When I stopped the engine, Abby still looked nervous. She didn't want to go to the party, but each time I told her we could ditch, she said we promised Roy.

To me, it meant nothing, but she was true to her word. This was the first time she had to mingle with people she'd avoided for four years straight. I'd been to parties many times before, but she always found a way to avoid them.

I had no idea what changed now, but we were going to see. I was still positive she could like this party because drunk people could be annoying, but being surrounded by people wasn't that bad in general.

"What's wrong?" I asked, turning to her. It wasn't so dark outside yet, so I could clearly see how her eyes shone with worry and her lips twitched. This oddly reminded me of the first presentation we'd had together in grade five. We were quite happy during the process because the teacher teamed us up—that was rare since everyone knew we were getting along—but Abby looked so queasy when it was our turn. I told her it would be okay, and she held my hand. Well, I almost did all the talking that day and got a higher score than her, but it wasn't important. She asked me to back her up and I did. That was the first time she'd fully trusted me.

"I don't know anyone," she replied with a hoarse tone, her eyes focused outside, at Rachel's house and all the deafening partying noise. "I literally don't know anyone—"

I held her hand, like that time she was so nervous and unsure, and whispered, "You know me. I'll always be by your side, okay? Always. It's gonna be cool."

She held my gaze for a few second, calculating my words and probably considering her options. Then, she nodded with defeat and then, grinned.

"This reminded me of that presentation." There were a thousand reasons why I loved her but the best one was this: we thought the same things at the same time. "Maybe you don't remember but your support meant everything for me. Thank you, Georgie."

"You just ruined the mood." I unbuckled my belt and opened the door. Turning around, I threw a last glance. "Let's go and party like there's no tomorrow." When she did the same, she was laughing. God, I needed alcohol like right now. When we walked toward the door, she looked at me and I knew what was running through her mind. She was nervous to be here, but I was keen on showing her that this wasn't so bad. I held her hand in mine as I walked up the porch.

We stepped into the house from the open door, passing through people shaking their bodies with solo cups in hand and I squinted my eyes to spot someone familiar in the crowd. Rachel's party was full of people indeed, some I remembered from school and lots of strangers. "I should have brought my glasses," I said to Abby, our hands still linked.

She didn't hear me well due to the noise, so she just moved closer and yelled, "What?"

"Never mind," I yelled back since I was saying nothing important. She looked at me to make sure but just shrugged when she was assured. As we made our way through the crowd, I caught a guy checking her and instinctively squeezed her hand. The guy's gaze landed on our linked fingers, then at me and finally, he got the message. Abby was looking around with that familiar curiosity in the meantime, so she just smiled at the sudden squeeze.

I was looking for people checking on her like a paranoid when someone slung an arm around my neck. "Oh, the king has finally arrived!" Roy punched my chest playfully as he looked at my side to see Abby. "Hey, Abby. You look great tonight."

We exchanged a glance with Abby before she answered. It was a weird moment because I was wondering what she was going to say, and she looked like she wasn't sure whether he was genuine, or he was kidding. If only she knew how breathtaking she looked. "Thanks, Roy." Then, she touched my arm. "I'm gonna take drinks, want one?" I nodded smilingly, and she left me with Roy, disappearing into the crowd.

"You really brought her, huh?" Roy's comment turned me back to him. "She looks hot though—she's changed a lot, hasn't she?"

"She has."

"Rachel was looking for you," he says, nudging my arm. "Let's go say hi." As he pulled me in the opposite direction, I thought I'd be already back by the time Abby returned with drinks. I could use a break to smoke and she hated me seeing like that. Roy took me outside and soon we were surrounded by a dozen people. All of the team were there with some girls from our school.

"George," Brandon yelled, raising his beer while Markus greeted me with his head. As we found our place among them, Brandon handed me a cup of beer, too, and extended a pack of cigarettes. As I took one, he approached to light it. The first sip brought me back to life. "How's it going, dude? Long time, no ses."

