"Cam!" I hiss, shaking his sleeping body eagerly. My heart is beating rapidly, just the gentle ticking of the clock to be heard. Everyone is sleeping, but I'm not tired in the least bit. I want to do something fun. Something dangerous.

After a fourth shake he finally blinks his eyes open. Those beautiful, green eyes. What I wouldn't give to stare into them forever. "Mads, what are you doing?" He groans. "Go back to sleep."

"I can't." I whine. "Let's go do something. Come on."

"Now?" He arches a brow and sits up slightly to glance over to the couch Ethan is sleeping on. "Everyone is sleeping. We can't."

As if Ethan would ever wake up. He sleeps through literally anything, and my parents are practically deaf. They aren't going to notice if we sneak out.

"I never pegged you to be a bore." I tease, sending him a challenging stare. It's one I know he can't refuse. He doesn't like to lose at anything, and he's not about to start tonight because he quietly gets out of his sleeping bag, glancing out of the windows of the hotel that overlook the beach.

"Fine." He mutters, but he gets a tiny grin on his face. "It's cold though. Put sweatpants on."

My suitcase is all the way over on the other side of the room, directly on the floor next to Ethan. Almost as if Cam pieces two and two together, he leans down into his backpack, rummaging around until he passes me over a pair of his. "Here." He says casually.

The fabric lands into my hands, his fingers gently brushing mine. He glances up at me for a second, and I wonder if he feels like his heart is racing a mile a minute too as I slide the sweatpants over top of my shorts.

His clothing feels so good on my body, almost as if I was meant to wear it. They are fuzzy and warm and so oversized. I almost don't want to give them back.

"Come on." I whisper, propping the door slightly ajar, careful not to let the light from the hallway seep into the room. I'm not sure what we're going to do, but I grab my towel from earlier that's by the door just in case we need it.

Cameron is staring at his sweatpants on me, blinking a few times like a weirdo before he eventually follows me out.

I'm so happy that we snuck out that I can't contain my excitement. I bolt towards the elevators, laughing my full head off as I look behind my shoulder to see him chasing right on my heels.

"Hurry!" I giggle. "I don't know if they woke up! I want to leave before we get caught."

He's panting once we reach the elevator, his hands on his knees as I push the button. "you better hope for your sake we don't get caught. My mom will have my head if I make your parents upset on this trip."

"Isabelle will be fine." I roll my eyes and drag him by his wrist into the elevator once the doors open. "Live a little, won't you?"

Turning to look at me, he finally smiles. He hates to smile with his braces, but if I'm being honest I've grown to love them. He's a nerd. They fit his personality perfectly.

"What?" I smile back, and suddenly I realize that I'm standing much closer to him than I ever have before. I mean, hell, I've had a crush on him for as long as I could remember, but we've never been alone at night like this before. This feels... different. It's nice.

"Nothing." He smiles softly again as he stares down at me, his eyes running over my entire face before he adds, "it's just nice to see you like this. I like this version of you."

I want him to kiss me so badly. I want him to just lean right over and do it. Sometimes I wonder if he wants this too, but I'm way too much of a coward to ask. What would the point be? It's not like we'd ever be able to actually be together.

It's just a dream.

Just a fantasy.

We both know it could never work.

"What version?" I ask.

"Daredevil Mads." He laughs. "It's a good look on you."

The doors to the elevator finally open, and I breathe a sigh of relief to be surrounded by the fresh air once we're outside. Being alone in a room anywhere with Cameron is too much. My entire body always feels like it's on fire. Like it's just craving to jump into his arms.

I'm glad he gave me his sweatpants because the wind is whipping in every direction from the ocean right in front of us. I cross my arms over my chest and stare out into the darkness where the beach is supposed to be.

"Well?" He shouts over the noise. "What do you want to do?"

I shrug and start to head towards the sand, hearing him mutter a few cuss words before I see the flashlight pop up onto his phone so we can actually see where we're going. "It's just nice to do something wrong for once, isn't it? Even if it's just sitting on the beach."

We find a spot by the pier, and I lay out my towel, hearing him let out a snort.

"What?" I ask.

"Bratz?" He scrunches his nose up, waving his hands towards the fabric. "Seriously?"

"Shut up! I was obsessed with them when I was seven. They were literally all I played with."

I plop down onto the towel, and he has no choice but to sit directly next to me. Our thighs are touching, causing me to bite down onto my bottom lip from the feeling.

