"Welcome home, sweetness."

Zack blinks up at me before his eyes shift away to survey the new environment. I watch him with a full heart and feel like it might burst with love at any moment.

He was born exactly one week ago and he's everything I hoped he would be; healthy, happy, and loved.

I'd never been more terrified in my life than I was in the delivery room. I almost didn't notice the pain because I was so worried that something would happen to Zack. I know it's normal to be in labour for a long time or just at the brink of it for hours but Zack was already premature so it could have meant a number of things. The pain I was in was just white noise compared to the heart-stopping fear that something happened to my baby. Three doctors and two nurses had been in the room with me to monitor my vitals as well as Zack's during the entire labour. They had me do a number of different exercises to try and get me dilated all ten centimetres and finally, after nearly four hours of being two centimetres away from meeting my son, I dilated all the way. I was so anxious to see him and make sure he was okay that I pushed like a champion. The pain was bone-jarringly intense but my desire to see Zack, a healthy version instead of the one I continuously see in my nightmares, was even more intense. And when I got a good look at my baby boy, what he really looked like, there was no stopping the tears. He was perfect. Is perfect.

Even for being one month premature, he's doing perfectly fine. We had to stay in the hospital longer than usual since the doctors ran a million and one tests but they finally decided Zack was progressing as normal as expected. My little champion. I stopped having nightmares after his birth, too. I no longer see a grotesque version of my child that haunts me because he doesn't look like that. I know what he's really like now that he's here and he couldn't be more perfect. He's the spitting image of his mama with grey eyes and blonde hair. The only features that resemble Chris are his chin and nose and the texture of his hair—natural waves instead of straight like mine. I don't see Chris when I look at Zack, though. I only see my boy and I'm done trying to include someone who doesn't want to partake in our life. All I did was text a picture of Zack to Chris saying his biological son was born and this is all he gets from here on out. I didn't expect a reply or a fight and for that, I'm glad. He has no business trying to be part of our lives now. He had several months to make that decision and all his chances have run out as far as I'm concerned.

"That's everything." I hear Mom behind me and watch her over my shoulder as she rolls in the stroller. I place Zack in his car seat down so I can help Mom tuck the stroller in the side of the closet that currently has all my shoes and jackets.

"I think it's feeding time." I grimace and cup my breast that feels tender and heavy.

"You hear that? It's feeding time." My mom coos and unbuckles Zack from the car seat. She cradles him, rocking side to side, as she continues to mumble non-sense in a baby voice. My lips twitch as I watch them. Mom's been hogging him since he was born.

"C'mon, sweetness." I hold my arms out and Mom transfers Zack to me. "You got to eat now so you can be a big, strong boy."

Zack makes a noise in the back of his throat and the sound is so small and high-pitched that my heart melts. It's still hard to believe that he's here and he's his own person. I can't remember the last time I felt this much happiness. I think Debra was right. I think most of my trauma was associated with the fact that I thought Zack was unsafe as long as he was inside me because I felt incapable of carrying him. Now that he's here, I've never felt more capable of being his mom and I vow to protect him. I feel like a whole new person now that he's here. My pregnancy was awful but so far motherhood has been the complete opposite. I don't mind the sleepless nights and exhaustion in the least.

I take Zack into our room and sit on the bed cross-legged, getting comfortable. I lift up my shirt along with my maternity bra and Zack immediately latches on to my exposed nipple. It's an odd sensation as he sucks away and I feel it at the base of my spine but it also feels completely natural. I'm glad he's taken to me easily. I know some mothers struggle with breast-feeding but Zack seems to enjoy it.

I stroke his soft blonde hair as he drinks and watches me with those vivid grey eyes. His blinks are slow and lazy and I know he's falling asleep but it almost seems like he's fighting it so he can keep watching me.

"What?" I laugh softly. "What's so interesting about Mama, hmm? Am I everything you imagined, too?"

His mouth forms a little smile around my nipple for a brief moment before it disappears and my heart bursts.

"I know I'm biased here but you're absolutely perfect. Seriously. I don't think I've ever seen a baby as cute as you. You're such a good boy."

