I'm scared shitless. The last time when I was riding with Alexander was nothing compared to this. We're driving faster, way faster. It makes my body tremble – both from fear and the cold as the wind is hitting my body.

I don't dare to look where we're driving or how fast. I rest my forehead on Alexander's back and don't dare to open my eyes.

I'm sick and I'm holding onto him so tight I know he probably has trouble with breathing.

I hear the sound of police sirens behind us. I don't dare to look if they're following us. I hope they're not. Because I really don't want to get into any trouble.

I focus on my breathing instead. In and out. Praying the ride will be over soon.

Based on how fast we're going, we should be home soon. But that's not the case since Alexander's driving us on some small streets, making sharp turns. I only hope he knows where he's going and he doesn't get us lost.

Going to Islington again was a bad idea. I just wanted to have a talk and I got a feeling Alexander was ignoring me the whole day. I know he didn't have migraine anymore since yesterday night and I know he's been at home today, but every time I wanted to see him, it's like he just disappeared somewhere.

And as much as I didn't want to come here anymore or anywhere else, I had to talk to him about what I did. Not just to him, I felt guilty for what I did to Sophie. She didn't deserve that.

But now I think coming to Islington was a really bad idea. I mean, look at where it had gotten me.

The talk could wait. But I was also hoping I would see Sophie there and apologise to her, too, and explain everything to her, although she'd have every reason to be mad at me. I just didn't want any troubles between her and Alexander because of me. I wouldn't forgive myself.

And now I'm in the same situation that has gotten me into the trouble before – driving with Alexander on his motorcycle.

But did I have any other choice left? I mean, there was police behind us!

When we come back to Holt's house, I have to take a few minutes to calm myself down. I just sit there with my arms tightly wrapped around Alexander, keeping my eyes closed and focus on breathing.

"Did you die back there?"

Of course Alexander has to ruin my moment of silence.

I unwrap my arms around him and lift my head from his back. "Ha. You wish," I retort back.

I get down from the motorcycle, stepping on my wobbly legs. My body is still trembling from the adrenaline and the shock.

Alexander doesn't say anything and neither do I. He parks the motorcycle in the garage while I'm still standing outside like an idiot, looking up at the night sky. The clouds can be seen tonight, the grey fog on the black sky.

My God, how much I love looking at the sky.

When Alexander comes back from the garage, I don't spare him a glance. I keep standing there, looking up at the sky, wishing, praying I could be someone else or something else and even maybe somewhere else. It's sad I've wished this my whole life.

There's no place in the world that feels like home to me.

Alexander comes to stand by me. He looks up at the sky, too, and watches it for a few moments. "What the fuck do you see up there that you look at it so much?"

I smile sadly, watching the plane and its lights. How I wish I could be up there, in that plane, flying somewhere else. I don't even care where is it going, it only matters that it's somewhere away from here.

"A solution," I reply back.

As I thought, he doesn't get it. I feel him looking at me. "I don't see any solution up there," he says.

"That's because you're not seeing it in the same way as me. When I look up there, I see a solution. And redemption." I don't say anything else, I don't bother to explain it to him. He wouldn't get it or he would just think I've lost my mind (which he probably already does).

"Did you smoke something? Or you're drunk again ..." Alexander teases.

I shake my head to myself. "You don't get it."

I wrap my arms around myself as the chills run down my body and move past Alexander, planning to go back to my room.

Alexander stops me by pulling me back by the hand. "Don't get what? What don't I get, Little one?" His voice is curious. I would expect him to be sarcastic or even maybe gruff, but he's asking only with curiosity.

Maybe that's why I answer him the way I do, "I'm living in hell, Alexander. You think everything is perfect and you think how nice I have it in my life. Well, guess what? Every morning that I wake up, I wish I didn't, okay?" I pull my hand out of his grasp with a force.

My words shocked him and he's not ready for my harsh movement, so he lets me go easily.

"And people like you, Alexander, are a big trigger for me," I yell this at his face, holding back the tears. "You think you have it bad and that you're the only one having problems. Well, guess what? Look around you for a moment, will you?" I show around with my hands. "Many people around you are struggling and they're not being an asshole like you! Your whole fucking family wants to give you anything you want and you're a moron to them! And your sister, Alexander! She needs a brother, but you act like she doesn't even exist, like she's just air."

I take a deep breath and massage my temples. I'm losing it. I'm completely losing all my shit. "I don't even know why I'm bothering, it won't change anything anyway. Good night." I storm away from him before he could even think about stopping me.

•••

I read the text I received just minutes ago two times to make sure I'm seeing right. It's from a number I don't know. I immediately think it must be a mistake because the only ones who have my number are Sam and the Holts. And I have all of their phone numbers in my phone.

I delete the text, not thinking about it any further.

And for a moment I think that maybe Sam gave Alexander my number as a joke and he's messing with me now. But I doubt he'd take the time of his day to send some text to me as a joke just to mess with me.

"Gabby!" Amelia wraps her tiny arms from behind of me. And because she's so small, she hugs my legs.

"Hey, baby girl!" I greet her warmly. I just finished my breakfast and washed the dishes. I was just waiting for everyone to wake up.