Man, I really have to get a grip.

"I have to admit, it is kind of nice to be out here at night." He says. "It's a lot more peaceful. Kind of drowns out all the bad thoughts if that makes sense."

I nod in agreement, debating on whether or not to ask the question floating in my head. His mom just got diagnosed with cancer two weeks ago, and although he acts like it isn't killing him I've known him long enough to know better.

But we have all night, so I go for it and say, "how's your mom doing?"

He stares out into the darkness for a second, and I visibly see him gulp from the light of the flashlight on his face. "I mean, it's stage four cancer. It's kicking her ass. Everything happened so suddenly I just..." he trails off and lets out a frustrated sigh. "She's a fighter though, you know? She's going to make it. I just know it."

"She will." I reiterate, and to try and lighten the mood I add, "and besides, she's been talking all damn month about watching these football tryouts of yours that you have next week."

"You don't think I'll make the team?" He asks, and it isn't until now that I realize he's being completely serious about it. I thought he was just trying out to appease his mom since she loves it so much. I didn't think he actually wanted to make it.

"I mean..." I clear my throat, and he elbows me in the side.

"Oh my god!" He exclaims. "You don't think I'm going to make the team, do you?"

"It's not that I don't think you'll make it, but Cam... you were out of breath just running to the elevators tonight! I thought you loved Pokémon cards. You've never even picked up a football before, have you?"

"I mean, I've passed one around with my dad and Ethan for fun, but never in a serious game. My mom loves the sport so much though, Mads, and I think I might love it too once I start playing. I don't know. I just have a good feeling about it. And my mom loves the Penn State Lions. How cool would it be if I could play there? She'd be over the fucking moon."

Running some sand through my fingertips, I finally sigh in defeat and nudge him with my shoulder. "If football is something you truly are passionate about doing then you know I'll support you. Always. However, if you do make the team I suggest going to the weight room to build some muscle. There ain't nothing there, Holden."

In one swift motion he stands up and throws me over his shoulder, his hands on the backs of my thighs to hold me in place. "And for that you get dipped in the water!" He shouts.

"Wait, no!" I scream, erupting into a fit of laughter when he runs towards the waves. "Cam, I swear! It's so cold out! Come on! I don't want to go back inside."

He slows up his pace and turns around, thankfully listening to me as he walks back to the towel. I'm in his arms now though, and he's holding underneath my ass to press me against him. I never thought I'd ever be in his arms. Even if it's just a nice gesture and not a romantic one, I'm still going to permanently save this memory into my head.

We get back to the towel, and almost as if he suddenly realizes how he's holding me, he stares down into my eyes again, glancing back to the towel before he then stares at my lips.

Oh my god, is this it?

Is he actually going to make a move?

I feel my heartbeat in my ears, but just like the waves crashing against the shore, disappointment smacks me right in the face when he sets me back down onto my feet.

Maybe this is all in my head. Maybe I'm just reading into things. Maybe, just maybe I'm totally fucking delusional.

"I'm going to prove you wrong." He smirks as if nothing just happened. As if he didn't feel like the whole world just spun. Maybe that's because it's only me feeling this way.

"I just can't picture you as a football player. I mean, if you make the team you're going to be popular. We make fun of people like that."

"Just because I make the football team doesn't mean I'll become one of them." He replies defensively. "I'll still love collecting Pokémon cards, and I'll still love hanging out with you, Mads. It's not going to change how I feel about you."

How he feels about me?

How does he feel about me?

My eyes linger on his, and if I weren't so god damn shy I'd just come right out and ask it. Even if we couldn't work, I still want to know how he feels. I just want to know that I'm not crazy. That this isn't all just in my head.

"I hope not." I tell him, taking a seat beside him again on the towel. "It's going to suck not seeing you everyday. I hate middle school. I'm ready for it to be over with."

"One more year." He reassures. "And then you'll be back with Ethan and I, where we can annoy you to no end again. You'll regret saying that."

"I'm still going to miss it." I smile softly. "As stupid as that sounds."

I'm going to miss him. I'm going to miss seeing him everyday. I know I'll still see him at our house all the time, but it's not the same. At school I could at least get a few moments alone with him, but now it's no use. For the next year my brother will be around all the freaking time.

"Cheer up." He nudges me, but he keeps his arm against mine instead of pulling it back. "Hey, if I make the football team then I'll make sure nobody messes with you when you get to high school."

I wrinkle my nose up in disgust. "I don't want to be popular, but thanks. If people make fun of me I'll survive."

