Rasha

''See what I mean?! You think you can control-'' Before I even finished my sentence I felt him pulling me by the back of my neck and onto his lips. My eyes squeeze shut as my whole body froze, It was like body knew what was going and not my brain. His soft, perfect lips were moving roughly against my lips. He was kissing them so roughly and hard, but at the same time, it felt loving. I didn't know if I was kissing him back, but I knew that my lips were following his. His lips full in mine, I could even taste the energy drink he had been drinking. My heart was racing so fast as my whole body was tingling, gosh this moment. How could something so wrong feel so right?

I tried to pull away by pushing his chest but he succeeded with grabbing my hands and wrapping them around his neck. His hand traveled down to my waist as he pulled me closer to him. The sound of us kissing made my heart flutter like crazy, it was like music to my ears. But I wanted it to stop, my brain wanted him to stop because I knew this was wrong. But my body, oh gosh my body was screaming for him to keep kissing me. A few seconds later he finally pulls away, I felt his forehead resting on mine as we were trying to catch our breaths. My eyes were still shut, I didn't dare to look at him. But I had to.

I slowly opened them and looked at his eyes as he did the same. I was surprised, so was my body. My heart is still racing, it feels like the butterflies in my stomach is still laughing and my body felt like jelly. ''Saiid...'' I whispered, but it sounded more like a moan. He held my face and kissed my lips one more time.

''I would never want to hurt, I can't even stand to see you shed a tear. I never planned on hurting you like this, I never even planned to hurt you. And I don't care If I can kiss the hottest woman in this world, I don't even care if the hottest women beg for me.'' He took a deep breath before he continued. ''Because you know what? I will only be busy with begging for you until I have you in my arms forever.''

I looked deeply into his eyes as my body started screaming of excitement. My body understood what he was saying, but my mind, damn my mind forget how to even speak English. He brushed his nose against my nose before he spoke. ''Rasha, I love you. I love you more than anyone else in this world. I love you so fucking much that you've made me want to die for you. You don't know what you've done to me, gosh Rasha when you smile at me, laugh, joke or even when you just look at me with those adorable eyes of yours it makes want to make you mine, only mine. These girls, Rasha these girls have nothing on you.''

My jaw was about to drop of utter shock, it felt like something electric shocked me. I started shaking, he loves me. He just told me he loves me, he loves more than anyone else. He wants to make me his, Mr.Bashar fucking loves me... I couldn't believe it, I couldn't believe my ears. My heart, fuck my heart was about to explode of how loud and fast it was racing. It was allowing all the words he spat out, but my brain was warning me. It was telling me to run, run and never come back. My brain didn't want this, and I don't know why. But I loved him too, I loved him so freaking much too. Why wouldn't my brain want this.

Rasha, get yourself together! This is your fucking teacher! You just kissed your fucking teacher! This is wrong, what if you get caught by someone? You would get expelled and he would lose his job, your parents would find out and omg you would both end up in trouble.

''Rash-'' I interrupted him by shaking my head slowly. My hands traveled down to his hands where he was holding my waist, I made him let go of me as I looked at him. He looked at me with confusing eyes, ''You shouldn't have done that, you shouldn't have kissed me.'' I said with a trembling serious tone. There's a silence between us., he was thinking. Thinking of what he should say next, ''You don't have to say anything, in fact, don't do anything. I'll just leave and pretend this never happened.''

When I tried to leave he grabbed my wrist from stopping me to leave. ''Rasha, what do you mean pretend this never happened?'' I gulp as I heard his deep voice rasing. I looked down at the floor, ''That we kissed, I will pretend we didn't kiss. I will pretend you never told me you loved me or that you'd die for me. You probably said it too comfort me, I was overreacting and acting stupid. Because, you know, there will never be something between us.'' I said. Then I looked at him looking at me with wide-open eyes, he was probably shocked.

I nodded before I walked out. As soon as I get out of the classroom tears started flooding down my eyes, what the fuck did I just do? What fuck did I just say, why did I act like that? What is going on with me, I'm going to kill myself. We kissed, Mr.Bashar and I kissed. My first kiss, he took my first kiss. I still can't believe we kissed, it was unexpected. I didn't know this would happen, i know didn't this would go this far. What have I done? What the fuck did I do?

''Rasha where have- what the fuck! Why are you crying?!'' Donia almost shouted, I covered her mouth. ''Shh, shut up!'' I burst out. She took my hand off her mouth, she looked at me with widened eyes. ''Why are crying?'' She lowered her voice this time. I looked away for a second, I didn't want to tell her. I can't tell her, I can't tell her we kissed, I can't tell her he told me he loved me. I can't tell her anything, I can't take the risk. ''Nothing, I had a small fight with Mr.Bashar.'' I lie. She sighs, ''I swear you two act like a married couple. Can't you two admit you like each other?!'' She stamps her foot on the hallway floor. I shook my head and walked towards the girl's bathroom with Donia walking behind me laughing.

