(Title intended to be read as the spongebob meme.)

They combed through his curls, pausing to trail along the curve of his cheekbone. Siles could smell August's lavender cologne. He kept his eyes shut for a moment, enjoying the tingling that followed wherever August touched.

Except August wasn't supposed to be with him. He was supposed to be back at the castle, safe from the Southern soldiers. Siles' eyes snapped open. He saw metal bars and dirt floors. The smell of rat droppings and stale air overwhelmed August's cologne. They were in a dungeon. He looked up and saw August's face above him, his wavy hair streaked with mud and grease. He hadn't escaped.

It was infuriating.

"I'm guessing you strolled back to the castle at a leisurely pace," Siles said.

August frowned. "What? No. I ran."

"Then how the hell did you get caught? You had a head start and those soldiers carried twenty pounds of armor each." Siles lifted his head from August's lap and shoved himself to his feet. He quickly regretted it, falling against the wall as the world rocked beneath him. The longer he stayed upright, the worse the rocking became. Darkness spotted his vision and nausea gripped his throat. He gave up, collapsing back onto the floor.

August leaned over him again, lifting his head back onto his lap. "Standing isn't so great. They've got us on some kind of drug. I think you're on a heavier dose since you're more of a threat." He brushed Siles' hair out of his face again. "I outran the soldiers. You held them back just fine. It was the Southern Queen's guests back at the castle who found me. One of the servants ratted out the passages in the walls."

Siles hadn't been sick since he was fifteen, when the flu had tried to burn him from the inside out. He had thrown up three times a day for seven days, wallowing in misery and complaining to anyone who would listen. He felt like that now, except with the flu the nausea had subsided each time he had emptied his stomach. This time, the nausea stayed, even as he gagged and coughed up air. He could feel a cold sweat precipitating on his burning skin. Maybe it would go away. He hadn't felt so terrible when he had first woken up. Maybe if he lay down for long enough, the nightmare would fade.

"Your buddy must be really dangerous if they gave him that much of the drug," a high voice said. Siles risked another bout of nausea to turn towards the sound. A teenage girl sat in the cell opposite theirs, her legs crossed and a book in her hands as if she were lounging in a library instead of a dungeon.

"Dangerous but beautiful," August replied.

Siles ignored him. "Why are you here?" he asked. The sight of the girl reminded him of Sonia and her followers, still wasting away in the castle dungeons.

"Tried to overthrow the Queen." The girl tried to sound casual, but Siles recognized the pride in her voice.

"The Queen? Do you mean the Southern Queen?" Siles asked.

"Queen Thalia, yea."

"So this is Thalia's dungeon?"

"Sure is."

Siles took a deep breath then released a deep sigh. He had expected as much, but the confirmation still made him feel worse. He shut his eyes and tried to focus on the feeling of August's fingers in his hair. The nausea had subsided somewhat, but the fire under his skin remained.

"Why did you try to overthrow her?" August asked the girl. "Were you upset about the disease outbreak?"

"Disease? I don't know of any disease. She's just a terrible person. She murders magic children and calls them demons. I mean, they're obviously unnatural, but it's never okay to kill kids."

Siles opened his eyes again, exchanging a glance with August. So the disease was a lie. Except that didn't make sense. He couldn't think of any reason why a queen would want to look weak. Even the kidnapping didn't make sense. Siles would understand it if Samira were still Queen, since she had been an accomplished queen-general. Her kidnapping would have unbalanced her kingdom's military. But Samira was dead and a pacifist had taken her place. If Thalia had wanted to go to war, she could have just declared war. There had to be something more to the Southern Queen's plan, Siles just didn't know what.

"Do you happen to know anything about an anti-magic poison?" Siles asked the girl. He pushed himself upright and sat against the wall so he could watch her expression for lies.

She twirled a strand of blonde hair as she answered, "I think so? I'm not sure, but I've heard the guards talk about some new chemical the alchemist developed."

"How recently did they start talking about it?" Siles asked.

She shrugged. "I can't count the days without daylight." She motioned towards the dungeon's only window. Wooden panels blocked their view of the world beyond it. "But I'd say it was somewhere between recently and a long time ago." She giggled to herself and flicked to the next page of her book.

