"Are you all right?", Alec asks gently and breathes a kiss on my forehead. He looks deep into my eyes and waits for an answer. Like every time we had sex. No matter in which form our dedication took place. It is always this question that he asks me. And my heart always makes a little hop at his words. Because they show me that how I feel is important to him. And right now my guilty conscience is growing to unimagined heights. I often withdrew after sex, just left Alec alone and didn't appreciate how special these words are.

"What's happening?", Alec asks skeptically and I take a deep breath to have enough air for the following words.

"I'm fine. Even very well. As always when we've slept together. But I am just realizing how horrible I've behaved towards you so often. I can't make it up to you and I'm sorry", I say in my voice getting lower and lower and can't look Alec in the eye anymore. He takes my chin between his fingers and pushes my head back up. Damn it, there it is again. That twinkle in his eyes and the way his looks pierce me.

"You live too much in the past. If this is to work, and I hope it will, then you have to leave it behind. All of that. Magnus, have faith in you and our love. Even if you do don't say I know you love me too. And I love you."

"I also want it to work. I find it hard to trust blindly. But if I'm honest, I've already placed a lot of trust in you without really wanting to", I answer.

"Small steps Magnus", says Alec and breathes a kiss on my mouth. His thumb slides over my jaw and this loving touch triggers a pleasant shiver. I have seldom felt so secure. Actually, never. Not with one of my partners. Nobody could do that. Or maybe it was because I didn't let it. It is the first time that I stand by my feelings and open my heart.

"I really believed I lost you. I couldn't have endured that", I say softly. Alec pulls me into a tight hug and I exhale in relief. I arrived. This is where I belong. I feel it very clearly.

"Merry Christmas baby", Alec whispers and I start to giggle.

"Isn't that a little late?"

"It's never too late for that. Isn't there another present waiting for me?", he asks casually.

"Hmmm. A small one. Not as great as yours. I can't beat that for the next forty years", I mumble, embarrassed, and bury my face deeper in Alec's chest. Its incomparable scent flows towards me. It's that mix of sea and Alec and the salty aroma of his sex-soaked skin. I love it.

And it definitely makes my body go into sex mode. My body is a lousy traitor. My penis twitches and Alec pinches my butt hard. I moan comfortably and press myself even closer to Alec's warm body. He pushes me away energetically and I see in his darkened eyes that it's actually not what he wants. But reason takes over, as is so often the case.

"We're sticking. Let's take a shower. And then I want to open my present", says Alec and I nod in frustration. He's right. But I don't agree with that.

"Then I'll take you out. Officially as a couple. How does that sound?" All the available butterflies gather in my stomach and start fluttering around excitedly. "That sounds good", I say softly and bite my lower lip, embarrassed. A slight pain runs through my lower lip and I breathe out noisily. Alec watches my every reaction tense and I swallow dryly. The big lump in my throat hurts and causes my eyes to be flooded with salty tears again.

"I agree", Alec replies, joining our lips in a soulful kiss. Each time his lips kindle a storm of feelings and emotions on mine. And every time I think it can't get more beautiful. But life gives me the lie. Every touch feels different. New, but also familiar. There is so much love and devotion in this moment and I wish it would never end. But everything ends at some point. So also this kiss, which leaves me breathless and with swollen lips. Alec looks at me with a transfigured look and shortly afterwards closes his eyes. Only briefly, a blink of an eye later and the desire has given way to his gaze. What remains is love and care.

"Come with me", he says gently and offers me his hand. Together we leave the warm, protective environment of the bed and enter the bathroom with clasped hands. There is still a last whiff of Alec's shampoo in the air. Demanding, he urges me into the glass cabin and closes the door. His chest only touches my back lightly and from the corner of my eye I see how he turns on the water and cozy warmth from thick drops pelts down on us. I put my head back and feel Alec's strong shoulder that serves as a pillow. I feel safe and secure. My decision was right. How could I ever doubt it?

The click of a tube and the smell of sea and salt, algae and freedom mixes with the haze of the water plumes. I close my eyes with relish and soon feel the strong hands of my husband. With circular movements he spreads the fragrant gel on my skin and I enjoy his gentle touch.

"Let's go away for a few days", Alec whispers in my ear and I nod. His hands slide over my stomach and I wrap my arms backwards. My fingertips touch his firm, shapely bottom, Alec's breath hits my skin as he presses a kiss into the crook of my neck.

"Just the two of us", I answer.

"Yes. Just the two of us. I'll show you the forest hut I told you about. We can go tomorrow morning. If you want."

"OK", I breathe and clench my fingers firmly in Alec's bum. His hands slide lovingly over my chest and neck. Even cleaning my sweaty body excites me. Because it's not just any man that touches me. It's Alec. My husband.

"I'm writing to Jace and my father that we're there." "Why?", I ask, confused. What should it do you where we are?

"Just in case of emergency. The hut is in the middle of nowhere. If we snow in, then I want to make sure that my brother knows where we are. You are looking for the cell phone network in vain. There is nothing more than lots of trees and the lake certainly frozen over. Should we run out of supplies, then I will starve to death. For you I will chase everything that comes before me. But I will not eat that", Alec answers my question. Once again I am surprised at Alec's willingness to make sacrifices. It warms my heart and makes me smile blissfully. He's a great man.

We finish our shower together and Alec wraps me in one of the big fluffy towels. I am shivering slightly and individual drops of water pearl from my hair. They disappear into the blue of the fabric that is tightly wrapped around my body and Alec smiles mischievously at me.

"Small frostbite", he says affectionately and rubs my hair dry with his towel. That he stands naked in front of me doesn't bother me in the least. And just as I was thinking about putting my lips on his fragrant chest, the doorbell on the front door tore me out of my sinful thoughts. I groan in frustration and inside I curse the person standing in front of the door.

"I'll go. Dry off and get dressed in peace. I'll take care of the uninvited visitor", says Alec and disappears from the bathroom. When the shrill sound of the doorbell sounds again, I see Alec pulling his shirt over his head as he walks past. In his hurry he must have sold out. The sweatpants he wears are too short on the legs and therefore mine. Inwardly I chuckle at the sight of Alec with short legs. Muffled voices reach my ear and I am amazed to note that Alec has closed the door to the bedroom. I frown in amazement and inevitably wonder why he did that. We never lock the doors. Even when I sit in my office at night and type my fingers sore, the door is open. Just like the one to the bedroom.

Dressed and with my heart pounding wildly, I open the door and stop for a moment. I take a deep breath and send a little prayer to whoever is watching over us. The shadow of a memory was just flashing as Alec's loud voice was overlaid by an even louder, clearly male voice. I sincerely hope it was a prank of my mind. Slowly, careful not to attract any attention, I step out the door and claw myself into the wooden handrail. My legs carry me down the stairs as if by remote control. And I was never happier than at this moment that Alec had repaired the creaky step. My heart beats hard against my chest until it stops and I can feel it in my throat. The following sentences make me sick.

"You called me ..", says the uninvited visitor and Alec interrupts his words. "But you shouldn't just show up here unannounced", he says angrily.

"I couldn't wait any longer." Alec groans in frustration. What has he done?

"You waited ten years. A few days don't matter either. Magnus doesn't know anything about this. Give me a few days. I'll call you. After I talk to him ..."

"Alexander?" I sob and instead of looking into my husband's beautiful blue eyes, I look into mine. And feel like I'm losing the ground under your feet every moment.