"What happened?"

I shake my head, incapable of answering such a simple question. I can't think about anything right now. I just want to go back home and curl on the bed and not think about a single thing, although I know this evening is going to haunt me.

Just like that fateful evening has been haunting me for years.

"Gabrielle," Alexander says.

I shake my head again as a single tear falls down my cheek and drops somewhere on my clothes.

"What did he do to you?" he insists to know.

I don't even know why it would be important to him. I don't even know why he was there in the first place, but I swear I've never been more grateful to see him.

I thought he came there to hurt me at first. Or to finish what Ryder started.

But he didn't. He saved me. The guy I often needed saving from is the one who saved me this time. How ironic.

"And what the fuck did you mean by this being the second time?" Alexander's getting frustrated, I can hear it in his voice. I can hear how fast he says the words and how dark his voice got.

I stay mute, staring out of the window, physically and mentally incapable of moving an inch. I can't even bring myself to open my mouth to answer Alexander, let alone move my head to look at him. I feel disgusted. Used. For the second time in my life.

"Fuck, Gabrielle!" Alexander suddenly shouts, punching the steering wheel.

I jump up on my seat in fear, letting out a small yelp as I go as close to the window as I can, my body trembling in fear.

"Fucking shit!" He punches the steering wheel two more times before he suddenly steps on the brakes and stops the car. In the middle of the road.

Panic starts rising inside my body, my heart is starting to beat faster. I'm prepared to open the door and run away if I have to.

"You're making me insane," Alexander says. And then he opens his door and steps out, slamming the door behind him, making me jump up again.

I stare at him, wondering what he's going to do. My hand is already resting on the handle, ready to pull it. But he just stands outside in the cool for moments, raking his hands through his hair and kicking the air with his feet.

And then he starts walking to my side in a fast pace. He opens my door before I can react and kneels in front of me.

I sit there, immobile, not even breathing anymore. There's such a huge lump of fear in my throat that it's starting to choke me.

But Alexander completely surprises me for I don't know which time tonight when he puts his hands on my face and brings his face closer, reflecting the pain that must show on mine.

My hands start to tremble at my sides.

"You're making me insane," he repeats, this time softer, calmer and quieter. "Gabrielle," he says with an uncertain, shaky voice. He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear ever so softly. I'm surprised by his gentle side and my body is trembling in anticipation now.

I wish he'd do something to erase the memories from tonight. To kiss me. To replace tonight's events with something good. Something.

He gazes deep into my eyes. I feel his hands shake.

And then he slams his mouth on mine.

I don't react at first. I sit there frozen for some long moments, needing to understand what's actually going on here.

Oh, God.

Alexander is kissing me.

I close my eyes when I feel his teeth softly graze my bottom lip. He groans lowly when I move my lips against him – soft against soft. He tightens his hold on my head, not letting me move an inch – not that I want to.

He's in charge, but the kiss is not harsh or dominating. It's actually soft and sensual as if we're transforming all of our pain into it. As if we're trying to make each other forget all about the pain that's ever happened to us.

I finally remember that my body parts still work and I finally move my hand into Alexander's unbelievingly soft hair, making him groan again.

I sigh into his mouth and he takes the chance to sneak his tongue in my mouth.

This time it's me that moans. I give all of me to him. I let go of my thoughts, of my doubts, of my memories. Everything vanishes from my head. I only focus on how damn good it feels to be kissing Alexander Holt.

He tastes like cigarettes and beer and everything that's bad. Everything I've ever wanted.

Who needs a good boy when you can have the bad one whose kiss makes you feel like you're sinning in the best way possible?

And I enjoy the moment and save it to my heart. It's better than I remember. I'm not drunk this time and my memory is sharp as a knife, so I'm sure I'll be remembering this for however long I live.

When we end the kiss, Alexander puts his forehead on mine, not moving away an inch. "Fuck," he breathes. We're both catching our breaths, we're both breathless from what happened. "I shouldn't have done this. Not now. Not – fuck."

I don't dare to open my eyes. I'm afraid this is just a dream and that when I wake up, this will all just be in my head.

Partly, I hope that this is a dream. That this night never happened. Well, except this kiss. I'm happy this happened. I wouldn't take it back for anything. So that's why I keep my eyes shut. I don't want to see the regret on Alexander's face.

I shake my head against him, softly. "No," I say. "I'm glad you did," I admit.