August looked at him expectantly. "Do you have any theories?"

Siles shook his head. "No. None of this makes sense. Especially the fact that we're still alive. They should have killed us. I would have killed us if I were planning to overthrow your kingdom."

The girl's head jerked up from her book, her wide green eyes zeroing in on August. "Your kingdom? You're a king? Of where?"

August picked at his fingernails as if he were embarrassed about his own royalty. "I rule the Northern Kingdom. Or at least I used to."

"The demon kingdom," the girl said with awe. She broke into a toothy grin and finally set down her book, skittering towards the front of her cell to examine them more closely. "That must mean you're a magician. What can you do? Or what could you do, since I'll bet they've got you on some extra drugs to prevent any witchcraft."

"Read minds, control minds, move things with my mind. I didn't use the last part much after I finished school. It's usually simpler to use my hands to move things." August sighed. Siles couldn't imagine how August felt with his magic stripped away. He had barely kept his own sanity in check after losing his anti-magic.

The girl looked at Siles, now, her wide eyes darting around his face as if it would hint at his inner workings. "What about you? What can you do?"

Siles had stopped paying attention. He squinted at the lock on the cell door. He could feel his lock picking materials pressing against his left foot, still safe in their secret boot compartment. He could escape. Though he wouldn't make it far. He doubted he would be able to take more than ten steps with the drug swaying the ground beneath his feet. First, he would have to wait for the symptoms to subside. Then he would escape.

"I can't do anything," Siles finally answered.

"That's not true." August nudged him with his elbow. "Siles can block magic. Nothing affects him. He's probably the best fighter in the world, too."

The girl grinned. "Well, I'll bet that's why you're alive. The Queen probably thinks you're the chosen one or something. Anti-magic is anti-demon, y'know?" She turned her gaze to August. "Which would make you the collateral."

Siles' heart dropped in his chest. If August was the collateral, then Thalia could torture him to make Siles do what she wanted. He wouldn't be able to refuse, not with August's life on the line. Siles stared at the lock on the door. More than anything, he needed to escape. He just had to wait. The drug would wear off eventually. It had to.

The metallic clink of a set of keys found its way through his thoughts. Siles turned to the direction it came from, where the source of the sound quickly came into view. A dark-armored guard marched past the empty cells with a key ring in one hand and a candle in the other. From the guard's candlelit path, Siles realized he, August and the girl were the only prisoners in their section of the dungeon. The candlelight glanced off of smooth white shapes in some of the empty cells, like the bones of the captives once held there. But Siles didn't want to jump to conclusions. They were probably just rocks. Even though the dirt floor beneath him didn't even have pebbles. They had to be rocks.

Behind the guard, the hem of the Queen's flowing silver gown just barely avoided brushing the filthy dirt floor. She squinted at her dim surroundings, a handkerchief clutched delicately over her nose. Siles was surprised she didn't have more guards. Her prisoners were sedated, but still. She either had a lot of confidence, or the guard holding the keyring had a skillset similar to Siles'. Based on the awkward scrape of his armor as he walked, Siles decided the guard wasn't much of a threat.

The Queen stopped at their cell, of course. The girl across from them flipped her off, but Siles was the only one who noticed. Thalia briefly lowered her handkerchief so they could see her concerned frown. "You don't look well." She had fixed her gaze on Siles.

"A consequence of your drugs, from what I've heard," Siles replied.

She nodded sympathetically. "It's an unfortunate but necessary precaution. I've heard great things about you, but they'll only be great when you're on my side."

Siles glared at her. She was delusional if she thought he would ever be on her side. August didn't seem to notice the slight, however, as he leaned forward and indulged in his curiosity. "A pleasure to meet you again, your highness. Can I ask, why did you kidnap us? My replacement will be much more likely to attack your kingdom than I ever was. And why did you lie about the disease?"

The Queen pressed her handkerchief closer to her nose when she faced August, as if he were the source of the dungeon's smell. "I know perfectly well how bloodthirsty your companions are. I want the war. I just can't be the one to declare it, otherwise the surrounding kingdoms will recognize my plans for expansion. And anti-magic poison only works in warfare when the enemy doesn't know to prepare for a magicless battle. I need the element of surprise."

