rosalyn. It was his decision to go."
Rosalyn shakes her head. "Gabby, if it wasn't for you, he'd never even considered it. You've done more in 8 months than we all did in 7 years."
7 years? Oh, God. Alexander was only 12 when the accident happened. He was only a kid. I can't believe he kept all that bottled up inside of him for 7 years. I do cry now. I can't stop it. I cry for him and for what he had to go through. For how much he closed off to the world so he could protect himself.
"I think ... I think we both helped each other," I tell Rosalyn.
And that's the truth. Looking back at how I was 8 months ago, I can barely recognise myself now. I'm stronger, I know how to put my foot down and I don't let anyone walk over me like I used to. I learned how to stand up to Alexander, even though I was afraid of him at first.
And he's the reason I grew up stronger. He pushed my buttons, he pushed me to my limits, challenged me, until I finally broke and said, I have enough. And since then, I challenged and pushed him back.
I can't help but wonder if he did it on purpose. If he did it to help me, in his own kind of fucked up way. Maybe, just maybe, he liked me a little from the start. Even when he had his hands wrapped around my neck.
He was pushing me away all these months. He was cold and he was hot because he was fighting with his own demons and his own feelings. He was conflicted. In one way, he wanted to open up to someone, but in the other way, he was afraid to get hurt again.
That's why there were times he was nice and then he suddenly flipped.
I can understand it now. I can understand it more clearly.
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