"A penis!"

I blink. What?

"Oh, my." Mom mumbles.

My OBG-YN laughs at our shell-shocked expressions. "I'm sorry. I should have phrased that better. I meant that I can very clearly see a penis and that means you're having a boy!"

I gasp at the same time Mom squeals and immediately wraps her arms around me. My hand goes to my abdomen and tears well up in my eyes now that I know I have a son in there.

A son. I'm really having a son.

"Thank you so much." I tell the doctor as I take the sonogram from her. She was having trouble with the ultrasound and said she couldn't make out the gender so she told Mom and I to wait in the waiting room while she went over the ultrasound with some other doctors. We'd been waiting anxiously for about five minutes before she came from behind the closed door with a huge smile on her face.

"You're welcome." She pats my forearm. "Congratulations."

I thank her again and she waves a goodbye at us as she walks away.

I snap out of my daze and finally hug Mom back. There's no stopping my tears.

"A boy." I sniffle. "Mom."

"I know." She coos and runs a comforting hand over my hair. "I kind of expected it to be girl."

"Me too. What do we know about boys?"

"We'll learn. We're practically raising five of them." She rolls her eyes and I laugh under my breath at her jab at the Fighter's Den men. "And we can always ask Emily questions."

"Lucas is going to have a friend." I smile at the thought.

"And what are we going to call that friend?" Mom nudges me.

"I don't know. For some reason I haven't even thought about names yet."

"That's because there's always so much to think about when it comes to babies. And now that we know the gender there's a lot of work to do, honey. Clothes, toys, what his nursery will look like to name a few."

"Oh, God." I mutter. "How will I afford all of that?"

"We'll make it work." She kisses my cheek. "We still have the money Jaxon gave us from his championship cheque and both of us earn a living."

"But..I feel bad, Mom. I don't want to take money from you if I'm being honest."

"And why not?" She levels me with her no-nonsense glare. "And don't even think about telling me it's because I didn't have anyone to help me pay the bills when I had you. I wish I did, honey. I can't tell you how much that would have helped me so you're accepting my money. I'm not asking."

I know that tone. There's no point in arguing. "Okay, Mama."

"Good." She squeezes me hand. "You may be having a baby but you're still my baby."

"I'll always be." I promise with a smile. "My son is going to be so lucky to have you as a grandma."

"Your son." Now it's Mom's turn to cry. "Just hearing you say that..."

"I know." I hug her to me and we both take a minute to feel the happiness of our little blessing. I can't help but smile at the fact that for once, I'm totally happy about this. Yeah, there are worries at the back of my mind but I know I'd do anything for this baby and I can't wait to meet him.

"Mama?" I ask quietly. She squeezes my hand like she knows what I'm about to say. "It might make me pathetic to admit this but...even now...I wonder, you know? If he wants to know or if I should tell him."

I don't have to say his name. She knows I'm talking about Chris.

"You're not pathetic, honey." She sits up with a sigh. "You're human. Every single time you hit some kind of milestone in your life, my first thought is that your father should be here and he should know. When you got published I almost immediately wanted to find him just so I could tell him—tell him how successful his daughter has become. Even now all I can think is that man just biologically became a grandfather and he has no idea. I want him to know and it angers me that he doesn't already know because he isn't here. But that doesn't mean that I want him back in our lives by any means. It just means that these little milestones we hit always remind us of how they're gone. That doesn't make you pathetic and anyone who thinks that, anyone who is annoyed by you even wondering about Chris, obviously has no idea what it's like to be a mother that's been left behind."

"Yeah." I whisper, wiping my silent tears with the back of my hand. The hurt I feel is still raw and still there no matter what I do. "It's not that I want him to be in the picture. I'm honestly done with him. It's just..."

"How could he leave?" Mom finishes the sentence for me and that tightness in my throat finally bursts like a dam.

Before I know it, my Mom has her arms wrapped around me again and I'm sobbing softly into her shoulder. I didn't mean to cry but somehow, it had happened. I didn't realize how much I'd been holding back and for so long but now that the tears won't stop, it's clear my breakdown was long overdue.

