Sam drags me further into the house. I put the cup someone put in my hand before somewhere on the counter, not even bothering to find out what's inside. I'm not stupid enough to drink something a complete stranger gives me.

I know what happens at the parties. I've heard stories, I've even seen some of the stuff happen.

There are so many new faces here. There are teenagers here who, at the first look, I'd say they're 14 and then there are people who I'd say they're close to 30. But that's probably just by the looks.

It doesn't surprise me that girls reveal a lot and are dressed in small dresses or clothes that don't cover much.

A girl passes by me and she's topless. I avert my eyes as fast as I can.

Or they're not wearing anything.

And I'm not judging since I'm wearing this small dress myself that reveals more than I usually want to show. It screams that's not me louder than even I could scream with my mouth.

Sam finds Snake. She releases my hand and wraps her arms around him. They get to have a full make-out session right in front of me and in front of around 80 other people.

And because my life couldn't get better, Alexander shows up right in front of me. It's too late for me to turn around and run in the other direction because he already spotted me.

I'm thankful he fully ignores me. He only gave me a glance that didn't even last a second, just to acknowledge my presence and then greeted Sam and Snake with their handshake. I watch it, trying to remember what they do with their hands, how they twist them and their fingers, but I quickly get lost.

Someone puts a drink in my hand again and I have to grab it if I don't want it to drop on the floor and spill everything out. "Drink up, gorgeous. It'll put a smile on your face," a guy says close to my ear, caressing my arm.

It makes chills run down my body and I shiver in disgust. I don't get to look at him because he goes away too fast (thankfully), I only see his back, staring at the bright red shirt he's wearing.

When I look back, Alexander and Sam are talking. Well, mostly Alexander is talking, Sam is listening to him with her arms crossed in front of her, nodding her head. They moved away from us a bit, probably talking about something none of us should hear.

No surprise here. They could be talking right in front of me and I wouldn't even care that much. And I wouldn't even tell a single soul – because who do I have to tell to?

Exactly.

I put the cup closer to my nose to smell the drink. It actually smells pretty good. This one is red and has that fruity smell, strawberries maybe?

I don't know why, but as if I felt his eyes, I lift mine to stare right at Alexander who's staring at me with narrowed eyes and a pointed stare. Sam looks at me, too, and comes to me.

She takes the cup out of my hand. "Sin said I should warn you not to take drinks from anyone other than us."

Alexander? Alexander said that? My eyes go to him, but he's talking to Snake now as if nothing happened.

"You can tell Sin that he doesn't have to babysit me," I snap at Sam. I know she doesn't deserve my anger that's meant for Alexander, but she's the one in front of me while he's all the way over there. "Also, if he wants to say something to me, he can do it himself."

Sam is, thankfully, not offended by the tone of my voice. "You know, it's the first time I heard you call him that," she chooses to comment on.

I cock my head to the side. "What?" I ask.

"Sin," is her short response.

I think about her words, thinking hard if it's really the first time I called him that. I realise I only called him that once, and it was only in my head. So, that probably doesn't count.

"It seemed appropriate," I mumble quietly, playing with my fingers. To be honest, I don't really know why I called him that. It just came out, I guess.

Sam stares at me as if she's trying to read me. "You don't call him that, Gabby. You call him by his name."

"Uhm, yeah, which he doesn't like, by the way," I chuckle, staring right back at her.

She narrows her eyes a bit and leans closer to me like she's going to tell me a secret. Which she does. "He doesn't always mean what he says."

My mouth falls open a bit. I don't know what to say to that.

Sam suddenly puts a drink in my hand. I didn't even see where she got one. I stare down at the drink in the cup and make a face at Sam.

"Drink it. You'll need it," she tells me with a wink. She downs her drink in two big gulps like she's drinking water. I don't think if I envy her for being that used to the alcohol or if I should be sad for her and maybe a little surprised.

"Don't worry, I didn't poison it," Sam chuckles. She moves her hips to the music, getting in an even better mood.