He blinks up at me some more, the noisy sound of him swallowing taking over the quiet room. His tiny hand lifts to rest right beside my breast and he curls in his fingers as if trying to hold on to me. I offer him my index finger and his entire hand holds onto it tightly before he stares up at me again. There's no real words being exchanged here but I know that we're having a conversation and I somehow understand him. It's surreal. Is this what being a mother is like? I've never felt so connected to another human being before and I know I'd do absolutely anything for my little one.

After sometime he falls asleep and his mouth goes lax around my nipple. I hold him against my shoulder and pat him until he burps then use his bib to wipe him down. I pull on his hat and making sure his onesie is zipped up before him on the middle of my bed and surround him with pillows even though I know he can't roll over. The safety net just makes me feel better. I grab the baby monitor from my bag and click it on, placing it on my bedside table. I take the other baby monitor and tiptoe out of the room, leaving the door open just in case.

"Hey." I say to my mom when I find her in the kitchen and chopping away at some vegetables. "Smells great."

"Figured you worked up an appetite."

I nod and pat my stomach for emphasis. It feels weird that it's not the once huge belly anymore. I'm definitely pudgy now and and my hips are a lot wider too. When I've healed, I got to start working out.

"How about you take a shower and freshen up? You'll feel like a whole new person."

"I guess..." I look nervously toward my room where Zack is sleeping.

"Honey, he'll be fine. Leave the baby monitor here and if it makes you feel better, I'll check on him every five minutes."

"Alright." I say reluctantly but only because I'm in dire need of a shower. I smell like hospital and baby puke.

I go to the bathroom and take the quickest shower of my life. I wince at the occasional sharp pain between my legs but trudge through it. When I think about my little boy...yeah. Anything is worth it when it comes to him.

After I'm done I look, feel, and smell like a normal human being again. Mom was right—I feel like a whole new person.

I step out in a loose fitting shirt and baggy pyjama bottoms feeling comfier than ever. I wrap my hair in a towel as I approach the bed and take a peek at Zack who's still sound asleep and even snoring softly. I lean down so I can peck his forehead and his unique baby smell puts a smile on my face. God, I can't believe this perfect little person is mine. I can't believe I made him. I nuzzle my nose on his soft baby cheek before stepping away even though I want nothing more than to lie down beside him and stare at him until I go dizzy. I can't help it. I'm in total awe of him.

I leave the room quietly once again and my footsteps slow when I hear another voice coming from the kitchen. This one is a lot deeper and my heart rate picks up when I recognize it. I cautiously step out of the hallway connecting my room and the living room and my breath stutters slightly when I catch sight of Nate bent over my dining table. His shirt clings to his broad back and those jeans outline his ass to perfection. Do guys normally have such greats butts or is it just him?

My eyes fly back to his when he clears his throat and I blush all the way to my toes as he smirks at me over his shoulder. Busted.

"Hey." I say a little too cheerily. I walk to the dining table like I've done nothing wrong. "You planning on stealing Mom's awesome food?"

"I doubt you'll mind." His lashes lower when I come to stand beside him. "You seem to want something that's not on the menu."

My blush deepens. "Jerk." I mutter.

He chuckles under his breath, dipping his head so his mouth is a mere inch away from my ear. My breath hitches. "Believe me Angel, you can have it."

Then he kisses the spot below my ear as he often does before pulling away and resumes setting the plates. My heart is thumping so loud I'm afraid he can hear it.

An elbow nudges mine and I turn to my right where Mom is. She's wiggling her eyebrows at me, obviously having seen all of that. I scowl in return and proceed to ignore them both. Why do they love ganging up on me?

"Oh, before I forget." Nate holds up a finger and darts out of the apartment. As soon as he's out of sight, Mom's on me.

"That was so cute! He can't stay away from you." She gushes.

"Seriously, Ma?" I hiss. "I'm a Mom now. I'm a package deal so he has to think about what he wants."

"You were a Mom when you were pregnant and he wanted you then." She points out. "He's a grown man, honey. He knows what's he doing and what he wants. What do you want?"

"I..." I bite my lip at the overwhelming question. "Well, what if it comes down to having him or Zack? I'm obviously choosing Zack."

