"I know that Alec. I'm not blind."

"But you're not", Alec completes my words.

"What do you want me to say to that? You don't leave me cold. On the contrary. You feel it yourself." By now the music has faded, another tune has started and I don't feel the need to dance to it. I break away from Alec and he looks at me sadly. I quickly reach for his hands and grasp them both tightly, signalling to him that I am here and have no intention of leaving. Still, my next words will not be easy for him.

"A little sex, a little fun. An adventure." Alec pulls away from my grip and glares at me angrily.

"You are a wonderful person Alec", I whisper. However, I doubt my words will reach him. The music is loud and shrill, Eminem is giving it his all, screaming out his frustration at the world and shitty life. I hate it, even though I can understand him so well sometimes.

Alec presses his lips together, his hands clench into fists and I can see the rage eating through his veins, poisoning every cell in his body.

"I can't take it anymore Magnus. You never know what you want. One minute you're kind and caring. Then you're cold and jaded again. You unite so many opposites, you confuse and seduce. I'm not cold either. I'm just a man Magnus", Alec shouts at me. It feels like shit to stand here and hear the words coming out of his mouth. I can feel the eyes of the guests resting on me. His entire family is here, Simon's family, their friends. I look around nervously, the music is still playing, but the guests have stopped dancing. Some are whispering, pointing their fingers at us and some are laughing derisively.

'That's him, the man who dragged Alec down the aisle and is now feeling all the rage and hate.' My eyes twitch back and forth in panic, the light is suddenly so bright and my head is spinning. Nausea rises up in me and I wish I was at home in my bed. Then I wouldn't have to endure this ignominy and could just read a good book and wait for Alec to come home and tell me about the wedding, eyes shining and hands gesticulating wildly. I would make him a cup of tea and massage his tired feet from dancing. He would laugh at the recollection of a funny anecdote or be sad that his beloved grandparents didn't live to see the day.

"Mags." I hear Alec's loving voice and feel his strong hand on my cheek. The warmth of his skin wraps protectively around me, driving away the nausea, and only slowly do I regain consciousness. Cheering, dancing and above all happy people jump around us. They pay no attention to us, caught up in the sound of the melody and the rush of endorphins. Only slowly do I realise that I have only imagined the disparaging looks, the whispering and the rejection in Alec's words. We stand in the middle of the dance floor and Alec puts one hand on my hip. The other still rests on my cheek and I look into his blue eyes. They tell me his feelings, he's torn and so am I.

"You're right. I don't know what I want. Only I'd be lying if I said I didn't constantly imagine myself lying under you and you fucking my brains out. I lived the wild phase intensely. Ask Raphael. He's rescued me from strange guys' bedrooms often enough." Alec screwed up his face in disgust and I understood him. Julian has left the room every time I've talked to my two best friends about our shared past, the light-heartedness of youth.

"I can guess it's the last thing you want to hear from me. But Alec, I've never found a man as sexually attractive as you..."

"We shouldn't talk about this here", Alec interrupts my torrent of words and pulls me down with him from the dance floor to one of the round tables. He pushes me gently but firmly onto one of the chairs, the soft cushion is comfortable and I stare spellbound at the table. The arrangement is beautiful. Almost floating, my hand strokes the white tablecloth, gossamer filigree patterns woven into the finest damask. Glass plates with a similar floral pattern and crystal glasses reflecting a rainbow on the table. Silver cutlery neatly arranged, the cloth napkins classically folded next to it. In the centre of the table, a bouquet of blue hydrangeas and white roses, surrounded by creamy white candle sticks. The flames flicker and seem to move to the rhythm of the music. Dancing gracefully, an invitation to let go and just enjoy life. I sigh and let myself fall into the chair, my fingers stroking the edge of the cream-coloured card. Another delicate floral design and a name so familiar written in a beautiful curved handwriting.

"Why is my name written here?", I ask, holding the place card out to Alec.

"Do you remember our meeting at Hunters Moon? When I stood in the bar dripping wet and with my heart pounding wildly?" Of course I remember.

"I was very nervous. I was very pissed off. I was disappointed. I saw that you didn't believe me when I said I was helping my sister with the wedding preparations. I wrote the place cards that night." I eye Alec in disbelief. He wrote the place cards? They're beautiful.

"Wow. Where did you get that? That's beautiful. The colour, the blue. Incredibly beautiful. So delicate."

"It's calligraphy. My mum taught me. She's a letterer. From the three of us, I inherited her gift for artistic things." It suits Alec.

