For the next hour and a half I sat still and stared straight ahead while absolutely nothing went through my mind. Not a single thought. In a way it was blissful. To not think or feel a thing either physically or mentally. I often wondered what it would be like to not have the ability to feel anything at all. Compared to what I've been through and how much my emotions have been messed with and altered, to not be able to feel seems like a sample of what I'd imagine heaven would be like. I came to the conclusion that having emotions that I have no control over, sucks.

I soon realized that I progressively began to loathe the idea of having emotions all together. They're were only a burden. I couldn't help but fantasize about how I'd handle my current predicament if I didn't possess feelings of any sort. I wanted to look upon the face of death and not flinch. In this case, I am not speaking of literal demise. I'm referring to Zhayne, who in my world, is death himself. He is a multitude of things, but death is a title that fit him exceptionally well.

A man who's claimed the lives of many and practically has the earth in the palm of his hand. I hated to admit it, but I have long ago accepted that he is formidable. His power and authority is far beyond something that I could even think of achieving. I have no place in this world of his, but he seems to think otherwise. I didn't dare speak against his word despite my hatred for him growing by the second.

I don't believe I was made to exist in this environment. At a point in time I tried convincing myself that I could adjust, but something always comes up to prove me wrong. There were so many things getting in the way of me possibly losing my mind and ending up exactly like everyone else in this underworld. Me losing my sanity was the only way I could grow accustomed to being around this man, but it doesn't sit right with me. I keep clinging onto the little bit of humanity in me that I have left.

I sometimes ask myself, wouldn't it be better if you just stop giving a fuck? Partially, I had to agree. It would be and I knew it. But there was still a small part of my sanity lingering, hanging by a cheap thread. It kept me from allowing myself to accept the endless void that is now my reality. I haven't fully accepted my fate yet because I still had something that my heart is heavily attached to. My soul. A part of my soul is living and breathing, and it's the very last thing that I have since I lost everything else. If I didn't have it, I'd be nothing. There would be nothing.

"You're trembling as always." Zhayne noted, tracing his bottom lip with his fingers as his eyes were trained on the diamond ring. Since arriving he'd hardly cared to take his focus off of the pretentious piece of jewelry. It was impossible to miss the dark look glimmering in his wicked pearls as they locked with the very object that would seal our fates together as one. "Not from fear though, this time." He observes, still looking at the beautiful and cursed ring. "Not now, at least." Zhayne's sick statement caused my feet to waver beneath me from alarm.

"What do you mean not now?" I hesitated to ask him, not sure if I wanted to hear his reply or not. His poor choice of words and his bluntness to go along with it is what often made my body react negatively, whether I feel queasy or perhaps like I'm going to pass out or something. I've noticed that nearly everything Zhayne did, it had a terrible effect on me physically, not just mentally.

"You have a bad habit of asking me stupid questions." The mass murderer mumbled, moving my hand away from his grasp. "There's an emotion or emotions that you have yet to act on." He told me, only managing to puzzle me further. He sensed this and a look of annoyance crossed his features.

"What are you, Angel?" Zhayne asked, watching me intensely through my mirror as he sat down on my bed, fingers intertwined. I felt inferior just by being the sole focus of his attention, and even though that was nothing new, I still had the same reaction. I looked away from him and glanced down toward the floor, taking in the pitiful image of my bruised up feet.

I bit my swollen lip, thinking about what he'd inquired of me. What am I? "I don't think I understand your question Zhayne." I spoke quietly, allowing my thoughts to wander for a quick moment as Zhayne took his time to reply. I never understood him. He always asked me odd questions that I never knew the answer to, or why he was asking me such things.

"Look down at your right hand and answer my question." He commanded me. I knew better than to do other than what he's ordered of me despite the unsettling feeling of my gut twisting up in my stomach at his simple but sickening demand. I wanted to gouge my eyes out of my head since I felt nothing but utter repulsion upon slowly lifting my right hand to my face.