"No one's making you choose, sunshine." My mom tucks my hair behind my ear. "Who says you can't have both?"

"I don't know. Life." I mumble. "If things were known for going my way...of course I want them both, Mama. More than anything."

"It's about time I heard you say that." She beams at me. "Take hold of the things you want before they're too far out of your reach."

With that, she leaves me to my thoughts and piles all of our plates with stir-fry. Is she right? Can I really have them both? And is Nate still willing or have I pushed him away for good?

He comes back just then holding a huge bouquet of flowers. I gasp when I see it. "What's this?"

"It's from my family. There's a card, too." He picks it off the top and hands it to me.

I read the short but sweet message.

Congratulations on baby Zack! Nate sent us pictures and he is a spitting image of you! If you need anything at all, feel free to ask. Hope to see you soon and sending you all our love.

- The Hunters

"That's so sweet. Look, Mama." I show her the card. She reads it while Nate and I take the plastic covering off the stems and place the bouquet into a vase.

"How lovely." Mom agrees. "Remind me to send something with you the next time you visit your parents, okay?"

"Sure." Nate agrees. "They'll love that."

The sound of Zack's cries go straight to my heart and I leap up in my seat, needing to get to my boy.

"I'll get him." Nate offers.

"I should go." I insist, looking at the baby monitor as Zack's cries intensify through it.

"Del, sit and eat something. I'll grab him."

"Are you sure?"

He nods and takes off before I change my mind. I sit back down and push my food around my plate, wanting to see my boy.

"Oh, he's fine. Don't stress yourself out every time he cries." Mom rubs my arm. "And Nate is right. You better eat before Zack is done with his nap and takes all of your time away."

"I know." I sigh and force myself to relax. I manage a bite before the baby monitor crackles right before I hear Nate's voice.

"What's wrong, little man?" I've never heard such a gentle tone come from him. "Something ruin your good night's sleep? I'll fix it right up for you."

There's a pause as Zack's cries quiet down.

"You've got to give me a hint, bud. I have no idea what I'm doing but I convinced your Mama I do. You gonna help me impress her? Us men need to stick together, you know."

I cover my mouth with my hand and laugh into it. I glance over at my Mom and she's just as amused, brows raised.

"Let's see. Maybe I should rock you?" There's some rustling and then the obvious sound of Nate patting Zack's back. That goes on for about a minute before I hear a loud burp. "Hey! There we go! Just gas, huh? Happens to me, too."

It's almost impossible to contain my giggles at this point but I bury my face in my hands to try and smother the sound, shoulders shaking. Mom accidentally snorts into her fist and this just sets me off again.

"You ready to go back to sleep?" Another pause. I think I hear him sniff. "Jesus. What's that smell?"

"Oh, God." I whisper, knowing what's coming. Mom is wiping tears from her eyes.

"I better investigate." Nate sounds extremely reluctant but I hear some more rustling and Zack's onesie being unzipped. There's a tearing sound and then, "Aw hell, dude! No offence but you sure do shit a lot for someone so small."

There's no holding back from that. My giggles transform into full-blown laughter that's so intense I have to lean against Mom to keep myself upright. I clutch my aching belly as tears gather in my eyes. Mom's just as hysterical as I am if not more.

"Hear that, little man? That's your Mama laughing. I haven't heard that sweet sound for a while so I'm not going to bug her just yet. Bear with me, okay? Hopefully I still remember how to change a diaper from Harmony's baby days."

His sweet words calm down my laughter until I'm left smiling at the baby monitor, wiping my tears for different reasons entirely.

"He's so good, Mama." I whisper to her and she squeezes my hand. "I can't let him get away."

"I doubt he'd ever go away. He's smitten with you." She whispers back. The thought broadens my smile.

"Would you look at that? Nate's still got it." Theres obvious pride in his voice. "That wasn't too hard. Where do I dump this shit-bomb? Hang on." I hear a heavy weight falling into a bin, knowing he just put the diaper in the trash can of my bathroom. "Okay. Back to sleep, bud."

