"The wedding is today." A statement, not a question. Of course it's today. Alec was talking to Jace about it in Central Park. Suddenly the question marks above my head turn into exclamation marks. And a thick bright pink illuminated arrow comes shooting around the next corner in a flash, slipping in between the white exclamation marks without a second thought. Bright pulsating light draws all my attention to the arrow of knowledge. Izzy has invited me. She wants me to accompany Alec. But Alec hasn't said a word about it. Countless conversations over the last few weeks and not a word about the wedding. I haven't asked because it simply didn't interest me. Still, the fact that Alec doesn't want me there hurts. That he didn't say a word.

The pain turns into disappointment and from disappointment grows anger. But against whom is this anger directed? Izzy, for simply inviting me? Even though the situation between Alec and I is anything but simple. No. I'm sure she meant well. Me? Because I didn't broach the subject as soon as I overheard the conversation? Maybe. Still. It wasn't the right moment. Is there even a right time?

Is it because Alec doesn't want me there? For reasons I can't fathom, he's ashamed of me. Obviously. Because I can't explain his behaviour any other way. If his sister invited me, I could have accompanied him as a friend. Nothing would stand in the way...

"Magnus." Heart slipping into my pants, Raphael shouts loudly into the receiver. I wince slightly and just manage to stop myself from crying out like a girl. How deep was I caught up in my thoughts again?

"Magnus Bane? Earth to Magnus Bane." The tone of his voice, the way Raphael pronounces my name, doesn't please me at all. The sarcasm flows miles down the mountain into the Valley of the Stupid. What the hell is he thinking?

"Lightwood. My name is Lightwood now", I say with a sigh, wiping my face wearily.

"Yeah yeah. I won't call you that until you've stood at the altar with Alec, sober and in your right mind, and said yes to him. No Elvis", he says dismissively and I roll my eyes again, sighing.

"Okay. Let's not do this. Are you done? Because I'd like to take a bath now." I end the subject. But Raphael just won't let up.

"In self-pity? Don't try to deny it. I've known you since the day we were born. You can't fool me." No, I never could.

"You're a terrible boyfriend."

"I'm the best. Now, you get your cute butt upstairs to the bathroom and get ready. Put on your best suit and go to the wedding."

"I can't do that", I reply in a panic.

"Why not?", asks Raphael sternly, and images of Alec's face contorted in rage immediately pop into my head. Alec glaring angrily at me with his blue eyes, throwing all sorts of mean things at me for ruining his sister's wedding.

"I can't very well storm the church. What does that look like? Magnus the wedding crasher, disappointed in his husband-who-he-doesn't-want? No. Absolutely not. Besides, I don't have a dinner jacket. Alec wears a dinner jacket." Silence on the other end. Silence with Raphael is always a sign of disappointment.

"Pack up what you need and come here. I'll lay out Andrew's dinner jacket for you. You're the same size. Don't be such a coward Magnus. You should think about why Alec doesn't want you there."

"We kissed!", it suddenly gushes out of me. Relief settles over me. I've been carrying this secret around for a fortnight. I was too cowardly to tell my two best friends. After our loss of control on the night of the barbecue, Raphael had a serious word with me. He's against us not being able to control ourselves. 'Like teenagers who have no control over their hormones and urges'. Those were Raphael's words. And he's right in a way. However, I suddenly felt uncomfortable talking about the kiss.

"A kiss in the rain. We forgot everything around us. My whole body was giving off clear signals and I didn't care that anyone in the park could have seen us. I wanted him. My cock wanted him." Silence. Again.

"Raphael?" Silence. I hear Raphael breathe softly, give him time to process the information.

"Andrew told me that Alec has been coming to see him regularly for the past two weeks. Three times a week. Did you know that?", he asks. The sudden change of subject takes me by surprise. What does Andrew's job as a physiotherapist have to do with our kiss?

"No. I didn't know that. Alec doesn't owe me an account", I counter, earning a sarcastic snort. Raphael has mastered this method of communication perfectly.

"That's how I know about his sister's wedding. Alec told Andrew. That you were invited slipped out. Actually, he didn't want to talk about it."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"Nothing. I'm not going to say anything. Just this. You can't let Alec sleep on the sofa forever. It doesn't work like that Magnus." he says softly. A slight hint of accusation, a pinch of pleading, a hint of understanding of our situation.

"He slept in my bed last night. With me. But not in the way you think", I interject quickly.

"Alec came home totally exhausted and was barely on the sofa when he fell asleep. When he woke up later, I finished my book, took him by the hand, went into the bedroom and then we slept. Each on his own side."

"That sounds pretty good already. So what now? Do you go to the wedding and meet your husband's relatives? Or are you going to bathe in self-pity?", asks Raphael challengingly. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Raphael's words have made me think and so I make a decision without further ado, one that I don't know whether it is good or bad.