The large diamond ring glowered spitefully back at me as it glimmered intensely in the light, nearly taking away my vision from how bright it was shining. It was as if it wanted to make me feel worse, standing out as a reminder that I was indeed stuck in a toxic situation that I'll likely never be free from. Sometimes I feel like Zhayne just put this ring on my finger to spite me, not because he wanted to marry me, or because of his deplorable obsession with me.

He likely forced this upon me to remind me that he was the one in charge of this game. This reality of his and mine. In this world, he was similar to that of a god and that was what came to mind whenever I stared at this stupid ring encasing my finger. The revulsion from just taking in the sight of it soon became too strong for me to bear, so I dropped it back to my side and clenched it into a tight fist. I slid my hand back into the sleeve of my sweater to hide the ring as I always did.

The word left my mouth before I could stop myself. "Engaged." Disgusting. I wanted to wash my mouth clean all of a sudden, as it had felt bitter and caused my insides to churn. I almost closed my eyes and kept myself from releasing a shout of pure fright as I felt him stand up. Slowly, he stalked his way over to me and stood not too far behind my body in the mirror.

I avoided looking at his expression as I focused on attempting to keep myself composed in my own home. Think about your mother. "Don't fuck with me." Zhayne immediately responded. I tensed up hearing the sudden shift in his voice. This time my fear ran deep, turning my blood to freezing ice. "Answer my question correctly. Be prudent with your choice of words." I already had an idea of what he wanted me to say. No. I knew exactly how he wanted me to respond. I'm no fool.

"Yours."

He hummed. "Correct, but not quite the answer I want to hear." I cursed as Zhayne gracefully lifted himself from the edge of my mattress and made his way over to me. Keeping myself composed I stood still, tensed up as he approaches me from behind and grabs my hand with the pretentious diamond ring glimmering over top of it. Again. Like I always did, I avoided looking at it. Even as Zhayne's large fingers caressed the silver band of the ring tenderly, I didn't dare to glance at it. "This ring represents what?"

I swallowed. "Marriage."

"Who's marriage?" He pressed.

"Ours." I whispered.

"Yes." Zhayne lifted my hand to his face and murmured once for me to look at it again. There was a hint of a warning in his tone that told me not to make him wait for me to do as he commanded of me. He was not one who cared to spare me no matter how big or small the problem may be. Besides, I wouldn't do such a reckless thing as he stands in my room. The last thing Zhayne is, is patient, contrary to what he believes in that worrisome head of his. "What does this ring mean for you?" He tapped the unbreakable diamond.

What does this ring mean? I asked myself. It was funny that he inquired such a thing. Part of me believes he only asked this to fuck with me, to see if I had grown bold enough to voice how I really feel about this god forsaken ring that just so happens to take a toll on my mental health every time I glance at it. I think this ring symbolizes nothing but my misery. It reminds me of everything that I had gone through these last couple of months and the fact that I am still alive to go through more hell. This cancerous thing encasing my finger is set as a reminder that it is the only reason why my mother and I are alive. Life and death. That is what this ring symbolizes.

"Tell me what we have in common, Angel." Zhayne's tone was condescending. Tremors shot throughout me as I sensed a devilish smirk playing on his otherworldly features. He was getting a kick out of messing with me, like he always did. Zhayne knew how to get into my head without the slightest bit of effort. I despised the thought of having any similar qualities with this awful excuse of a man. "What do we share, now?" He specified his taunting question.

Despite my anger I replied almost robotically. "The..." I hesitated for a quick second, finding it to be a challenge to finish what needed to be said. "-s-same last name." I replied before he lost his patience with me. The salty liquid piled behind my tear ducts, practically screaming for release but I refused to let them have their way. I sucked in a breath and tried to keep my trembling hand still within Zhayne's firm grip.

"Tell me what your name is." He taunted, strong voice echoing throughout the vacant room, coating my entire body in fear.

