Chapter Twenty-Seven

Awake

Savannah had a dream and Leon visited her in it.

He was just staring at her. Smiling.

Just smiling.

Savannah cried, waking herself up from her slumber.

Tears of joy streaming down her face.

It felt so real. He felt so real.

She felt like she could reach out and touch him.

It had been a month without Leon. It was the hardest thing Savannah had ever endured.

She slept away her days and cried away her nights.

She sat up, smiling to herself, her stone-cold heart filling with warmth for the first time in a month.

She she looked around the dark space that was her room, it was a mess.

She couldn't believe she let it get to this state.

She couldn't believe she let her life get to this sate.

"My worst fear is wasted youth," Savannah recalled Leon tell her at least ten times a week.

She felt guilty. As if by wasting away her days, she was letting Leon down.

"You have a life Savannah, a beautiful one, don't let it go unlived," said the unmistakable voice of Leon.

As clear as day, as if he was sitting beside her whispering in her ear.

Hearing his voice again made the hairs on Savannah's neck stand.

She giggled with slight nervousness, she was beginning to think she might've slipped into madness.

Even when he was no longer with her, Leon was telling her what she needed to hear, like he always did.

She lied back on her bed and stared out the window.

The sun was setting as sky transformed from one pastel shade to another as the seconds went by.

Savannah didn't know what day it was; she didn't know when the last time she'd showered or even eaten.

She hadn't spoken to anybody since the funeral. For a person who didn't particularly enjoy being social, she missed human interaction.

She got up, feeling weak, like a newborn calf learning how to walk.

She walked across her dark room, the orange sunlight that was quickly disappearing was the only source of light.

She looked at herself in the mirror.

The beautiful image she had of herself on graduation night, with glowing skin and fluffy hair was replaced;

By a beaten down looking girl. Her eyes were sulking into her skull as her cheekbones stuck out like nails on a ledge.

Her hair that was always full of thick, curly life, was matte and wiry.

It reminded her of stray cat fur.

This wasn't a good look for her.

She laughed to herself as she imagined the lecture Leon would give her if he was here right now.

Smiling felt unusual. She hadn't smiled in goodness knows how long.

Let alone smile at the thought of Leon.

The very thought of him made her heart hurt and her stomach twinge.

She was grieving Leon, by trying not to remember the memories they shared, fearing that it will be a reminder of everything she'd lost.

Which they were, but more than anything, they were a reminder of the beautiful soul that she had the pleasure of knowing and loving.

She'd always roll her eyes whenever Leon tried to offer her advice but she now misses it more than ever.

She missed everything about Leon, but it was the little things that hit her the hardest.

She wondered how many beautiful sunsets she'd missed, how many family dinners she'd missed, how many perfect summer days that she wasted away instead of reading and writing underneath the ash tree.

'Speaking of the ash tree,' thought Savannah.

She whipped around at her bedside table to see the ash tree plant she'd gotten for her birthday, which seemed for far ago.

It was dying.

Savannah sprinted to her dresser and grabbed one of the many cups and ran out her bedroom door without another thought.

The sudden change of brightness, going from a dark and dim room to a bright hallway, startled her.

She blinked rapidly in an effort to adjust her vision, not slowing down as she bolted down the steps.

It felt strange to hear noise. The sound of her footsteps on the stairs, the sound of the TV, noise that filled the silence which she'd adapted to.

She reached the bottom of the stairs and turned, suddenly colliding with someone and staggering backwards.

She regained her balance and stared at Mike's astonished face.

He looked at her wide-eyed and open mouthed.

She stared back, trying to remember their last encounter.

For some reason she couldn't remember how she felt about him.

A smile grew at the corners of his opened mouth.

"Savannah! You-you're up, you're awake you're...Mum! Dad!" he exclaimed.

Savannah hadn't realised how much she missed her parents.

Over the past few weeks she'd forgotten she had a house full of family members.

