Saiid

Sally and I walked slowly out of the restaurant we ate in. I haven't told her yet, but I'm planning to. I can't tell her immediately, I don't want to hurt her. I need to take care of this with patience. I look at her looking at me with a smile on her face, she's happy. Happy to be hanging out with me, I could see that she likes me. She really does like me, and it's my fault. I've given her false hopes. I stop walking and look at her, she stops too and looks back at me confused. I have to tell her now, that I love someone else. I can't keep lying to her. '' I have to tell you something, Sally. '' I say with a serious tone. She smiles again at me, '' Go on. '' She nods.

I sigh and look around before I speak, then I make eye contact with her. '' Sally... I'm in love- '' Suddenly before I even finish my sentence she leans closer to me and places her lips onto mine, she was kissing me. She was kissing me, and a few seconds later I kissed her back. I don't know what the fuck got into me, I just kissed her back. I was kissing her, I don't know why. I should push her away, but I'm not. She pulls away and looks deeply onto my eyes. '' I'm in love with you too. '' My heart skipped a beat when I heard what she said, what was going on?

Did she think- no she didn't. Fuck, what have I done? I looked at her like I was taken back. I didn't know what to say, but I failed her. '' Whoo! That was so cute! '' We heard a couple of people say. We turned around and saw a few people laughing. '' He's hot! Keep him sis! '' A girl winks at Sally. Sally chuckles as she buries her face onto her hands. I was breathing heavily, I didn't know what to feel. But then I was thinking about Rasha, I was really disappointed. As I thought about Rasha I got disgusted by myself, even though Rasha and weren't a thing. Even though she doesn't like me, It feels like I did something really wrong.

'' I'll drive you home. '' I said as I opened the door for her.

When we arrive at her home I pulled over next to her house. When I parked my car I took a deep breath before I looked over too her. '' Thank you for today Mr.Bashar, it was such fun. '' She blushes. I don't say anything but nod as an answer. She kisses my cheek before she gets out of the car. She closes the car door, I watch her walk into her house. When she disappears from my sight I sigh loudly. What the fuck did I get myself into? Why did I fucking kiss her back? And why didn't I say anything? But what if this is best for me? What if I can learn to like Sally back as I lose the feelings I have for Rasha? What if this is supposed to happen, it's not like Rasha feels the same way about me. What if Jaffar and Mac are really right? What if this is the best way?

I walk into our living room and I only see Adnan watching Tv. When he lays his eyes on me he smiles, ''Wassup bro, where have you been?'' He asks me while I take a seat next to him. I glanced at him before I spoke, ''I was eating out with Sally.'' I tell him and looked over to the Tv. I took the Tv remote and changed the channel. '' Oh, you met her. '' He stated. I nod. Then he scots closer to me, ''But Saiid you're not dating her because you like her, or am I wrong?'' I look back at him with a straight-faced expression. I didn't know how to answer, but I think he already knew so I didn't have to answer.

''You are dating her to keep your mind distracted from something, or someone.'' He continues. I let out a small chuckle,'' Since when did you become a detective.'' I joke and he laughs. Then he turns off the tv, ''What are you trying to avoid Saiid, tell me.'' He says softly, but at the same time serious. I didn't know if wanted to tell him, I didn't want him the old same thing Jaffar and Mac told me. I bite my lower lip before I spoke, ''You won't understand.'' I tell him

Then he scots closer and wraps his arm around my shoulder. ''Tell me so I can understand'' I look at him like he's stupid. Then he chuckles, ''C'mn tell me!'' He claps my shoulder. I folded my arms and nodded, ''I'm in love.'' I say with a soft tone. He widens his eyes at me, ''But isn't that a good thing? I don't understand, why would you keep your mind distracted from the person you love?'' He asks cluelessly. ''Rasha, I'm in love with Rasha, my student. That's the thing, I'm in love with my student.'' I almost shout. I don't look at him, I don't dare to look at him. I don't want to see his reaction, it's probably worse than Jaffar's or Mac's.

''Rasha? Rasha who's your student? Sarah's cousin?'' He asked to make sure. I nodded as I stared at the tv, even though it was turned off. I heard him sigh, ''That's why you've been lost these past few weeks.'' He stated. Then there's a silence between us, we didn't know what to say. It was a really clingy moment. ''But you know, if I was you I would go for it. I would've fought for it. Instead of waiting and see what will happen you must do something. Even if these feelings are not accepted, I would make them accepted.'' I suddenly hear him raffle off. I looked at him with my eyes narrowed, like I didn't know what he was saying.

''You know, we don't know what God plans for us. So if I was you, I'd go for it.''

Rasha

''Hello? Rasha?'' Aliah snaps me out of my thoughts. I look at her looking at me with her eyes furrowed, ''What's wrong with you?'' She asks me. I don't answer, I didn't know what to say. She just told me about Mr.Bashar kissing another girl? But he was just with me? He was with me today driving me home from school? Is she making stuff up?

