I wrote this while listening to the song above, thought that it might be interesting to share and let you listen while reading

—

You can't sleep. Your shoulder hurts, your pelvis hurts, your head hurts— everything hurts.

"Why don't sleep." You shuddered, that sounded more like a command instead of a question. The man is waiting for you to become unconscious so that he can chase down the woman you freed.

"...painful.." you mumbled in his chest. Mayanka gently ran his fingers down your hair.

"What painful?"

"Everything." You replied monotonously.

This made Mayanka get out of bed and travel somewhere else to take something.

You wonder, what if, on the day you and him first met, you refused to submit to his sexual urges? Would he leave you alone?

You gulped, should you ask this one question that's been plaguing your mind? Or should you let it be?

Mayanka came back with a cup of drinkable water from his filter and a blister pack of pills.

"What the... where did you get that?" You asked, rubbing your temples.

"No need to know." He popped a white pill out in his hand and pushed it against your lips.

"W-wait, what is it?" You were reluctant to consume this mystery pill.

"Medicine for stop pain. I cannot read English, but I think it is acetaminophen in Vuzinia." Wow, that is a big word for a big man like Mayanka.

He showed you the blister pack, it does say acetaminophen. What exactly is he learning back in Vuzinia?

"Thanks..." you swallowed it and washed the painkiller down with the cup of drinkable water. Mayanka brushed strands of hair off your face, smoothening them on the sides too.

"Sleep." He set the medicine and cup aside.

"I-I have a question." Mayanka sighed and then nodded.

"Well, several questions actually. What... what would happen if I didn't beg for forgiveness when we first met? Would you still..." you cringed at what you're about to ask.

"...rape me?"

Mayanka furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Looks like he doesn't really understand what you're saying.

"I cannot understand." That confirmed your suspicions.

"I mean like, do you remember the day we first met? My first time meeting you." You slowed your words.

"Yes. You hit me." Mayanka crawled into bed with you, bringing your smaller frame close to his large one.

"Y-yeah, and you kicked me out, correct?" He nodded.

"...and then I said 'sorry'."

"Yes. Then I forgive and let you go in." Mayanka muttered, cuddling you.

"What if, what if I did not say sorry? Like, I just run away. Would you rape me then?" You shuddered at the uncomfortable word.

Mayanka paused for a while to think about his answer.

"No." A short grunt escaped his lips.

You should have just left Mayanka alone then—

"But I will find and kill you when sky bright. If you no say sorry before." Okay, maybe it wasn't a good opportunity lost.

"Why— why didn't you just kill me after I hit you?"

"Because I am not hungry before. I finished my food already— I eat you later for breakfast." Mayanka moistened his lips before continuing.

"I see you as little wife when you eat my food, when I rape you, when I take care of you. If not little wife, you are food. I kill and eat food. Very easy." Mayanka pressed a kiss on your forehead.

"...have you..." you fidget with your fingers, should you ask him this question? Will he get upset?

"What?"

"Have you ever used your chickens as a... sex toy or something?" He scrunched his nose in disgust.

"No. It's like sex with Salak. Do you want to sex Salak?" You shook your head. That was a terrible analogy.

"I don't rape food. It is wrong and... menjijikkan. I don't know English word, but it is not good."

Good, the chickens or wild boars didn't suffer a fate that you would never wish upon your worst enemies. That also meant Mayanka does not rape out of arousal, but out of something else.

"What if I had children, were-were you going to rape them too...?" The thought of it sickened you.

Surprisingly, it seem to have sickened Mayanka too. You widened your eyes when you saw him involuntarily gag.

"No! That is wrong. Children is children. Wife is wife. Different things, different love. If you rape children, I will tie you and not let you near. Maybe I even kill you if you don't stop." He gently flicked you on the forehead.

What.

You were speechless. It's so difficult to solve this puzzle of a man. You expected him to say 'yes' because from what he told you, sexual assault and rape is normalized in his family. Yet he understand that incestuous rape is wrong... you're glad that he think it is, but you're extemely baffled.

He doesn't see rape on it's own to be wrong?

"So... you think... rape is love?"

"Only to wife or husband. Only when wife or husband do wrong." He sees it as a punishment, but not exclusively to women. What was he punishing you for in the first year? For not having children?

"Then... do you think your mother and father loved each other?"

"No."

"What? Why??" You remember him telling you that they regularly sexually assault each other.

"They hit each other. They rape when no wrong, they don't rape to get children, they shout bad things, they make each other bleed..." He listed.

From what you can infer, Mayanka only rapes you IF you wronged him or if he wanted children. That explains why he stopped and resorted to open masturbation after you told Mayanka that you couldn't conceive a child.

He's still a horrible person and you still wish for him to suffer.

"So... how many children did you initially want?"

"Four. Three male, one female. One brother help me hunt, other brother protect sister and wife. Last brother cook for sister and wife."

"What does the sister do?"

"Make brothers happy and take care of wife." Your soul sunk, what does he mean by that?

"W-what do you mean by make brothers happy...?" You crossed your fingers, praying that Mayanka doesn't intend to use your hypothetical daughter as a sex toy for her hypothetical brothers.

"Stay cute. Kiss, hug, play."

"N-no rape, right...?"

"No! Bad! Different love! I kill the brother who rape sister and I kill the small children from sister." You let out the longest sigh of relief in your life.

At least incest is dead wrong in his eyes. But does he have to go that far to kill the baby? You don't know what to think about that and you try not to.

"What if, let's say, I gave birth to all four girls. What are you going to do with them?"

