I wake up, but I immediately wish that I didn't. Everything hurts so badly it makes me wince. My muscles hurt. My head hurts. My eyes hurt. My stomach aches. I sit up in the bed with a groan, putting my hand on my forehead and breathing hard so I don't throw up all over the floor.

I don't remember how much I drank last night and what I drank, I know that it was a lot and that it hit me way too hard. I also know that I shouldn't repeat this anytime soon.

At first thought, I only remember some of the things that happened last night. Mostly the ones that happened at the beginning and then I only have flashbacks of some moments, but not the whole picture. I remember playing truth or dare with people I've never seen before.

I remember some of the things that happened, some of the dares people did and some of the truths they had to tell. I also remember I got asked if I was a virgin.

Well, that's embarrassing. Although I'm not ashamed of it. I mean, with whom could I even lose my virginity if no guy wanted me or all that they wanted was to sleep with me?

I lay in the bed for some more minutes, trying to remember everything else from last night, but I just can't recall what was happening and how I got home. Did Sam drive me? She must have. But I remember her drinking ... So, did she drive me home drunk?

I sigh and slowly get up from the bed, struggling with myself. My head feels like it's weighing a ton and if I move it too fast, I get dizzy and I want to vomit.

Today is not going to be that fun, after all.

Looking at the clock, I see I haven't slept that long. It's just half past 8.

I also notice that I'm wearing the dress from last night, without my jacket and my shoes.

I go into the bathroom and blink a few times in the mirror. Dear God. What even is this?

I look horrible with smudged make-up and wild hair. My lips are slightly swollen and my eyes look red and tired. I look like a complete disaster.

I take a long, much-needed shower, losing the smell of alcohol, wash my hair and rub my face to get rid of all the make-up.

I feel much better when I come out, but still not human enough.

I put on jeans and a T-shirt. I haven't noticed it before, but the window in my room is open. And I never open it.

I close it, since it's already getting hot today. Then, I go down into the kitchen. Rosanna is there, singing to herself, all chirpy this morning.

"Good morning," I greet quietly, sitting down at the table and put my head into my hands.

"Good morning, kid. You don't look too well today," Rosanna comments with her motherly worry that I'm still having a hard time getting used to.

I only groan in response.

"A long night?" Rosanna guesses. I feel a smile in her words and when I look at her, she is smiling at me.

"I don't even remember half of it," I say with a frown.

Rosanna furrows her eyebrows and cocks her head to the side. "How much did you have to drink?"

I close my eyes and sigh deeply. I don't even want to remember about all that alcohol because it makes me want to throw up. "A lot."

"You kids don't know when you have enough." She shakes her head. "Will you eat anything?"

Even the thought of food makes my face green probably. "No. Maybe a cup of coffee will help, though." Although I'm not really a fan of coffee.

"When did you come home?" Rosanna asks me when she sets the cup of coffee on the table in front of me.

I thank her warmly. "I don't even know how I came home, let alone when."

Rosanna sits down on the chair opposite me. When I look at her, she's looking at me with pure worry. "I know you're old enough to think you know what you're doing, but doing a thing like this is not safe. Especially not for a young girl like you and with people you don't know."

I lower my eyes in shame. I know what I did last night was stupid of me. But once I started drinking, I felt so good, nothing bad existed for me and I had such a great time without worries. "I know it wasn't safe, but Sam was with me and I ... trust her, I guess."

"Still," Rosanna disagrees. "Sam can't be responsible for anything happening to you if you do something that could put you in danger."

And, boy, how her words hit me. Because she's right. If anything happened to me last night, I know Sam would feel responsible. Could I really do something like that to her? Could I really be that stupid and let her take all the blame and all the responsibility for me last night?

That was another thing that was stupid of me.

"I know, Rosanna. I wouldn't blame her if anything happened to me."

Rosanna nods. "But she would blame herself."

Well, that's another way to put it. The way I haven't thought about before. It's overwhelming to have people that sincerely care about you in your life. I'm not used to it and I often forget about it.

I take a long sip of the hot coffee. I honestly feel like shit and thinking about last night is just making me feel shittier. "I was stupid and I won't let it happen again. I promise," I tell Rosanna meaningfully. I mean every word I say. Last night was way too much and it went way too far.