"Open your eyes, Little one. I want to see them."

I feel my lips tremble at Alexander's request. I open my eyes and stare right into his brown eyes – the most beautiful colour there is to exist. I've never seen eyes like his before, that deep of a brown shade. It reminds me of dark chocolate.

"You don't want to tell me about the night, fine. But you're not going to think about him touching you. Clear? You're going to think about this, right now, right here. Still clear?"

I nod my head like a robot.

Alexander nods sharply. "Good." He looks at my lips again, touches it with his thumb one last time before he backs away, shuts the door and comes back into the driver's seat.

I'm still shocked by what happened.

I sit there, unmoving, my lips still tingling from how thorough Alexander made out with them, my mouth still saving a taste of him. A taste of sin.

We don't speak the whole way back home. Even Alexander stopped asking me about the night. That's good. Because after what just happened between us, I don't ever want to remember it. I don't want to talk about it.

When we get back to the house, I don't even have a chance to fully exit the car before Sam throws herself at me, sobbing into my neck. "Oh, God," she lets out, hiccuping these two short words.

She stands back and inspects me closely. Her make-up is all over her face and she doesn't even seem to care. "You're not hurt, are you? He didn't do anything. Tell me he didn't do anything." Her eyes take in my cheek with a gasp.

I've never heard such panic come from Sam. I never thought it's even possible for her to be panicked about something.

"I'm fine, Sam. He didn't do anything. He didn't have time."

I turn my eyes to Alexander, transforming all the gratitude I feel for him into my look. He holds my stare as if he understands. He nods.

"Thank fucking God," Sam sobs and hugs me again. I hug her back.

"I'm sure Gabrielle will appreciate some rest, Sam," Alexander says with a soft voice. I look at him again and see he hasn't moved his eyes away from me.

Every time I look at him, I remember how his lips felt on mine. How soft they were. What a fucking amazing kisser he is.

"Yeah," Sam says and wipes her eyes, smudging her make-up even more.

I'm actually numb. I don't shed a tear. Sam takes me up to my room and Alexander follows. Snake says he's going to wait outside to take Sam at home whenever she'll be ready.

When I come to my room, I tell Sam I want to take a shower. She says that she understands and that she'll wait for me in my room.

And I take my time. To wash everything off me. To wash my memories, even though I know by now that water never helps. I'll always feel dirty. I'll always feel the hands of a man I never wanted to feel on me.

I don't get out of the shower until my skin looks red and it aches. If I could, I would rip it from my body, burn it. Whatever just so I couldn't feel it ever again.

I look in the mirror. Look at my bruised cheek, my body all dirty. From his touch.

Tears pool in my eyes, burying my vision, but I still see more than I want to.

I drop down to my knees and empty my stomach in my toilet. I can't look at myself. I can't look at who I am.

Dirty, dirty, dirty ...

The word keeps repeating in my head, shouting at me, louder and louder.

"I can't," I sob out when I dry-heave. "I can't do this again. I can't ..."

I start full-on crying, sitting naked on the floor. Everything from the past came back to the present.

There's a knock on the door I barely hear. "Gabby?" It's Sam.

I sit back against the cold wall and put my hands on my hot forehead, trying to get myself together.

How are they going to look at me?

Are they going to point fingers, too?

Another wave of tears hits me, making me double over from hurt.

"Gabby, come out, please. I need to talk to you."

Just what I didn't want to hear ...

Oh, God.

I won't be able to make it. I won't be able to do this. Not again.

"Gabrielle! I give you three minutes to come out before I break this door." Shit. It's Alexander. "You're making us worried. Are you alright in there?"

I really don't have a choice but to face them again. I can't hide here forever. I'll have to confront them sooner rather than later.

I stand up from the cold floor. I almost forget I'm naked for a moment and am seconds away from stepping through the door. But I quickly wrap the towel around my body and I don't dare to look at myself again.

I step out and it's only Sam in the room, thank God.

Sam takes in my face without words and hugs me again. "Don't shed tears over that asshole, Gabby. He's not worth your tears."

I hug her tightly, seeking the comfort I terribly need. Then I go and quickly dress so I don't feel that uncomfortable in only a towel.

Sam points to the bed when I come back out of the bathroom again. "Come. Sit. I'm going to tell you a story."

I oblige her. Not knowing that her story willforever change my life.