"Wow. What an evening", says Alec as we leave the cozy warmth of the bookstore behind and step out into the cold December night. An icy wind blows around our noses, cold frosty air that tingles painfully on our heated cheeks. I'm already starting to freeze and shaking myself vigorously. I wrap my arms protectively around my body and try to keep a little warmth. The air smells of snow, dark clouds obscure the shimmering colors of the moon. The streets are lit by the dim glow of the street lamps and the Christmas decorations of the shop windows. We slowly make our way home. Alec suddenly stops and a sea of ​​lights made of brightly colored diodes in the form of small balls bathes his beautiful face in rainbow colors and yet they cannot cover the radiant blue of his eyes. My fingertips start to tingle when I see something small white glitter on his jet black hair. Fine flakes of frozen water in the shape of little stars. The first snow of the year. They dance gracefully around us, transforming the gray, dreary mass into a white glittering sea. More and more snowflakes cover my husband's head and I sigh as a flake lands on the tip of his nose and melts under the warmth of his skin.

"Are you cold?", Alec asks and begins to untie the scarf around his neck. Before I can reply, he puts the blue scarf knitted from soft wool around my neck, wraps it around twice, and blows a kiss on my cheek. I look at him in depth and no matter whether it is the mood of the evening, the pre-Christmas period or the fact that he does not care so touchingly, my heart beats unnaturally fast in my chest and I immediately warm up. The cold escapes my limbs as Alec takes my hand and gently strokes the tip of his thumb over the back of my hand. His cheeks shimmer slightly pink and his eyes shine with joy and contentment. The snow glistens in his hair and he looks so beautiful. I've been incredibly lucky to have married a man like Alec and not a curmudgeon in a constantly bad mood or even a guy who finds it manly to beat up his partner.

"The book won't appear until after the holidays and I'm already holding it in my hands", Alec whispers and strokes the burgundy binding with the thumb of his free hand. On the cover two men, young, dangerous and full of love for one another. I know exactly which book to dedicate to my next article. And Alec, with his eyes shining with happiness and the big grin on his face, will stay in my memory forever. It's so nice to see how happy he is. My day started badly, was accompanied by sadness and desolation. In the course of the evening it turned into a goblet full of emotions. From pain and tears, to ecstasy and pleasure, to wander on and arrive at joy and warmth.

"So did you like it?", I ask with a smile and get a shocked look from Alec.

"Don't you?"

"Yes. It's a really good book. Exciting. Erotic. Tragic. Just the title ...", I say and shake my head.

"... hm no. It doesn't really fit. 'In the streets of New York' is obvious. Still ... I don't know. I would have chosen something else." My voice is quiet, I think about a suitable title and the words of the author flutter around in my mind like a horde of wild butterflies. 'Be kind to one another, take care of yourself and those around you. Because behind every hard shell there is a soft core. And somewhere there is a love that is so strong that it breaks all chains.'

"That's it", I exclaim euphorically.

"Love breaks chains. She said it herself", I call and Alec smiles all over his face.

"Perfect", he says and again he breathes a kiss on my cheek. His soft lips leave a tingly feeling. He strokes my hair lovingly and looks deep into my eyes. I breathe faster, the swirl of its blue irises cast a spell over me and I feel dizzy. What is going on here? My throat is dry and I swallow hard as Alec wets his full lips with that sinfully hot pink tongue.

Immediately I have a picture of his tongue on my cock in front of my eyes and then another. Alec below me, with wildly disheveled hair, his eyes shining and those beautiful lips slightly split while the wonderful moans of total ecstasy leave his mouth. His hands all over my body and his hard penis deep inside me that gives me an orgasm of unknown proportions. Fuck.

I suddenly break away from Alec and with quick steps I hurry through the streets of New York. Away from Alec. Away from these pictures. Away with the burgeoning thought of a future with Alec. Path. Just go away and right now I'm making a decision. Alec will be less than happy about it. But there is no other way. I have to think, I need clarity. And the closeness to Alec and his body, which has me firmly in his grip, are anything but conducive to it. On the contrary. They make me no longer able to think clearly. That as soon as Alec touches me or even looks at me with those beautiful eyes all the fuses in my head blow and I can think of nothing more than his hands on my body, his lips on mine and his penis in my butt that transports me into other dimensions .

A strong hand grips my wrist and holds me tight. I tumble slightly and lose my balance.

"Hey", shouts Alec and with a thud my skull hits Alec's head. The world is getting dark and my ears are starting to whistle loudly. Bright flashes of lightning appear before my eyes and I feel sick.

"Baby what's up? Why are you just running away?", asks Alec and I can clearly hear that he too did not survive this collision without pain. I slowly open my eyes. Alec is standing in front of me, his face contorted with pain and pressing the ball of his right hand against his temple.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to", I whisper. But Alec just shakes his head.

"That's not how it works, Magnus", he replies and I know he's right.

"Let's go home", he says and takes my hand as if naturally. I briefly think about withdrawing from this touch, but dismiss the thought again when Alec starts to speak.

"It must be a terrible feeling. To know that you will never see your child again."

"It is. But it's at least as difficult for the child", I answer and swallow the big lump in my throat. I just don't know if I'm strong enough for this conversation.

"But they had no choice."

"You always have a choice. In our life we ​​make many decisions. Some are easy. Coffee or tea. Again, other decisions are all the more difficult. Infinitely difficult. And in retrospect you ask yourself whether it was right or wrong."

"For example?", Alec asks quietly. And it is precisely this tone of voice that makes me jump over my shadow.

"Whether you let your terminally ill mother suffer until the end or be released from her torments", I say and Alec is silent. He increases the pressure on my hand and I take a deep breath to drive away the tears. But I don't succeed. I hurriedly wipe my face with flat hands. As I do so, I free myself from Alec's grip and stop suddenly. It feels kind of weird. Not correct. Not feeling Alec's warmth anymore makes me sad.

"I'm sorry Magnus", he says gently and pulls me into a firm, protective hug.

"How old were you when your mum died?", he asks cautiously.

"Younger than you are now." I do not want to talk about it. Not here, not now.

"What about your dad? Do you know where he is now?"

"No. I don't know. And I don't care. He left us when it got difficult. He had promised Mum never to leave her side. He's a lying cowardly piece of shit and I hate him", I say and the anger, mixed with rage and disgust, resonates in every word.