I feel Alexander's eyes on me again, but I don't give him the satisfaction of acknowledging him.

I think tonight should be the night for new opportunities and new adventures for me. A night when I will crawl out of my own skin and just be. I just want to exist. Without any burden, without the worries, without constantly looking over my shoulder and thinking that they're laughing at me when they're really only just laughing about pointless, unimportant things.

I bring the cup to my lips and drink everything that's inside, to the last drop. Because tonight, Gabrielle Perth is left somewhere back in France while here, a new one is born. At least for tonight.

Sam's expression turns amused. She gets me another cup and I look at it with doubt. Should I really drink it so soon after the first one?

"Drink this one and then we're going dancing."

I do as she says.

•••

I don't know how long I've been here, but the time is unimportant when you're having fun.

I feel giddy. And I also feel like giggling. A lot. About nothing and everything. Because everything and everyone is just so funny it makes me want to laugh and not stop. Ever.

I also feel so good like I'm somewhere else, like I'm in someone else's body. Or someone else is in my body.

It feels nice.

We're currently sitting down on the floor in a circle for the game of truth and dare. We're playing the more adult version of this game.

Sam sits by me and she's also in a happy mood, maybe not like I am, but close. There are people around us who I've never seen before, but I don't care.

Snake sits down by Alexander on the chair outside of the circle. They said they'll sit this one out. Bummer. They're also no fun. And I wasn't afraid of telling them so.

Snake chuckled and shook his head at me while Alexander lifted an eyebrow and took a gulp of his beer.

Okay, I might be a little intoxicated and I might like a lot of people for no reason here tonight, but I still hold a deep hatred for Alexander, even though I feel like I'm so full of love that I just want to spread it everywhere and to everyone.

But not Alexander. He's still my least favourite person here.

When we're all sat in a circle, someone spins the bottle in the middle and the game begins.

And I'm regretting I decided to participate in this the instant the first question is out, meant for a cute redhead. "Truth or dare?"

The redhead seems to think about it before answering, "I'll start with the truth. Your dares are brutal."

The whole circle around boos. I join them, too. Not because I don't like her answer, but it'd be weird if I was the only one standing out by not doing what everyone else is. And it seems cool to do it.

The redhead only shrugs and giggles. "How many times have you sucked Tommy off by now?"

The whole circle falls silent. But I start giggling. I don't know why. From the embarrassment of hearing that question? Because I'm too drunk to be serious? Because the question is direct as hell?

I don't know. But everyone looks at me weirdly, some of them laughing with me, others just staring at me, waiting for me to calm down. Sam nudges me with her elbow. I look at her and she raises her eyebrows. I have to put in a lot of effort to calm down and get serious again. As serious as I can get in my state.

I don't hear the girl's answer, I only hear loud "wooohooos" go around in the circle and girls laughing. The redhead only shrugs with a huge smile.

The game goes on. And all the questions so far were about sex. Well, except one. Someone asked me if I've ever smoked weed and I told a firm no. And then someone else asked me if I wanted to try it sometime. I answered with a secretive smile and a wink.

Me! Winking!

I think I need to start drinking more often. This is actually pretty fun and it feels great. Also, the people are so much nicer and we're all having so much fun together. I don't know when was the last time I hung out with so many people at once.

When the bottle comes on me again, I say without even waiting for the question, "Truth." I don't think I'm brave enough to get a dare they're giving.

A girl had to go up on the tables and strip to her underwear. And she wasn't wearing a bra. She didn't seem to mind it, but I'm not up to that kind of thing just yet. Or maybe ever.

Then there was a lot of making out with others. Even girls making out with girls and guys making out with guys.

The circle around me boos at my answer. "Oh, come on! You can't always pick truth. That's a rule!" Someone whines.

I bite my lip. "Since when? I'm sticking to truth," I tell the guy that's waiting for the circle to calm down.

He sends me a crooked smile, his eyes blinking lazily. "Are you a virgin?"

