Why I'm so afraid to lose you, when you aren't even mine....

I was now sitting in my room working on my uni project. I just decided not to think about Taehyung, but guess what.

I can't.

After knowing that he fucking loves me? How could I just forget what he said. I can't understand what the hell he wants from me. But I don't know why I feel butterflies in my stomach whenever I think about Taehyung saying I love you to me, when I really shouldn't. I know this is wrong but....I just can't explain this. He makes me feel things that I have never felt before. I think that's why I'm not able to understand this.

I sighed.

Suddenly a notification popped on my mobile screen. I picked it up and it was Jimin. And now I really feel like shooting myself in the head. Jimin is my boyfriend and I'm not even telling him what's going on with me. Or I just can't,I think.

I then opened his message to see what he said

" Hey...are you free right now?"

"Yes, I'm" I replied.

"Oh so...can I come over?. I was having some problems with my project..."

"Sure...you can come now" I replied.

"Ok on my way:)"

I smiled and put the phone aside. I think I can clear my mind if I just spend some time with Jimin. But I'm feeling like I'm using him...but it's not like I'm betraying him. Its just Taehyung who comes after me everytime. And now he fucking loves me? But I don't love him so I'm not betraying Jimin. Its just I don't wanna upset Jimin. If he got to know about this then I surely know that he'll ask Taehyung not to do this. And I don't want both of them to end up fighting because of me.

After sometime I heard the doorbell ring. I got up and walked towards the door and opened it.

"Heyy" Jimin said with a cheery voice.

"Hey..come inside." I said smiling.

"I missed you" he said as he came inside. I smiled and he hugged me and I hugged him back. We pulled away after sometime.

I closed the door and guided him to the living room. He looked around the apartment and said

"It's a good place btw"

"Yeah" I smiled. We reached the living room and I asked him to take a seat. He looked at the couch where Taehyung slept. The blanket was still there.

"Did you slept here tonight?" He asked.

"Uh- no. I mean...I was making project here and it was cold so I bought the blanket here" I said smiling sheepishly.

He chuckled and nodded. I smiled and walked towards the kitchen to get him some coffee.

I made the coffee and entered the living room and gave him the coffee.

"Thanks" he said.

I smiled and sat beside him while he drank his coffee.

"So...what was the problem you wanted to discuss?" I asked.

"Oh yeah... I'll show you" he said and we started making our project. There were some doubts Jimin was having but I helped him out with it. Sometime I caught Jimin having secret glances at me but I didn't said anything.

After sometime we finished the project.

"Finally" Jimin said.

"Yeah...it was tiring" I huffed.

"You want some coffee?" I asked because I was so tired and really needed a coffee at this time.

"Sure" Jimin said. I smiled and made my way towards the kitchen. I made 2 coffees and exited the kitchen.

I reached the living room and was about to put the coffee on table but the tray got tilted by my clumsy hands and coffee fell on Jimin's clothes.

"Shitt" he cursed. I panicked.

"Oh no no...I'm so sorry pls...I-I'll get something to clean it. I'm so sorry." I said and quickly grabbed the handkerchief from the table and started cleaning his jacket while muttering little sorrries again. The coffee was cold so that was a relief.

"I-I'm so sorry" I said but he didn't spoke anything. I cleaned his jacket as much as I can and sighed. I averted my gaze at his face and my breath hitched.

Our faces were so close to each other and he was just staring at me with so much adoration. I bit my lip and we kept looking at each other's eyes.

Suddenly his eyes travelled to my lips. My heart started beating fast and I saw him started leaning closer to my face. My breathing got heavy and I closed my eyes.

He then pressed his lips on mine and gosh. His lips felt so soft against mine. He was kissing me softly and with so much affection. His lips were so soft and juicy that I didn't wanted to pull away.

But after sometime I started getting out of breath and he slowly pulled away. I slowly opened my eyes and looked at him and he was already looking at me. I blushed so hard at this time. I can't believe that I kissed Jimin.

Our first kiss together.

I blushed at this thought. Suddenly jimin's phone started ringing. He picked the phone from table and furrowed his eyebrows looking at the contact. He then looked towards me and said

"Uh-can I?" He was asking for my permission to pick the call.

"Y-yeah sure" I said. He smiled and excused himself. He got out of the living room to listen the phone. I wonder who was that? But my heart was still pounding fast in my chest. But the kiss was really good. It would be a lie if I said that I didn't craved for more. But I have to control my stupid desires.

After sometime Jimin entered in the living room. I stood up and he said

"I'm so sorry but I have to go...umm it was my dad's call so.."

"Uh no problem you can go" I said and smiled but I didn't wanted him to leave.

"U okay?" He asked

"Yeah I'm " I said.

He smiled and came towards me. We hugged and he smiled at me and said

"Meet you tomorrow" I smiled and nodded. He then left.

I sighed.

I don't think I would be able to get any sleep tonight. First that Taehyung confessed to me and now i kissed Jimin. Ughhh.

I was sitting in the class while the most boring lecture was going on. I was feeling so sleepy today as I didn't slept all night because of my overthinking.

Sigh.

I looked to my side and Jimin was sitting there with a serious expression on his face. I don't know why he's behaving like this today. Even in the morning he looked so stressed. I need to know that what it is. Because I know something is bothering him. It's the last lecture and whole day he didn't really talked to me.

But why?

I will ask him after this lecture gets over.

After sometime the lecture ended and everyone started packing their stuff and leaving the class. I quickly packed my bag and looked where Jimin was sitting but he wasn't there. I looked at the door and he was already leaving the class. Before I could call him, he was out of class. So I started to run behind him.

I reached the parking area and looked around to find him. What the hell? Why is he ignoring me like that? And that too after we kissed yesterday. It feels so bad.

Finally I spotted him as he was about to enter in his car. I ran towards him and called his name.

"Jimin!" I said when I finally reached him. He heard me and turned around and looked at me furrowing his eyebrows.

"Ryu...what happened?" He asked.

"What happened? Seriously Jimin?" I sighed. He didn't spoke anything and I think he didn't understood or he's just pretending.

"Why are you ignoring me?" I asked crossing my arms.

He hesitated a little before answering but spoke eventually

"No..I'm not"

"Yes..you are." I said

"Now tell me why are you doing this?...is something wrong?" I asked.

"No everything's fine" he said and smiled that I knew was a fake one. I sighed and held his hand and said

"Jimin, you know you can tell me. You have always been there for me and now when something is bothering you, you don't wanna tell me? Pls tell me what's wrong. We can figure it out together..."

He didn't spoke anything but kept looking at me with a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"Jimin...tell me, do I did something wr-" he cut me off

"I'm leaving Ryu" he said. I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"What do you mean?" I asked. He sighed before speaking

"I have to go to my dad in America...he wants me to come to him and learn to handle his company as I'll be the next CEO" he said.

I felt like crying after hearing this. He's going. I can't believe. How would I live without him. He was always there to make me smile and he loved me so much. I don't want to let him go. I can't let him go.

"And you decided to keep it secret from me and just leave me without saying anything?" I asked while tears started to form in my eyes.

"N-no Ryu...it's not like that" he said and cupped my face with his hands and wiped my tears.

"When?" I asked

He pressed his lips together and said

"Tomorrow morning" And now I was really crying.

"Ryu...pls don't cry..I'm just leaving Korea and we can still be together..you can call me everyday and we can also be close like this. " He said

But I don't know if it'll really work. Because I don't have any idea about long distance relationships.

I cried while he kept wiping my tears. I hugged him so tightly that I didn't wanted to let go. He hugged me back and patted my head to calm me down. I don't know how I would survive without him.

_________________

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