I'm walking around the neighbourhood with Amelia in early October. The air has gotten a little chilly already and I have to press my jacket tighter together to warm myself. My hands are cold and I'm trembling. I already fear how I'm going to survive winter since I always struggle with the cold.

Amelia is happily bouncing up and down on the sidewalk, feeling no cold at all.

So much has changed in this past month, but then a lot of things stayed just the same.

Amelia had her fourth birthday on September 18th, and four days later, it was Rosalyn's birthday. We had a celebration, kind of a big one. The whole family came with their own children, so it was pretty lively around the house.

And because the weather wasn't good enough for a picnic, we had to be inside most of the time. The kids played outside and I was actually happy to watch them since I wasn't comfortable with being there when I'm not even a part of this family and no one knew me.

Sam was there, too, and we hung out. Alexander was there, as well, but not for long. It was sad to watch the disappointment on Rosalyn's face when he disappeared through the door not long after the celebration started.

What saddened me the most was that he didn't even wish his mother a happy birthday. And for Amelia, it was like she didn't exist.

I didn't get a chance to say something to him about it, but I'm definitely saving it for when I catch him alone.

I don't feel any fear towards him anymore and I'm not afraid to speak what's on my mind. In fact, I enjoy it when I can challenge him and make him frustrated.

I also went out with Sam a few times, to Islington. I actually started enjoying it, especially when I meet different people there and I'm just getting to know how things stand around here.

It was really cool and Sam is a pretty awesome and single-minded person. What she wants, she gets. There are no obstacles for her.

Other than that, things in the house are still pretty much the same. I noticed that Rosalyn started working more. She works longer hours and I don't know if she has any personal reason for it or she just has that much work.

After Rosalyn's parents came to visit, there was chaos in the house a week after they left. It seemed like they left deep cuts behind. And there's no wonder. From what I heard in those ten minutes I was there with them, I could only imagine what it was like sitting hours with them.

I mean, you can get used to certain things in life, but being spoken to like that ... it hurts every time, no matter how much you try to accommodate.

"Gabby?"

"Hm?" I ask, trying to give Amelia full attention and avoid my thoughts.

"Are you gonna have kids?"

Her question surprises me.

I never let myself think about the future much. Hoping for better things to happen was completely out of the picture. So, no, I don't think I'll ever have a family. At least not back in France when everyone is pointing their fingers at me.

I can't tell a four-year-old girl that, though. She has her own dreams and visions about how the world is supposed to look. I don't want to disappoint her with my answer. "Perhaps someday." I force a smile for her, although I want to start crying at the sad irony.

"Don't you wanna have them?" she asks.

How did she even come up with these questions? "Well, I ... I do. Of course, I do. Especially little girls who are smart and beautiful as you." I press my finger to her red nose and she makes a funny face.

"Do Alexander want them?"

I let out an uncomfortable laugh. "Does, Amelia. When you're speaking about a third person, you have to use does," I focus on that for a moment, avoiding her question. She's a kid, for Christ's sake and she's asking all the right questions to make me uncomfortable.

Do kids sense these things?

She nods in understanding. "Does Alex want kids?" she repeats.

Oh, my God. Seriously? "I wouldn't know," I tell her my best answer. I want to say that she should go and ask him, but I realise that's not a very good idea, especially when I remember the last time she tried to interact with him. I don't want her in tears because of her brother again.

"But I wanna have kids to play with." She pouts and looks at me with big, round eyes as if I can solve her problem.

"What about you getting a brother or sister, hmm? You should speak with your mummy and daddy about it," I tell her, brushing her soft curls.

Amelia shakes her head. "No, I don't want any brothers or sisters," she mumbles, looking down at the ground.

"Why not?" I question.

Amelia shrugs nonchalantly, but her wors break my heart in pieces and completely tear it apart. "I have a brother. He don't like me. I want to play with people who like me. Like you." She grins at me.

I don't even bother correcting her. Her words shocked me. I have nothing to say back. Literally nothing. I can't continue saying the same thing all over again, that Alexander likes her and he doesn't mean it like that when she already knows it's not true. She's a smart girl and she's not blind.

This whole family is fucked up. Before I came here, I thought that my life was a complete mess, but living here with them I can finally see that some people have it way worse than me. And I don't think it's normal for a four-year-old to struggle with this.

No human being should ever feel like he's unwanted, no matter the age.

And no human being should make someone else feel like they're unwanted. Period.