There's a loud creak and my guess is Nate just sat on my bed. He sighs deeply before he starts humming under his breath, just as quiet as Zack's deep breathing. "You're such a good kid, dude. Didn't even cry when I basically man-handled you. I know the pregnancy was tough for you and your Mama but you're more than making up for it now. That's some real man shit."

He continues humming and although he's totally off-key, it brings a smile to my face.

"Sorry." He laughs quietly. "I can't carry a tune to save my life. I'm a much better dancer. I could show you some moves when you're old enough. Maybe teach you how to box, too?"

Zack makes a sound that seems suspiciously like agreement.

"Glad you're on board, little man." There's a smile in his voice and he sighs deeply. I hear the wet sound of a soft kiss and Zack makes another noise in response. I shut the monitor off, letting them have their moment.

"He's a natural." Mom comments.

"He did raise all of his sisters." I point out.

"I think Zack likes him too."

That makes me laugh again. "Zack has liked him since he was inside me. Nate is no stranger to him."

I continue eating my dinner with a smile on my face but pause when I catch Mom's watchful gaze on me. I shift in my seat. "What?"

"You love him." She says softly.

I swallow down my bite that feels ten times bigger in my throat and fiddle with my spoon. I nervously meet her eyes again before whispering, "So much, Mama."

"Don't be scared of it." She faces me in her seat as she lowers her voice. "I know you didn't have the best example with me and your father and then what happened with Chris but it's out there. Love is meant for everyone no matter how far away it seems. It'll always find its way to you and it's found you, honey. Don't be scared. Welcome it with open arms. Love gives our life meaning. I promise it's a good thing."

"I'm beginning to see that." I wrap my arms around myself almost protectively. "How about when we lose it?"

She thinks about that for a moment. "It's still a good thing. The thing is love that works and love that doesn't teaches us the same thing—how to love better. So whether it's with a mended heart or a broken one, you'll never walk away from love as the same person you were before. Love teaches us about ourselves no matter the outcome. That's no loss the way I see it."

"It sure is scary, though." I admit softly.

"You bet it is. But you know what's scarier?" She smiles when I shake my head. "Living a life where you didn't get to love at all."

She leans forward and kisses my forehead, knowing I need to think about what she said. I help her clear out the table and I warm up Nate's plate so he can eat when he gets back. He's still inside the room when Mom gathers her things to leave.

"I'll stop by tomorrow after my shift." She promises.

"See you then." I kiss her cheek in departure and shut the door when she waves her goodbye.

I go back to the dining table and flop into one of the chairs, staring at my mug of coffee and circling the rim with my finger. I don't know what it was about the pregnancy that made me so adamant about being with Nate. Maybe at that point Zack just felt too much of a part of me and therefore, I felt like a part of Chris was always there too. And then the accident happened and I was a hot mess for the remainder of my third trimester. Now that all of that is done and Zack and I made it, it just makes me feel a little more hopeful. No matter what happened, we pushed through and now we're here and we're happy. Maybe I needed to do that with Nate too.

"Penny for your thoughts?" The man himself takes the seat beside me and I jerk slightly in my seat at his unexpected appearance. His arm brushes mine and I can smell his cologne from this proximity and I clear my throat nervously, my insides lighting up like they always do around him.

"Just thinking about how my pregnancy was nothing like the sunshine and rainbows most women describe it as. I have a huge feeling being a mother will be ten times easier than what my pregnancy was like."

"It's different for everyone." He agrees. I push his plate toward him and he smiles his thanks, grabbing a fork. "Mom said that her pregnancy with Aria and I was the easiest even though she was having twins. I believe Mia was her hardest pregnancy. My point is, they were all different experiences at different times in her life. Outside factors make a huge difference. A lot was going with you while you were pregnant. It's only natural that it was tough."

"Look at you." I bump his shoulder. "You sure do know your women."

The tips of his ears go red and I hold back a smile at his sudden shyness. "Well, I grew up surrounded by them."

"You did good with Zack. You're a natural."

He looks confused for a moment before I tip my chin toward the baby monitor. Now his cheeks begin to colour and I can't help my soft laugh. It's rare to see Nate be so bashful. He's always full of confidence and swagger.

"You heard that, huh?" He chuckles nervously.