Sometimes, I wonder if my smile is already systematized. I don't know if it's real or a fake smile. But I know one thing, I always wear my true smile when I'm with Mina. Well, I used to.

I smile even if I'm sad or I'm hurt or scared because I do not want them to worry. I smile at them so they'll be in good mood. I smile because I think that is my role. Even when I'm tired, I'll just laugh it off through the day.

"I wanted to be you." Momo said looking seriously at me.

"Huh?"

"How can you still smile?! I know you're exhausted." She said scratching her head and I just laughed.

"I envy you." She added.

"What? I don't understand you." I stated.

"Aren't you really aware!?" Momo whined and I nodded innocently. She deep sighed. "You're literally near perfect."

That was the most hilarious compliment I have ever heard. I didn't know what to react so I just thanked Momo.

"Hey! I'm telling the truth!" She argued, probably she knows what I'm thinking. "I know you're not believing me."

I'm not literally near perfect nor an above average girl. I have my own struggles too, they just can't see it because I don't show it. I'm not too privileged. I have imperfections. I have high ambitions. But even with my flaws, I will always be grateful that Mina was always here by my side.

Come to think of it, when did I start having feelings for Mina? All I knew was that I suddenly felt it. Oh, but I do remember exactly when I started feeling strange.

It was that night of September.

Pulling her using the garden trolley I found, under the night sky. We just kept quiet until we got to her house. Truth be told, it was not literally quiet because I can hear my heart beats loud. I am glad that Mina could not hear my heart thumping. I stopped when she said that we were already in front of her house. Damn, her house is big.

"It seems that your parents are already asleep 'cause it's dark inside your house." I broke the silence.

"No." She pouts."They are still at work."

"I guess they are really busy." I said.

"Yeah, yeah. Too busy that they can't take care of me." Mina said while getting off the trolley. I helped her, held her arms, and guided her. "But it's fine, I am used to it." She looked at me smiling. She's like me, smiling whatever is the reason even if it's not worth smiling for.

"Are you okay?" I asked worryingly.

"Yes, I'm okay. My foot doesn't hurt so much anymore." She assured but that's not what I meant.

"Great." I said and smiled back. That gummy smile of hers always caught me. And I hate it. Wait. I hate it? No, I love it.

I didn't know what was happening to me, all I know is that I had so much fun the whole night.

"Good night then." She bid her goodbye but before she entered the house, I stopped her. I grabbed her wrist and she turned around with a questioning look. I was really cursing myself that time, I did it unconsciously. And I didn't know what to do.

"Do you feel sleepy?" I whispered and it seems like Mina did hear me because she replied 'Not yet'. And boom, I celebrated inside and I don't know why. I wanted to explode when she said that because all I know that I still want to be with her, that I don't want to let go of her hand.

...

Sitting in a warm ground outside Mina's house, five feet away from the gate, and five inch away from Mina. My heart never stops to beat fast especially when me and her are this close to each other. I made her sit down with my flannel shirt so she'll not get dirty. Watching the same glistening stars and the bright moon with Mina never made me this extremely happy. This is one of the millions of reasons of why I love Mina's company.

But there's more than that, more than watching the beautiful night sky. Observing the reflection of glimmering stars in Mina's crystal-like eyes. Her, watching the constellations is the best thing I've ever witnessed. And it feels like that I don't need the help of NASA just to catch sight of the universe when I'm literally seeing it in her.

I didn't know what to do and what to say but I can say that the silence was comforting. That night was calming. Mina's presence was soothing. The ambience was gentle. I wanted to sleep that time, embracing Mina, I don't care if we were outside or we were on the ground, all I care was the lulling mood.

"U-uhmm... If y-you..." I stuttered. I want to say something so it will not be awkward between us. Damn it! I’ll just say what first comes to my mind. I'll just risk it! "...If you want someone to dance with... I'm one call away, or one text away, or one shout away. Any way you want..." What am I even saying? Ahh, come what may...

"As long as it brings me to you."

She then turned around me and smiled. Something hit me straight in my chest when I saw her eyes. It was the first time I had seen such gaze of hers. She's merciless. That unbending gaze. Her stare was blank yet it was expressive. Maybe there is something in what I said? Mina closes the gap between us. She rested her head on my shoulder. That was the best feeling.

'A lump of steel, like a shooting star. Just seeing the same sky as you make familiar scenery look different. I swing between hope and despair at your slightest gesture, and my heart starts to play a melody. What kind of feeling is this again? What do they call this kind of feeling?'

Was all I could think and want to say to her.

But of course, happiness ends.

One day, I received a call that my father is in a brink of his death. He has bone cancer and I needed to work my ass off. That's why I study and work at the same time. Thankfully, he survived somehow. When I came out of the room where my father was confined, I bumped into a man in a suit.

"I'm sorry." I apologized.

"Do you know someone named Jeongyeon?" He asked and I was confused because it's impossible for a rich man to look for me and I don't have a big debt. "I am Jeongyeon, sir. Sorry but do I know you, sir?" I respectfully asked and he chuckled. "I am Mina's dad. I assume that you know her, right?" I nodded as response.

We talked outside because he needs something from me but he said that I don't need to worry because it will benefit me. But I have a bad feeling.

"I know you and my daughter are dating." He said with a monotone voice. I widened my eyes and became nervous.

"As much as you can, please stay away from Mina."

"B-But sir—"

"I know that your father is sick, I'll help you with that." He paused and sighed. Trying not to cry, I looked up at the sky. I know that he pitied me. "Listen, it's not that I'm against your relationship but I don't want it to hinder our dreams for my daughter... We are going to states after the school ended next month. I want Mina to have a better and brighter future. I hope you understand."

And that's when I learned that happiness is only temporary, a trial card. It was hard for me for the whole month to avoid Mina and I know that she was worried. Then, she found me and talked to me. She said that she doesn't want to go with her parents and she wants to stay with me,

So do I.

But not everything happens as you wish. Although, I'm thankful that Mina's dad kept his words, to help me treat my sick father.

The day when Mina leaves, sadness, uneasiness, and agitation. That was what all I could feel. Feeling hesitant, I want to run and follow her but I can't, not when my legs are trembling, my brain is shaking, and I'm being coward. But that's not all it takes for me just to standby, there's more powerful than those things. My desires. My yearning for her embrace, for her kisses, and for her presence. My love for her. Her love for me, her sweet smile, and her comfort. Our plans. My goals, her dreams, and our ambitions. So even with the smallest hope, I began to dash. Shouting her name from the bottom of my heart, sweats on my face, my difficulty in breathing. I didn't care about it.

Still, I was too late.

I didn't catch up with her because she had already left. So I waited and waited for her. Until one day, she came back with the news that she's getting married. It's funny and sad at the same time. But I'm thankful to Mina. I learned from her, from our relationship, and from the errors in my life.

But what if, what if I was never late? What if I never agreed to Mina's dad? What if I'm not a coward? What if I'm not stupid? What if I never met Mina? Will it ever change? My life and my fate?

At least, I learned something, we became happy even for a moment, I have discovers, and there's a small light in my life because of Mina. They say that 'at least' is better than 'what ifs'. At least, we tried. It just that it did not work out.