"I'm sorry." I manage to choke out. "I know how this looks. I swear I'm excited to become a mom and not for one second will I take it for granted but...it hurts, Mama. It hurts. How could he just leave me like I was nothing? Like I didn't matter to him or even exist in his life? How could anyone do that?"

"I don't know, my sunshine." Her use of my childhood nickname only makes me cry harder. "And I never wanted you to experience this type of pain. I wish I could say or do something to take it away but the truth is I can't. Nobody can. Only you can make your own peace with this and that will happen with time. My advice to you? Don't rush this process. Feel all the hurt and all the pain. If you tuck it away and ignore it it'll always be there at the back of your mind, haunting you. Feel all of it as it comes and goes and be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Tell yourself you are enough even when you don't feel like it. Tell yourself you are all your baby needs because it's true. Just give yourself time, okay?"

I've been feeling nothing but pain for months and it hasn't made a single difference. What am I doing wrong?" I'm not sure if she can understand what I'm saying because my words sound so thick and garbled through my crying but she nods anyways.

"You're not doing anything wrong. You're about to be responsible for a little human and that's no joke. Your life is going to change drastically because you're going to have to sacrifice everything for your little miracle. That's why it's so important to be sure of who you are as a person before the baby gets here and won't allow you to be your own person anymore. It'll be so easy to lose yourself otherwise."

"That's how I feel too, you know?" I sniffle and start to feel a little calmer. Mom has always known exactly what I need to hear for my heart to be at peace. "Before this pregnancy I knew who I was and now everything has changed. I don't know myself anymore and I want to get to know this new Delilah. But it's so hard to balance that with the rest of the world. It's so hard to keep up with friendships or my writing or even consider relationships. My heart is just too heavy for all of that. I can barely dedicate time or energy to myself and I somehow feel selfish for it."

"You're not, honey." Mom kisses my forehead again and I close my eyes, feeling safe beside her the way only Moms can make you feel. "It's okay to want to focus on yourself and take some time away to do that. I understand that. Your editor will understand that. There's no doubt Emily and Avery will understand that." She squeezes me hand. "Nate will understand, too."

My heart clenches at the mention of him. "I really like him, Mom." I admit with a whisper. It's still such a scary declaration to say out loud. "And who knows if he'll wait for me or not but I'm just not ready to be in a relationship right now. How can I expect to love someone the way they deserve to be loved when I don't even love myself? How can I be strong for him when he needs me if I can't even be there for myself? How can I be happy for him and with him when most days I'm in pain? Am I wrong to think that?"

"You couldn't be more right." She smooths my hair back. "Relationships are no joke and they take a lot of work. The biggest mistake people will make is thinking that a relationship will fix all of their problems. They don't. They're not the key or the solution to what you're going through. You have to hold your own self up before you can even attempt to hold somebody else up. Relationships are about carrying each other's weight, not dumping all of your weight and expecting the other person to take it without question."

I nod, not even surprised that she managed to put into words exactly how I'm feeling. "I want to be able to share my own happiness with someone instead of feeding off of theirs to fix myself. I could never do that to Nate and...I think that's the right call. I really do."

"How did my beautiful girl grow up so fast?" Fresh tears tickle her eyelashes and mirror the ones in my own eyes. "I am so proud of the person you've become, Delilah. Most days I had no idea what I was doing raising you by myself and more often than not I feel like I failed you. But right now? You're making me believe I did my job right."

"There is no one better for the job than you." I give her a watery smile, my heart so full of gratitude. "I'll never stop needing you to be my Mom."

"You better not." She laughs and wipes at the few tears that manage to spill over. "I love you, sunshine. Are you feeling any better?"

"So much more better. I feel less hopeless, that's for sure." I swallow down the tightness in my throat. "Thank you, Mama. For everything."

"I would give you everything and more." She stands up and takes me with her by the hand. "Come on. We have our family waiting to hear the good news."

***

"Another penis?" Avery's jaw unhinges. "Is the testosterone in this room contagious? When are we going to have a girl?"

