I blink rapidly several times, my mouth hanging open. "Uhm." My brain is still processing his words. "I don't understand ..." I mean, I do understand his words, I understood them perfectly, I just don't understand the meaning. How? When? Why?

"It's not really anything to understand here, Gabrielle." Alexander chuckles darkly. When he finishes smoking the cigarette, he immediately lights up another one. I narrow my eyes but he doesn't look at me, focusing on his cigarette.

"What happened?" I want to know. I need to know. He can't throw a bomb like that at me and not expect me not to want to know anything about it. My body just chilled for a few degrees and it has nothing to do with the cold.

Holy shit, what if he really did kill someone? Not someone - his sister! He once told me already that he is capable of killing. And I didn't believe him - I refused to believe him. Was he telling the truth, after all?

Alexander slowly sits down, not even bothered that he's only wearing a sweater in this cold air and that he sits down on the cold tile.

When he doesn't immediately start speaking, I sit down, too. Because no way am I leaving this situation alone. I need to know what he meant.

"I was 12 and I remember it was a beautiful day. I was alone with Zoe, taking her out. She was about Amelia's age and Mum asked me if I could teach her how to ride a bike since it was her wish for a long time."

There's already a big lump in my throat. I listen to his words with fear in my bones. I don't even feel the cold anymore.

"I ..." Alexander frowns. "I don't really know what happened. I mean ... she was a quick learner, just like Amelia. She got it pretty quickly and she didn't have much trouble with it. So, I walked with her around the neighbourhood while she was riding her bike. And then, it was just a moment of interrupted concentration. I was typing a text on my phone and didn't even look at what was going on."

I hold my breath because I know he's going to tell me something really bad.

"The car came. I don't know from where. I only know it was fast, way past speed's limit. Zoe got frightened by the car suddenly coming and she lost her balance. I still remember her last shout of panic before she fell directly under the car." I can hear how his voice became shaky, quiet and distant.

"It was way too late before I realised what happened. I was in such a panic, I almost forgot to call an ambulance. And the driver of the car sped away as if nothing happened. It often made me ask myself if he even saw or felt he just ran over someone ..."

I'm crying by now. I'm in such a shock that I can't even know what to think. The only thought running through my head is; It's not your fault, Alexander.

"Zoe died in the hospital later that night. The injuries were just too big for her small, fragile body. Her body couldn't take it. And even if she did survive, she probably would never walk again." Alexander now looks at me and I see he's got tears in his eyes. Oh, no. My heart tightens in my chest. "And that's the story how I robbed someone of their life," he says darkly. "You once said you thought I'm not capable of killing someone. Still think the same, Little one?"

"Yes. I do." I don't even need to think about my answer. "Because what happened wasn't your fault. You couldn't know."

"I could know! I should know, for fuck's sake! I took my eyes off her when I knew she wasn't skilled in driving the bike yet and that anything could happen at any moment."

I shake my head, tears falling down my cold cheeks. "No, Alexander. It would be your fault if you pushed her under the car. In this way, it wasn't your fault."

Alexander doesn't say anything. He's silently smoking the cigarette. I don't know what to call it, but it just happens in a moment - too quick for me to think through, and I put my head on Alexander's shoulder. I feel his body get tense underneath me, but he doesn't say anything and he doesn't push me away.

I stay there, my head resting on his shoulder, staring at the lights of the houses and street lights, hearing the distant dog barking. I'm cold, I'm really cold, but it doesn't bother me. I'm still processing what Alexander told me.

He had a sister. There was another child in the family and they lost her. Oh, how cruel fate is. And now Alexander blames himself for what happened. All these years, he blamed himself.

"Is that why you don't acknowledge your sister?" I ask quietly.

I'm looking up at his face and he looks down at me, frowning. "What?"

"Because you're afraid the same thing might happen to her?" I lift my head from his shoulder. "Are you afraid to give her your love because you're scared you'll lose her, too?" I whisper when it's all getting clear now. Why he is the way he is. Why he's acting that way to Amelia - to everyone. He's been hurt before and is afraid to get hurt again.

Oh, Alexander. I want to cry for him.

I put my head back on his shoulder. And Alexander wraps his arm around my frame this time, pulling me to him. I hold my breath. He can surprise me so easily. He's really unpredictable and I never know what he's going to do.

"I don't know, Gabrielle. Maybe." I hear he doesn't want to talk about this.

I put my hand on his stomach. The move is instinctive and I want it to be comforting. "Amelia needs your love, Alexander. She needs her brother. You're not going to hurt her, you know. Have you thought about getting help?"

He tenses up. "Stop this, Little one. Stop getting all psychological on me and shit," he grunts.

I sigh. "Well, what the hell, Alexander? Are you going to live the rest of your life like this? Beating yourself up? Pretending not to care about anyone?" I want to move away from him, but he tightens his arm, not letting me.

"What about you, Gabrielle? You've got a story to tell, too, huh? One that's haunting you. Don't be a hypocrite here."

Is he serious right now? Is he seriously going to attack me for this? "No, no. Don't turn this on me. We were talking about you. That is a problem, Alexander, and you should talk to someone about it."

"I'm talking to you about it, aren't I?" he mutters sulkily.

I let out a breath through my nose. "You are. But I'm not qualified to help you." I don't even know how to help myself.

"Ah, Little one, believe me ..." he doesn't finish his sentence and when I look up at him, I see he's shaking his head.

I frown. What does that mean?

"Now it's your turn."

My frown deepens. "My turn for what?" I'm almost afraid to ask because I already have a feeling about what he has in mind.

He looks down at me and he smiles a bit, his eyes scolding me. "You know for what. I talked. Now it's your turn."