The question I had been dreading, he had asked me. I knew it was coming but I barely managed to prepare myself to hear it and respond accordingly. Things always seem to go better when I envision it in my mind, but once it happens in reality I second guess everything. I knew the question would ultimately make my stomach descend through the floor beneath my quivering feet, but I hadn't known that I'd have a physical reaction in my stomach.

The feeling of my gut twisting and becoming heavy as the familiar bitter taste of bile built up in my taste buds soon alarmed me that I could be hurling up everything I had consumed since yesterday night. I scrunched my face up and repeated over and over in my mind that I would be okay and that it's no big deal even though it is. They were just empty words I uttered to myself in my thoughts in attempts to ease my invincible anxiety which I could never seem to overcome. With each day it grows stronger while I lose everything. It becomes clearer to me by each passing hour that I am fighting a loosing battle.

I braced myself as if I were getting ready to take a long leap off of a cliff. Right this second I couldn't deny that that sounded like absolute heaven right now compared to this. Deep down I was fully aware of which one I would choose if I had to pick between the two. Quite frankly, it was a no brainer. "Angel...Do-" I choked on my words, feeling a sudden sob wanting to rise from within my throat. Zhayne tightened his hand around mine as my eyes bore into the diamond, warning me that I was running out of time.

Without him having to tell me I know he was saying I needed to get my shut together before he decided he would do it for me. Whenever he has to intervene in something he views as unnecessary or an inconvenience, nothing ends well for me. Or anyone, for that matter. A ruthless man is ruthless under any circumstance and no one is ever exempt from his anger. "Angel Donovan." I shakily released the dreaded words from my taut lips.

"Good." I felt like a dog being praised and it made me want to spit on him, to make him feel degraded for just a second. That's how his praise felt to me. Like he was degrading me. "Since we have made that clear. I hope you are aware that name means changes will be made." I saw a hint of a smirk on his lips. There was no humor in it at all.

"I don't understand."

"I won't tolerate your weakness anymore. I've put up with it for a long time but I won't continue. Once you become a member of my family you will be reborn. I'll see to it that you will be fit to rule by my side." He said bluntly. "You can't stand the idea of being like me and I understand that, though I don't care for it. But once this marriage becomes official you will not be the same. My word is final. I won't let you continue to play helpless victim with me because you aren't one. Had that been the case you would have been dead and that pretty skin and head of yours would have been on my wall for display long ago." A violent chill went through me. "Angel, this calm facade of yours can only last for so long. My only job is to see how long you can hold on for."

There was nothing but silence that lingered between us for the next minute or so. I steadied my breathing as Zhayne maneuvered my hand out of my face and released the slightly trembling limb, causing it to fall right by my side. I then avoided my pitiful reflection the way I always did. Especially during moments like these when I felt like every bit of my dignity had just been snatched away from me without any effort given. Zhayne didn't have to try to make me powerless. He just did.

"You are tense." He observed, bracing a single hand on my waist to turn me around to face him. For a second I averted my gaze from his blank awaiting stare awaiting mine, but I knew I couldn't deny him of my eyes for too long so I reluctantly locked mine with his after I was completely sure they were dry of any tears. Of course I hadn't been able to fool him. Zhayne was quickly able to tell that I had been holding back from releasing tears, but he didn't question me. "Come. Put yourself at ease." He followed up, out stretching his arms for me to walk into them.

I stopped in my tracks immediately and questioned if this situation was real or not. Is he being serious? Is Zhayne just playing at one of his games? I was extremely pensive, thinking about the possibility of this being a trap of some sort. He had to be fucking with my mind again. Nothing he does is ever with the intent to comfort me or 'put me at ease.' This man is sick. I found comfort in anything that didn't involve the source of my anxiety. I kept myself from stepping even an inch away from him, to keep the easily angered man from hurting me again. There was no telling what he would do to me this time around and I don't want to waste one second thinking about it.