"Cool," I replied, taking another inhale. Then, the conversation was easily lost. I tried to listen to the people exchanging words, but it was like a ping-pong game. Even if I caught the beginning, I lost the end or vice versa. Then, I gave up and focused on smoking as fast as possible, so I'd not keep Abby waiting for so long.

Everyone turned their heads when a voice joined the conversation. Inhaling the last bit of my cigarette, I threw it down and stepped on it. When I looked to my side, I noticed Rachel had joined us. That explained the sudden hype of the crowd. Everyone was suddenly looking at her and trying to exchange words. She wasn't so bad; she would even be considered beautiful. She was just too much for me—not in a good way. I always found girls who thought they could get anything dangerous. Rachel was coming from a rich family, hence she got everything she wanted.

When she saw I was looking at her, her attention altered. "George," she said, turning the attention on me again. I didn't know what to say so I just offered her a polite grin. Roy whistled, Brandon winked at me, but I ignored those assholes. I was one to blame since I told them I had a crush on Rachel. Why did I say Rachel, damn? Because she was there, and she looked interested. "I thought you weren't gonna come."

"I wasn't," I replied. "I mean, I forgot."

She didn't look hurt by my comment. "Oh, boys." She laughed, and everyone laughed. I didn't know what was funny about it. I really forgot—and Abby. Shit. She was probably waiting for me right now. I raised to my feet in hurry and walked by them. However, I couldn't go far because Roy grabbed my arm. "Where you off?"

"Abby is waiting for me." This caused people to exchange meaningful glances between them. They probably wondered what changed. I was with Rachel at lunches, at corridors, at classes and now, I was looking for Abby. Fuck. I promised her I'd be there for her tonight.

"I'll look after her," Roy said.

"You would?" The glances were going up and forth between us—like a ping-pong game I told you about. I didn't want people to suspect anything and rumor about me and Abby. That would be more damaging than me ditching on her. So, when Roy patted my back, I trusted him with Abby. He was my best friend, after all, he would really take care of her. Besides that, he was the one I could rely on the most—they disliked each other. They would share some snarky comments and stay together so Abby wouldn't be alone.

I watched Roy going back inside but a hand shook me back to where I was sitting, among a crowd of my friends—the people who'd been by my side for four years. Why did it now feel so strange to be here instead of there with Abby? I think the problem was that I gave up on all of them once we graduated. It was a mutual relationship, yes, but it was over. I wouldn't see any of them once everyone left for college.

"You zoned out again," Rachel said, now standing much closer to me. I cleared my mind and looked at her. She was the opposite of Abby. She was a makeup queen, her cleavage showing too much, and she was confident. Ready to throw herself on me. Why did I want the impossible when I could just have Rachel?

"Yo, got another bone?" I asked Brandon and he tucked his hand into his pocket and discarded his pocket. Handing me three cigs, he put it back and grinned. I shoved two into my pocket and took one in hand. When he extended me the lighter, I quickly lit it and inhaled a smoke. Rachel also took a bone. "Mind if I light from yours?" I shook my head no, the cig still on my mouth and she just leaned close to light hers. I could see her cleavage even deeper from that position, but I just looked ahead with a tight jaw. When she retreated, she gave me a wide grin and her hand casually landed on my leg, slowly making its way up.

Do you know that moment when your body and you are in conflict? You say no and it says to go for it. I knew that if I didn't move her hand away at that moment, I was going down with it. However, I couldn't. I just gulped down my beer and smoked my cig. I had been really obsessing over Abby lately, but apparently, she didn't need me that much. She said she would want to stay friends forever.

I saw that look on her face today. It put a seed of hope within me and I wasn't walking away from it that easily. I was going to try my chance with her and if I did this with Rachel now, I may have conflicted with my feelings. This gave me the strength to push her hand gently and stand up. Ignoring her confused gaze, I walked inside and looked around to find Abby and Roy. I was going to tell her to go home. This lasted too long.

