Arguably, I think that guilt is the worst emotion someone could feel. It's an emotion that eats you alive, consumes you and gradually builds up taller with time.

Knowing that you can't travel back in time to change something, that one single moment, makes you feel like a failure.

Like you've just lost a huge battle and can do absolutely nothing to change it. Knowing that things could have been a million times better, if only you could go back in time. Knowing that you could have saved people from being hurt. Knowing that you're better than that, worth a whole lot more and so were the people around you.

And then comes the worst part of it all. The 'what if' scenarios that are running constantly through your mind like an endless loop.

What if Nixon hadn't hurt me that day?

What if I slept over at Izzy's that night?

What if I didn't leave my room and continued to ignore the voices?

All these thoughts and questions were racing so fast through my mind when I caught sight of Mark. Formerly known as my allocated bodyguard.

He was walking in my direction, or should I say limping.

His face was distorted, covered with huge bruises that looked a day old, scratches and a swelled black eye. His arm was held closely to his chest like it was in pain and his blonde hair looked rugged. As soon as he caught my eye he looked away flinching. In that moment it dawned on me that I knew exactly who was responsible for this.

Aiden.

Clenching my jaw in an attempt not to spill any tears, I was so grateful that the school hall was empty. It was just the two of us.

The school nurse had let me out for lunch early after my non-negotiable daily check-up, courtesy of my Dad. With my arm still in a cast and sling, I had gotten a few stares but I was pretty sure that my brother threatened everyone enough not to ask questions or talk about what happened. Something I was grateful for. Me being a stranger to everyone is how I like it. It had been a few days since the incident and after pestering my family members, I was finally able to come back to school.

But this wasn't what I wanted.

And it really didn't help that yesterday I walked past Slutty Stacey, who in that brief moment sneered at me calling me an 'attention seeker', whilst her entourage burst into giggles. I was still trying to get over the thing with her and Nix- I mean, he who must not be named.

If it was even possible, the longer I kept my eyes on Mark the more I started to feel guilty, knowing that I was the cause of the condition that he was in. Damn Aiden and his stupid temper.

My heart started to feel like it was sinking and my movements turned slower. I couldn't even bring myself to take my eyes off of his face, even as he walked past me acting like I wasn't there. Not that I blamed him. It took every ounce of my self-control not to run up to him and cry my endless apologies.

The school bell suddenly startled me, making me jump slightly and within seconds students flooded the hall whilst I seemed glued to my spot by the lockers.

"Mara!" Turning around, my ears perked up at the sound of my name. Forcing an exaggerated smile, I was faced by my best friends who had worried looks on their faces.

"What's wrong guys?" I frowned in response.

Kayla shook her head at me in what I assumed was disappointment. "You were supposed to meet us by class so we could walk with you! What if someone bumped into you? You need to be careful with that arm of yours, in case you'd forgotten it's still broken,"

Right, another thing I felt horribly guilty about.

Being a burden.

I loved my family and friends with all my heart but they were all worrying unnecessarily.

First Dad with his condition that I could only go back to school if the nurse gave me a check-up during second period, every day. Then Aiden made a habit of ringing me before I slept to see how I was and still stupidly hell bent on his mission. And now the girls who wouldn't let me walk anywhere without them chauffeuring me.

I get that they were worried but I was honestly fine. I mean, it was just a broken arm. And the cut on my head was healing up nicely thanks to Jake who changed my bandage every night.

My red cast was covered with written jokes, doodles and signatures courtesy of my best friends and family, Carla included. And as if that wasn't enough, my bedroom would put our local florist to shame with the number of beautiful, way too over the top flower bouquets thanks to my Dad. He even surprised me with the gift he had promised to buy me from New York.

I actually burst into tears when a blue Tiffany box found its way into my hand.

Just thinking about everything they've done for me was making me feel overwhelmed with emotion, but I wasn't sure why. It was definitely between my head injury or my period.

Sighing deeply, I gave in to the girls and decided to let them worry and take care of me. "No, of course I haven't forgotten. Sorry guys guess I just got distracted,"

"It's fine. Just don't let it happen again or I'll break your other arm,"

I laughed, for what felt like the first time in a while.

During free period I found myself at the library, Kayla in tow.

Whilst I situated myself on one of the many extremely comfy navy bean bags, my best friend had been conversing, or in other words flirting, with the cute guy from English.

I kept taking peeks at the pair, occasionally looking up from my book to where she was leaning against the book shelf in the non-fiction aisle. Mainly because turning a book page one handed was a lot more difficult than you'd imagine.

He must have definitely caught her interest if she had been stood in the same spot for fifteen whole minutes whilst giggling at most of the things he said. Normally, if Kay got approached by a guy she'd brush him off no questions asked. Which was actually often. Even if said guy was an Abercrombie and Fitch model.

Or Zac Efron.

Which really begs the question: What in the name of cheese sticks did the lucky sucker do?

My concentration of staring their way was interrupted when a tall figure appeared in the corner of my eye, making me turn my head involuntarily. Gulping, I shifted in my seat closing the book in my hand and looked up warily at the boy in front of me. Though the word 'boy' really did him injustice.

