I quietly enter the room and take a close look at Alec. My vision is slightly blurred. The tears have not yet dried up and I suppress a loud sigh. Nevertheless, I save every detail and put the impressions in a box to keep the memory of this moment. Because at some point it will be exactly this moment that I will need. A deeply rooted feeling tells me that something essential is happening here.

"All alone in the black light as if behind glass Drift blurred through the room as if flying blind A movie is playing in your head that you don't want to show anyone Lots of friends, no trust, that must hurt I see your colors, you shine A star that flies all alone You don't want to hear it, but your heart is out of order ... "

The house is filled with the aroma of fried mushrooms, the spicy smell of bacon tickles my nose and I swallow dry. Alec is sitting on the sofa, legs crossed and hands in his lap. The head is tilted back and rests on the arm of the sofa. The soft light from the floor lamp is the only source of light in the room. But their warm light fails to illuminate Alec. Instead, the moon in all its glory is the one that gently plays around Alec's body. His skin looks even lighter and the black of his hair even deeper. The tips shine silver and with the closed eyes and the forked lips he looks forbidden sexy. Thick black eyelashes rest on the cheekbones, his breathing is calm and even. I feel like I'm falling as the words from his mouth seem clearer and clearer to me. The melody so powerful and yet also gentle carry its deep meaning over to me. The pain of the musician can be heard clearly. I feel an irrepressible need to go to Alec and run my hands through his soft black hair. The tingling in my fingertips increases more and more and without consciously wanting it, my legs move as if by themselves. They carry me across the room to my husband who fills his lungs with oxygen to impressively and with all his might in the next words screaming out his body.

"And this is for you, hey There is longing in your gaze I feel what you need Isn't what you get ... "

My fingers slide gently through Alec's hair, an inner calm settles on my dark thoughts. Yet they cannot cover up the pain in my heart. Alec opens his eyes and looks at me. The otherwise radiant blue is dark and a shadow of sadness and suffering hangs over his gaze. He blinks and a tear runs out of his eye. I watch the glittering drop of water as it runs down my cheekbones and pearls on the gray fabric of the sofa. Another tear leaves his shiny eyes, but this time it is my thumb that gently brushes over Alec's soft warm skin and catches the drop. Exactly at the moment when his feelings threaten to overwhelm him and he sees no other way out than to shout the relentless truth at me.

"You can let yourself go I hold you. Are you forgiving yourself and everyone I feel like that. When you love. When you love. You look at me for three seconds. And then you become a stranger again. Running back into the night numb yourself I see you dance and cry a lost satellite. You don't want to hear it, but your heart is out of order ... "

Completely overwhelmed, I gasp for air, swallow the tears and the cry of despair. Alec sings this song and looks deep into my eyes. My fingers slide over the thick eyebrows, frame his graceful face. The warmth of his skin captivates me. He's taking me prisoner. Holds my heart tightly in his hands and tries with all the power and love he has to show me how much I mean to him.

"And this is for you, hey. There is longing in your gaze. I feel what you need. Ain't what you get. I find you. I find you If you are looking for me. I find you..."

"Because you are very special", I whisper and lower my head just a little closer to Alec

"I'll find you ..." His words are swallowed up by a sigh.

"So that you can see how beautiful you are." I breathe and gently brush mine with his lips.

"If you are looking for me ..."

"Because you are very special. And this is for you, hey There is longing in your gaze I feel what you need It's not what you get."

I sing the last verses of the song and Alec's eyes shine a beautiful blue. I blow a kiss on his lips, just lightly and the taste of salt and Alec makes me sigh in the kiss. Alec can do nothing but sob and as tender as this kiss is, the more meaningful it is for us.