Everyone laughs at the disbelief in Avery's tone and I can't help but feel a little bad for her. She had told me immediately after finding out I was pregnant that I better pop out a girl. "Sorry, Aves."

"I blame all of you." She points at every single Fighter's Den man in the room. "Seriously. You probably bully the fetus in the womb to come out as a dude. It's bullshit."

Cameron throws his head back in laughter, eyes twinkling as he brings it back down and grins at his fiancée. "Don't you worry, sweet cheeks. I'll give you a girl."

"You better or this is done." She gestures between them.

His lips twitch and it's obvious he doesn't take her threat seriously. "It's a deal, baby."

"Enough of what you want." Emily playfully glares at her before looking at me. "Are you happy?"

"I really am." And it's true. I needed that breakdown and my Mom's wisdom more than ever. I feel so much lighter than I did before now that I had her support about making this journey about myself. I feel less selfish and that already makes a world of a difference on my heart. "It's always been Mom and I so I think a boy will be a fun change of pace."

"Well, I can tell you from experience that boys are definitely fun." Emily smiles down affectionately at Lucas who's babbling away in her lap while he chews on his teether. "This little guy is five months old and keeps Jax and I on our toes for sure."

Jaxon nods. "Lizzie was so much more calm at his age. She was pretty quiet and always did her own thing. Lucas is the complete opposite. He's a hyper and talkative kid and he can't go two minutes without attention." Jaxon bends down to blow a raspberry on Luke's tummy who bursts into a fit of giggles and smushes his Dad's face between his chubby little hands.

"Wonder where he gets that from." Emily mutters under her breath.

"You." Jaxon and Greg say at the same time before bursting out into laughter when Emily's jaw drops.

"Never mind." She cuts me a serious look. "Boys are annoying."

"Have you thought of a name?" Nate asks me. He's sitting across from me on one of the dining table chairs in my living room and we've been stealing glances at each other since we sat down. In the back of my mind, I've decided to have an open conversation with him about where I stand in this...thing between us and hope like hell he understands. I'm just waiting for everyone to head home before I do it.

"No." I shake my head. "Suggestions are totally open, though."

"I think you should name him Asher." The culprit, Asher himself, throws a wink my way. "Then he's bound to come out a ladies man."

"Her poor child." Cameron deadpans. Asher licks his finger and sticks it in his ear. "Ew! You fucking dipshit!"

My nose crinkles. "That is so disgusting."

"And you guys wonder why I want a girl so bad." Avery rolls her eyes, picking up her bottle of Coke and taking a sip.

"I think you should name him Wolfe." Nate punches the silent behemoth who takes over my entire one-seater in a way that makes me wonder if it'll break. "How about it, big guy?"

Wolfe meets my inquisitive gaze and gives me a thumbs up. I can't help but laugh at that. "All right." I concede. "Consider it officially noted."

"Hey!" Asher protests. "How come you'll consider his name and not mine?"

"Because nobody likes you." Jax mumbles non-chalantly around a mouthful of pie. "By the way, this is fucking amazing. I miss you baking for us, Del."

I shake my head with a smile. "I knew that was the only reason you kept me around."

"Please come back." His eyes dart around my living room, taking in the decor and the way I managed to pull it together. "But you did an amazing job with the place. I hardly recognize it from the day we helped you move in."

I shrug, feeling a little shy at his compliment. The truth is I'm super proud of how I managed to turn the place around. The entire apartment is now carpeted a deep navy blue that's soft to the touch and hopefully won't irritate the baby once he starts to crawl. Two three-seater couches make an L-shape along the wall, their black colour complimenting the shade of the carpet nicely. A single-seater, also black, is across one of the three-seaters so that all the couches form a box shape. In the center is a round coffee table made of white marble and it matches the marble T.V. stand that's decorated with little trinkets that make it look pretty. My T.V is a decent size, the same one I had in my old room when I lived in Jaxon's house and it compliments the size of my living room nicely.