''Wait, did I just hear Aliah saying that Mr.Bashar kissed another girl?'' Donia broke in. Aliah looked at my phone, ''Are you talking to the girls? Hi bitches!'' She takes my phone from my hand.

''Hi Aliahhh, so was I right?'' Donia asked again. Aliah laughed, ''Yes, you don't understand. They were kissing each other so deeply. I saw everything, she kissed him first and then he kissed her back.'' What she said broke my heart, I don't know It felt someone stabbed me. Why would Mr.Bashar kiss someone, that doesn't make any sense, he's not dating or something? If he dated I would've found out. ''What? But is he dating?'' I heard Tamara add. Aliah lays in my bed before she answers.

''Well, I already knew he had a girlfriend, Yasin and Sarah told me that he's dating some chick called Sally.'' She chuckles. My stomach created a big lump as I started cold sweating. Tears filled my eyes and I started seeing blurry. For some reason, I wanted to cry. It's sick how my brain knows what's hurting me, because it's hurting me. What I just found out, and It's affecting me so fucking badly. I want to melt right here and now. I was in shock, Mr.Bashar is dating? I was right, I told myself that Mr.Bashar he wouldn't like me. I told myself that he was probably dating someone who's older than me, and that he would never like someone who is still fucking immature.

What's wrong with me, did I really start to think he was starting to like me? I'm so fucking plain-looking, I have the most unattractive body and I'm so fucking nasty. Who would ever like me? I'm not like my friends, having the most beautiful smiles and most gorgeous bodies. Damn, I was really out of my mind. He only cares about me because of Sarah, I'm her cousin. ''Anyways I know you are curious about your teacher's personal life, but have to go and take shower.'' She says and storms off of my room. I stare at the door unknowingly. I don't know how I should react.

''Rasha! Answer!'' I heard Medina shout. I took the phone and looked at it, ''Yes?'' I asked like nothing was up. ''Bro, you good? I mean you-'' I interrupted her sentence. ''You know, I feel really sleepy. I'm going to sleep, goodnight.'' I tell them before I hang up.

Then I cry myself to sleep.

next day - wednesday

This morning I woke up thirty minutes late, I was too exhausted. Now I have only twenty minutes to get to school. As I looked at myself in the mirror I could see the dark circles under my eyes. I cried so much yesterday, and I don't even understand why. It's not like we were a thing, and it wasn't like it would ever happen. I slowly washed my face and put some concealer on to hide these circles, then I put some mascara on to look alive.

After I was done getting ready I walk towards the hallway, not bothering to eat anything. I didn't even have an appetite. ''Rasha? Aren't you eating?'' I heard my mother say from the kitchen. I sighed before I answered, ''No, it's fine.'' I say before I get out. I look at the clock, ten minutes until school begins. Why do I care about when I'm going to start, I'm going to get late either way. I check my messages and I see that the girls have sent me paragraphs. It's probably about yesterday, so I don't read them.

When I walk into school I don't see anyways in the hallways, it was only me late. I walk towards my locker and before I open it I see Tariq. He's looking down at his phone, ''Tariq!'' I shout to get his attention. Well, because I have to apologize. I was such a bitch, I needed to tell him how truly sorry I am. He looks up and lays his eyes on me. I walk towards him, ''Princess...'' He nodded at me. I looked at up him, I could see that he didn't want anything with me to do. I could see the hate he had for me, but either way, I needed to make it up again. Then without thinking, I hugged him, I fucking hugged him.

''Listen, please just listen. I'm an asshole for treating you like you are some piece of shit. I didn't know you were serious and I didn't know about you forced to join a gang. I'm such a bitch, please forgive me.'' I burst out as I kept hugging him. A few seconds I pulled away and looked at him. He was confused, I could see that. Then he grinned at me, ''Did I just hear you say forgive me?'' He teased. I rolled my eyes as I folded my arms, ''Don't get used to it.'' I shrugged my shoulders. Then we laugh, ''So that means you forgave me?'' I asked. He put his hand on my shoulder, ''Only if you hug me again.'' He winked at me.

I shook my head as a smile appeared on my face, ''Shut up.'' I punched his chest. He laughed, ''Fine, besties again!'' He said with a girly voice. ''I hope I'm not regretting this.'' Then we laugh yet again. Since I and Tariq had the same lesson, history, and we both were already late we decided to bring our binders and walk together to the history class. As we walked to class we were laughing loudly and joking, I actually missed him and his jokes. When I opened the door to the classroom Tariq said something that made me laugh loudly, I didn't even notice I was laughing so hard until I saw everyone in the classroom staring at us. Then I caught Mr.Bashar looking at me confused with his eyebrows furrowed.