"Oh come on." He teases. "You're not going to be a cheerleader and parade around in a little skirt and Pom poms?"

Swatting him on the chest, my jaw drops open in shock. "I can't believe you just said that!" I shriek, and he erupts into another fit of laughter. "I wouldn't be caught dead in one of those uniforms. Keep dreaming."

Arching a brow, the expression on his face is so tempting. I don't know if I'm right, but it's almost like he's picturing me in that uniform right now, and the look in his eyes is just... damn.

He quickly clears his throat, the sexy stare evaporating before he pulls out his phone. "I say we take a picture to celebrate our first night of sneaking out."

"Yeah?" I ask, my heart picking up speed again. A picture of just Cam and I. I'll cherish it forever.

"Yeah, come here." He extends his arms out, and my mouth goes dry. My hands are sweating, and just for a second I think I'll have a heart attack right on this beach. Cam is seriously asking me to climb into his lap right now.

I'm not going to question it and ruin whatever is running through his mind, so I climb into his lap and feel his arm come around me to hold the phone in front of our faces. His other arm wraps around my waist to pull me back against his chest, and I physically hear him sigh in relief. Like he's been wanting to do this his entire life.

He rests his chin on my shoulder to stare into the camera, and he's got the biggest smile on his face that I've ever seen. I don't know if I've ever seen him so happy, and for whatever reason it makes my stomach twist up into a hard ball.

This is the man of my dreams and I'll never be able to have him. I'll never know what it feels like to kiss him. I'll never know what it feels like to call him mine.

It should be this simple. I should be able to just be held in his arms and not worry about a damn thing. I should be able to turn my head and kiss him right now. But instead I can't, and this night isn't going to change a thing.

There's nothing I would want more in this world than to be his. If by some miracle I got the opportunity then I promise I'd never let him down. I'd always be by his side and wouldn't take a day with him for granted. If I could just be given this one wish I swear I would never fuck it up. I'd make sure to be someone he'd want for life.

But the odds of that happening are slim to none, so I can't smile. Instead I find myself blinking away tears as he snaps a couple of pictures.

"You look miserable." He grimaces as he looks back through them. "Am I really that bad?"

He still has one arm around me, and after he puts his phone into the pocket of his sweatshirt again he puts the other one around my waist as well, still resting his head on my shoulder.

"No." I finally reply, and I make a bold move by putting my hands over his arms around me. "It's quite the opposite actually."

We sit in silence for a few more minutes to listen to the waves, his arms never leaving from around my waist. I don't dare move an inch, because I know that when I do this will probably never happen again.

And then it all comes crashing down. He clears his throat and releases me from his grasp, my heart seeming to snap completely into two. "We should, uh..." he clears his throat again and stands up, extending his hand out to help me up. "We should get back inside before someone wakes up."

I nod silently and let him pull me up beside him, biting hard onto my lip to keep the tears at bay.

This is all in my head, isn't it?

I'll never know the truth about how he feels because Ethan is my brother and his best friend, and whatever feelings he may or may not have for me shouldn't be said.

All this is between us is a fucking fantasy of mine.

A stupid fucking fantasy that won't ever become reality.

_________

Quickly snapping out of my day dream, I find my finger drawing tiny circles around our picture from that night on the beach that he glued onto the page of this photo album, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Izzy is playing with the huge damn ring around my finger, and I let out an actual laugh of disbelief. My dreams came true. What I thought would only be a fantasy that night turned into a reality right in front of my very eyes, and I don't know how on earth I got so lucky.

I promised myself I wouldn't fuck it up, and now that I've finally got him am I really going to fly across the entire world when we just recently found each other again? We're newlyweds. Holy fuck. It's like it's finally hitting me.

I'm married to Cameron Holden.

I'm Maddie Holden.

I actually bagged the man of my dreams.

"Final boarding call for Germany." The gate attendant announces over the speaker. "I repeat, final boarding call for Germany..."

A/N:

ROLL THE CREDITS

ROLL THE FREAKING CREDITS

I AM DYING. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

WHAT DID YOU GUYS THINK?!

ALSO,

The opportunity I was waiting on ended up working in my favor!!!!! I can't say anything yet, but STAY TUNED y'all. Stay freaking tuned.

Love you all.

PLEASE SPAM THIS CHAPTER WITH COMMENTS. IT WAS MY FAVORITE CHAPTER TO WRITE.

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