It was hard to distinguish people without glasses. Squinting my eyes, I eyed each person in my view but Abby wasn't anywhere to be seen. I couldn't help but start to get worried. Did she get so mad and leave? But then, wouldn't Roy come to inform me? Wild questions running in my mind, I kept looking for her in the crowd. Suddenly a girl came and pulled me to the side and whispered something incomprehensible to my ear. When I looked down, I noticed she was really drunk so I politely put a safe distance between us and sat her on a chair before I continued my investigation.

A relief filled my lungs when I spotted her blonde curls first, and the view came clear as I approached them. She was sitting on the porch with Roy but not in the way that I expected. They were actually talking and laughing, really laughing, like so hard. What would they be laughing at? What did they have in common to talk? I sent Roy to keep an eye on her, not make a move. With fury rising in my chest, I walked even closer to them but stopped when something happened: Roy raised his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear and she didn't stop him. In fact, she smiled; her cheeks as red as crimson. Did she suddenly like him? Wasn't she the one who warned me about him in the morning and told that he saw her as meat?

"They are cute, aren't they?" Someone said to me: Rachel. She was watching me watching them for a while. I gulped down my words, still angry as ever, and stormed back outside without a glance. "George," she yelled after me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I replied, grabbing myself another can of beer and taking a long sip as I pulled it open. "Absolutely nothing." The can was empty after a few sips so I grabbed another. "I need something strong," I said, sending it right to my stomach, too.

"I have something that can work for you upstairs."

When I followed her, I hadn't done any calculations. I didn't know where this was going and honestly, I didn't care. As long as the thing she mentioned was strong enough to make me forget that scene downstairs, I was down for anything. It wasn't a surprise to end up in her room. I didn't feel nervous when she locked the door and turned to me with a smile. She ushered me to sit on her bed, and so did I, as she took out a bottle of whiskey from her drawer. "I stole it from my father's collection. He won't even notice." I watched her as she also took out two glasses from her drawer and filled whiskey. I didn't know why she had those there but this seemed well-planned.

As she extended me the glass, I gladly took it and took a long sip. "Go slow," she warned me as she sat beside me, our legs touching. My head was already spinning with what I've already consumed so far but I shook my head and reached the bottle to refill. Her chuckle tickled my neck, and then I noticed how close we were standing.

"I can't," I suddenly whispered when her hand grabbed my collar. "I'm sorry." By catching her off guard, I got up from her bed and walked to the door with unsteady steps. Since I stood up so quickly, my balance was shaky but I didn't care. I couldn't stay there anymore.

Though nothing happened, I felt so guilty. I should have never gone upstairs, no matter what. What if Abby saw or heard that I went upstairs with Rachel? What kind of a guy did that make me in her eyes or wasn't I already one of those guys?

As the negative thoughts ate my brain out, I managed to descend the stairs without rolling down, propped by the wall. To find Abby, I went to where I last saw her, to the porch. Now, many people were gone, and the porch was empty. She probably left, too. "Fuck." Next, I sat on the porch and took out the bones I'd taken from Brandon. When I was about to give up, a guy lent me his lighter. When he left, I was all alone on the porch. Blowing the smoke, I looked ahead and tried to clear my mind. The alcohol was blurring my vision more and more but I tried to stay strong.

Where was Abby now? Did she leave with Roy? I was her ride so she probably found someone to take her home. What if she and Roy—fuck. No. Abby wouldn't do that.

"George, is that you?" I thought I was hallucinating because it sounded like Abby. "George—fuck. What are you doing here? I've been looking for you everywhere."

"Abby," I replied with half-open eyes. "Didn't you leave?"

"How can I leave without you?" She asked as if it were the stupidest thing she'd heard. I wanted to hug her and never let go, then. "I've been going crazy, plotting scenarios in my head, yet you're here smoking casually. Well done, Shaw." Before I could reply, she ran a hand under my arm and pulled me up, throwing the cigarette aside. "You smell terrible."