Saiid

As the door opened I heard people laughing into the classroom, everyone turned their gaze towards the door. It was Rasha, laughing with Tariq. They were looking at each other and then at us. I clenched my jaw as I stared at them, what the fuck was she doing with him? They haven't talked for days, he made her fucking cry and she's now laughing with him? What the fuck is wrong with this fucking girl. ''You're late.'' I said with a serious tone. I saw Rasha shrug her shoulders and roll her eyes before she went and took a seat. What the- why is she acting like this?

''I'm sorry Mr.Bashar.'' Tariq said and went to grab a seat next to Rasha. The whole period goes on with Tariq and Rasha laughing and joking, they've been interrupting me many times and I had to yell at them. I've noticed that Rasha isn't herself today, I don't understand. Yesterday she said she was thankful for me, now she acts she doesn't even know me? ''Okay, thank you for today's class. You're all dismissed, expect Rasha and Tariq. Please stay behind.'' I look at Tariq and Rasha grinning at each other, like they're proud. When everyone left I walk towards them, I notice that Rasha's looking at her desk and Tariq is looking up at me.

''Are you two kids? Did you see how you were acting?'' I tried to not yell, but I was really angry. I was about to go crazy, so I tried to calm myself down. ''Sorry sir, It won't happen again.'' Tariq nods at me. I look at Rasha, she sighs loudly as she plays with her nails. ''And what about you Rasha?'' I walked closer too her. But she didn't even bother to answer me, and It frustrated me. ''Rasha, I'm talking to you!'' This time I yelled, I couldn't hold my anger anymore. She looks up at me, ''What?!'' She shouts at me. Why does she always want to fight? It's like she enjoys this while it's only hurting me. I look at Tariq, ''Tariq, you're dismissed. You can get out.''

''But Mr-'' Before he gets to say anything I shout at him to get out. He does what I say and shuts the door after him. I look back at Rasha as I walk towards her, she takes a few steps back until a wall stops her and she presses her back against the wall. ''What are you doing? Why are you doing this?'' I say disappointed. She still doesn't answer. ''Why are you suddenly turning against me? Huh?'' I ask taking one, last step closer to her. She looks at me, still not giving me an answer. ''Goddammit, answer me Rasha!'' I yelled as I balled my hands into a fist. I was so fucking angry, I couldn't control it.

Suddenly I saw tears filling her eyes. She was crying, and I made her fucking cry. I made her fucking cry, something I never thought I would. She started punching my chest as she was sobbing loudly, I let her punch me. It didn't bother me, but seeing her cry bothered me. I held her wrist and hugged her, she tried to push me away but I held her tightly. ''Let go of me you jerk!'' She sobbed. I let her head rest on my chest and I slowly caressed her head. ''shh... don't cry anymore. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you.'' I whispered.

''Let go of me!'' She pushes me away and looks up at me. I see how her cheeks and nose turned red and the tears are still falling. ''I fucking hate you, I hate you so fucking much. You don't know how much I fucking hate you!'' She shouts at me. Every word she said was like gunshots going thru my body, I was surprised. I didn't understand, does she hate me? ''You think you can control me and tell me what to do, but I swear in my eyes you're just some piece of shit.''

I look at her like I don't get what she's trying to say, but I completely do. And It's hurting me, In fact, it's killing me. ''But I don't understand, what did I do?'' I looked at her with a mild look. She lets out a humorless chuckle, ''It's not about what you do, I just hate you. You're fucking useless, you know that?'' She adds. ''You think you can just be sweet, call me babe, dance with me, kiss my forehead and then go around and kiss some other girls?'' She said wiping her tears away. I widen my eyes at her, wha- how did sh-

''You can't do that! You can't fucking do that! Don't you know it hurts? It hurts when I get reminded of that you can have any woman you'd like, that you can kiss every woman you want?'' She spat out. ''Rasha, let me explain-'' She interrupts my sentence, ''You don't understand Mr.Bashar, I've been crying so much because you've been hurting me. Everything you do is hurting my heart, do you know that feeling when you're heart cries? No, because you've never been hurt!'' She sobs. My hands started shaking as I was listening to every word she was saying, I felt my heart pound faster as I started losing my balance. Does Rasha like me? Is Rasha feeling the same way I feel for her?

But that can't be true? She wouldn't? She only sees me as a teacher, I don't get it, what is she saying? ''But what would you know when you have other girls that are begging for you?'' She says before she tries to leave, but I press my hand wall to from to make her stay. She doesn't look at me, but I make her by lifting her chin up. ''Rasha, please, let me explain-''

''You don't have to explain anything, I'm just overreacting.'' She broke in. I sighed, ''Rasha, Sally, she- '' She interrupted me again. ''Please, Mr.Bashar I don't want anything with you to do anymore'' She wiped her tears one more time. ''Goddamit Rasha, shut up before I make you!'' This time I raised my voice. ''See what I mean?! You think you can control-''

Before she finished her sentence I pulled her by the back of her neck and pressed my lips on hers.

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