Siles couldn't help but nod as she spoke. "That is a clever strategy," he admitted. She must have intended for the disease rumor to attract an attack, resorting to the masquerade only when August's pacifism had threatened her plans.

The Queen beamed at him, her teeth flickering yellow in the candlelight. "I expected you would appreciate it. And I would love for you to help me carry it out. You have been chosen for this purpose. What I can only do with poison, you can do with your soul alone. How magnificent it must be to be immune to magic! You can help us overthrow the magicians and bring light to the poor innocents who bow under their rule." Passion filled her voice, like Amanda had sounded when she had been crowing to the crowds for a bloody war. Then the Queen looked at August again. The passion in her eyes faded to a glare. "Of course, you must cast aside your temptations," she said to Siles.

Siles considered his options. He couldn't fully go along with her plan, since the Queen would kill August if she didn't think she needed him as leverage. He couldn't not go along with her plan, either. He was counting on waiting out the effects of the drug, but they would probably drug his food. If he didn't eat, they would force him to. He had no hope of escaping so long as the drug remained in his system, so helping the Queen could be his only way out.

"I will help you if you let August go," Siles said.

The Queen examined each of them, eyeing the narrow space between them. Siles abruptly became aware of how close August's shoulder was to his. "I have heard rumors," the Queen said. "I didn't want to disrespect you by uttering them, but it seems that I must. The people of your kingdom believe that you have an... unholy relationship with your king. Such unnatural desires would be unacceptable in any soldier of mine."

Until the masquerade, Siles would have been able to deny such rumors. He had hidden behind a mask for so much of his life that his emotions had followed suit. But it didn't matter how he really felt. He could still lie. "Rumors are meant for entertainment, not for truth. I am friends with my king and as his guard I wish for his safety, but our relationship ends there."

Behind the Queen, the prisoner girl covered a laugh with a cough. Siles glared at her. She could give them away, if she wanted to. She had seen how they had interacted. He just had to hope that her hatred for the Queen outweighed any impulse to bargain her way out of the dungeons.

The Queen followed Siles' glare, but found nothing of interest. The girl bowed her head, staring at her empty lap. She had tucked the book into her shirt when the guard had first approached. Siles couldn't imagine how she had snuck such a thing into the dungeons in the first place. Thalia nodded to herself, but she still eyed the gap between Siles and August.

"I can promise to release him after we have won the war," the Queen offered.

Siles raised an eyebrow. "And if you win the war, what would you do with the magicians?"

She shrugged. "Execute them, I imagine. They are demons, after all."

Siles watched her face for some hint of hyperbole, but she wholeheartedly believed what she had said. If he went along with her plan, he might find an opportunity to break August free. But he dreaded to think of what the Queen might ask him to do. He had already put up with one lifetime of needless murder under Samira's command; he didn't want to deal with another.

Siles took a deep breath and resigned himself to his fate. "I don't believe in fairytales. I believe in people. Magicians aren't demons, and they don't deserve to be slaughtered. I won't be joining you anytime soon."

The Queen crumpled her handkerchief in a fist. "How disappointing that someone with such power would reject his destiny. You could be great, but instead you choose a path lined by the flames of Hell. Let me know when you change your mind. I will be happy to guide you to the light."

She flicked her dress as she turned, moving quickly enough that the guard had to jog to get ahead of her with the candle. His armor and the keys clanked and rattled until they faded into the far side of the dungeon. Siles made note of the turns they made for as long as he could see them. He would need to know the exit route if he and August were going to escape.

And they were going to escape. Siles just wished he knew what the castle above them looked like. If he only knew the foreign hallways, he could map out a route for August to escape on his own. The poison had made him a hindrance. Siles leaned against August and watched as the girl retrieved her book from the folds of her shirt. It was too large of a book to hide easily; she had had to slouch as she sat to hide its blocky shape beneath her shirt. Yet somehow, she had snuck it into the dungeons. Siles frowned.

"Where did you get that book?"

~