Now, don't get me wrong. I love this Ianite, and she is an amazing and beautiful woman. However, nobody can blame me for missing my family back home, can they?

It had been almost 10 years since I'd seen my wife, or her brothers. While they didn't get along much, it was nothing compared to the rivalry between the siblings here. I missed my strong son, Helgrind, and my sweet daughter, Martha. I hadn't gotten to spend a lot of time with my grandchildren, Andor and Alva, but I know I would've loved them.

Let's face it. Everyone here, to some extent, was homesick. They might say how much they loved constantly being in danger, but everyone wanted to go back to Ruxomar. Maybe it was the fact that the Realm of Mianite was almost completely empty of people.

I sometimes wondered how Ianite was dealing without me. Hopefully she hadn't been too upset, and hopefully her children were there to comfort her.

Life had spiraled way, way downhill since Spark had left. I knew that I was insane, and Helgrind had a good reason to have me banished. However, that is no justification for what came next.

I had to listen in horror as Sparklez told me of what he had seen in the Inertia prison. My beautiful son, born with so much potential, abused his poor son for believing in me. Precious Andor remembered me, and recognized my full potential. And what does he get for it? He gets beaten up in prison.

Dianite is dead. Mianite is rising back to power. I know that I'll be forced to retreat to the End at some point, but I don't want to admit it to anyone. Secrets like that must stay with me. I couldn't do that to poor Sparklez. He deserved a better goddess.

Martha is trying her hardest, poor soul, but she is nothing compared to the powers of a god. I'm afraid that the ritual she is attempting will break her, and I can't afford to lose anyone else. She and Andor are the only good members of the family I have left.

I sometimes wonder how Spark is doing, and where he is. I like to think that he and the three others made it to a safe place, where they can be free of Ruxomar's problems, but I seriously doubt it. The four heroes here barely survived, and Spark is an old man.

Things have been getting worse lately, and I can't help but think that I've been letting Ianite down. The goddess herself believed in me enough to fall in love with me, and I'm even more useless than a brick in about every situation.

The other day, one of Alyssa's dreams upset her so much that she woke up sobbing, and couldn't stop. She eventually ended up puking, and it took hours to get her to calm down fully. It was mostly the others calming her down, and me standing on the side and panicking. Is this all I'm good for?

Mot and Jeriah got into fights often, and they wouldn't let me or Alyssa interfere. Neither of us could physically intervene, since she was too small and I was too frail. I could just watch helplessly as the two of them yelled and pushed each other around.

I sometimes wish I could speak to Alyssa, and give her some kind of reassurance. The only problem is that there's nothing I could tell her that wouldn't be an obvious lie, and she already has something against me.

I am good for nothing anymore.

I sometimes wonder how Dagrun, the town I built, is doing. I hope that it is in good shape, with Helgrind and Freya running it. Although I don't have much hope. After all, Ruxomar was almost as messed up as this realm. Who knows what could have happened?

I stared out at the crumbling city of Dagrun, fighting back tears. This was the town that Spark spent years building, just to impress me. And now he was gone, and this was all I have left of him. Although I didn't really blame Sparklez for wanting to destroy it. It had gone to waste in the many years that Helgrind had been running it.

Speaking of Sparklez, I was falling in love with him. Perhaps I was being weak, a goddess chasing a mortal, but I couldn't help myself. Sparklez was a wonderful person, not to mention how much he reminds me of my husband.

And I know what you must be thinking. It's cheating, even if it is Spark's alternate. And I know it is, if Spark is still alive. Although I wished he was okay in the Realm of Mianite, I couldn't help but worry. Based on Sparklez's stories, there were incredibly destructive people out there, looking for blood. Ianite worshippers were the most hated, apparently. I shudder to think of the danger that could come to an old man like him.

I don't know what will become of me. I can feel myself fading away already, and I am not satisfied yet. There is still so much I have to do.

I am afraid for the future.