"Izzy insisted I write the place card for you. I'll be honest. She invited you. Officially. But I never gave you the invitation."

"Why not?", I ask Alec. I'm genuinely interested.

"Our start was anything but rosy. And after our sex, or non-sex whatever you want to call it, it was always difficult between us. Uptight, just unrelaxed. I didn't want you to feel obligated to come here with me..."

"I heard you talking to Izzy about me and the invitation", I interrupt Alec, looking at him apologetically.

"That night when... You know", I say quietly, and trail off with a deep sigh.

"When I had your penis in my mouth?", whispers Alec, licking his lips. I swallow dryly. His tongue and the memory of what it did to me and my penis excites me.

"Yes. You didn't notice me, I was sitting on the sofa. I'm sorry. I should have said something. Alec, I felt like a peeping Tom. You took your clothes off. I sat on the sofa with my mouth open, watching you. Looking away or saying anything wasn't an option. Not with a screaming cock in my pants. Fuck you drove me so crazy."

"You never wanted to get married. You've said so many times. And yet I can see the sight of you here is affecting you a lot." I nod and whisper a soft yes.

"It's beautiful. All of this. I don't want to spoil your celebration. Enjoy the evening with your family. Party, drink, dance. Just have fun", I say softly.

"With you", says Alec, leaning his forehead against mine.

"Please give me this one night." He breathes and without giving it much thought I nod. Just in time before his lips find mine again and we lose each other, Jace literally jumps on his brother and tries to pull Alec onto the dance floor. Alec resists as best he can and holds onto me, laughing.

"Please don't Jace!" He shouts towards his brother.

"Magnus help me", Jace pleads and I falter for a moment. Is he talking about me? Apparently, because he looks at me, beaming with joy. His broad laugh reveals a whole row of gleaming white teeth and his eyes sparkle suspiciously. He has already had a drink or two. Why not, it's a wedding. The most beautiful day in the life of a loving couple. And it should always be celebrated properly. With lots of laughter and tears of joy, exuberant dancing and alcoholic drinks to toast. Except for me. I have just vowed not to touch a drop of alcohol at this wedding. I would like to spare Alec the embarrassment.

"He's your problem Jace. And I don't dance to that kind of crap." Both Lightwood brothers look at me in horror, their eyes widening.

"Are you fucking serious? This is Katy Perry. And you, dance with your husband. You belong to us now, Magnus. You're a Lightwood. And a real genuine Lightwood dances to Katy Perry", says Jace with a serious face. His blue eyes sparkle in the last light of the day. Alec grabs my hands, pulls me up and before Katy has even finished singing the first verse, I am once again in my husband's arms. Jace slides in between us, puts his arms around our shoulders and the three of us stumble onto the dance floor. Alec and Jace immediately start dancing and singing loudly. Well, actually, only Alec sings, Jace roars. I stand on the dance floor and watch these two brothers, so different after all.

"You change your mind

Like a girl changes clothes

Yeah you, PMS

Like a bitch

I would know And you over think

Always speak

Cryptically"

Alec and Jace put on a great show. They sing and dance, I hear the words coming out of their mouths and feel Alec's eyes on me.

"I should know

That you're no good for me'Cause you're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in then you're out

You're up then you're down

You're wrong when it's right

It's black and it's white

We fight, we break up

We kiss, we make up

(You) You don't really want to stay, no

(You) But you don't really want to go-o

You're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in then you're out

You're up then you're down"

My husband is an excellent dancer. His long slender legs show off very well. The dark blue fabric of his dinner jacket trousers clings tantalisingly to his body, his tight buttocks burning out all the synapses in my head. Alec moves to the music as if he had done nothing else in his life so far. Graceful steps, his arms and hands form a perfect picture, moving in harmony with the rest of his body. Again and again his eyes rest on me, he seems to take me literally captive. He sings for me, or rather, about me.

"We used to be

Just like twins

So in sync

The same energy

Now's a dead battery

Used to laugh bout nothing

Now you're plain boringI should know that

You're not gonna change'Cause you're hot then you're cold..."

I should go and dance I should have fun and party I should just go back home. Alec is still singing to me, his body moving gracefully to the sounds of the music. He gyrates his hips and I imagine that we are alone here in this hall. That Alec grabs me and pulls me close to his body, his hands resting on my ass and his lips on my neck. His pelvis rubbing against mine, us moving together to the sound of the music. That my heart is beating to its limit and my fingertips are tingling.