I huff. "Oh, so that's how we're playing now? Tit for tat?" I ask.

"Not really," Alexander mutters. "This is not really how I imagined it would go."

I look at him with a questionable look. "You didn't want to tell me this, then?"

Alexander shakes his head. "No, I'm glad I did. I just thought you'd react ... I don't know, man. Differently?" He looks so confused it's kind of cute, especially seeing him knitting his brows.

"What did you expect? That I'll run away from you and hide in some corner?" I laugh. But my laughter dies when I see his face. I quickly shake my head. "No. I wouldn't. It'd take a lot more than that to make me put on my running shoes."

Alexander smiles sadly. "Yeah, well. I don't think I even want to find out," he mutters and then looks away again. I get even closer to him, seeking his warmth. I can't believe I'm willingly in Alexander's arms and we're having such a normal, although very heavy and serious, conversation. What is happening?

"Now, your story, Little one. I'm still waiting."

Oh, snap. I really don't want to talk about it. "Do I really have to?" I mumble, already in a bad mood.

Alexander looks down at me with a deep frown. "No. You don't. But I'd like to hear it." He shrugs, almost apologetically.

I look up at him with nothing but doubt. Really? He'd like to hear my story I already have a lump in my throat.

But will I be able to tell it? I haven't told a single soul about it - because I never had to. I don't even know where to start ... No one asked my side. I was a child and no one asked about it.

"I was a very social person back in school if you believe it or not." I chuckle dryly, humourlessly. "I've been going out a lot with my friends and I liked hanging out with girls that were older than me. I don't know the reason, but it felt cool back then. I could say that I was popular ... And one night, one of my best friends - or so I thought - invited me to go out with her and her boyfriend and some of their friends. I was only 14 and she was 18. Her boyfriend was 20." I shake my head. It's hard to return back to that time, back to that night. Memories are still vivid in my head, no matter how many times I wanted to forget them.

"We went to some club, I don't remember the name. I don't even know why I went. I wanted to be a rebel to be cool, you know. I actually had fun for a while. I didn't touch the alcohol - I knew I was too young for it and it didn't even appeal to me. When I went to the restroom, I left my friend there on the dancefloor. I didn't even get a chance to get to the restroom because my friend's boyfriend followed me there. I didn't know what he wanted at first, he was just being nice and friendly and we talked. He said he'll show me where the restroom was and he led me upstairs.

"Only he didn't show me the restroom, but a room. A dark room where he pushed me in and closed the door behind us. And then his friendly mask fell off and I finally realised what was happening. I was young and naive, but I wasn't stupid. He pushed me on the bed and I started screaming, crying, moving around, trying to escape. I was really trying hard but the music was too loud for anyone to hear me and he had a free way to do anything with me. He was way older and way stronger than me. I knew I had no chance, but I knew I could still fight and try to just do something.

"My friend burst into the room when I had my shirt off and my jeans unbuttoned. He was on me, topless, kissing my chest." I shudder at the reminder of that. I need to take a shower. "I was so relieved that she came in. I was so relieved because I knew she came to save me and it's over. But it wasn't. The nightmare actually only started right then. Because she didn't come to save me. She actually thought that I seduced her boyfriend - a man who was 6 years older than me! I would've never done that I ..." I take deep breaths. I feel tears streaming down my face now but I don't wipe them. I let them fall freely.

"They were important people. Her boyfriend was a successful football player and she was trying to become a well-known singer. My word was nothing against theirs. I told the police, but the story got buried. I didn't have money and they had too much of it. And too much of influence. She played the victim, told all my friends and hers what I tried to do. The whole school was talking about me and people talked to other people. It was ... a lot. I lost all my friends. I didn't have a family to begin with. I had no support because people refused to believe or even ask for my side of the story. I was nothing. No one.

"My stepmother ..." I huff. "She hated me even more after that and started drinking more and more. I was alone in a world where it felt like every person had someone they belonged to. They just had someone and I had ... no one. And the last four years were very lonely and dark for me. Until I came here and ... yeah."

My mouth is dry from talking this much and my throat hurts from the cold. I'm not used to speaking so much and I don't think I've ever talked this long. Especially not about this. It's ... refreshing. It's not as hard as I thought it would be because once I started, I couldn't stop.

I almost forget Alexander is there until he lifts me onto his lap suddenly, swiftly, like I weigh nothing. And he's hugging me. So tightly.

I realise I'm sobbing into his sweater. I feel him kiss the top of my head and it makes me sob even harder. I don't know why. Probably because he stayed through the whole story and didn't escape like I imagined he would.

"Holy fuck, Gabrielle," he breathes in my ear and I hear he's completely dumbfounded and at loss for words. "Holy fuck."

I know this must be a shock to him.

"I can not believe this," I hear him say.

I'm not sobbing anymore. This is good. But the tears are still falling.

Alexander lifts my face and makes me look at him. I don't want him to see me like this, but he doesn't let me look away. He wipes the tears from my cheeks with his own hands, even though the fresh ones continue falling. He grabs my head in both of his hands and levels me with a deep stare. "You're here now, Gabrielle. Nothing is going to happen to you here. You hear?"

I hastily nod my head, although I don't really know what I'm nodding at. His words bring a deep comfort in me. Holy shit! Alexander Holt is comforting me! Again!

"Good," he says.

And just as fast, his mouth is on me – softly, deeply, silently comforting me. I let out a sob in his mouth and wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him back. I know this should feel wrong. I should feel he's taking advantage of my weakness. But it feels so, so right. I realise it's actually everything I needed.

You're stealing my heart, Alexander Holt. And I enjoy every second of it.