Cameron

I never thought I could love a person so much in such a short amount of time, but this tiny human has completely captured my heart. The entire morning I've watched her personality just flourish, and it's incredible to me. Isabelle is perfect. She truly is.

The past two hours have been amazing so far. We watched the movie Encanto all the way through, and I've made sure to make a mental note to download the Disney+ app on my television back at the apartment for her. I want to be able to watch her by myself too, so I want her to have everything she loves at my place as well.

"Okay, it's time for her first nap." Maddie looks at the time and sends a smile towards me. "You just have to change her diaper first."

She thinks I'm backing down from this challenge, but I'm not. I want to learn how to do everything for Isabelle. I want to be the best dad I can be.

"I'm all for this." I say and pick Isabelle up into my arms. She looks at me in wonder, and I love it. It seems like she's so happy to be held by me. "I am going to need some instruction though. I've never changed a diaper before."

Maddie giggles and leads me to the nursery. The walls are painted a baby pink, little bunnies being the theme. There's a rocking chair in the corner with a stuffed bunny staring back at me, and I find myself getting choked up for the third time today.

"Alright." I smile at Isabelle to try and hide my sadness, walking over to lay her down on the changing table. In seconds her face scrunches up, big crocodile tears threatening to pour onto her cheeks.

I thought I'd felt pain before, but never like this.

"She gets fussy during diapers changes." Maddie reassures and passes me a diaper and some wipes. "She hates them."

I nod even though my stomach is twisting up with anxiety. It's like I'm the reason for making her cry, and I despise this feeling.

I un-do the little onesie she has on and stare down at the diaper in front of me.

"See these tabs?" She points to the ones on the side. "Just peel them off."

I do as I'm told and strip the diaper off, grabbing the new one. It looks easy enough, but when I un-do the new one and go to slide it back underneath her Maddie starts to laugh.

"What?" I ask.

"It's backwards." And then she takes it from me, flipping it the correct way. "The tabs should be in the back."

"Oh. Okay." I take it back from her and this time I'm able to slide it underneath her correctly.

She passes me a wipe next. "Now when you wipe her you always want to wipe down, not up. You don't want her to get an infection or anything."

"That can happen?" I ask. The thought of anything happening to this little girl is terrifying.

Isabelle starts to fuss again, whimpering and moving underneath me to try and escape. "Hey!" I laugh, gently pressing onto her tummy. "You gotta let me finish, sweet girl."

Izzy doesn't like that response. She cries full heartedly now, so I quickly finish putting on the diaper, fastening the tabs correctly before I pull her close to my chest. "Hey, shhhh." I soothe, but nothing seems to be working.

Maddie can see how panicked I'm getting and quickly comes to my rescue. I pass her over and watch as Maddie sits down in the rocking chair with her, gently stroking her ringlets as she sings the tune of Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star.

In seconds, almost instantly, Isabelle relaxes from her mother's voice. I am in awe of Maddie. I didn't think it was possible to love her more than I already do, but I find myself falling for her all over again.

It's a different type of feeling to see her with Isabelle. I've dreamt of what this day would be like. Granted, I never thought it would have come about this way, but I'm here. I'm watching a woman that I love be the mother to my child, and I don't think I've had a greater feeling than this.

Maddie puts her down in the crib once she's settled down and ushers for us to leave the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. "She can settle herself down." She explains as she tosses the wet diaper into the trash can. "And don't worry about her crying. You didn't do anything wrong. When it gets past her nap time she gets very cranky."

"I didn't like that." I laugh. "Hearing her cry is the worst feeling."

"You did good though." She says, and when she stares at me I can feel just how much she means it.

"Thanks." I reply shyly. "I'm trying."

Our stare lingers for half a beat too long before she takes a step back and points to the living room. "You can watch some TV if you want. If it's alright with you I'm going to clean up a bit."

"You look fine." I tell her.

Glancing down at her sweatpants and stained t-shirt, she rolls her eyes and laughs. "Cam, I need to shower. I'm a hot mess right now."

I fight the urge to say what's on my mind as she walks down the hallway towards her bedroom, but I call her name out anyways, mentally cursing myself for doing so.

She turns to face me, and it's like she just knows I'm about to say something I shouldn't.

"I think that seeing you like this today with our daughter, stained t-shirt and all, is probably the most beautiful I've ever seen you."

I mean every word, and I see Maddie clutch tightly onto the handle of the door. I'm not trying to sleep with her, I'm just being honest, but that seems to get to her more.

"I'm going to go take that shower." She says, but I know there's more behind her sentence. She's flirting with me even though she'd never admit it. "But thank you though, Cam." She smiles. "For the compliment."

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