She missed them all, heck even Mike, who was standing before her looking so excited you'd think he was about to jump out his own skin.

He approached Savannah for a hug but she backed away, staring at him accusatorily.

The past month may have been nothing but pain and blurriness for Savannah, but she didn't forget all that Mike had put her through all year.

She wasn't ready to forgive him and forget it just yet, especially since he had not apologised or acknowledged his faults.

Savannah backed away from him as the smile faded from his face. He looked at the ground and walked away.

It left a bitter taste on Savannah tongue that was short-lived because her parents just walked into the room.

Her father walked towards her, teary-eyed, staring at his daughter as if she was the finest gold.

Her mother looked as if she was about to cry.

They both looked so exhausted.

Savannah's mother threw her arms around Savannah and kissed her face repetitively.

"Okay Mum, chill," chuckled Savannah.

It was weird to her her own voice again, for once in a very long time, she felt like herself.

Like she was battling a parasite that was taking over her mind, body and soul, causing her to live in a nightmare where the only things that were real was pain, darkness and misery.

The parasite had won many battles, but Savannah was prospering, winning the war.

Her father gave a hearty laugh, he looked so happy, you'd think he win the lottery.

Savannah's mother fixed her a plate of dinner.

They offered to leave her be, but the truth was, she never needed her parent's company than she did now.

She had three plates of food, she missed the satisfying yet disgusting feeling of being so full, she felt as if she'd burst.

They sat and they spoke, about everything.

Her exams, her formal and even graduation night.

It felt euphoric to let everything out.

She remembered what Leon always told her, "don't bottle things up, Sav, let yourself breathe."

Tears grew in her eyes. Tears of bitter-sweet joy.

The more she relieved that incredible night, the more she realised how truly magical it was.

Even though losing Leon hurt her more than anything ever did in her life, she was glad they lived that night. Together.

She treasured that moment and many others with Leon in the biggest part of her heart.

Talking about Leon hurt, but it filled her heart with warmth and grew a smile on her face.

Her once stone-cold, anger and hate-filled heart was coming back to life by the mere thought of Leon.

She promised to keep her heart warm so Leon could live in it forever.

That night it was just her, and the greatest companion she was blessed to have known, Leon.

And Mitchell, her loyal and good friend that always looked out for her.

Savannah froze.

Mitchell.

The last memory she had of him, was the day of Leon's funeral.

She stared at a hysterical Mitchell and instead of comforting him, she walked the other way.

Like he was nothing to her.

Savannah was quiet, falling deeper and deeper into shame and guilt as the reality of what she'd done to Mitchell rained down on her like the wettest day of the year.

She didn't make excuses for herself, so had no reason to be angry at Mitchell let alone completely abandon him as a friend.

Especially in his time of need.

After all, he was the one who had discovered Leon's lifeless body.

A sight Savannah wouldn't want to live after seeing.

She gasped out loud and her parents stared cautiously, as if they were protective yet scared at the same time.

She thought of Mitchell and kicked herself in the stomach for distancing herself when he couldn't need her more.

"Excuse me for a moment," said Savannah airily as she walked out of the dining room and ran up the stairs.

She searched her room for fifteen minutes for her phone before finding it under her bed.

She charged it while she cleaned her room, keeping herself busy to keep her mind from anxious thoughts.

After returning from the laundry her phone lit up.

She unlocked it.

She had 127 missed calls and 79 text messages.

She disregarded them for the moment as she searched for the only person she needed to speak to.

She scrolled through her very short list of contacts and clicked the only name under 'M.'

After 7 unanswered calls, Savannah decided to send him a message.

She offered him her condolences, her time, her love and her apologies.

She wanted nothing more than to see Mitchell's face or hear his voice which she missed terribly, but she didn't want to come off too strong.

He was grieving too.

She took a long hot shower and still no reply from Mitchell.

Savannah couldn't blame him, after all, she was the one who pushed him away.

She just hoped, with everything in her that Mitchell was okay.