"So let me guess, you tried to walk and chew gum at the same time?"

Trying to fight a smile on my face, I almost instantly felt at ease like I usually did with Ethan. Behind his teasing I could see that he had a mask of slight fear that I might run away from him. Again.

Not having a care in the world, I couldn't help myself. "Do me a favour and help the invalid up so she can hug you," I grinned in reply.

"Yes ma'am,"

All problems momentarily forgotten, I realised how much I actually missed the warmth that was Ethan when we hugged. Well, the best we could with a broken arm in the way.

"I missed you," I said stepping back.

Ethan sighed and gave me a deadpan expression. "I can't say the same,"

"Hey!" I retorted chuckling, lightly punching his arm.

"Just kidding, of course I missed you butt head. And it didn't help that you ran away from me faster than speedy gonzales last week,"

Frowning, the guilt started to sweep in. "I'm sorry Ethan I-"

"No apologies, we don't have to talk about what happened that day. Just know that as your best friend, I'm here when you're ready. And if my dickhead of a best friend needs a beating all you have to do is say the word," He smiled.

I started to feel my eyes welling up just at the mention of Nixon. I was fighting to avoid him and any thoughts of him altogether because it hurt too much to think about.

The person I was reluctantly falling for didn't want me. I was merely being used and then thrown away. Ethan must have seen my change of emotion as he looked at me worryingly and sighed in frustration.

"It's bad isn't it? Look I know what I said just now but we're throwing it out of the window. Mara tell me what happened," He gently held my right arm letting me know he was serious.

As if it was instinct, my gaze fell behind to where Kayla was. The key word being 'was'. It seemed like her and the cute guy had disappeared so I sighed in relief, took a deep breath and made eye contact with Ethan.

"I saw him last Friday, after school. I was walking home and he was following me with his car so I stopped. I kinda freaked out on him and told him to leave me alone. I-I was just sick of all the mixed signals and the secrecy Ethan, I couldn't handle it any more so I said I was done. He got angry afterwards, got out of the car, cornered me and said some not nice things," A stray tear fell down my cheek but I wiped it away.

I noticed Ethan's eyes getting darker and his jaw was slightly clenched. "Like what?"

"Well he said we never even started and that I was just entertainment. He told me to stop sticking my nose where it didn't belong and punched the car window beside me. I've never been so scared before so I ran away from him,"

Ethan surprised me by gently pulling me towards him for another hug.

"That idiot. I'm so sorry Mara. You didn't deserve that whatsoever. Whatever he said to you was complete bullshit, you are not any of those things," He hushed, stroking my head in comfort. I did everything in my power to not let the tears free fall down my face, but I was too late.

"I-It's not your fault," I sniffled. "But thank you,"

"It is, I'm the one who told him to open up to you more. But I didn't think he'd do this,"

"What?" I asked in confusion, pulling back.

"Nothing," He muttered. "I just didn't realise how much of a dumb fuck my best friend is. Knowing him I think he did it on purpose,"

My ears perked up. "What do you mean?"

Sighing deeply Ethan replied. "This is him pushing you away and he did it the only way he knows how. By being a dick,"

"But why would he do that?" My heart started beating twice as fast and I felt my face getting warmer. Nixon did it on purpose?

"I have no idea. But I promise you that I'll find out, but first I need to know what happened at the restaurant. I've not seen either of you around much since then. It's something to do with that isn't it,"

Doing a double take I repeated what Ethan had just said in my head. He hadn't seen Nixon around either. I thought that he was just avoiding me. I couldn't bring myself to tell the truth of who I saw Nixon talking to, I just couldn't.

If he knew why Stacey was such a big problem, then so would Nixon. But it surprises me as to why Nixon hadn't made an effort to find out. There was no way he knew our connection, it was impossible. He probably just didn't care enough of why I left. Besides, I was sure he'd already told Ethan his side of the story and I needed it to stay that way.

It wasn't worth the risk.

"I'm not ready Ethan. I'd rather just forget about it," I answered meekly looking down. I really hated this.

Ethan huffed rolling his eyes dramatically. "God, you're both just as stubborn as each other,"

"Nixon hasn't told you either?" I asked in surprise.

"I wish Mara Moo. No one seems to be telling me anything these days," He pouted mockingly which I realised was an attempt to get me to spill. I smiled shyly in reply, shaking my head.

"Fine. Let's just leave poor Ethan to fix everything,"

Smiling at his attempt to be dramatic, I couldn't help but ask what he meant. "Fix what?"

"Have you not been listening? I'm going to fix the two of you because clearly you both need a shove in the right direction,"

I opened my mouth to protest profoundly but Ethan beat me to it.

"And I also need to hear the true story of how you became an invalid,"

Before I could give a reply, I was interrupted by a different voice.

"Mar! Oh my god you won't believe what just happened! I'm going on a date!"

Ethan whipped his head to look at Kayla so fast, I was surprised he didn't have whiplash. Before I could get a sound out she sauntered away from us, ignoring Ethan. I reluctantly looked up at him to see a clenched jaw and clenched fists.

"If you'll excuse me Mara, I now have two things I have to fix,"