My room and office are still a work in progress but I love what both look like so far. Most of my room is taken up by my queen-sized bed, another trophy I took with me when moving out that Jaxon had bought for me as a gift, and the bed frame is lined with fairy lights that I like to keep on at night to make me feel safe. On one side of my bed is a bedside table that holds my personal belongings and the other side of my bed has the entrance to my bathroom. Across from my bed is a vanity that I had to put together manually. The large mirror is surrounded by illuminating bulbs and the dressing table has six drawers, enough to hold all of my clothing. All the furniture in my room is white and I really hope that won't be a problem when the baby gets here. I'd just thought white furniture complimented the navy blue carpet so nicely. My office is mostly empty save for a desk and a chair. The desk is piled with books that are sky-high and I need to find a place for them as soon as I can. My next goal is to put together a bookshelf that will hopefully hold all the paperbacks I own.

"I couldn't have done it without Nate." I say honestly, shooting him a grateful smile. He grins back. "I really put the poor guy to work. It took us a solid month to get everything down and that still leaves the office."

"That bookshelf ain't gonna build itself." He shrugs like it's no big deal. Something warm pools in my belly.

"Where will the baby sleep?" Emily asks.

"In my bed with me. I plan on co-sleeping for the first few months and by the time he has to sleep in his crib, I'll probably shift the vanity to the office to make room for it. I want him to be in the same room as me even after co-sleeping. It'll make me worry less."

"Good plan." She nods. "You should get those foldable cribs. They work like a charm and they save you a ton of space."

"I didn't even think of that. Thanks, Em." I tell her gratefully.

"Back to names." Asher waves an arm to get our attention. "I still nominate Asher."

"Disqualified." Nate answers immediately and Asher scowls at him. "Let her decide for herself, dickwad."

"She is! I'm just making a suggestion."

"That she won't consider." Cameron adds. He lowers his voice to a whisper as he leans towards me. "For the record, you can totally name him Cameron."

"You assholes are useless." Nate groans. "Have you thought of any names yourself?"

The question is directed at me and I shrug in response. "Not really."

He narrows his eyes and I grow a little uncomfortable under his watchful stare. "You have one in mind, don't you? Why aren't you saying it?"

All eyes are on me now and I can feel my face grow hot. I hate being the center of attention. "It's kind of dumb."

"Honey, nothing you pick will be dumb." My mom encourages. "Unless it's something truly horrendous like Greg."

Everyone bursts out laughing when Greg's mouth drops open. He snaps it back shut and glares at my Mom. "You're asking for it, woman."

She giggles behind her hand and I raise a brow. Since when does Mom giggle? I'm even more confused when Cameron and Avery start snickering and are all but slapping each other in excitement. Then again, those two are always up to no good.

"Before your mother so rudely interrupted," Greg throws another glare her way but this one is more teasing, "What name do you have in mind, sweetheart?"

Aw, crap. I twirl a strand of my hair nervously and look down at my pink toenails while I reluctantly answer. "You guys might think it's kind of dumb but...it's the name of a fictional character. My fictional character. The first book I ever wrote was when I was sixteen and I still remember what I named the main guy. It's one of my fondest memories and I thought it would be kind of cool to name my first baby after the first character I ever wrote about."

"That is really cool." Emily agrees. "What's the name?"

"Zack." I admit. I finally look up and wait patiently at the thoughtful look on everyone's faces.

"Zack." Nate repeats. His grin is immediate. "I fucking love it."

"Really?" I ask in a small voice.

"Really." He nods with conviction. "And the name means something to you, Angel. That's the most important part."

"I guess." I grow a little self-conscious again. "But it is just based off a character who's not even real so..."

"So what?" My mom wraps her arm around my shoulders. "We all know how passionate you are about writing and Nate is right. It means something to you. In a way, Zack was your first fictional baby and now you'll have Zack, the human baby. I absolutely adore it."

"Me too." Avery agrees.

"That might be the only name cooler than Asher." Ash adds.

"And Cameron." The man himself winks.

More agreements are tossed my way by everyone in the room and I slowly feel my self-doubt melt away. God, I love these people. They show me so much unconditional love and support it's insane.

"So?" Nate raises his brows when I don't say anything. To hell with it.