Saiid

I placed my hand on my chest, it felt like was heart was about to explode. What she said, god it fucking destroyed me. Even though she was right, there could never be an us no matter what. Fuck, why did I have to kiss her?! What the fuck is wrong with me, I scared her. She wasn't ready for something like that, I should have done that. I shouldn't even have confessed my feelings for her, what is wrong with me? Did I really think she'd feel the same way for me?! But I couldn't hold my feelings to myself anymore, I had to express my feelings. I had to, I had to calm myself down. Turns out I only made it worse for myself. I have to find her, I have to talk things out with her.

I looked for Rasha everywhere the whole day I had a chance, everywhere in school. Even the girl's bathroom, but I couldn't find her. She wasn't with her friends, nor where she with that jerk Tariq. She was nowhere to be found. This is my fault, I really shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have kissed her. But to be honest, I didn't regret kissing her. It felt so good, when I kissed her it felt like I had the whole world to myself. My mouth moving against hers. It was only us, the only thing that mattered at that moment was us. But I shouldn't have had kissed her, that's what I'm telling myself and I will keep telling myself that.

''Mr.Bashar, are you looking for Rasha?'' I heard giggle behind me. I turned around and saw Donia, Medina, and Tamara looking at me with foolish smiles on their faces. I slowly nod as an answer. ''She felt sick so Tariq drove her home.'' Donia folded her arms. I bit my lip of frustration. What is this girl doing to me? Medina laughs and steps closer to me, ''Mr.Bashar, you need to step up your game before someone else steals Rasha.'' She winks at me and her friends laugh. I shake my head and walk off.

a few hours later

I walk into the kitchen where everyone was sitting, Yasin, Sarah, Aliah, and Sally was here too. They were laughing and joking about some things, when everyone saw me they all started clapping. I looked at them with eyebrows furrowed, I didn't what they were clapping for. ''Saiid, I never knew you were that type of guy!'' Yasin laughed. I was still confused, I still didn't know what they meant. ''You never told us you confessed your love for the woman you love.'' Mac winks at me. I felt my heart sink, di- did they find about me and Rasha? Did they found that I told her I loved her? But why the fuck do they look happy-

''Sally here told us everything, and Aliah told us that she saw you guys kissing. Damn Saiid, you really be going all in.'' Jaffar says, everyone laughs as I felt the anger in me grew. So that's how Rasha found out, by her sister. I want to tell them that it's a misunderstanding, I don't love Sally. I don't love anyone but Rasha, I love Rasha more than anyone could imagine. But I know that's wrong, I shouldn't love someone I can't love. ''Did you turn numb or what?'' Yasin laughs. I sigh before I answer. ''I have work to do, see you later.'' I say and leave towards my room. ''But what about your girl?'' I hear Mac say before I shut I door after me.

Everything right now is giving me a headache. I've got myself into some big problems, but I don't care. The only thing I care about is Rasha, I have to talk to her. As soon as possible.

Rasha

While I'm laying in bed watching a movie I think about Mr.Bashar. About the kiss and what he said, I was still in shock. He really kissed me, it feels so fucking unreal. The kiss was amazing, I'm not going to lie. He made me feel so weak, gosh how he made me feel. I never thought my first kiss would be like this, and with Mr.Bashar. And I never thought I would fall in love with my teacher, SubhanAllah god has really unexpected plans for us. Every time I think about what he said my whole body tingles, even my sensitive part does. It was so unexpected, gosh I never thought he could be so romantic. My heart. But does he really mean it, if he really does mean it why is he dating another girl. Ugh, I don't want to think about it.

''Rasha, can you get up and help me clean?'' I hear my mother shout from the living room. I sigh, I can't even move my legs and she wants me to help her. ''Mama, wallah I'm exhausted,'' I say. A few seconds later she comes into my room with folded arms. ''If you keep being lazy no man would want to marry you, not even your cousins.'' She furrows her eyebrows. I roll my eyes and eat my chips. ''I'm serious Rasha, if you keep with that behavior nobody will ever love you. Look at your sister, she's very smart and well mannered, you're oppositive.''

I pause my movie furiously and turn my gaze at her, ''It's fine, I don't need anyone to love me. Not even my parents love me so I'm used to it.'' I say softly to calm myself down. She sighs and shakes her head before she walks out of my room. Sometimes I really feel my mother doesn't love me, she never said the word 'love' to me. Why would she always involve marriage when we argue, she always tells me that nobody will love me or no one would want to marry me. Does it look I fucking care? The only thing I care about right now is my situation with Mr.Bashar, what will happen next?

I can't confess my feelings for him, I'm terrified. What if the school finds out about what happened? I will really kill myself.

but gosh I love him so much...

❤