I lifted a shaky finger and pointed it in his direction, causing the taller man to frown in utter distaste at my response to him. "Y-you're-" he didn't allow me to finish what would have most likely been nothing an incoherent sentence. Whenever Zhayne caught me off guard my ability to speak correctly went out the door. I was similar to that of a fish out of water.

As soon as Zhayne lessened the distance between us, my fingers caught him and clenched the hem of his dress shirt. "Open your arms and embrace me Angel." He spoke huskily against the curve of my neck. "I am your husband after all. Isn't it normal for us to hold each other, love?" He asked me with a slightly playful yet sinister undertone to his voice. I don't know what he was playing at but I know for a fact that his intentions aren't pure. "Besides, you don't need to be so hesitant," Zhayne added with finality. I visibly stilled, feeling his lips pull into a large smile against my neck.

"-because it's not like I'm raping you."

"Hold it, Angel. I won't say it again."

A loud sob ebbed from my sore throat at his agonizing words as he roughly dragged me back against his face, his toxic tongue meeting me halfway. "P-please please-" I begged him desperately, wriggling my hips in a fruitless attempt to escape from his powerful grasp but to no avail. "Slow down! S-slow down please." I cried out, sinking my nails deep into his scalp as my trembling body struggled to sit itself up. "I'll cum e-early Zhayne please-"

I choked on a shameful moan, feeling my abdomen begin to twitch from me clenching my stomach to help withhold my orgasm. "Please!" My teardrops fell into his loose, vibrant blonde tresses. It was getting harder by the second for me to keep myself from cumming. The way he devoured me, stopping occasionally to tenderly press his thick lips against my swollen hole was enough to send me over the edge. But I was too scared to disobey his command. I knew he would fuck me up if I came before he gave me permission.

I could almost feel his devilish smile against me as he continued his assault on the most intimate part of my physique. My body burned and every muscle was starting to ache from how taut they had been for so long. I cursed and wrapped my legs around his neck as my cries got louder. Sensing my body subconsciously trying to move away from him, he tightened his grip on my bruised thighs.

He pulled away for a split second, but not to stop his movements. Zhayne's tongue still lingered inside of me, moving continuously in a dangerous motion. His dark eyes slowly caressed my body glistening with sweat possessively before he lifted them to my face, somehow managing to make my orgasm harder to keep at bay. "Look at me when I do this to you. I want to see your crying face."

My head tossed back, causing the hair clip to fall and my strands cascaded down my figure, sticking to my quivering body. I held onto the back of Zhayne's head with a death grip, legs shaking on either side of his head before I angled my neck to lock my tear filled orbs with his. "Zhayne, p-please." My hips twitched forward, causing his tongue to press into me some more. Stars began to fill the corners of my impaired vision. "I-I can't I can't I can't." I chanted, feeling tears well up in my eyes again from fear. "I can't h-hold it. I-"

"Shut up, Angel." Zhayne deeply rasped from in between my thighs as my back fell against the cold mattress. My bottom half lifted into the air and the string of pleas never stopped slipping from my salivating mouth. Each and every part of my body was going crazy, itching, throbbing for that familiar taste of pleasure which caused my soul to descend into the unknown. Dark, haunting, but blissful.

He grabbed me by my hips, slowly maneuvering himself up into a standing position, taking my body with him. If it weren't for my lethargic state I would have cried out in astonishment but I didn't have it in me to, since every cell in my body was focused on stalling my orgasm. With my legs hooked over his shoulders and my thighs still clenching tightly around his head, I squeezed them together against him and looked toward the ceiling, allowing a lowly spoken prayer to leave my mouth.

My toes curled against his broad back as Zhayne kept me braced on his shoulders, holding me down securely with one hand on my tense thighs while the other fisted a handful of my ass, groping me painfully. He tightened his grasp on my shaking lower half as he slowly trotted his way from the center of my room to the wall, not faltering in his skillful movements. Pleasure soon began to grow into nothing but pain and I sensed that I wouldn't be able to hold back for much longer. My orgasm was catching up to me, and fast.