I haven't slept good tonight. That's not really a surprise, but I feel really tired and physically not ready for today.

I'm also not ready to face Alexander. Ever again.

I don't know why I said what I did to him last night. It was nothing but the truth, alright, but it still wasn't my place to say anything. And judging by everything that happened between us it's like I'm provoking the monster. It's like I have a death wish or something.

But if I had to choose how I'll die, there wouldn't be Alexander involved. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

"I got a new doll! Look!"

I unclasp Amelia's arms from my legs so I can turn around and look at the small doll she's holding in her hand. "Oh, wow! She's almost as beautiful as you." I brush her tiny curls. Amelia gives me a smile. "Did you name her already?"

Amelia shakes her head. "Not yet. Will you help me name her?" she asks me cutely.

I give her a small smile. "I'd be flattered," I tell her, putting my hand on my chest. She giggles.

Rosanna enters the kitchen soon after Amelia came down. She looks a little flustered and out of place. Her hair is messy today and it looks like she was in a rush.

"Good morning, kids," Rosanna greets us quickly, going right past us.

I turn around to look at her back. "Good morning?" I say back with a question which she doesn't answer. "Are you in a rush this morning?" I ask her.

Or maybe she didn't sleep that well either.

Rosanna doesn't even look at me. "Yeah, some very important people are visiting us today," she says.

"Important ... how?"

Rosanna turns around this time and inhales sharply. She looks right and left. "Mrs and Mr Crook are blessing us with their presence today."

When I only keep staring at her, Rosanna whispers harshly, "Mrs Holt's parents!"

"Oh," I say, cocking my head on the side because I still don't know why would that be such a big deal. "Is it not okay that they're visiting?"

Rosanna shakes her head at me, turning back to the cabinets. "You don't know how they are, kid. The Crooks are like ... the worst kind there is in nightmares."

I want to say that her definition of a nightmare and mine might be slightly different. But I rather stay quiet, not ready to bring this subject up for discussion.

I sneak up behind Amelia's back and lift her up from the ground. She squeals and giggles loudly. "Gabby!" she says and laughs even harder when I lift her higher.

I press my lips to her cheek and start kissing it, making her giggle harder. And I'm telling you, if you haven't heard a child laugh before, you're missing out. Because it's honestly the sweetest sound you can hear in the world.

"Good morning! Someone is a little happy today." Alfred greets his daughter by pressing his lips to her forehead and caresses her hair. "Do we have any coffee here today?"

"Right on it," Rosanna tells him and starts preparing it right away. I also notice she prepares more than just one.

Alfred puts some papers down on the table and sits down, looking at them.

I put Amelia down and she runs to Alfred immediately, climbing up on his lap. She sits on him and looks up at his face, smiling at him.

"What are you up to this morning, cupcake?" Alfred asks with a smile, ruffling her hair.

Amelia puts her head on his chest. "I'm going to pick a name for my doll with Gabby," she tells him.

"That's a great idea. Make sure you pick a good one." He winks at her and she giggles, putting her hand on his face as Alfred pretends like he's going to eat it. It's just too much cuteness to handle.

Rosalyn comes in just minutes later. "Good morning," she says, but her focus is sorely on the coffee machine and she walks so fast as if it's her safe line.

I wish her a good morning back, although I doubt she even hears it.

I lean on the counter and just watch everyone. I notice there's so much of nervousness in the air and so much of tension. I didn't notice it before, but now I see how Alfred's sitting straighter and more stiff. His leg is also bouncing up and down.

Rosalyn is in the corner, sipping her coffee in silence, looking down at the floor.

And Rosanna is just rushing around the kitchen, making noise with dishes.

Amelia is the only one who doesn't know what's happening. And me because I don't think if I have a reason to be nervous, too, since I haven't met Rosalyn's parents yet to judge the situation.

When Alexander comes into the kitchen, I almost don't notice it at first, that's how focused I am on everything happening around me.

But when I do see him, I lock my eyes right with his. And now I do have a reason to get nervous.

"Morning," he greets casually, strolling to the cabinets. He's dressed in his usual attire, black ripped jeans, boots, a black shirt and a leather jacket.

His hair is messy and I hate how good he looks. Why do mean people always look so good?

I don't say anything back. Everyone else murmurs a 'good morning' back to him, but they're too busy with themselves to really mean it. I'm too busy planning how to escape his sight.

He grabs a bread roll from the basket that Rosanna just prepared to put it on the table. "Sit down, Alex, the breakfast will be just in a minute," Rosanna tells him.

"Nah. Gotta run," he says and takes a bite of the bread roll.

I'm hyper-aware of every smallest move he makes.

I'm gripping the counter behind me, squeezing it tightly. I squeeze it even tighter when Alexander comes near me. He stops on my left. He extends his arm out, putting it over my torso and reaches behind me on my right for I don't know what. All I know is that he has me caged and that he's too close for me to breathe normally.

A smile plays on his lips. Like he knows about the war that's happening in my mind right now.

When he pulls the arm back, he grazes my hip with his hand and I swear he did that intentionally.

He leans down at my ear. "You and me, Little one, we're gonna have a chat later."

My knees wobble. He turns around, throws an apple in the air and catches it and then just walks out.

Like nothing happened.