It can't get any simpler than that. But we, humans, are weird creatures. We love to do what we shouldn't. We kill each other slowly, with our words and actions, while having a smile on our faces. If that's not sad, I don't know what is.

"I will always play with you. You don't have to worry about it," I reassure her with a tight smile.

•••

I'm waiting for Alexander that night. I have so many things I need to talk to him about. And I'm done waiting for him to come around. It's like he's basically hiding from me. Since that fateful kiss happened and then the next night in his room when he had a migraine he seemed to put a distance between us again.

He didn't speak to me if he really didn't have to and his tone was monotone and mean, like he couldn't wait to just go away and be left alone. I always felt like even my presence bothered him.

But it's not just about me anymore. I came to care a lot about these people and he's hurting them on purpose. So, if they won't say anything to him, then I will.

He already hates me anyway. What more hatred could he feel for me?

And I'm not disappointed when I hear the window open. The nights are getting colder, but not cold enough to keep me from sitting on the rooftop.

I look at Alexander and I see him pause when he sees me. He's probably debating if he should come out or not, but when he sees me that I see him, he hesitantly climbs through the window.

"I need to talk to you," I tell him straight-forwardly with a straight face.

I seem him lift an eyebrow in the dark. "About?"

I pat the spot next to me. "Sit down. It'll take some time."

Alexander huffs, but sits down next to me. "Seriously, Little one, I don't have time for your bullshit," he protests.

"Oh, do you ever?" I remark sarcastically. He looks at me with his head cocked to the side. "You seriously need to stop with everything you're doing, especially with the way how you're acting."

Alexander leans back on his hands and looks at me in amusement. "Oh, really? And what am I doing? How am I acting? Enlighten me, baby."

My lips curl up. "Hearing that sweet word come out of your mouth makes me feel uncomfortable."

Alexander chuckles throatily in response, his chuckle is pristine and deep.

I continue, "And do you seriously have to ask how you're acting? Can't you even see it? You're hurting your own family!"

Alexander glares at me now. "What are you? My fucking mother or something?" he grumbles.

"Can't be, you're too nice to me to be your mother," I retort back.

He suddenly stands up. "Can you stop sticking your nose into my bullshit? I warned you about it. You're here to babysit Amelia, not to solve our family problems."

I stand up, too. "I'm happy you even remember your sister's name," I reply back sarcastically.

"What the fuck do you want from me, Gabrielle? What the fuck is your point?" He's losing his patience.

"I want you to stop acting like an asshole, at least to your family."

Alexander leans his face close to mine, his breath basically mixing with mine. It makes my hair stand up. "You have no idea ..." he trails off. "You have no fucking idea how it's like with my family. And I think it's time you stop interfering with our lives!" He's almost screaming now.

"Why don't you tell me then, huh? You're all so mysterious, having those secrets and then everything I say, I'm afraid it might be the wrong one. What happened, Alexander?" I ask the last question softly.

Alexander doesn't answer me for long seconds, we're staring at each other, both breathing hard from our shout-down.

"It's not your fucking business, Gabrielle," he decides on saying with a low, dangerous voice.

"You know what? Yeah. You're probably right. I'm leaving in a few months anyway and I'll never see you again." Although I try to sound mean and look like I don't care at all, it comes out a bit shaky and uncertain.

Because it would be a lie if I said I didn't miss all these people and this life. Even though it's not perfect, it's still better than back at home.

I think I'll even miss Alexander in some way. He's something ... special, I guess. I've never met a person like him before and even though he's mean to me most of the time, I love bickering with him.

It makes me fearless and it makes me bolder. Definitely what I needed. And I didn't know it before, but it's because of him that I know how to stand up to people and how to not let anyone give me shit.

I finally found I'm worth something more than people think.

"Thank God. I'm counting the days until I don't have to see your face anymore and hear your annoying voice."

Okay, ouch. I ignore the wild beating of my heart and reply with sarcasm, the only form I know when someone offends me, "I think you're scared you're going to miss me."

"Miss you?" he scoffs. "I'll even help you pack."

I make a big deal of rolling my eyes at him, making it look like his words mean nothing to me. "And then you and your family secrets will stay safe, without me sticking my nose into them."

Alexander crosses his arms on his chest. "How about you telling your secrets before I tell you mine?" he's trying to bargain.

I feel the sudden pounding in my head. "You don't want to know anything about my life," I tell him. There's no way he'd actually be interested in knowing.

Or, yes, he'd listen, but at what cost? To hurt me even more with my past? To know my weak points?

"Oh, yeah? Why don't you try me, Little one?" His mouth quirks up on one side.