I'm not the one to do things like that. I'm not that irresponsible. And I might've felt good yesterday night, but today I feel like shit.

I drink the coffee and it thankfully helps me with the headache. But I still feel like a complete disaster and I decide to just go lay down until lunch.

Alfred, Rosalyn and Amelia apparently went to the zoo today so they'll probably be home until dinner or they even might decide to go the dinner somewhere.

I go to my room and lock myself in. I turn down the blinds down to darken the room and just lay down.

The sleep doesn't come, though. But what comes are the flashbacks from yesterday night. And they only make my head hurt again.

"I dare you to kiss the guy you think is the hottest in the room."

My eyes fly open. Holy shit. What? Did that actually happen?

I stare at the wall, trying to recall more of the events and try to put the pieces together.

"I'm changing the dare. I dare you to kiss Sin."

Oh, my God.

What did I do?

Oh, dear God.

Did I do that? Did I really do that?

No. I wouldn't. Would I?

I close my eyes and turn my head into the pillow with a groan. Please. Please, tell me I chickened out and I refused to do something that stupid.

But then everything crashed into me all at once. Me, walking towards Alexander. Me, sitting on top of him. And me, kissing the hell out of him.

My God.

I kissed Alexander Holt. I kissed the person who despises me and who I hate equally as much.

Am I insane?

I put the pillow over my head as a shaky sigh leaves me. What am I going to do now? Was Alexander drunk, too? Maybe he doesn't know about what happened ...

Jesus. Sophie. He literally has a girlfriend. I kissed someone who's in a relationship.

How could I have been so stupid?

•••

I text Samantha just before dinner.

I slept most of the day off. I woke up a few times, but when I remembered everything, I just forced myself to fall asleep again, just so I didn't have to deal with reality. I had nightmares. But they were nothing compared to what was happening during the day.

I dread the moment I'll have to see Alexander's face. I don't know how to act around him and what to expect of him. I don't even know if he remembers anything.

And I don't even want to think what happened with him and Sophie. Has Sophie even seen anything? Because that would suck.

I hate that I don't remember everything. I remember a lot, but there are still some questions I'm afraid to ask.

Sam's response comes.

And my heart sinks and drops right down to the floor.

"Gabby?" Rosanna calls me from the kitchen. I turn my head to look in her direction instead of mindlessly staring down at the phone, even though I know I can't see her from the couch in the living room.

"Yeah?" I ask back.

"Can you please go call Alex for dinner?"

A lump forms in my throat and my stomach clenches in despair. The thought of food suddenly doesn't appeal to me anymore. "Is he at home?" I call back. My voice is shaky and panicky. I pray that her answer will be negative.

"He's in his room."

My eyes close. I rub my temples and focus on breathing. Well, what can he even do, after all? What's done is done. If he didn't hurt me yesterday night, why would he do it today? Maybe he doesn't remember anything. Or he doesn't care.

I stand up and slowly go up the stairs. When I come to his door, I stop in front of it and just stare at it like it'll give me answers. I'm still putting the courage together to lift my hand and knock.

I do it before I can change my mind and run away. I wait silently with my body tense, just waiting for what's going to happen when that door opens.

Only it doesn't. I stay without any answer. I knock again, this time harder. "Alexander?" I call. I listen, but nothing happens.

I turn the knob, expecting the door to be locked, but I'm surprised when it opens. When I try to look in Alexander's room, I'm only met with darkness.

"Alexander?" I call and turn the light on.

I see him then, lying on the bed with his face down. I think for a moment he's sleeping until I hear an unmistakable groan. "Turn the light off and get the fuck out," he mutters.

"Uhm," I mumble, unsure what to really do now. "Rosanna told me to call you for dinner."

He grabs a pillow and blindly throws it towards me. He misses me. The pillow falls to my left and I look at it.

"Shut up and leave!" Alexander orders.

He puts the pillow over his head. He doesn't look at me even once. It actually hurts the way he's acting towards me. It seems like he doesn't even want to acknowledge me.

"Okay," I say quietly. I turn the light off and leave his room.

Once outside, I lean my back on the wall and close my eyes. I finally let myself breathe.

This is going to be hard for me.