"You ask so many questions but cannot give me children." A stiff laugh was released.

"Same, three girls become brother. One girls become sister." Well, that's incredibly vague. You assume it's going to be the same scenario if you gave birth to all male.

You just hope that he wouldn't castrate your hypothetical son to turn him into a daughter.

"What if we had twins or something— like more than four kids?"

"I kill the one I don't like until four children. I cannot feed so many children."

"Will you eat your own children?"

"Yes. If not, it will waste. The children is dead." You gulped, that's horrible.

"What if I was male, will you still see me as a male wife... husband or something?" You asked.

"No. Food. Man cannot give me children."

"Alright." You pursed your lips.

"But wait, I can't give you children either. Why don't you take the other girl as your wife instead? The one that I let go, she can give you children!" Mayanka glared at you for bringing that up.

"You are my wife. Not she."

"But she could have given you children!"

"I don't care because I only want YOUR children. No one else children. If you cannot give me children, then I don't have children. Any human not you is food. You are my wife and no one can change. Easy, finished."

Mayanka doesn't seem too happy to continue this topic. So you dropped it.

He is... loyal. A trait that you find attractive in a person, sadly Mayanka RUINED it too. You find his loyalty extremely off-putting.

"What about this, what if I was a child when I first met you, will you still do the same things you did to me?" You crossed your fingers again, hoping the answer you're going to receive is not ugly.

"If you are too small, I see you as my children even until old, until your hair become white. If you are male child, I will teach you to hunt with me. I don't rape or show you my private parts. But if you are old enough, then wife."

"How old is 'old enough to be wife'?"

"When you look adult and you bleed from your private parts. Like twenty years old."

That wasn't so bad. But it still is concerning.

"But how do you know if I'm at least twenty? I didn't have my period when I first got here."

"You look like thirty five year old and I do test on your hands." Ouch, you're only 25.

Test on your hands? You assume that he's talking about the skin elasticity test... well, that is pretty accurate— does that mean you passed as a 35 year old in his test?!

"What if I was really old, like eighty years old?"

"Then, you are food. You cannot give me children or live very long time." Oh.

"How old are you, Mayanka?" You're curious. But frightened.

"Thirty six years." Your eyebrows shot up, huh. You're correct then, you predicted his age to be in that range.

"You?" He questioned back.

"I'm actually only twenty five..." you scratched the back of your head, his eyes momentarily bulged out in shock.

"You look old." He bluntly remarked.

"Yeah, get that a lot." You grumbled.

"That's it. When I get back, I'm doing plastic surgery." You silently grit your teeth.

"I see that is why you act like a children. Stubborn and sometimes annoying." He pinched your cheeks.

"Ow!" You tried prying his fingers away.

"But very cute." Mayanka kissed the tip of your nose.

Another question popped up in your head.

"What if I'm not 'cute' to you, are you gonna see me as food?" You asked.

"You are always cute to me."

"No I mean—"

"You are always cute to me." You sensed a warning undertone in his voice, you took it as a signal to drop this line of conversation.

"Um..." you didn't want to sleep yet. He might just go and kill that woman while you're unconscious. You're buying time by talking to him.

"Where do you get all these stuff? Like the bed, the cooking pans, the pots, the plates and bowls..."

"Vuzinia."

"Yeah, I know. But how??"

"The broken plane." He must be refering to the plane wreck in the middle of the jungle.

"Did you... did you come here with on plane?" He nodded.

"How long ago?"

"Twenty years ago." Wow. That is a long time.

"But why— why did you choose to take the luggages out from the cargo section only last year?"

"Because I need to take things for you."

"Then, how did you get all of these without breaking the door and metal cage in the first place?" You pointed at the mattress, pillows and unusually thick and large blanket.

"Plane. I steal from soft chair and they give small blanket in plastic bag. I stick them together to make big, thick blanket." He held it up in his hand and gently stretched it to reveal neat, hidden stitches.

Hm, twenty years is a long time. He could have built a huge mattress from the stuffing of the airline seats... you assume that he gets his sewing equipment from a handcarry luggage— wait a minute.

If that is a Vuzinian plane, how come there is a book in English? The survival guide, isn't it illegal to have any media that is in an official language?

And what happened to the rest of the passengers?

"Mayanka, how did you crash here?"

"I pay." You raised an eyebrow.

"What? Pay what? Pay who? Pay to do what? Where was that plane originally going? What was your initial plan? How did you escape your family? How did you acquire these survival skills? Where are all the passengers? Did you eat every single one of them? Was your family with you?" Mayanka is swamped with your questions, you spoke too fast for him to absorb and process.

He stared deep into your (e/c) eyes. You're so energetic and active, it's unlikely you'll sleep in the next few hours.

He sighed, sticking his hand under the bedframe.

"What are you doing?" You asked.

"Wait." He pulled out a device and pushed a few buttons.

"What's that?"

Mayanka replied in Vuzinian or Arabic. You can't catch what he said—

"" Now your attention is on the device. Neat! It speaks!

"When did you get this!?"

"You jolted in shock when it audibly translated your words.

"La daei lilmaerifa." His lips were near the microphone.

He temporarily switched it off so it doesn't translate his words.

"You ask so fast. I cannot understand, we use this." You nodded.

He switched it back on and spoke.

"Madha turid 'an taerf?"

It sounded different when he speaks in a language he's perfectly fluent it. His voice is smoother and the words rolled out of his tongue like it's nothing.

It took a second to process his words before translating back to English.