The circle falls silent again. "That's a good one, Gregory," a girl to his right comments and fist bumps him.

"I ..." I close my mouth as quickly as I open it, not knowing what to really say. I mean, they've all done so many things and here's me, not having anything interesting to tell them. How ... prudish.

"She does look like a virgin, though."

"How does a virgin look like, Flor?" someone snickers in response.

I cast my eyes around the room. There are a lot of people just standing outside the circle and watching the show. Snake and Alexander still haven't moved from their seats and I catch Alexander's eyes trained right on me. His stare is long and deep, like he's trying to look through me, like he's trying to find out something.

He's waiting, not moving an inch. "Yeah," I say, staring right at Alexander's eyes, before I move them to the circle and clear my throat, then repeat what I said the first time, this time louder. "Yes. I am."

There's a silence for a few moments more before the talking begins again as if nothing happened. "I knew it," someone mutters in the circle.

"Can I pop your cherry?" an outsider shouts drunkenly.

I look at him as disgusted as I can. "There's a reason I still haven't let anybody let do that. And you're certainly not a guy to change that," I throw at him.

That shuts him up and everyone laughs in his face. Poor guy. But it's not like he didn't deserve it.

I don't dare to look at Alexander anymore.

I get to ask some questions, too and give some dares, but mine are more mild and unoriginal.

I also drank a lot more, I don't even know how much and what, I just know it's been a lot. And I can also tell that by the feeling inside because my focus is starting to narrow.

When the bottle points to me sometime later, I don't even think about it anymore, I just automatically say, "Dare." There's a loud cheer around. It makes me feel good. That people are cheering me on, not booing me down, and that they're all smiling at me instead of sending me glares of hatred.

"I dare you to kiss the guy you think is the hottest in the room."

I don't think I heard her correctly, so I ask the girl to repeat the question. And when I do hear it right, my traitor eyes search for Alexander who's still in the same spot, now leaning forward with his arms resting on his legs.

Holy fuck. What do I do now?

I won't kiss Alexander, although he probably is the hottest in the room – or even the entire house, but he's a jerk and I would rather not try it.

I take a look around the room, squinting my eyes to get a clearer view of every face in the crowd. It's hard. And I don't even get a chance to look at everyone, when Sam says loudly, "I'm changing the dare. I dare you to kiss Sin."

There are a few gasps heard around and I look at Sam so quickly, the world swirls in front of my eyes. I put my hand on my forehead and glare at Sam. "What in the world?" I ask her.

She's grinning mischievously. "It's a dare, pretty face. Are you going to pussy out?"

I don't actually get to answer that because someone else does it for me. "Of course she won't do it. She's too goody-two-shoes and too big of a coward for that." That voice belongs to Alexander.

He's teasing and provoking me. And it works. Because it sparks my anger.

I look at him. He's casually sitting on the chair now with a small smirk on his face, his eyes dancing with amusement and the assurance of thinking I won't do what I'm dared to do.

I stand up on my wobbly legs. I almost fall over and the world shifts around in front of my eyes. I don't think it's a good idea to stand up, but if I want to prove something to that asshole, I'm going to do it. I just hope I don't kill myself on my way over there.

"I think you'll want to take your words back," I tell him as I start to slowly near him, my eyes trained only on him. People make a path for me to get to him easier. I probably look like a duck walking on eggs, but I don't care. I'm on a mission and nothing will stop me.

I'm going to shut him up.

When I come to him, it's my turn to smile. I remove his arms from his stomach so I make a room and sit right on top of him with my legs on either side of him. My dress rides up high and I'm without a doubt giving others some show. I don't even care. I can't think about that when I have that idiot to kiss.

Alexander places his palms on my bare thighs, almost as if he can't help it. The move seems subconscious, even natural, no matter how funny and ironic that actually sounds.

I don't look at anyone else but right at him, seeing if he'll say something, if he'll try to stop me.

He doesn't.

So I grab his face in both of my hands and placemy lips right on top of his.