"I'm sorry," I whispered to her hair as she moved closer to support me. She smelled of strawberry, damn, she smelled so good. If she just let me smell her all the time, I'd give up smoking.

"It's okay," she replied, laughing but she didn't sound amused. "Just let me know next time, you know. I've been waiting for you...to be done with whatever you were doing." She said the last part so fast that I almost didn't catch that. When my mind replayed her words, it became all clear. She thought—she heard. Shit.

"Nothing happened," I quickly said to assure her. "We didn't do anything with Rachel."

"I don't want to know what happened there."

"I'm telling you," I said, pulling apart to look at her. She blushed when our eyes met. "Nothing happened. She served me whiskey and I left."

"I told you I don't want to know," she said, starting to walk faster toward my car. I tripped a few times as I tried to catch up with her. When she stopped by the driver side, she folded her arms and looked at me hard. "If you told me you were planning this tonight, I wouldn't tag along. I'd rather sit at home than be stuck with a bunch of drunk people." Then, she extended her hand, asking for the keys and unlocked the door when I handed her my keys.

"Hop in," she says, starting the engine. Afraid of an angry Abby, I did as I was told and settled into the passenger seat. "It was a really horrible night."

"Didn't seem so," I said bluntly. "You looked comfy with Roy."

"Not as comfy as you were with Rachel, I bet," she retorted back. Since she was looking straight at the road, I couldn't see how she felt. "You fucking sent Roy to babysit me."

When she did a sharp turn, I almost fell on my side but she didn't seem to care. "You know that I hate him and you still asked him to look after me as if...as if I need that. If anything, I am the one looking after you."

"I'm sorry."

"I could leave you there but you are my ride, so I had to listen to people talking about you and Rachel going upstairs and how good you guys look and...how you touched her butt..." She'd counted a lot of things but my mind was running so slow to catch all the words she'd said. Hell, she talked so fast when she was angry.

"I didn't touch her butt," I corrected her, my eyes almost closed.

"I don't care."

Forcing myself to open my eyes, I leaned forward to touch her arm. "Look, Abby, you're right. I'm sorry—"

"Don't touch me with those hands," she suddenly said, jolting me awake with the shock her words had given. I studied her face but she looked as tough as ever, focused on the road. I told her nothing happened yet she decided to believe those people who rumored behind me. She just called me dirty.

Silence snaked between us. We hadn't talked anymore until she halted in front of my house. When she stopped the engine, she rested her head against the steering wheel. Suddenly she said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that—I just came here for you, you know." When she turned to look at me, her eyes were shining like stars. "When I was back with drinks, I tried to find you but saw you there with Rachel chatting. It's totally fine. I mean, you like her, it was a great chance for you but I wish you didn't drag me along. I hate being in the crowd and you promised me, George. You promised to stay by my side."

"I—"

"But I get it. You wanted me to mingle with people. With your friends. I know I've been such a bitch about them to you and it wasn't fair on you. I'm sorry. Tonight changed my view, at least. They weren't so bad...especially Roy." A smile touched her lips. "I didn't know we had a lot in common, and he is a funny guy. He made me laugh a lot."

"Thought you hated him."

"Seems like people change. And he changed in a good way. Thank you."

"For what?" I asked confusedly.

"For pushing me to meet people. Get into a crowd. This was a nice practice for college. I can't always have you to have my back, right? I need to woman up and talk to people myself. I can't keep freaking out each time I see a new person."

I wanted to say that I would have her back—always and forever. However, if I let out more than one word, I would throw up on her. "Abby."

"What?"

"I feel like I'm going to throw up," I managed to say, holding my stomach.

"Shaw," she said in panic. "Not here."

"Can't go home. Mom will kill me."

So, I ended up throwing up in an isolated place of our yard and Abby both cringed and watched me until I was done. It felt somewhat good to empty my stomach if we didn't count the terrible taste it left on my mouth in its wake. "Are you done?" Abby asked behind me, and I held myself not to laugh.

"Yup."