Alec's soft lips find mine and I close my eyes as a matter of course. Before I can give in to the intoxication, he moves away again. Tenderly he strokes my cheek. This gesture is so intimate and familiar, everything in me cries out for more. More of his kisses, more of his hands on my body, more of his tongue on my cock. Sex. Desire. Drive. Satisfaction. That's what it's all about. And that's what Alec doesn't want. I get it now. Alec wants so much more and I know I'm not ready to give him more. Not yet. Maybe someday. But right now, I'm not sure of my own feelings, my confusion. And I don't want to commit to anything solid if I'm not one hundred percent clear about what I want. The sexual attraction between us is strong. His physical and sexual charms are hard for me to resist. Alec knows that. And if he lets me, he'll have me in his bed with a snap of his fingers.

"How did you get here?", asks Alec and I shake my head slightly, banishing the burgeoning thoughts of Alec and I in a bed together.

"Andrew", I say curtly and Alec nods. His smile widens and I love the way little laugh lines form, ever so gently, around his eyes. It makes that wonderful warm smile even more genuine and lets me know he's not mad at me for just showing up here unannounced.

"Did he tell you I go to him regularly?" I shake my head apologetically.

"It's all good Alec. You don't owe me an account. Raphael did. Also that today is your sister's wedding." His smile dies and for a brief moment we stare into each other's eyes in silence. I see uncertainty, an inner struggle, and before the thoughts in Alec's head wander in a direction I'm pretty sure I won't like, I release him.

"You just say the word and I'll go", I say softly, reaching for his hand, still resting against my cheek.

Alec intertwines our fingers together, again a familiar feeling. The more we do this, the more familiar it becomes. And the more the feeling of missing creeps up slowly from behind. The greater the confusion and the longer the spiral of probing questions without answers.

"The question is rather, are you ready for the full load of Lightwood, Trueblood and Lewis? Behind this door, are two hundred people. Old, young, older and most of them, no longer sober. They're gonna tear you apart with their questions. And I don't know how to protect you from the sensationalist mob", Alec says, and I'm glad the light-heartedness is back.

"I have a sword hanging in the office. Shall I get it?", I ask jokingly and Alec puts his head on one side and looks thoughtfully at Gideon.

"Can you make it back before dinner? Then yes. Otherwise you'll miss a great meal and this one..." His index finger digs accusingly into Gideon's chest. Laughing, the two look at each other, their resemblance visibly confusing me more and more.

"... Is the king of gossips. I hope his manner hasn't intimidated you too much."

"No. I think I'll be fine", I say, and Alec pulls me behind him into the interior of the house. My eyes try to take in the many details, but my mind doesn't catch up as quickly. Brightly lit, the flair of a bygone era meets the modernity of today. The reception is framed by a dark wood counter, a golden bell for arriving guests and behind the young friendly-looking woman a wood-panelled wall with golden keys and shiny room numbers. I wonder if Alec will sleep here tonight? Has he booked a room? Is it a room with a double bed? And again the images of Alec and me together in a bed flit through my mind. The images become clearer and clearer and the voices louder and louder. Throaty moans and deep gasps. Alexander.

Alec pulls me along, I stumble slightly behind him. I try too hard to concentrate on my surroundings to get the less than youthful images out of my head. My feet move as if by themselves. He stops in front of a settee, a sofa and two comfortable-looking armchairs, leather-covered and old. Very old. In some places you can see the marks of time. My mother not only owned an old desk, there used to be an old sofa in her state attorney's office. Chesterfield. Beautifully made, brown leather with the characteristic knotted diamond pattern, laid in folds and fastened with leather buttons. It was one of my hardest decisions. But I know it's in Ragnor's best hands. And even though he never talked about it, I'm pretty sure he has lots of memories associated with this unique piece of furniture. This settee catapults me back in my mind to a time that was not easy for me. Many decisions had to be made and if I hadn't had Ragnor, Raphael and Andrew, I would have been broken.

"This is Magnus", I hear Alec say and I turn my gaze from the leather with the fine streaked bright lines to the people who have made themselves comfortable on the sofa and armchairs. Jace grins cheekily at me. In his arms is a beautiful red-haired woman. Her green eyes shine as brightly as the grass of a summer meadow and countless little freckles dance on her snub nose. The curls of her fiery red hair frame her beautiful petite face and her smile is so warm and honest. She exudes pure love and joy.

"Hello, I'm Clarissa", she says, holding out her small hand to me. She is Jace's girlfriend and the reason for his grief. The reason why Alec had that devastating fight with Victor back then. My thumb unconsciously strokes the back of Alec's hand, the scar feels slightly rough and I try to suppress the feeling of pain.